


Bad Blood

by shallowbanana



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F, Romance, Western
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 97,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4894114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shallowbanana/pseuds/shallowbanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Western AU. Piper is a Boston socialite who traveled West to escape the weight of expectations and general unhappiness. She ends up staying and falling for a mysterious ranch hand with a dangerous past that's bound to catch up with them both...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue- The Woman with No Name

**Author's Note:**

> This here's a Western AU... here's the prologue... y'all

The town was called Haven. It was a dusty, isolated speck amongst dozens of other dusty, isolated specks in this part of the territory. Settlements that had been forged out of nothing by the daring and the desperate.  Folks with everything to gain or nothing more to lose or both.  Folks who had dreams or thought it was destiny... Or, as was too often the case, wanted to escape.

It was a land of vast opportunity and little or no law.  Out here, the idea of a territorial government seemed like the barest wisp of a thing, so folks made due on their own. Formed their own community, made their own law... their own justice.  The kind of justice the circuit judges who blew through the county seat once a month rarely had much to do with (the county seat... twenty miles away when twenty miles might as well have been a million... might as well have been the damned moon).

Like most places this far out drifters came through fairly regular. Most minded their own business.  Didn't give anyone any trouble.  And it was the kind of town where if you didn't hassle the locals (all 50 of them), they wouldn't hassle you.

The good people of Haven and the surrounding ranches didn't have a lot of judgment in them. They didn't care who you were, because it wasn't like you could be that much worse than them: there was the standard whorehouse, and there was even some talk that one of the ranches outside town often sheltered a gang of bank robbers.  You could be anyone you wanted to be outside of Haven. But you had damned well better abide by the rules inside it.

Most people coming through sussed this out pretty quick. It was in the way of the townsfolk: polite smiles under guarded eyes. The energy was distinct. This place wasn't chaotic, wasn't entirely without order. And there was a subtle warning on even the friendliest face that those who tried to make it so would be made to regret it.

But of course there were always a few.  Out here there always were.

The sheriff was a baby faced fellow, brown hair, earnest guileless brown eyes. The scruff of a stubble on his face. Open smile. The sort of face that didn't exactly scream danger.  He was the guy came and talked to you when you started making trouble.  Used calm words, and a friendly, cautious smile that didn't quite reach his eyes to convince you your path should stay straight and narrow. But he wasn't necessarily the gent you ran up against if you kept riling folks up...

In fact, if you started trouble in Haven and young Sheriff Bennett couldn't talk you into cooling down, it was unlikely you'd be running up against a _gent_ at all. 

A quick look around showed you that the good Sheriff was one of the few men in town.  Most every business, from the stables run by the black women, to the grocery run by the Chinese lady and her irritatingly talkative assistant, to the inn run by the Mexican lady and the two skinny girls she called her daughters, was run by women.  And none of them looked like the weaker _anything_.  A man with any sense would know to keep his head down and his nose clean.  But lord knew that not all men had sense...

***

Everyone always mistook Piper Chapman for a whore. It raised her hackles every damned time even though everyone insisted she should've been used to it by now.

She was a woman alone this far out west. No husband. No family. So it was evidently the logical assumption despite the fact she lived in a ranch house a couple miles (one she _owned_ thank you...) out of town rather than actually in the damned whorehouse (a small but clean affair with four or five girls and an imposing Russian madam who made sure everyone who walked in the door adhered to her rules).

She wasn't any more judgmental than anyone else in town, at least not now after five years here, but she couldn't help but be rankled by the comparison.  Not that she thought the girls beneath her (leastways not after getting to know them, having scrabbled through more than a couple hard winters out here by their sides) just that sometimes, no matter how long she lived out here, as far from the debutante balls and finishing schools of her Boston youth as you could get, working alongside her two ranch hands, never hesitating to do any task she would ask of them, she still had some vanity.  Some things the west could never take out of her.

When she was working the ranch she dressed like her hands, but when she went into town, for any reason, she dressed fancy, fancier than anyone in the town would've required.  They thought it passing odd but if she'd learned their ways after five years, they'd learned hers. Most of them just grinned at her and shook their heads, though if they were being real honest, she and her New York made dresses and fancy words made them all feel just a little classier.

Today she'd come in alone to buy supplies from the old Chinese lady's general store. Usually she was accompanied by her head hand but they'd been out of town for a week.  It was odd not to see the two of them together and everyone remarked on it.

The blonde found herself at the saloon next door to the whorehouse  after her supplies had been loaded. It was mid day so she was really the only custom they had.  A few of the girls were lounging at the tables, talking and eating their lunches. Nicky, the bushy haired bartender, was holding court, regaling a couple of Red's boys with some outrageous tale of her adventures back in New York before she'd come here. Bennett's lady, Daya, a quiet, sweet Mexican who used to be one of Red's girls but now just cleaned up around the place, was nearby, sweeping and listening and grinning occasionally at Nicky's bullshit.

Sometimes Piper would join in, but today she quietly sat at a table near the entrance, eating a bowl of some Russian stew, reading a large book she had been waiting for her when she's ducked in to check her post.

She was so absorbed that she didn't hear the newcomer sidle in and order a beer.  Nicky put it in front of him and he paid up and she went back to her story.  If it'd been night, the boys would've been keeping a closer eye on the gent at the bar as he surveyed the room.  Might have noticed that he was already pretty well progressed towards drunk when he bellied up to the bar.

But it wasn't night time.  So by the time the drunk sloshed off his stool and staggered over to the table where the pretty blonde in the expensive dress sat, no one was watching.

"Well hey there honey... You're a damn sight prettier'n any o these other bits..."

Piper frowned, her temper flaring.  She pulled her ice cold cobalt blue eyes away from her book and up to the watery, slightly unfocused brown ones in front of her, "I am not a whore," she said slowly and clearly.

Usually that was all it took. Her anger plus her words, spoken with that sheen of education and refinement which she took care never to lose was generally sufficient to either shock or embarrass them enough to make them go away. But of course, this man was too stupid or too drunk or some combination of the two and he couldn't see the light of the approaching freight train...

"You're sittin in a whorehouse..."

"The brothel is next door,"  It was a common mistake.  Both occupied the same building and were run by Red.

"Look darlin', I understand you may be restin' up but I'm a payin' customer..."

"I. Am. Not. A. Whore,"  she said again, slowly and carefully. Voice deadly calm.  Nicky had gone silent.  The boys looked over.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him with surprising speed and strength, "I don't really like hard to get, honey."

Before anyone could move, Piper had curled her hand into a fist and hit him hard in the side of the face.

He toppled to the side, bellowing. The blonde sprang to her feet, shaking out her hand and scowling, fully prepared to give him more if it came down to it. The man started scrambling to stand up, rage and humiliation coloring his features.

He was barely on his feet before Vasily and Maxim had him by his arms and had hauled him out the door, still swearing and spitting with outrage.

Piper stayed standing, breathing hard until Nicky came around the bar with a wet cloth and a glass of whiskey. She put the whiskey on the table and gently guided Piper back to her seat, then she sat across from her and handed her the cloth.  Piper took it and held it to her now aching fist.  Nicky pushed the whiskey across.

Piper frowned at the glass of amber liquid, "No thank you, Nicky, you know I don't..."

"Come on, Chapman," the bartender half smiled, clapping Piper on the shoulder, "Settle the nerves."

Piper sighed, staring at Nicky then at the glass again.  Finally, she nodded and took a drink.

The whiskey burned its way down her throat and she winced slightly, even as the warm feeling that trailed behind it really did give her a feeling of general well being.  Nicky grinned at her expression, "Shit, Blondie... didn't know y'had that in ya..."

Piper sighed, staring down at her fist, at the already flowering bruise forming there, eyes going a shade darker as she thought of all the reasons she'd come out here in the first place. "You have no idea..."

***

No one would mistake Alex Vause for anything other than what she seemed, which was someone who would gladly kill you in a split second if you crossed her.  Most people correctly assumed she knew how to take care of herself.  She was tall and solidly built, and carried herself with an air of deadly calm competence.  There was no fear in her, leastways not any she showed to strangers or those who might pose a threat. The assumption that she was good with her fists and deadly with the battered twin six shooters always at her waist was correct. She was more than good, she was near untouchable...

...but there was always a second assumption that came whenever anyone looked at someone with that kind of air about them, the assumption that the violence came second nature, that she'd welcome it with little provocation.  And that... that wasn't near as close to true as folk thought.  
It was beneficial to keep up the illusion that she was trigger happy, but if anyone took the time to actually look, to really examine how she handled those rare times when she was truly challenged, they would cotton to the fact that Alex was all about words.  The woman didn't talk a whole lot, being the strong brooding silent type like so many gun fighters, but when she did she was like a snake charmer.  She could talk her way out of trouble like the best grifter, and she always seemed to know what to say and do to keep herself from having to utilize her prodigious and distinctly deadly skills.  
Some might have called this yellow bellied cowardice, an unwillingness to stand up, but they neglected the fact that she always got her way and, maybe more important, the fact she'd been living by her wits and her gun since she was little more than a pup, and she was still walking upright rather than reclining in a shallow grave up in the small, bleak cemetery overlooking the town.  
And it also neglected the fact that if you were tallying up the ledger, she had more than enough red there to last anyone a lifetime.  
There was a time in her life when she was angry enough she'd kill about anyone for a wrong look. But things had changed. She had changed and most figured that was for the better.  Calm, collected Alex Vause was much better than twitchy trigger happy Alex Vause for everyone involved...

The hair trigger temper of her youth had given way to a distaste for bloodshed and a kind of calm that was almost unnatural.  Very few knew exactly why, but if the map of scars on right side of her face, beneath her wire-rimmed glasses, and the others that peaked out from under the sleeves of her duster when she reached for a drink were any indication, it had been through cold hard experience that she'd arrived at this place.

These days there wasn't much that could stir her to action instantly.  In fact there was really only one thing that could.  There weren't many living that Alex could call friend, who she could really truly trust, who she could honestly say she loved.  If she were being plain honest (and she was almost always plain honest these days), there were very few she could say she'd loved in her entire life.  But most of them were gone now, and she'd be damned if she was going to  let anyone take away the rest.

And so the surest way to ignite the flash behind Alex's generally placid green gray eyes was to threaten someone she loved...  no one in town would dare even joke about such a thing.  And most outsiders took one look at her and knew that she was the type it was best to stay on the right side of... but not every man was blessed with the brains God gave a horned toad...

***

There was a woman at the table and little Joel didn't like it. If they were all real honest none of them had liked it initially either, but O'Neill, the bar's fat, amiable red haired owner made it clear she was part of the game.  And whether that was because it's what he wanted or because his wife (a sour faced dragon lady who _wasn't_ so amiable) told him to be it didn't matter.

She came in once a month or so, riding down from the next town over where word had it she worked as a hand on a ranch (which was odd in itself... a woman with broad shoulders and calloused hands, not to mention the bearing and deadly gaze of a gunfighter).  She was usually picking up fancy looking packages from back East or talking with some of the cattlemen about buying some of their stock.  Some of them hadn't taken her serious at first, but she had proved herself shrewd, clever and not to be trifled with in matters of business.  After one of them had underestimated her and made a spectacularly bad deal, they didn't make that make again.

Like the cattlemen, most of the poker players got used to her after a bit.  She was quiet, she didn't cheat, and she didn't make trouble unless her hand was forced.  And it took a lot to force her hand.  A couple stray underhanded comments about her being a woman, no matter how heinous, weren't enough to do it.  She would just look at the (usually drunk) instigator with a placid half smirk on her face, letting them know just how little she cared what they said.  When there was trouble, she carefully kept out of it. 

But occasionally someone would get sore about being taken out of the game by a woman and words would be exchanged and the whole bar would hold its collective breath, waiting for things to be resolved the way such matters generally were out in this part of the territory.  Somehow though... somehow it never got that far.

Little Joel was a regular at the game but had never played on the same night the woman had.  He was slovenly and overfed, with small brown eyes, always half closed and a scraggly half beard.  He worked as an apprentice up at the blacksmith and it was generally known that if you were foolish enough to entrust either property or secrets to him, he would promptly find a way to spread them around town, usually at a profit.

He was also almost always half drunk.  Tonight he had been drinking steadily since the game started, nearly two hours prior.  He'd started with a tidy pile amounting to near $50.  Somehow, of the other four people at the table, it always seemed to be the woman he ended up losing his biggest hands to.  He'd been making the expected angry, insulting comments towards her for a half hour when she finally cleaned him out entirely... a full house, queens over fives to his sad little pair of aces (he'd put great store in a third ace that never materialized).

As she leaned forward to gather up the pile of cash in front of her, he rose unsteadily and laid his hand heavily on her sleeve, " _You're a god damn fuckin' cheat, you bitch!_ " he slurred.

The at the word "cheat" the woman went completely still, every muscle in her body grinding to a halt except her eyes, which swiveled upwards and looked straight into Joel's, the usually languid casualness completely gone from them, replaced with the sort of intensity that made every person at the table automatically slide their chairs half a foot back in a way that would've been near comical had it not been for the fact that danger was radiating out of the woman's eyes like a physical force.

Little Joel, never known for his dizzying intellect to start with, was further dulled by the cheap rotgut whiskey he paid five cents a shot for because he was too cheap to pay an extra nickel for something not made scorpion venom.  He took no note of the woman's sudden change of mood, or the table's sudden urgent need to be farther away.  His unsteady eyes were still on hers, a drunken scowl on his face.  "Ain't no _way_ I got beat honest by some fuckin' whore..." he growled.

A long, heavy silence followed this declaration.  The woman's gaze remained on the drunk's, but the hand that he didn't have a grip on moved oh so slowly, oh so very _casually_ to rest gently on the handle of the gun at her belt.  Finally, after thirty seconds that felt to everyone else like three days, a half smile unfurled itself across her lips, one that didn't reach even half up to her eyes.  Then she said, voice a soft rasp, even and low and with a thrumming note of something deadly, that set the hairs on everyone's neck to standing at attention, "I'm sorry, friend.  Perhaps, you'd care to repeat that? I _really_ don't think I heard you right..."

Somewhere between the smile and the tone, the gravity of the situation had finally worked its way through to Little Joel's lizard brain.  He examined the woman in front of him, and then swiveled his head a few degrees, looking around at the other players, who had all found something a might more interesting to look at, not wanting to be associated with him even by meeting his eyes. The perpetual sheen of sweat on his forehead intensified as he realized what was happening.  He turned back to the woman, the hand her wrist was now shaking just slightly.  "Ummmm..."

"I think maybe you aren't feeling so well, hmmm?" said the woman quietly, conversationally, "maybe you're seeing things ain't there... maybe you're sayin' things without thinkin' 'em through entirely?  I mean... you _look_ a little feverish, and as bad as you were playin'... well, maybe you ought to go 'cross the street and see the doc rather than sit here and running your fuckin' mouth... what do _you think_?"  Her tone never changed and the smile never left her face, but by the time she finished having her say, even Little Joel had a _very_ vivid idea of just how precarious his position was....

Another weighted pause... and finally, he cleared his throat and said, "Yeah... well, you know... yeah, I... I ain't been... I ain't been feelin' so good yeah... maybe ate some... some bad... somethin'..." he removed his hand with a sudden jerk, like he'd been burned, and then, with as much dignity as he could muster, he grabbed up his hat, smashed it onto his head, and turned and practically ran out the door.

The woman watched him leave, then her face relaxed back into its normal almost lazy expression of calm, and she finished sweeping her winnings into the pile in front of her.  She leaned back and looked around.  The bar was still quiet, the rest of the patrons still not quite released from the tension of what they were certain had almost happened.  The other players were eyeing her warily.

She took a sip of her beer, set the mug down with a quiet thunk and said lightly, "Benny, it's your deal..."

Her statement released the tension like a hot air balloon pierced with a spear, and everyone released breaths they hadn't known they'd been holding.  The bar filled back up with noise, and the other players slid closer to the table, every one of them grateful they hadn't been on the receiving end of _that stare_.

***

She hit a run of bad luck a few hands later and excused herself from the game.  She was no reckless gambler, always in complete control.  If she couldn't leave with more than she'd sat down with, there was no point.  So she'd stood up, nodded amiably at the other players (all vaguely relieved she was going), stuffed the money in the saddlebag slung over her shoulder and walked up to the bar, leaning against it and gesturing for a drink.

O'Neill's wife, Wanda, slid a beer across the bar at her and tilted her head, her shrewd eyes boring into the tall woman's, "Never know how you manage to keep your temper, Vause..." she was one of the few in town knew the woman's name, "guy like that... I'd have had him on his ass..."

"Don't like to make trouble," the woman said, sipping the beer.

"You'd have finished what  he started easy... Little Joel's all talk..."

"Funny thing about what other people start... ain't got a whole lot of control of where it goes, and who knows who else in your fine establishment might feel the need to test me..." her eyes behind her lenses flicked lazily around the bar... more than one patron (many of whom she'd taken more than a few dollars off of) was eyeing her in a way they probably thought subtle, "...and I ain't quite as eager to die of lead poisoning as some of them are," for a moment her eyes went soft, faraway, "unlike them, I got someone to go home to, and I wouldn't want to disappoint 'em by makin' that trip in a pine box..."

Wanda nodded, waiting a moment to see if she would add anything else, but the woman's eyes had come back to the present and the usual calm mask had fallen over them again.  Nothing more was forthcoming.  It was already one of the longest conversations Wanda could remember having with her.  Before the bartender could think to inquire further, the beer glass slid, empty, back towards her, and a five dollar note followed, more than enough for the four ten cent beers the woman consumed over the course of the night.  Wanda took it and turned to get change.

"Keep it," the woman said, putting two fingers to the brim of her hat, nodding minimally, "For your trouble..."  And then she slung her saddlebags over her shoulder, turned on her heel and walked toward the exit, her long ambling gait relaxed.  A dozen sets of eyes followed her until she disappeared out the doors and they stopped swinging.


	2. Once Upon A Time in the West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a window into the past...

_FIVE YEARS EARLIER_

Alex  really should've known better.  Instincts... her instincts had been scrambled.  She'd been drinking (of course she had).  hadn't noticed which way they were riding...  hadn't noticed for how long they'd been riding (... for miles and miles... passing through unforgiving scrublands and hardscrabble settlements populated by shady men...).  But Alex had been lost in the haze of drink, in the haze of memories.  She'd been replaying the events of the past few weeks again and again, in her mind's eye. The whiskey hadn't erased it.  the whiskey had just made her melancholy.  the whiskey had just mixed it all up with memories of earlier tragedies (too many at her own hands)... earlier failures...  the dead never really left her alone but god damn they'd been getting so much louder of late...

She hadn't even taken note of the staggered line of horses coming to a halt, her own slowing of its own accord as the others did.  hadn't really registered anything until two pairs of strong hands were gripping her around the right arm (her _weak_ arm...), pulling hard, tearing her from the horse, throwing her to the ground with enough force to stun her.  And combined with the drink and the exhaustion, she was too disoriented to fight back as they disarmed her, pulling her pistols from her belt... then they'd lifted her as roughly as they'd thrown her down and half-dragged, half-carried her into the broken down building they'd stopped in front of...

... a church... fuckin' irony...

There'd been not a tick of hesitation once they were inside.  A space had been cleared out... broken down rotted out pews pushed to the side... they pushed her into the center of it and without a note of preamble, the six of them (some she'd been riding with for years now), proceeded to do their damndest to beat her to death...

***

It was the blow to the face with the broken bottle that finally made her fall down, and she'd taken down half the gang before they'd managed to get her on the dirty floor of the drafty church in the middle of fucking nowhere.  Two of them were dead, greenhorns so new to the gang that she barely knew or cared what their damn names were.  Fallen to her knife and her fists respectively.  Stella the Dingo was still breathing, but it wasn't going to last long.  She'd come at Alex with her little flaying knife (the last thing many a man had seen) and had actually fit in a few blows before Alex had stabbed her in the shoulder with her gigantic Bowie knife and kicked her hard in the ribs with her boot.  She had gone flying into a brick wall... there'd been a crunch, and then the spry little girl hadn't been so lively anymore... 

The pain was tremendous and her vision was suddenly clouded... her glasses had flown off at some point... there was blood in her eyes wet and heavy... now she was down, the pain from the two dozen other blows she'd taken (stab wounds, at least one bullet... maybe two... she wasn't really counting) was catching up with her, fuzzing up her brain... making her limbs feel like ten ton weights....

Gritting her teeth, she tried to get up, but caught a boot in the side for her trouble... "Keep your carcass on that floor, Vause," Mendez's voice spat... he kicked her again in the stomach... against her will a groan tore from her lungs along with all the breath there and she could do nothing but curl up in a ball, cursing her own fucking weakness...

Her consciousness was fading, but she heard the door open... heard footsteps on the creaking floorboards, saw a pair of fine handmade, impossibly shiny boots arrive smack in front of her... and then their owner crouched down in front of her...

...Kubra Balik... dark brown eyes like a bottomless void, full of disappointment, full of anger... 

"Alex... Alex... you are such a disappointment to me... so much potential... so much fire... and then you betray me..." he shook his head, "You know I could not let it pass..."  he sighed.  Kubra wasn't so high on flowery speeches.  He wanted Alex to know he had done this and that it had been because she'd failed him.  That was all.  He stood up and walked towards the door, the others trailing behind him, leaving behind the dead and dying.  It didn't surprise her.  If her time with him had taught her anything, it was that there was no honor amongst thieves (leastways not his brand of thieves)... ever...

She tried to move, tried to will herself into action, but once she'd hit the floor and Mendez had kicked her, it was like all the fire had left her...

Kubra was at the door when he turned... "Oh and please... do make sure to die.  If you somehow manage to survive this... I will make quite sure that you regret it."

***

Lorna was the first one to start talking about stopping. She always was.  Girl hated overnight rides, couldn't sleep on her horse like everyone else. Rosa would've been annoyed about it, but even she had to admit she was fucking exhausted.  Their last job had been tense... the bank itself had been easy enough to knock over, but the town sheriff had reacted much faster than they'd expected, and they'd nearly lost Maxwell and Marco before they'd managed to lose the bastard and his deputies.  It was a wonder all seven of them had escaped intact.

They'd ridden hard after that, trying to put as much distance between them and the town as they could.  They'd been at a full gallop until the horses were about ready to collapse, and even then they'd kept going.  It had been near on four hours, and they were all about to fall over.

Ruiz had scoffed, snorting something about how she was surprised Lorna didn't want to get back to Haven to drool over Nichols again, which earned her a scowl from the little Italian.  Flores grunted at Ruiz that sleep didn't sound so bad and Cindy, who had been about to fall off her horse seconded it.  Rosa growled at them all to shut the fuck up and started leading them to the nearest shelter.  She hadn't used the place for awhile, but she figured if there was someone else there they could just move along.

The old church was just how she remembered it.  She sent Flores up to scout it and she returned to declare that no one was lurking about outside in any obvious way.  Rosa nodded and they advanced towards the place.  She had the others stop and then went forward with Ruiz at her side to scout out the inside.

The second she pushed open the door she could feel there was something wrong... Ruiz, always suspicious of everything, felt it too.  Rosa glanced at her then gestured them forward guns at the ready.  They crept quietly from the small foyer into the chapel itself...

Ruiz sucked in a breath, " _Dios mio_..."

Rosa frowned at the sight in front of her.  "Fucking hell..."  she glanced at Ruiz, "Get the others..."

***

Lorna was crouching by the unconscious gunfighter, frowning, "Well she ain't dead... least not yet.  From all I can tell she will be pretty quick less we get her to a doc..."

"Nearest doc..." Marco's eyebrows knit, "we'd practically have to go all the way back to Haven... take her to the Nun..."

"Why we have to take her anywhere?" muttered Ruiz, "we all know Vause... we all know what she does, who she's running with... world might be better off without that kind in it..."

Lorna frowned, "She and Nicky are friends... Old Lady Chapman..."

"Bein' friends with Nichols didn't mean much when she ran off with that pig fucker Balik after her mom died," Ruiz replied, "Maybe she used to be someone worth a damn, but now..." she turned to Rosa, "You _know_ what Balik does... you know how his _people_ are..."

Cindy frowned, "She a bad bitch, yeah, but she never did nothin' to any of us."  She'd known Alex Vause for years.  Mama Berdie would send she and the other girls down to the Chapman ranch to play and to "learn a little responsibility" by working around the farm.  Alex had always been around, and she and Cindy would roughhouse while they were pretending to work.

"She runs with Balik," Ruiz repeated, "don't care who she was before, that's all she is now..."

"Ten gets you one, Balik is the one who did this," Rosa said, cutting Cindy's next argument off.  She gestured around at the other bodies, three of them.  Maxwell and Flores had already gone over them for anything useful.  "Those are his men as well... and that one," she gestured to the small female, "has Vause's knife in her back..."

"How do you know that's Vause's knife?"

"Because I was there when Old Lady Chapman gave it to her," Rosa frowned.  She was looking down intently at the half dead outlaw, a hard, thoughtful look on her face.  Everyone held their breath... they'd said their pieces, now it was time for them to listen.  Finally, Rosa sighed, "We take her to the Nun," she looked at Ruiz, "I know why you're worried, but in her state, even if she is still with Balik, she won't be in any condition to either fight us or run back to him.  And if she's not still with him, then Balik did this and she's not his anymore..."

"Snake is still a snake... and most snakes are better off dead..."  muttered Ruiz.

"Might could be," Rosa said, "But I've known this girl since she was the size of a loaf of bread...  her life ain't been easy, and when she run off... well, I suppose she had her reasons..." she glanced up at Ruiz, a wry smile on her face, "she actually _liked_ her mother, Maria..." she looked back down at Alex, "she deserves a chance to at least explain herself...  and she don't deserve to die alone, I reckon..."

Ruiz sighed heavily, but knew the matter was closed.  Rosa gestured, "Come on... Cindy, Marco, get her up... carefully," she looked over at Ruiz, Flores and Maxwell, "You three, stay here.  Bury the bodies... all of them.  And make an extra pile of dirt, right?  Don't mark any of the graves..."

Maxwell nodded, all business as usual.  Flores followed.  Ruiz frowned, "No we gotta dig holes for this scum?  Put 'em down in the ground like they _deserve_ that...."

Rosa frowned at her, switching entirely to Spanish as she spoke, "Little girl, if your father hadn't saved my life, I swear that fuckin' mouth of yours would've lost you yours by now... You been ridin' with me for neigh on four years now... you're goin' to tell me you don't trust me and the way I do things?"

The other woman grimaced, glaring at the floor, knowing she had no way out here.  Rosa was the boss because she'd proven herself at every turn.  She'd made them all a lot of money, and she treated them all like family.  Finally, she nodded once, curtly.

"Now, I don't got to explain myself to you at all, ever, but I'm gonna do it this time just so you don't sit there steaming like a tiny child all night.... we dig four graves out there, it looks like four people are died in this place and someone was kind enough to send them on their way.  And that means Kubra will think Vause's dead...  I know he's a paranoid son of a whore, but I don't think even he's paranoid enough to dig up four graves just to make sure one of 'em is actually her...  you _understand_ now?"

Another short nod.

"Good... now go help them dig the fuckin' holes.  ."

***

The doc was a nun, no one quite knew where she'd learned her trade (or how she'd ended up out here, but then the past wasn't much discussed around Haven) they just knew she was good enough to keep them all alive and, most times, in one piece.  Rosa, Cindy and Lorna had shown up at her door.  Ruiz and Flores had gone back to their rooms with Gloria at the general store. Marco and Maxwell were at Rosa's cabin in the foothills four miles outside of town, checking their own injuries.

the nun worked out of the back room of the apothecary next to the general store.  she lived quiet and frugal and after a certain period where everyone was wary she might start pontificating at them all, she'd integrated nicely into the town.  they knew she didn't always approve of them, but they also knew she wasn't one to judge.

Sister Ingalls shook her head, "This girl has an angel looking out for her..."

Rosa made a scoffing sound.  the Nun frowned at her, "I know you don't believe, Rosa but..."

"Oh it's not just me, Sister... if Vause was awake, she'd tell you that she and the angels don't get along so well..."

"Well perhaps she ought to reconsider that," the Nun said, "because with as bad as these injuries are, she should be dead.  Probably should've been dead before you even found her..."

The door to the exam room opened and Jones, who ran the apothecary, walked in, carrying a pile of clean linens which she set next to the basin of hot water.  "though even now, it's going to take some care to ensure she survives. I removed the bullet from her shoulder, I'm cleaning her wounds, stitching them up, but there's not a whole lot I can do about whatever's going on inside.  There'll probably be some infection, and she'll just have to fight through it..."

"What d'ya think the chances are?" asked Lorna, who had apprenticed a little under the Nun herself.  She knew Sister Ingalls didn't necessarily _approve_ of Lorna using her teachings to do field repairs for a bunch of bank robbers, but there wasn't so much she could do about it.

"I can't say.  A lot depends on the person.  On how tough they are...  it's not as exact as I might like..."

Rosa allowed a smile to appear on her face, "Well, if toughness is what it takes, then she'll survive... too fuckin' stubborn not to..."

***

Alex was laid up for a month. Long enough for the cool of autumn to transform into the beginnings of what Jones the Apothecary said she felt in her bones was going to be a bad winter.  "Real bad..."  Jones was eccentric, but she was rarely wrong about such matters (no one ever knew how exactly she sensed this shit).

She spent two weeks fighting off infection and healing her insides, tossing and turning and sweating and muttering nonsense in the Nun's rooms while Jones fed her remedies and herbs.  After two weeks, she opened her eyes. She was still in some pain, still weak as a kitten... she had the ability to talk, but wasn't being forthcoming (though that wasn't unusual).  Once they knew she was awake, Nicky insisted she come to stay at Red's.

The Nun let her go with the promise to visit her at least once a day to see how things were coming along, and Vasily and Maxim helped Alex, who hadn't said more than a dozen odd words to anyone, limp painfully slowly across the way to the brothel wincing in pain with every step.  After they got her installed in one of the rooms Red reserved for her family and comfortable as she was going to be, Nicky came upstairs with a bowl of something Russian and warm and laid it on a tray in front of Alex.

They sat in silence for a few long moments while Alex shoveled the food in her mouth slowly, deliberately.  Her stomach still wasn't on even keel, her appetite not entirely back... the Nun told her it might be a fair bit before it was.  Nicky watched her eat, expression unreadable.  When she was done, Nicky pulled the tray back, set it on the floor next to the bed, and looked Alex in the eye intently. 

"Don't suppose you got anything to say for yourself?"

Alex's jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, which made the right side of her face, the one Mendez had slashed with the bottle, the one still bandaged tight, ache.  Her eyes flicked away out the window for a moment then back.  She stayed silent.  She knew Nicky would say her piece eventually.

Nicky glared at her, "You're a fuckin' asshole, you know?"  Straight to the point.  Always.

"Mmhmm," Alex said, bobbing her head once.

"Fuckin' takin' off like that... we thought you were dead... then after we found out what you were up to... we _hoped_ it..."

Alex nodded again, mouth in a hard line.

"I know what happened fucked you up, Vause, but you... what you did... it wasn't right... we were your friends... your _family_... you basically were tellin' us all to fuck off..."

Alex felt the shame of it rising up her throat like bile.  She wasn't near at her full strength yet, and every word Nicky spoke seemed like it was draining something from her.

"I mean, fuck... Old Lady Chapman... she wanted to saddle up and put out a search party... thought you'd been kidnapped by the fuckin' natives for fuck's sake...  And the Old Man... you know he would never say nothin' but..."

Alex couldn't keep silent anymore, "Nicky..." her voice came out half a whisper, raw with emotion and disuse...

"No you're gonna listen..."

"I _know_ what I did..." she said, "I _know_ it... I ain't... I ain't proud... of it... of any of it!"

"Then why the _fuck did you do it_?" Nicky growled, her usually sardonic humor gone entirely, voice and manner angry and anguished in equal measures.

Alex shook her head.  She was silent for another long moment then, "Because my ma was _gone_ , Nicky...  she was fuckin' gone and she wasn't _ever_ gonna come back, and I tried so _fucking hard to save her_ and I failed... and I was... I was angry at Celeste for... for stoppin' me.."  she hated it. hated talking about it, even to Nicky who had always been one of the very few people she _could_ talk to.  She could feel the tears welling up and the frustration and terror of that day crawling back up her brain, clawing its way into her heart... she had spent six god damn years forgetting... drowning in drink and rage... and now...  now she had to look at it, to examine it from every angle...  she swiped angrily at her eyes and was confronted with the sight of her right arm... the angry burn scar that covered it from wrist to elbow.  the constant reminder of her failure to save her mother...  suddenly it felt like a lead weight was falling through her soul.  she was twenty four but she felt about eighty...

"Vause..." Nicky's voice was gentler now, "there wasn't a thing you could do.  by the time anyone got to the barn, the fire was... the fire was out of control, if you'd gone in there you just woulda died too... Celeste was _savin' your life..._ "

"I'd have been better off dyin'... " she met Nicky's eyes, "and the Nun would've been better off lettin' me..."

"God damn you, don't talk about yourself like you don't matter to no one anymore... I loved your ma too, but she ain't the only one cared about you..."

"You shouldn't... you don't know..."  her gray green eyes clouded over, seemed to grow three shades darker, her voice was low, almost frightened, "...the things I did, Nicky... the things I did were..."  she closed her eyes, her voice a whisper now, Nicky could barely hear her, "...the things I'm _capable_ of... no one worth anything could possibly be capable of things like that... no decent folk should have to be around them..."

"Look around this place, Vause... you think any of us is really any better'n you?"

"I don't know if that's a majority opinion... Rosa came to see me after I woke up yesterday... I saw how she was lookin' at me..."

"You know Rosa. She thought you weren't worth savin' she'd have left you where you were..."

"Maybe... don't mean everyone else..."

"Fuck everyone else.  They want you gone, they come through Red..."

Alex frowned, "Don't lie, Nicky.  Red ain't a fool. I saw the way _she_ looked at me too," she allowed herself the ghost of a fond smile, "Got a feelin' you have a lot more to do with me bein' here'n she does..." the smile disappeared as fast as it had come, as though it had never been, "Red don't trust me, and I don't blame her... I wouldn't trust me, either, I were her... " she shook her head once, hard, "... don't trust myself, even now..."

Nicky shrugged, "Well... I mean, wants to know you ain't plannin' on runnin' off and re-joining a bunch of murderin' thieves any time soon...  She wants to know how you ended up where Rosa found you..."

Alex sighed, "It don't make a lick of difference why or how I got there... things I've done... I ain't worth anyone's time or effort..."

"I keep telling you, we've all done things..."  Nicky sighed and stood up, "I thought when you left... that you were dead, and I was so fuckin' mad at you for a long time," she tilted her head, eyes staring intently into Alex's, "I thought I'd wanna know why you left Kubra or what happened, but seein' you... I see it don't matter, just like nobody's past here matters.... you ain't the same person you were before you left, but you also don't look a thing like a stone cold killer either... not that I think you ever really were... I'm... glad to see you and fuck off if you think I'm plannin' on letting you slip off in the middle of the night again...  Haven's all about fresh starts, Alex, that's the whole god damn point..."

She took the tray and walked back towards the door, "I'll let you rest... the Nun says you're going to need awhile to get back to full strength..."

And with that, she disappeared out the door, leaving Alex alone with her dark, swirling thoughts and the lingering shadow of her friends' words.

***

Piper Chapman was stubbornly determined to _make this work_.  It was not proving an easy task, although she hadn't suspected it would be.  And were it not for her grandmothers' constant faith and encouragement it might have been even more difficult.  But... Celeste needed her, and Piper was determined to be there, to stand up, to be strong, to prove herself for once in her life... It was so rare in her life that she had been truly _relied_ upon by someone and it was both terribly frightening and wonderfully exhilarating. 

And of course... there was her mother.  Or more properly, the need to prove that her mother was wrong about her, about this entire endeavor.  She had scoffed when Piper had volunteered to go out West to help Celeste with her ranch after her husband died.  Carol Chapman had made clear to her daughter exactly what she believed the outcome of this "passing fancy" of hers would be: she wouldn't prove equal to the task of even existing in such "uncivilized" conditions for even a week, and she would be begging Celeste to put her on a train back home (in truth, Carol was probably not overjoyed with the prospect of having to _explain_ Piper's absence to her friends).  Her father had been just as ambivalent, but Piper's recent... _behavior_ had been so disappointing to him that he simply wanted her away from him for a time.

It wasn't that she was not up to the challenge, that wasn't it at all it was simply that anyone faced with such a massive change in circumstances would feel a bit... out of sorts.  Celeste assured her that she had gone through much the same when she had first arrived here.  "It will get better, darling, you just need to give it time..."

She had been considered quite progressive in Boston (much to her father's dismay... so much of what she did seemed to be much to his dismay), the member of many ladies' societies that had ever so scandalous ideas.  But she was still from a very different world than the people of Haven, and she had to try very hard not to make assumptions about them.  The rules here were also so very different from what she was accustomed to, and she had learned that her tendency to speak for long stretches unbidden when she was nervous or out of sorts was, possibly, not the most advantageous strategy.

It had been a month, which wasn't necessarily a long period of time, but she didn't feel as though she had integrated well into the town.  They were polite enough, but they all seemed to be somewhat bemused by her manner of speech and her clothes... except for the woman who tended bar the saloon next to the whorehouse, who had told her she was from New York and had been raised in a townhouse in Park Slope.  (Piper had been quite astonished when, on her second day there, her grandmother had brought her to the saloon for lunch, although whether this was because it was a saloon or because it was next to a whorehouse, she wasn't sure... perhaps some combination of the two).

"Don't worry about it, Chapman," the woman, Nicky, had told her, "Just be yourself.  They'll get used to you eventually... might even learn to like you, as long as you don't get too uppity about things..."

"Uppity?" Piper felt as though she was being insulted, but Nicky was grinning at her amiably enough.  The blonde looked to Celeste, who just smiled at her.

"You know what I mean, Blondie," Nicky grinned at her. "Take on airs.  Act like you're better than everyone else..."

"Ah... well that wasn't something I had planned," she sat up a little straighter, putting on what she hoped was a steadfast and determined expression, "I came here to help my grandmother and experience the West, not to be coddled."

Nicky nodded, "That's good.  Cause there ain't a whole lot of coddling to go 'round in Haven..."  someone bellied up to the bar and waved to get Nicky's attention.  She nodded in that direction then turned back briefly to Piper, "Good luck... I know Old Lady Chapman here will show you the way..." she took a step towards the bar and then added, "Oh, and if you want to make things a damn sight easier on yourself, don't insult the food, hmmm?" and then she was gone.

And so she had been doing her best not to offend anyone, to learn how to deal with people.  Most weren't much for what Celeste called "airs", the sort false friendliness that people like those in Piper's social circle in Boston always wore like armor, smiling and nodding at people they loathed, always trying to keep up appearances.  As rebellious as Piper had been considered by her mother and the clucking hens in her sewing circle, she was still much more entrenched in such things than the people of this town.  The way they spoke, the way they acted, the way they dealt with others.  It was all foreign to her, but most people were amiable enough to her, and seemed to understand she was trying.

"No one here can judge anyone else, dear," Celeste said, "That's what this town is about: second chances and acceptance."

In addition to navigating an entirely new social system, Piper was also thrown headlong into day to day life on a ranch, with all that such life inferred.

She was doing the kind of physical labor she had never been tasked with in her life, had never even contemplated doing.  It wasn't that such things were _below_ her (unlike her mother, she was always open to new experiences), but she had never been given the opportunity.  She rose at 5am, ate breakfast, then worked all day alongside her grandmother and her hired man, James Ford. (Unlike some hired hands, Ford didn't live on the ranch.  He lived up in town at the stables with his wife, Berdie and the three girls who helped run the stables with them.  Ford also served as a deputy on the rare occasions Sheriff Bennett needed more help than his deputy, Fischer, could give him.)

Her grandmother kept all the requisite farm animals (chickens, goats, pigs, a pair of horses), along with a dozen head of cattle, who slept in the big barn and spent their long days in the fields across the small creek that ran behind the ranch house.  There were plenty of tasks involving the animals, as well as maintaining the farm (somehow at least part of the vast wooden fence marking off Celeste's property was always falling apart) and doing household chores (Celeste didn't employ a maid, her theory being that she was more than capable of doing such things herself... Carol would likely have fallen over dead if she'd been told she had to live in such a desolate fashion.)

By the time the work was done and they sat down to supper (sometimes at the ranch house, sometimes at the saloon, and a few times at Ford's table, with his wife and their little 'family') Piper was quite ready to collapse from exhaustion.  In Boston, she would often find herself staying awake until almost midnight, usually reading, but since she'd been in Haven, she'd barely read at all (a deplorable condition that had led her to feeling quite demoralized) because she'd as good as fainted as soon as she was finished eating, sometimes as early as eight o'clock in the evening.

Tonight, she was at the bar by herself.  Celeste had gone to visit with some of her old friends at the apothecary's.  She was sitting at the bar, slumped over a plate of meat and potatoes that was actually quite delicious.  Her head was leaned tiredly on her left hand and she was staring listlessly at the food as she shoved it round the plate with her fork.  She was snapped of her exhaustion induced trance by the now familiar bray of Nicky Nichols.

"Ay, Blondie you all right there?"

Piper lifted her eyes to look at the bushy haired bartender (it felt like all too much effort to actually raise her head from her hand).  She had been quite bothered by the nickname when she'd first arrived, her temper flaring every time Nicky used it, but eventually she had learned that the more irritated she became, the more gleeful Nicky had become.  After about a week, she had given up being annoyed by it.  Celeste had assured her that Nicky wasn't making light of her (at least not any moreso than she did anyone else), that this was just her way of relating to everyone.

"Hmmm?" she managed.

"You look like you've been kicked in the head by a mule, kid," Nicky's wide brown eyes were sympathetic, and she was giving Piper her gentlest, most understanding sardonic smirk.

"Wha?"

"You been trying to make your food into abstract art for the past half hour.  You keep wasting her food, Red's gonna get real sore..."

"Oh..." Piper said, trying to focus her eyes, "All right..." she listlessly took a forkful of potatoes and put them in her mouth, chewing mechanically.

"Seriously, Chapman, are you doing all right?"

Piper sighed, "I suppose..." her guard was down and her emotions were up, so she once she began thinking of it, she couldn't stop, "I just feel as though I'm not... making any progress... I'm so tired all the time... and everything is so very sore... perhaps I'm doing something wrong..."

"Has Old Lady Chapman said anything about it?" asked Nicky, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, no..."

"Look, Blondie," Nicky her voice now serious and sympathetic, "If you were doing badly, your grandmother would say so.  That woman don't cut any corners, and she don't soften blows for anyone, not even Red...  she hasn't said anything to you it's cause you're doing all right..."

"But..."

"Nah no buts!" Nicky said, "Look, when you first came here, I admit I had some doubts... I mean we were takin' bets on how fast you'd run off cryin' back to Boston..."

Piper found enough strength to glare at her...

"... _but_ you proved us wrong...  I mean, you've only been here near on a month and you're already toughening up.  I mean, look at your hands!  You got the beginnings of some real actual callouses there... And yeah you're exhausted, but not near so much as you were that first week.  Why I remember there were times that first week that you wouldn't even come down here cause Celeste said you were too fuckin' tired.  So yeah... you're still learnin' the ropes, and you've still got aways to go, but you're makin' progress, you know?  We all had a hard time when we first came here.  You just gotta keep on workin'...  you'll get there..."

Piper half smiled, genuinely touched, "Thank you, Nicky..."

"Anytime, Chapman..."  she poured Piper out a beer, "On the house... you know, to celebrate you still bein' here and in one piece after a whole month...'

Piper, who didn't normally drink (and for good reason) looked at the beer, thinking about refusing it, but then took it and raised it slightly before sipping it deeply.  They sat in amiable silence for as Piper finished her food, feeling somewhat brighter after all Nicky had said...  yes... perhaps she could do this... perhaps this would all work out after all...

And honestly, she thought, darkness returning to her thoughts , if only briefly, it wasn't as though she had a great deal to look forward to if she went back... not after all that had happened... not after the way she had left...

***

Alex spent the two weeks after she woke up eating Red’s food, getting her strength back up, reading (it felt like it had been years since she’d read anything of substance, and she found she’d missed it… it was always relaxing for her…), and talking with Nicky or Red almost every day.  The conversations weren’t always pleasant and none of them had ever been particularly good with expressing anything personal, but by the end of the fortnight, they’d hashed a few things out.  Nicky still wasn’t happy with the way Alex had run off, but she thought she understood now, and Red was satisfied that Alex was well and truly on the outs with Kubra.

That conversation had been tense, only a day after Alex had woken.  Red’s questions so unrelenting and harsh that Nicky had  said, “MA!  Lay off her… she can barely move…”

Red had turned to her, eyes blazing.  She was not one to coddle, and she rarely forgave.  Alex knew deep down that a large part of the reasons the old Russian was even tolerating her presence here (maybe the _only_ reason) was because Nicky had talked her into it.  Nicky was one of the few people Red had any real soft spot for (she loved the girl more than she loved her own sons, or at least as much as she loved anyone).  Nicky cared about Alex, and therefore Red was willing to allow a few concessions to her… but there wouldn’t be a whole passel of forgiving and forgetting until the air got cleared… and until Alex had kept on the straight and narrow for a while.  Trust was to be earned... trust started with honesty, and when Red was involved, honesty started with harsh questions…

“ _Nyet_ ,” growled Red, “No ‘laying off’.  She is fortunate she is even here and not sleeping in the Nun’s back room, da?  Being fed my food rather than that rabbit feed Jones calls ‘meals’.  She is fortunate we even let her back into town…”

“Red… she’s one of us…”

“Was one of us… do not pretend you weren’t just as angry at her as the rest of us, hmmm?”

Nicky looked away, grimacing.  “Yeah, but…”

“But nothing… you forgive too easily when it comes to this one... too understanding... too much history to think clearly.  She answers the questions, then _I_ decide whether she stays under my roof.  And _I_ talk to the others if anyone wants to question it… understand?”

Nicky’s jaw was set, but Alex spoke up, her voice still raspier than usual from disuse and general weakness, “S’alright, Nick.  I deserve any questions Red’s got…” She didn’t say out loud that she was pretty sure she deserved _much worse_ than she was getting, but Nicky was already angry enough, and she didn’t want to make her friend feel like she had to defend her.  Finally, Nicky blew out a frustrated breath and went back to sit in the chair in the corner.

Red faced Alex, “This,” she gestured at Alex’s general state, “this means you are done?”

“With Kubra?  Completely.  I mean… I was getting’ there anyway… all the things he done… that he made me do… it… it started to wear on me.  Wear on me in a way even the whiskey couldn’t kill… but after he tried to end me… well, I ain’t feelin’ so cordial towards him…”

“And do you believe he will be coming to find you?”

“Reckon he thinks I’m dead,” Alex said, “When he left I was a hop and a skip from it…”

“So he won’t bring trouble on us?”

“Never knew where I was from in the first place.  Never told him…”

The conversation continued for another hour after that, Alex confessing all her sins to Red, just as she’d done to Nicky.  Red grimacing in a way that indicated she might be regretting this altogether…  eventually, she left Alex with a hard look, “Okay for now… da?  But one foot out of line, _ubiytsa_ …” she hadn’t added anything.  She hadn’t needed to.

***

Every day now, Alex would get up and walk a little, and though there were still times she felt weak as newborn foal, and she got tired much easier than she liked, it felt nice to be moving.  It was exactly a month after she’d nearly died that she finally decided to go see Celeste.  She’d asked Nicky about her a couple times during their daily talks, trying to hide how disappointed she was that she hadn’t come to check on her (outside of Nicky, Celeste was the only person she really _wanted_ to see).  Nicky had cocked an eyebrow, “She knows you’re here… knows you’re alive.  I went out and told her when Rosa brought you into town… then again when you woke up…  She said she reckoned you’d come out to see her when you were ready…”

(She knew Old Man Chapman… Big Dan… was dead… had died nearly two months ago… the first time she’d cried in years was when Nicky had told her that and Alex had known she’d never be able to make amends with him…)

Alex had been putting it off, telling herself she needed to be stronger, more healthy (at least until her face had healed up fully… the bandage had come off (the Nun insisting it needed to breathe) but that whole side of her face was pink and sensitive and rapidly scarring), but eventually she couldn’t stand the waiting anymore.  Her fear was that Celeste would reject her out of hand, tell her she never wanted to see her again, tell her she was a coward for leaving, a monster for all she’d done while she was gone… Nicky said she hadn’t given Celeste details, but Alex knew Celeste wasn’t stupid, and could put two and two together.  Celeste knew what men like Kubra did.  What he had the people who worked for him do…

But she’d woken up that morning determined not to leave it any more.  To get it over with.  She was no coward, and she deserved whatever Celeste was going to throw at her… even if it was bad… even if it tore what little was left of her heart out.

So she got dressed in the new outfit Nicky had brought her, made by the tall, skinny Mexican girl who worked as a seamstress out of a room at Mendoza’s rooming house.  (When Alex had given her a look like she didn’t have to, Nicky had said, “What you want us to let you run around in them blood stained rags?” and Alex had been forced to concede that she was right).  She borrowed a horse from Red’s boys (normally she’d have walked the mile and a half out to the ranch, but she still wasn’t altogether confident in her ability to get out there without falling down), and she’d ridden west, breathing deeply and trying not to think dark thoughts about what the ultimate end of the conversation to come might be.

When she arrived at the Chapman ranch, she dismounted and set the horse she’d borrowed up to the hitching post out front.  Seeing the old place was a like a punch to the gut, the old memories both good and bad, slamming into her harder than she’d thought they would.  She had to swallow to keep her emotions from rising up and overwhelming her.  It had been so many years since she’d seen the place… it seemed as though it hadn’t changed a lick.

She’d arrived early, so she reckoned Celeste would be in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for herself and maybe one of her two hands (unlike most ranchers out here, her hands didn’t live with her; Ford and Fischer both lived up in town.  Celeste didn’t need them all year round or every day, so they had other jobs as well.  And she took care of all her cooking and cleaning herself… Celeste was nothing if not self-sufficient).

She walked up to the door and closed her eyes for a long moment.  Then she opened the screen door, raised her hand and knocked three times, firmly.

After a moment, she heard footsteps approaching.  The door opened… and Alex’s breath caught in her throat.

It wasn’t Celeste who stood on the other side of the door. It was another woman.  Just looking at her, Alex could tell she was from back East, and not just back East, but from money back East.  Old money… the kind of money Celeste herself had come from.  It didn’t matter the girl was dressed in a pair of pants and a sturdy work shirt, and that her hands had seen some honest work of late (though if the redness and blisters evident were any sign, it was maybe the first honest work they’d ever seen).  Her bearing and finishing school posture, the tilt of her chin, the way she held her self, even just standing there… all of it spoke to her privileged upbringing.   Her golden blonde hair was tied up, and her blue eyes were looking at Alex with an air of polite confusion. 

For her part, Alex was struck momentarily speechless… the blonde was possibly the most beautiful woman she'd had ever seen, her blue eyes conveying intelligence and only the slightest of surprise at the way Alex was dressed (she assumed the girl had been around town a bit, and had probably seen plenty of women dressed like gunfighters, though possibly not anyone who looked quite so battered as she did...). 

The woman was looking at her, head tilted slightly to the side.  A look of wary, polite curiosity on her face.  “Is there some way I might help you?” she asked.

“Um…” Alex cleared her throat, remembering the purpose of her visit, momentarily putting aside the fact that she was standing in front of a beautiful woman,  “I… I’m looking for Celeste… I mean… Mrs. Chapman…”

The blonde frowned, confused, “Just a moment please…” but before she could turn to fetch Celeste, the woman herself emerged from the direction of the kitchen saying, “Piper dear what…”

When she saw Alex, she stopped in her tracks, staring at her, the look in her eyes unreadable.  Alex stood up a little straighter and said, “Hello, ma’am…” belatedly, she pulled off her hat and held it in her hands, fidgeting with it nervously in a way she never did around anyone else.  But Celeste wasn’t just anyone.  Celeste had known her practically since she was born.  And Alex was acutely aware of how her actions must have hurt her.  “… I’m… I came to…” she ran a hand through her hair, and averted her eyes, staring at the floor, frustrated, “I came to say I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

Before she could continue, she suddenly felt a pair of arms wrapping around her tightly.  She looked up in shock.  Celeste was embracing her… after a moment of shock, Alex brought her own arms up and hugged back, closing her eyes and letting out a deep sigh.  Knowing Celeste, this didn’t mean all was forgiven… but it was a sign that not all the bridges had been burned.  Over Celeste’s shoulder, Alex could see the woman who’d opened the door watching all of this, bemused.

After a long moment, Celeste stepped back, still holding her by the arms, “I’m so glad you’re back, Alex… so glad you’ve returned to us alive…”

Alex half sighed, her eyes welling up slightly at the older woman’s kindness, “Celeste… I’m…”

“Stop it.  I’m not saying all is automatically forgiven you know... but I’m just so grateful you’re here…” Celeste gestured, “Come on, let’s go sit down.  We were just getting ready to eat breakfast, and you know I always make too much.”

“All right…”  her eyes flicked up to the young woman again, and Celeste followed them, seeming to have forgotten she was even there.

“Oh, I have completely forgotten my manners.  Alex this is my granddaughter, Piper Chapman.  She came over from Boston after Daniel died to help me around the place.”

Alex gave her usual half smile to Piper (who she was sure had been looking at her with something like fascination)… she recalled the name vaguely.  Celeste didn’t talk much about her family back East, leastways not with anyone but Big Dan.  It was a sore spot for both of them, she knew.  Something about a son who was a waste of skin and the woman he’d married who didn’t have the sense God gave a horned toad.  Alex was aware they had children but she knew little else.

Looking at Piper as the girl stepped forward to shake her proffered hand, Alex knew that the story was at least half bullshit.  Maybe she’d come out here to help Celeste, but there was something about the way Celeste had said it and the way the girl’s eyes had shot away for just the slightest moment that said there was more to it than that.  Boston high society girls who looked like Piper and were around her age were going to debutante balls and trying to find a husband.  They didn’t come out to the untamed West just to help old granny… not unless they were escaping something. 

Alex had always been good at reading people, getting below the surface, knowing what made them tick.  She’d seen women like Piper out here before, mostly in the larger towns, and they rarely lasted long, never really had the strength to get past the initial shock of what things were really like.  And even if they did, something about the West seemed to diminish them somehow.  But there was something about Piper Chapman that was different… a sort of strength to her… an air of mystery that the girl probably didn’t even know she was giving off…  Just one look at her told Alex that Piper was a puzzle, that figuring her out might be a challenge.  And Alex Vause could never resist a challenge…


	3. The Calm Before the Storm

The tall stranger rode out of New Litchfield early the morning after the eventful poker game, her big brown horse hitched to a wagon loaded with supplies for the ranch she worked on. She didn't know anyone there well enough to say good bye. Little Joel the blacksmith's apprentice, hungover and humiliated, stood in the wide open door of the smithy (the structure on the westernmost edge of town) and watched her fade off  the west as the sun threatened to break the horizon behind him.

When she'd passed him by, she'd put two fingers to the brim of her hat, smirked in a self-satisfied way and said, "Nice to see you getting your color back there, hoss..."

He glared at her until she disappeared over the rise about a half mile out of town, cursing both her and the fact he had to be at work at such a fucking ungodly hour.  His boss Big Joe Caputo, a no nonsense sort with an impressively bushy mustache (more hair on his upper lip than on the top of his head) appeared behind him and cleared his throat, giving him a stern look, "You plannin' on doin' any work today, Luschek?"

Joel glared at him, "Yeah, yeah..."

"Don't take that tone with me, you lazy sack of shit.  You're fuckin' lucky I took you on at all, considerin' how you left things at the roomin' house..." Caputo pinned him with a glare, daring him to talk back.

For once in his life, Joel recognized he was at a distinct disadvantage and shut his trap. 

Caputo gave him another second, seeing if the moron was going to let his mouth fuck him over again, but nothing appeared to be forthcoming.  He nodded curtly, "I'm gonna work on the sheriff's horseshoes.  You sweep the place out, scrub the floors, then you can give me a hand."

Little Joel's jaw twitched.  He fuckin' hated the sweeping bullshit and Caputo knew it.  But he nodded once sharply. Caputo glared at him a little more before moving into the back of the shop where the forge was.

Swearing profusely under his breath, Joel took up the broom and began sweeping (doing so in an aggressively incompetent manner), growling about all the indignities that were thrust upon him by everyone around him, the bitterness settling in hard...

***

That night Joel was back at the bar, losing again. Cursing under his breath. "Fucking whore...She ruined my luck..."

One of the other regulars, an ex-soldier named Donaldson with a face looked like it was carved from a particularly craggy and unforgiving block of stone and half his left leg gone thanks to a Confederate shell, turned hard blue eyes to Joel, "Real men make... and ruin... their own damned luck, Joel. Don't go blamin' the stranger. She didn't _force_ you go all in on a damned pair of tens..."

Before Joel could answer an amiable voice floated over from the table next to them,  "You let a woman join your game?"  The tone was light, incredulous, not the least bit hostile.

Joel turned in his chair. There were three men at the table all with dark hair, dark eyes and deep tans. Foreigners of some sort, far as Joel could tell. He didn't cotton to foreigners generally but these fellas were all wearing very expensive suits and more importantly very shiny irons.  And if the events of last night had taught him anything it was to respect a dangerous looking bastard with a gun.

"Ain't my first choice either, mister, but the fat man runs the bar calls the shots and he lets it go," Joel scoffed contemptuously, "dunno you could even call her woman to start with.  Works on a ranch or some such. Got rougher hands than the guy digs ditches outside of town, wears men's clothes like she's got a right to 'em..." The dusky gentleman just smiled placidly, his apparent amusement encouraging Joel to roll on, "Hell betcha if you pulled her britches down she'd have a di--"

 

"That is most amusing," said the man still smiling amiably, much more friendly than the stranger had been. "Does she live here, in this town, this woman?"

"No," said Joel.  Given the smithy's location on the edge of town, right next to the livery, he was privy to the comings and goings of many of the towns frequent visitors.  He was enjoying this man's attention, enjoying being someone who had information he wanted, "Comes in maybe once a month, stays maybe a week then leaves."

"Ah," the man glanced over at his companions, then back at Joel, "and would you know where she goes home to?"

"Nah.  Just that she rides west.  They's probably a dozen settlements out that way. I don't get out that way much..."

The man nodded, "Ah... a pity... you said she comes here once a month?"

"Or thereabouts..."

"Well. That is most interesting. A capable woman," the man chuckled,  "I would be most eager to encounter her.... Most eager indeed," he signaled to the O'Neill at the bar, "This man... his next drink shall be on my bill, yes?"

O'Neill nodded acknowledgment, eyeing the stranger warily.

The man turned back to Joel, "Thank you the enlightening conversation, mister...?"

Joel felt his chest puff out slightly... no one in this shitpile of a fuckin' town ever called him mister... fuckin' disrespectful fucks... "Luschek," he replied, "Joel Luschek... and... uh, thanks for the beer."

Another nod, and then he turned his attention back to his companions. Joel looked back toward his cards, pleased as always to have been important in any way.

***

Alex got back to Haven just after noon.  She'd have been back in only half that time if it hadn't been for the supplies she'd had to haul.

She passed straight through the town waving at folk who were out and about. Normally she'd have thought of stopping at the saloon to exchange pleasantries and indulge in a beer with Nicky but the encounter with that fucking caveman the night before combined with the fact that this month's trip to Litchfield had been a few days longer than usual, had left her more eager to get back to the ranch than was customary.

The ranch was a ways west of town, modestly sized enough that it could be run by two people (three if need be). It was as close to a home as she had in this unforgiving bastard of a world. She'd lived there on and off since she was barely more than a babe in arms, daughter of a frightened abandoned woman left in Litchfield  by the man who'd dragged her out west, and was rescued by the kindly woman who used to own the place.

As she came over a rise she saw it appear in front of her.  The ranch house with its side yard that backed up to the creek, the dozen head of cattle they had stretching off beyond.  She felt her heart lift at the sight and once again marveled at how blamed sentimental she'd become over the last five years and more surprisingly, how little such sentiment bothered her nowadays. (although considering all she had been to in the five years prior to _that_ perhaps it shouldn't have been shocking that such things appealed).

From this distance she had a good view of the whole ranch and could see its other occupant down by the river, facing the water as she filled a pail.  A large genuine smile split her normally stoic face as she looked at the blonde by the river. The smile she only ever wore for _her_.

Alex urged the horse on faster.

***

Piper finished filling the second pail from the river, and was about to turn around when she heard the sound of hooves and the creaking wheels of the wagon over the burble of the creek.  She turned and saw the wagon come to a halt in front of the gate to the ranch house yard.

Her water forgotten, she smiled broadly and took long strides to where Alex was sliding off the wagon's bench.

Alex practically took a run at her and before Piper had taken three steps, she was wrapped up in her strong arms, breathing in deeply, happy and relieved to see her again.

After a long embrace, she tilted her head up and met Alex's smiling face and gray green eyes, "Alex..." she breathed, smiling

"Well hey there darlin'..."  Alex drawled back, leaning down to kiss her as long and hard as was wise when they were standing in front of the house. They both knew that a kiss could rapidly get out of hand especially when it had been so long since they'd seen one another and they didn't want anyone riding by getting a free show.  The people of Haven were mighty tolerant, but some _other_ folk weren't. Piper knew they were capable of fending off about any threat (had been required to prove it a time or two), but she didn't like having to do it.  Didn't like _Alex_ being forced back into her old ways... it almost never turned out well.

"I missed you."

"Missed you too, kid," said Alex grinning.

"How was town?"

Alex shrugged, "Typical," she cocked an eyebrow, "Little sore about havin' to wait two days longer'n usual for your fancy god damned Parisian perfume, but..."

Piper shoved her shoulder lightly, "You like that scent..."

Alex lowered her voice and said, right next to Piper's ear, "That ain't even near the top of my list of your favorite scents darlin'..."

Piper felt the blush run up her cheeks and suddenly felt the need to be inside... away from prying eyes. Significantly closer to their bed...

But...

"We have to unload the wagon."

"I know," Alex sighed, her voice a might huskier than usual, "I know..." she leaned down and kissed Piper again briefly, "... always so fuckin' responsible, Miss Chapman..."

Piper arched her own eyebrow, "Not _always_... but I'd prefer not to have my 'fancy god damned Parisian perfume' stolen whilst we're inside... and I would hope we'd be inside for a _good long while_..." (Alex smirked at that) "Besides, I've got Ford here.  He's tending to the cattle, and I wouldn't want him to come looking for us," (the poor man had walked in on them once in the barn... an incident that had left him flustered, Piper quite thoroughly mortified, and Alex laughing heartily) "He'll help before he has to get on home... which means we can dismiss him all the quicker..."

Alex tightened up the embrace for another long moment (long enough that Piper was considering forgetting about Ford and the supplies in the wagon and every other damned thing and just dragging her off to bed), before sighing and saying, "All right... let's get this real work over with then..."

***

They always went in to town for their supper on the evening Alex returned from her monthly trip to Litchfield.  They made for an odd sight (or would have, had the people not been so used to seeing them).  It was the only time Piper pressed Alex hard to dress in her Sunday best, which for Alex just meant clean pants and shirt and actually beating the dust out of her long jacket (although the blonde could never get her to leave the house without at least one iron attached to her hip).  They were so different from one another, at least in appearance, that it was sometimes almost jarring. Dark and light. Civilized and untamed. Refined and coarse.  Any two opposites you could think up they would fit.

Tonight, they at Red's saloon, Alex drinking whiskey and bellowing with laughter at some off color joke Nicky had made (outside of the ranch house, Alex only really relaxed and let her the stoic mask fall at Red's), Piper sipping a glass of good French wine Red had brought all the way to this godforsaken place specifically for her (a privilege Piper had paid a pretty penny for), smiling at the back and forth, pretending to be shocked or offended when things get especially unladylike.

They sit close even when they're engaged in separate conversations, one or the other of them always in contact with one another, Piper's free hand on Alex's leg, Alex's arm slung casually around Piper's shoulders. Unthinking like it's just something that happens naturally when they're anywhere near to one another.

Not all the folk are especially... open minded... about such an arrangement, even in a place like Haven... but unlike most places, the ones don't approve keep their opinions to themselves...  Everyone knows how it works here, and besides, Piper Chapman when she turns on her charm can be a formidable force... as can Alex Vause when she turns hers off.

So they live in relative peace, happy and content, and though sometimes they struggle, just as everyone else does out here, harsh and unforgiving as it is, at least they have each other.

And so far as either one of them was concerned there weren't a whole lot of things in the world might change that.

They stayed until near midnight.  Red's the only real place to get a meal in town outside of one's own kitchen, and so it was always crowded on any given evening, but the crowd usually thinned this late.  Besides, Alex had begun eyeing Piper in a way that was causing Piper's neck to turn furious shade of pink.  Alex had "gotten reacquainted with the territory" (as she liked to put it) several times not long after Ford had mounted his horse and ridden up towards town (looking strangely relieved to be away from the palpable tension between them), but... it had been near on a week, and Piper couldn't deny that she was feeling exactly the same way.

So they said their goodbyes (Nicky giving them a knowing look before going back to grinning at Lorna) and nearly fell over themselves getting back in the wagon and making their way  down to the ranch...

***

Alex was stirred from her sleep by someone pounding on the door. She generally slept light, a habit formed during her years with Kubra, not just because of the nightmares that became her constant companion, but because they always seemed to be living on a knife’s edge of danger, and a deep sleeper was often the first man killed or taken if someone ambushed them.  Since taking up with Piper, her sleep was no longer so tormented.  When the old ghosts would occasionally see fit to pay a call, waking her up, heart pounding, gasping for air like she was drowning, Piper was always there to soothe her back to sleep…

But she still woke up at the slightest disturbance.  Piper slept much more soundly, an ability borne of 18 years living in safety and comfort (if not happiness).  It had never been necessary for her to be that alert when Alex was there, and when Alex wasn’t, she slept badly anyway.

The pounding continued steadily and Alex frowned, disentangling herself from Piper and groping around on the table for her glasses.  She slid them on, then picked up her pocket watch and glared at it.  Three AM.  She swore under her breath.  They’d barely slid into a sated, exhausted sleep an hour and a half ago… and they had to be up at god damn five…  “this better be fuckin’ good,” she muttered as she slid out of bed, still half asleep.  She hastily pulled on her pants and pulled her shirt on, but didn’t bother with  buttoning it all the way up.

She didn’t feel as though the situation held any real danger, knowing that if someone meant them harm it was unlikely they’d be polite enough to knock at the door, but there was a low key thrum of anxiety in the back of her brain as she pulled one of her pistols out of the belt that was draped over the door handle of the bedroom (there was no such thing as _too_ careful) and padded quietly downstairs.  Three AM was a might early for callers… and early callers generally didn’t bode well

Her natural caution took over entirely as she reached the bottom of the steps and she moved smooth and quiet towards the front door.  Another round of pounding.  She approached the door and glanced out the little window at the side, keeping herself angled so she could see out but the person was unlikely to see her.  Her brow furrowed as she realized who it was.

She unlocked the door and slid it open halfway, keeping her gun hand hidden.  All her plans to be cool and impolite to the visitor had slipped away when she’d seen who it was.  Miss Rosa didn’t go making unannounced late night calls to folk unless something passing serious was going on.  And she didn’t make calls to the Chapman ranch except on the very rare occasions she was invited. 

Alex respected her, owed her her life, but she was wary of Rosa and her gang… there was something around being around any of them, listening to them laugh and recount their latest job that stoked the dormant flame of her thirst for adventure.  Alex truly didn’t want anything to do with most aspects of that life anymore, it was a promise she’d made to herself, to Piper, to Celeste, to Diane’s memory (to all the people that truly mattered to her anymore), and she wasn’t going to break it… the violence, the fighting, the killing, none of it held any appeal for her at all. If she never pulled a trigger again, she’d die happy.  But there was always a small part of her, deep down, that loved the exhilaration of riding fast towards an adventure, towards a thrill, towards danger. That loved the _challenge_ of it. Mostly she kept it tamped down tight and acknowledged it without truly longing for it… but being around the Rosa always brought some of it to the fore…

She shook the thought and said, “Evenin’ Rosa...”

“Sorry to pull you away from your warm bed, “ Rosa said, her face grim, her tone indicating urgency and not a hint of regret for pulling Alex away from anything, “but we got trouble.  Big trouble...”

Alex was silent.  In her experience, it was best to let everyone else do the talking until it was clear what course she ought to take.

“… Lorna’s gone.”

A cold hard lead anvil dropped into the pit of her stomach at Rosa’s words.  Lorna… Lorna was the possibly the sweetest person Alex knew… a bit touched in the head sometimes, but sweet… and Alex liked her, always found her amusing… but it was Nicky she was thinking of now.  Nicky’d never say it, but Lorna was more than passing important to her… much more.  She was too stunned by the news to speak and Rosa continued before she had a chance…

“Her fuckin’ piece of shit husband hired some dogs to come find her.  Managed to track her here… waited til she was on her way back to the Roost after visitin’ Nichols and snatched her…”

Alex managed to shake off her shock… there was a massive storm of emotions brewing in her chest (worry for Lorna, worry for Nicky, anger at what had happened...) she pushed them all down, focusing on cold hard fact, knowing time wasn’t anywhere near on their side, “When?”

“Neigh on an hour ago…”

“The fuck was she doin’ travellin’ alone at fuckin' two in the morning?”

“She wasn’t…  Flores was with her…” Rosa’s face darkened, “They came up on ‘em from behind, like the fuckin’ cowards they are, shot Blanca off her horse, then grabbed Lorna.  Blanca got one of ‘em but the others got away.  Blanca managed to crawl back up on her horse somehow, got back to the Roost… weren’t that far from it, maybe a quarter mile… got lucky there…”

“The one she got... he alive?”

“No. She got him in the wrong part of the part of the gut and he was dead when we got back to him, bled out… pity… would’ve liked to have had a good long talk with him…”

Alex shuddered at the thought of what Rosa’s idea of a talk was… she’d seen too much of that with Kubra.  She knew Rosa wasn’t as cruel as Kubra, but when someone in the gang was in danger… Alex had seen what people were capable of in times like that.  She wasn’t keen on reliving any of it.

“You got a plan?”

Rosa nodded, “Ride after ‘em.  We know where Lorna’s from, reckon that’s where they’re headin’.  Hopin’ to catch up with ‘em afore they get there,” she shrugged, “I know, ain’t much of a plan, but reckon it’s all we got right now.”

Alex raised an eyebrow shrewdly, “And you’re figurin’ I fit into this how?”

Rosa took a deep breath, “Well, that’s the part I reckon you might not like so much…”

***

After Rosa was done explaining what she need from her, Alex went back up to the bedroom and woke Piper.  The look on Alex's face told her all she needed to know.  She put on her dressing gown and they went downstairs to the kitchen where Piper began moving about, preparing coffee as Alex sat at the table and explained what had happened (she knew she should be getting ready, but didn't want to do a thing until she'd laid it all out for Piper).  Lorna gone. Rosa pursuing... 

"Nicky wanted to go with them.  Was chompin' at the bit in fact... Rosa told her no and she about leapt out of her skin..."

Piper frowned, "You told me Nicky couldn't do anything that might be deemed too strenuous..."

"That's right," Alex nodded, her expression pained, " Doc told her that her heart won't be able to take it, not after all that strain she put on it, after she near died...  But that don't mean the girl listens.  She's my oldest friend, but there's times she don't think... especially when someone she loves is in danger."

"So I would assume Rosa told her no again..."

"She did.  But Nicky kept pressin'.  Normally, Rosa would just have knocked her out, but not with Red there... 'sides if she did that Nicky'd just wake up and follow 'em.   Rosa was startin' to lose her cool... so Red stepped in with a suggestion..." she trailed off... frowning... this was going to be the hard part...

Piper had just finished pouring her a cup of coffee.  She turned slowly to look at Alex when she noted her change in tone.  "Alex..."

"Red suggested I go with them. Nicky trusts me in a way she don't trust Rosa or her people... and Rosa knows that I wouldn't be a liability...  Nicky said if I would agree to go then she'd stay here..."

Piper closed her eyes, hand still gripping the coffee pot, "You said you were done with that. With all of it."

"I am done with it, darlin'," said Alex sighing, "But this ain't what you might call a _typical situation_." 

Piper was silent for a long moment, then opened her eyes, pinning Alex with her blue gaze, as she handed her the tin cup of coffee, "Is it an endeavor that could get you killed?"

"Where we live walkin' down the street can get you killed..."

"Alex... you know very well that isn't what I mean..."

Alex looked down at her coffee, dipping her head once, "I reckon it might. Any job like this... there's no guarantees."  She'd never felt the need to really explain herself much to anyone because she'd rarely put much store in the opinions of others.  Piper though... she needed Piper needed to understand.

"You promised me..." she repeated.

"I promised you I wouldn't _cause_ trouble. I've kept that promise and I damn sure don't _intend_ to break it

"And yet you're riding out to meet these bounty hunters with Rosa and her gang of criminals..."

"That _gang of criminals_ saved my life, Piper," Alex said simply, "If not for them you'd never have met me. Lorna and Rosa helped save my life.  That's a debt I ain't never repaid..."

Piper huffed a frustrated breath, "I know.  And you know I don't judge anyone here but..."

"And it ain't even for them, not really. Rosa's the one I'm ridin with but Nicky is the one I'm doing this for.  And you know.... You _know_ what she done for me over years... you _know_ there ain't a way I can say no if it'll mean saving her from going out there..."

"Alex... what about your own life..."

"If I go out there there's a real possibility I come back with not a scratch. You ain't never seen it full on, but I'm good, Piper.  _Real_ good... And Rosa... she and Ruiz and Cindy... they're not _as_ good but they're still more'n capable.  From what Flores said it's maybe three men we got to deal with... as close to a sure thing as you can get..."

"You've always told me there is  no such thing as an 'easy job' or a 'sure thing'..."

Alex half smiled, quietly cursing Piper's near perfect memory... "Piper... it's the difference between me goin' out and probably livin' and Nicky goin' out there and most likely dyin'.  You know I can't let that happen..."

Piper's eyes flashed, "And what about me?  Did you concern yourself with how I might feel about such a thing?"

"God damn it Piper, yes of course I did... but..."

"... but you'd made up your mind before you even woke me..."

Alex said nothing.  The silence spoke volumes.  Piper held her gaze for a long moment, then stormed out of the kitchen straight to the front door, which she opened, stepping out into the night, slamming the door behind her.  Alex's jaw tightened, emotions running hot through her brain.  She looked at the coffee cup in her hand, thought hard about throwing it at the wall, then reconsidered.  She took a long sip of the hot, strong brew (made precisely the way she liked it... Piper always made it precisely how she liked it). 

She threw a glance over her shoulder at the front door, then turned back, ran a hand through her hair then sighed, " _Fuck_..."

***

Piper was out in the yard staring out across the creek into the dark, lit only by the moon, an image that struck even Alex's unpoetic heart as achingly lovely. Even if she'd been the one that hurt her.

She watched her for a moment before ambling forward and putting her arms around the blonde's waist, tentatively at first then tighter as she felt Piper relax rather than fight her (she'd learned the hard way about underestimating the strength of Piper's temper).

She hooked her chin over Piper's shoulder and kissed her neck lightly, "You know I didn't mean to hurt you, honey."

Piper sighed deeply.  Alex felt her melting into the embrace.

"And you know why I have to go..."

"I know," Piper said quietly, her tone resigned, if not exactly defeated, the initial flare of temper faded, "Just promise..."

"Piper..."

"I know you can't _promise_ it'll all be all right. Please just promise to try.  Please.  I think I could do without you, if I had to... but lord I don't want to have to."

Alex nodded, "I promise I'll do everything in my power to come back to you," they stood like that for a bit and then Alex added, a small smirk on her lips, "And I am the best you know..."

That drew a laugh.  And small and rueful as it was, it still lifted a little of the weight in Alex's heart, "You're lucky I find unbridled egotism attractive..."

"It is my best quality,"  Alex sighed, "I told Rosa I'd be at Red's at 4.  I have to get ready..."

Another sigh, heavy now, "All right... god damn it..."

***

Alex wasn’t sure she’d ever seen Nicky looking so out of sorts, not even when she was out of her mind on opium.  Almost every part of her appeared to be in a state of unrest, agitated, almost _vibrating_ with anxiety and anger, energy building up and having nowhere to go. 

She was pacing back and forth in front of the bar, smoking a roll up held in one shaking hand, eyes darting to and fro, never settling longer than a split second.  Red was leaning on the bar, still as a stone, watching Nicky.  To anyone who didn’t know her, she was the picture of stoic calm, a port in the storm currently spiraling through the bar, but Alex could tell she was worried about Nicky.  It was in the furrow between her brows, the way she was nursing a tall glass filled near to the top with vodka.

Behind Nicky, Rosa was talking to the members of the gang who were going with her as they took stock of their gear and supplies. They were keeping the party small.  Rosa reckoned that the fewer there were, the faster they could move (“And it leaves more to come after us if it goes wrong,” she’d said with a wry smile).  The group was to consist of perpetually sour faced Maria Ruiz and perpetually smiling Cindy.  Maxwell and Rosa’s man Marco were staying behind to tend to Blanca.  Alex knew that Rosa also considered her the kind of asset that could take the place of two of hers.  (“I know you don’t like to think on it too much, Vause… but you’re deadlier than all of them rolled into one…”… Alex had tried not to wince at that).

Alex was sitting on a barstool facing towards the room, her back leaned against the bar, watching Nicky, frowning.  She’d already checked her own equipment: her well-worn but reliable pistols, her rifle, and the knife Celeste had given her what seemed like a lifetime ago… the one that Rosa had pulled out of the Dingo’s back and returned to her after she’d returned from the dead. She only needed to secure it all to her person and she’d be ready to ride.

After their talk, Piper had insisted on coming with her back up to town. She was standing next to Alex’s stool, leaning into her, head on her shoulder, left arm wrapped as tightly as possible around her waist, fitted as closely into her as she could be without actually crawling into her skin with her.  Alex’s left arm was draped over her shoulders and Piper was holding on to her hand as tightly as she was clasping her waist. Having spent all her arguments, and understanding that there was not a thing she could say to talk Alex out of this, she was not letting go of these last few precious minutes of closeness.

She hadn’t said much since coming up, probably afraid that words would bring emotion to the surface, and Alex knew how Piper disliked acting like a “weak kneed debutante”, even though she’d more than proved herself to the people of this godforsaken town that first winter.  Alex could see the muscles in her jaw flexing, and the determined steel in her eyes as she kept up the front, looking at Nicky, avoiding Alex’s eyes.  Deep down, Alex knew Piper was dreading her leaving, and she felt awful for causing that feeling in her… but there was nothing for it.  Alex owed both Nicky and Rosa too much to refuse this…

Nicky was talking a mile a minute, her words as fast and as nervous as her movements.  “I want to go, Alex… I want to go god damn it… I want to go so fucking bad… I want to find that asshole and cut off his dick and stuff it into his…”

“Stop talking foolishness…” snapped Red, “You know your heart won’t be able to take it…”

“My _heart_?” Nicky spat, “my _heart_ is fuckin’ gone, Red… and if we don’t get her back, it’ll stay that way…”

“Lorna wouldn’t want you riskin’ your life like that, Nick,” drawled Alex, low and soothing, cutting off whatever harsh words Red might have been contemplating, knowing that they would just agitate her friend more, “And you know you can’t shoot worth shit…”

It was true.  Nicky couldn’t fight worth a damn.  She was useless in such situations, and not just because of her weak heart.  Even before she’d gotten sick, the best she could do was spirited scrapping and that was no good against the kind of men who’d taken Lorna.

Rosa looked over at Alex, “Vause!  We’re leavin’ in half a tick.”

Alex gave her half a nod, felt a shudder go through Piper… felt like the bottom of her heart was dropping out.

Nicky made a sound halfway between anguish and frustration and stopped pacing, walking over to Alex and Piper, putting a hand on Alex’s left shoulder, gripping it hard, “I told ‘em the only way I’d stay here is if you went, you know that right?”

Alex nodded.  Rosa had explained this with a great deal of exasperation. As good a fighter as Alex was, Rosa was still a bit wary of her, of what she’d done with Kubra.  She also didn’t like to take Alex away from her promises (knowing that Alex’s continuing peacefulness was a good thing for everyone)… or to make Piper angry by taking Alex away at all.  But all that was nothing weighed against having someone like Nicky tagging along… and short of knocking the girl out (which was out of the question given who her “ma” was) there was no way she wasn’t tagging along if Alex didn’t go.

“Bring her back to me, Alex… bring her back… I don’t… I dunno what I’ll do if you don’t…”

Alex stood up.  Piper moved with her, not relinquishing her hold on either her hand or her waist.  Alex took a step forward and clapped her free hand on Nicky’s shoulder, “If it’s in my power, I will.”

Nicky was still for the first time since they’d walked in, holding Alex’s gaze.  Then she nodded once, short and sharp, and turned to follow Rosa and the others out the front of the bar to the street, Red on her heels.

Alex was left alone with Piper in the bar.  They could hear the sounds of the others making final preparations drifting in from outside.  Alex shut her eyes and took a deep breath, in and out slowly, steeling herself for what she would see on Piper’s face when she looked down at her.

She felt Piper shift, both arms now around her neck, grip still bear trap tight, her face buried in the crook of Alex’s neck. It was the way the blonde clung to her when she was upset or feeling particularly emotional.  She couldn’t remember Piper holding her this hard for a good long while and it added another weight to the growing collection settling into her heart.  Alex hooked her chin over Piper’s shoulder and wrapped her arms securely around her waist, trying to communicate everything she was feeling through the action alone.

Alex could sell Bibles to an atheist, but when it came to expressing her innermost feelings, words almost always failed her.  She had always been better at _showing_ such things rather than saying them out loud. 

“I still don’t like this…” Piper said, her voice thick with emotion, muffled by Alex’s neck.

“I know...”

“And you know that I will be quite disappointed should you come back damaged in some way?”

Alex smiled, “Yeah, darlin’, I know…”

Piper drew back and looked up at her.  Alex knew there were probably a thousand things she wanted to say out loud because they were all written clearly in her eyes.  As much a mystery as Piper could be to her at times (especially when she was in a foul mood), there were others, when Alex _knew_ what she was thinking, felt it deep down. 

_Be safe_

_Don’t do anything reckless_

_Don’t let anyone draw you into something you can’t win_

… _come back to me in one piece…_

_(because Lord knows what I might do… what might become of me if you didn’t…)_

Alex nodded, her forehead coming to rest on Piper’s, saying the only words that really mattered right now, “I love you…”

Piper’s breath hitched for the barest of moments, but when she spoke, her voice was soft but strong, “I love you too….”

Then Alex leaned forward the short distance between them and kissed her hard, putting everything she was feeling and everything she wanted to tell Piper into it.  Not promises necessarily, because she knew she might not be able to keep them, but reassurances… reassurances that she would do everything in her power to come home… that Piper was the most important thing in her life…

All too soon, there was a call from the door.  “Vause, they’re leaving…”  It was Red.  Her voice clipped and no nonsense, but not nearly so harsh as it normally was.  Alex pulled away.  Piper’s eyes were shining, but there was a look of determination in them.  She knew Alex was aware how she felt ( _like part of her heart was being taken away into uncertain territory…_ Alex knew because she felt the same way), and she had obviously made a promise to herself not to try to make either of them feel any worse about this.  Alex kissed her once more, softly, on the cheek, and then reluctantly let go of her.

She turned towards the bar, pulled on her gun belt, fastening it securely, then slipped her knife into the holster at the small of her back and slung the rifle over her shoulder.  She took Piper’s hand and they walked out the door together.  The dim light of the lantern lit saloon gave way to the even dimmer light of the torch lit street.  Nicky was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, darting between the riders, smoking another roll up, Red standing next to her, arms crossed, expression hard.  Rosa, Ruiz and Cindy were on their mounts, ready to go.

Alex squeezed Piper’s hand once more looking over at her with a small smile. There was no more to say, nothing more to do, certainly nothing more that they wanted to show to anyone else, even those they called friend.  Piper let go of her hand, and Alex walked over to her sturdy black mare.  She pulled herself up into the saddle, placed her rifle in the holster attached to her saddle. 

Their party complete, Rosa looked over at the three women standing on the porch and said, “Should be back in no more’n five days…”  then she gave them a wave, pulled her horse around and rode towards the east edge of town, Cindy and Ruiz following.  Alex touched her fingers to the brim of her hat, took one last look at Piper, then turned and headed after them.

***

Piper watched them until they receded into darkness.  It didn’t take long.  There was only the barest sliver of moonlight visible above, and the only other illumination on the lone dirt street was the guttering torches on the outside of the saloon, and Mendoza’s rooming house.

Her jaw was clenched against the tears she could feel forming.  She was going to be strong.  She had learned early in her time here that there were not many other ways to be if one wished to survive here (“if you look weak, you already are…” it was something Red said so often Piper could recite it in Russian by now).  The only time she allowed herself to show true vulnerability was when she was alone with Alex… Alex who was riding off into God knew what unknown dangers…

She was still staring off into the darkness, expression drawn when she felt a firm hand on her shoulder.  She looked around and saw Red, “Come on, Blondie. Let’s get you a drink, yes?  Something nice and strong…”

Piper drew in a breath, “Oh… that’s.. that’s kind of you Red, but… I have to get back…”  Even as she said the words the thought of going back to her large empty house and trying to get an hour or two of sleep in the empty bed she and Alex had been lying together in a mere hour ago was causing a pain in her chest, a physical ache that had been steadily building since Alex had woken her up and said she had to go and was now about to reach a crescendo Piper wasn’t sure she’d be able to fully contain.

Red’s eyes were possibly the softest Piper had ever seen them. “One drink, honey.  Just one.  I guarantee it will make you feel better.”

The sudden flash of panic she always got at the thought of having a drink settled in for just a moment (an old instinct borne of many very bad experiences), but it receded just as quickly.  She hadn’t had an… episode since she’d left Boston.  When she drank now, it was one or two glasses and nothing more. They knew not to serve her more.

She sighed deeply, “All right.  One drink.”

“And then maybe you stay here tonight?” she half smiled, “Or what is left of the darkness anyway, before you must go back down to the ranch and work?”

Piper smiled back weakly, “Perhaps…”

Red guided her gently back towards the saloon, and Nicky followed, still jittery, but now silent.  None of them turned to look back into the darkness.

***

_Meanwhile, a ways to the East..._

Fahri was tired and wanted little more than to sleep, but he knew that Kubra always wanted a report the moment he returned from one of his circuits, collecting from various allies and subordinates.  It didn't matter the time of day, Kubra always seemed to be awake.

They had ridden out of Litchfield late that morning, made a couple of short stops on the way back and then arrived here about a half hour ago.  Fahri had taken care of the horses and then found his way to Kubra's office.

Kubra sat behind his desk.  He offered Fahri tea, which Fahri declined.  "It was generally uneventful.  The Coopers in Twin Valley are doing twice as well as last year and their output has increased accordingly, as have, they claim, their expenses.  They provided me with ledgers, and I will be studying them in detail.  Aside from that, all was well with our other contacts."

"Excellent.  Was there anything else of note?"

Fahri hesitated for a moment, considering whether to mention what the drunken blacksmith's assistant in New Litchfield had told him.  He did not think the man terribly reliable, but the way the others had reacted to the story told him that there might be some truth to it.  There was also, of course, no guarantee that the tall dark woman with a rancher's hands and a gunfighter's dress and manner was _her_...

And of course, even if it was her, Fahri wondered whether bringing it to Kubra's attention would be wise.  They had no other solid information to go on.  There were at least a dozen settlements, some fairly sizable, to the west of Litchfield within a reasonable day's ride... There was no question of Kubra _wanting_ to know about the information.  _She_ had always been his biggest disappointment. He had had such grand plans for her...

Fahri had not been at Kubra's side when the man had decided to punish her, and had he been he would most likely have advised against it, would at least tried to argue for making the girl see sense rather than taking such extreme measures.  He had been the one who had found her... he still remembered first laying eyes on her, laying waste to half a dozen men with her bare fists at a saloon much like the one they had eaten at in New Litchfield.  He had rendered some small aid to her (she barely needed it) and approached her, telling her she had a talent that should be put to better use than punishing small minded men who would call her a cheat...  He had always been fond of her, had always wondered if maybe he could have kept her from her fate somehow...

But he was being sentimental... and such sentiment had no place in his chosen line. Besides, Aydin and Ahmad had been privy to the conversation with the drunk as well, and would likely report it to Kubra when they spoke to him the following day.  No, it was best to be forthcoming.  Fahri had seen firsthand what happened to those who were not entirely honest with Kubra Balik.

He met his bosses' fierce gaze and nodded once, "Yes, sir, there was one more thing. We heard a most interesting piece of news while we were dining in New Litchfield.  Perhaps you remember Alex Vause..."


	4. Everything Has Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the courtship of Piper Chapman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- So... y'know how this whole story was about 20k words before... yeah, this chapter is a little over 17....... so it's kinda fucking long. It just kept getting bigger and bigger and I couldn't stop myself adding shit to it so... anyway... don't say I never did nothin' for ya. Extra special thanks to The Person Who Read This... especially this one because it has some stuff in it I really wasn't so sure about and they helped me feel a lot better about it. So yeah... you're the absolute best. Speaking of which... this one is rated M for... things... and stuff... (this is a flashback... again, too long to put it all in italics...)

**CHAPTER 4- Everything Has Changed**

_FIVE YEARS AGO_

In the end, it was almost frighteningly easy for Piper Chapman to fall in love with Alex Vause. 

Piper had been taught practically since she was old enough to understand the English language that her life was to consist of several stages, all meticulously planned and scripted, as though it were a play she was reluctantly starring in.  The first act: preparation to be a proper young lady, learning manners and proper etiquette, going to finishing school, her first debutante ball, being chaste and modest and charming and clever (though not _too_ clever, lest she be deemed too “troublesome” for her husband).  The second: to use the skills she had learned to catch said husband ( _only a proper type of man of course_ ), to allow herself to be charmed by him, to laugh at his jokes and praise his intellect, to flatter his accomplishments until he was convinced enough of her breeding and manners that he proposed.  And of course, the third: to be a good and dutiful wife, to give her husband strong sons, and to be at his side and support all his endeavors through to the end of her life…

Needless to say, it had not taken long for this particular future to lose much of its appeal. 

(she had once made the grievous error of asking her mother what were to become of her own ambitions in this rather dreary scenario... her mother had looked at her, quite scandalized, as though she had proposed shedding all her clothes and running about the woods under the light of a full moon chanting in Latin. Carol had proceeded to lecture her about how the only ambition a girl of Piper's breeding should have was to have the most successful husband she could find and hope that her sons were even more so.  Piper had never found occasion to bring such a thing up to her again.)

Perhaps it was that every man paraded in front of her was like an exact duplicate of the one before.  All with the same bland smiles and false laughs and impeccable manners.  She felt a connection to none of them.  Her mother told her she was being foolish, that to expect the grand and glorious version of love she read about in her books was unreasonable (were it up to Carol Chapman, her daughter would not have read such things at all). 

Certainly not one of those bland Boston gentlemen were anything like Alex Vause (at least not when they were in her mother’s drawing room drinking tea and complimenting Piper’s bearing). They were chaste and respectable (at least when they weren’t whoring about or smoking and swearing heartily at the club). Alex was fiery and wanton and made no effort to hide exactly what she wanted from her, how she felt about her.  She practically shot sparks from her eyes.  And what had surprised her even more than the enigmatic brunette's attentions was that Piper felt _exactly the same way about Alex._ Looking at her was like striking a flint that warmed Piper’s insides from her heart to the parts her mother would have her believe were out of bounds to any but her future husband.  And Piper knew that it wasn’t just lust she was feeling.  It was more.  An emotional connection like none she had ever experienced, as though they had known one another their whole lives (known each other in a hundred lives before and a hundred still to come), as though they could see into one another’s souls, as though they were connected. 

At first she had believed it was simply because Alex was new… the type of person she had never experienced before.  Or that it was the peculiarity of a _woman_ looking at her the way Alex did (such things weren’t _spoken of_ in the Chapman household, but Piper was well aware of them… well aware that she herself found her senses as... stirred for a beautiful woman as they were for a handsome man… but she couldn’t find it in herself to feel ashamed of such things or to believe they were wrong, no matter what the good reverend might preach from his pulpit on Sunday mornings or what her mother might lecture her about over Sunday afternoon tea.  At a some point, she had come to believe that the true key to happiness was doing the exact opposite of what her mother thought was correct…).

She had felt the connection so quickly, a stirring of it when she'd first opened the door to her that day, that she had been sure the novelty was the underlying cause.  But it the feeling had only intensified every time Piper saw her, every time she spoke to her, or learned more about her. Eventually she stopped trying to overthink it and just gave in to it and she had not regretted it a single moment since...

*******

_July 14_

Piper got back from feeding the chickens and helping Ford mend a section of fence in the pasture just in time to see the tall brunette clamber stiffly up on to her horse and start back towards town at a trot.  She glanced down at the men's pocket watch she carried while she was working.  It had been nearly an hour since the woman had arrived.  Piper felt a strange pang of... something... as she watched her go.  was it disappointment?  but that was foolish.  She merely shaken the woman's hand and then retreated to start her work for the day while Celeste spoke with the stranger (Alex... she'd said her name was Alex).

"Who was that, Grandmother?"

Celeste looked up at her in the doorway.  "Someone I haven't seen in a long while, dear.  Her mother worked for me for over 15 years, and she was raised here."

"Do you... does she intend to return?"

Her grandmother raised an eyebrow, "Possibly... why?"

Piper looked down at her hands, "I was simply curious..." she muttered, then, "I came back to get my gloves, I forgot them and I have to help Ford with the wire atop the new fence section..."

Celeste nodded, seeming not to notice the slight change in her tone.  For some absurd reason, Piper felt her cheeks reddening. She cleared her throat and said, "I'll see you for lunch," and then walked out the back door, pulling on her gloves as she headed towards the fence to help Ford, trying to put aside the odd, warm flutter in her chest as she thought about the way that woman had looked at her when she'd been introduced... as though she were trying to look inside of her.

*******

_August 10_

After her initial visit, Alex had been stopping by the Chapman ranch every day, usually in the morning, when she felt strongest, before her healing body would betray her bit by bit: talking things over with Celeste, just the two of them (if Piper was in the house and not out working, she would greet Alex briefly, politely, a hint of curiosity and _something_ else in her eyes before retreating to leave them to their discussion).  There were emotional words, raised voices, sometimes tears. 

It was difficult, even more difficult than her talks with Red and Nicky because Celeste and Dan had saved her mother's life, had helped raised Alex, had taught her so much, tried so hard to make her into a decent person... and she had betrayed all of that when she left without even a backward glance.  It nearly broke her to know that she would never be able to reconcile with Dan...  Celeste was the last person left in the world who loved her like a mother, the only person aside from Nicky she felt she needed true forgiveness from (all the others were dead... and they hovered around her always).

But it got easier... they talked everything through and Alex soon realized that, much like the prodigal son, she had been forgiven as soon as she walked back in the door (whether she believed she was worth of such forgiveness or not was beside the point... Celeste had granted it, and Alex could be nothing but grateful for it).

After a week of such intense talks, the truly difficult part was over, the worst of the confessions and heated words had past, and the true healing could begin.  She’d continued speaking to Celeste near on every other day.  It turned out that the old lady still came up to Red’s for either a midday meal or supper at least two or three times a week, so Alex would haul her slowly healing carcass down from her room and join her and they would talk.  Celeste would almost always bring Piper with her, and Alex’s interest in the girl had only intensified the more she got to know her.

Piper was exactly the sort of girl that Alex had always been wary of, the kind that she had rarely encountered in Haven, and had almost never had a pleasant experience without outside of it. The ones she had met had been empty headed, vacuous fools who had observed the way she dressed, the way she spoke, and had immediately held her in contempt for it, treating her as though she were an imbecile or turning up their noses at her as though she were beneath even their barest attention.  Girls who had been coddled since the day they were born, who couldn't be bothered to do an honest day's work, and who treated those who did as barely worth their attention.

But Piper wasn't like that at all, which she supposed shouldn't have been surprising, considering that Celeste was the only other highborn woman who had ever been kind to her and Piper came from the same stock.  She was, indeed, inexperienced, and she hadn't ever done what Alex would consider real work, but the difference was that she _truly wished_ to try.  By the time Alex met her she had been working for Celeste for near on a month, and was quite good at most of the basic tasks around the farm and improving at the others (although she was still having trouble mastering some, and hadn't even tried a few).  She was also well read, smarter than anyone Alex had ever met, even Ford's girl Tasha, who seemed to know everything.  And unlike some people who had a goodly amount of brains, she didn't lord it over anyone.  She enjoyed expounding on any given subject, but was never trying to prove herself more intelligent than her audience or show off, she genuinely wished for them to be educated.  It was one of the many things that drew Alex, always eager to learn all she could, to the young blonde.

For all her knowledge, Piper still had a lot to learn about life out here, and she was nothing if not eager to soak up anything anyone wanted to tell her.  And Piper seemed just as fascinated by Alex as Alex was with her.  Some people would tire of the girls' endless questions, but Alex had infinite patience with her.  It was something that was often remarked upon by those who would watch them sit at the saloon in the afternoon, Piper questioning incessantly, Alex answering with never wavering forbearance... Alex was not known to suffer fools, but for Piper she would sit for hours if she wanted her to.  Nicky gave her shit about it, but Alex just shrugged and said, "She really wants to know... who'm I to say no to that?"

But for all of the blonde's inexperience, there remained that air of melancholy to her, the mysterious _thing_ that Alex had sensed when she'd first met her.  Alex hadn't asked her about it outright.  She hadn't known Piper that long, really, and she honestly wanted to see if she could figure it out on her own first.  She knew it probably wasn't pleasant and that it likely had to do with the family left behind in Boston, the one she never spoke of.  She also observed that Piper never touched more than a glass or two of any alcohol at any given time.  This could have simply been natural temperance, but there was something about the flash of panic that ran through her eyes at the moment someone asked if she wanted a drink in the first place that told Alex there was more to it.  It was no longer the primary thing that drew her to Piper, but it was certainly something that she found herself thinking on at odd times.

And so the weeks went by, Alex slowly getting better, having little to do but read, play cards with the Red's whores, talk to Nicky... and visit with Piper and Celeste.  It didn't take long for her interest in Piper to turn from intrigue to attraction, and not just desire.  Alex had _desired_ plenty of women, had _had_ women when she wanted them, and there was obviously an element of that to this (Piper was beautiful), but it was the deeper connection she felt to her, the feeling that she could spend all the time in the world with her, that she _wanted_ to do so, that was foreign to her.  And quite honestly, she wasn't entirely sure what the fuck she ought to do about that...

Because although she could sense Piper was interested in her, she had no idea whether she could be so selfish as to allow the girl to fall in love with someone so fucking damaged...

*******

Alex was still far from her full strength, but she was getting a might tired of the same four walls.  Even before her mother had died, she’d had a restless sort of spirit.  And though the impulse for adventure and action had been tamped down with ruthless efficiency by her years with Kubra, she still felt the need to at least be out and moving, working, doing _something_ , if only to keep her mind from circling back over all the things she’d done (without the comfort of constant drink, movement and the company of others was all she had, and though she didn’t dislike most of the folk in Haven, there were few she felt she could truly let her guard down around and really _talk_ to).

On this particular afternoon, she and Celeste were sitting at a table at Red’s, listening to Piper talk about a book she had been reading (Piper enjoyed expounding on various topics and Alex found that she enjoyed listening… some of the others simply nodded and smiled when Piper spoke, but Alex listened carefully… the blonde liked to educate, and the brunette liked to learn… it was something she hadn’t done much of when she was riding with Kubra, and now she soaked it up like the desert soaked up a heavy rain). 

“...so in fact, Elizabeth could maintain her independence whilst still marrying because Darcy respected her and loved her for all those things that others may have found too forward or uncouth in her.”

Alex nodded, “As he should… she’s a fiery one.  Like that sort myself,” she added, without thinking.  Then winced inwardly, trying to think how that might have sounded.  It wasn’t that she was ashamed of herself, she just didn’t always know how people would feel about how she was, and… if she was being honest, she wanted Piper to like her.

Piper was looking over at her, head tilted slightly to the side, eyes shining with curiosity.

Alex cleared her throat and turned to Celeste, changing the subject before Piper could respond, “The Nun says I’m well enough to start workin’ again, at least a little.”

“Are you sure?  It’s been less than two months.  You almost died…”

“I know I did, but… but I’m better now. I ain’t completely back to where I was, but I’m good enough for at least some honest work. And I ain’t made for idleness… Idleness means I just… I just sit thinkin’ about things…"

“What kind of occupation were you thinking?”

“I was… well, I was wonderin’ if maybe you could use some help.  I mean… being a ranch hand was what I was always plannin’ on all those years ago and…”

“You always thought the work was boring… you never failed to find a way to do less of it…”

“I was just a kid back then… and I’ve learnt a few things since…”  Alex met Celeste’s eyes, earnestness pouring out of her own, “Please, Celeste… I need to do this.  I need to prove to myself that I can try to be normal again…”

Celeste examined her for a long moment, then nodded slowly, “Well, I reckon we could use an extra pair of hands..."

Alex smiled broadly, pleased at the thought.  She told herself it was because she was going to be helping Celeste, who really did need the help right now because one of Ford's girls (the sweet, somewhat wild eyed one) had fallen and broken her leg, which meant Ford was needed more often up at the livery.  But Alex wasn’t any good at lying to herself…and she had to admit that another part of it was that she would be around Celeste's granddaughter more...

Almost as though she was reading her mind, Celeste continued, "...and there's several things I've been meaning to have him teach Piper to do.  You can help her along..."

Piper smiled brightly... (the smile that had rapidly become one of Alex's favorite sights in the world... when it was broad and genuine it was like it was made of liquid gold, warm and shining... it made her even more beautiful than she already was), "Oh that sounds wonderful!  I barely even know how to ride a horse!"

Alex smiled back quietly, "Reckon that doesn't sound too bad..."

*******

Piper had been fascinated enough by the tall brunette when she was only seeing her once every other day for a couple of hours with either her grandmother or Nicky or the rest of the saloon crowd around.  When she was seeing her every day, for hours a day, the connection that she had felt to her initially intensified a thousandfold. 

At first, Celeste would only let Alex do minor tasks for a few hours a day, mostly around the house, so Piper didn't see her much.  but within a week it became obvious that Alex was strong enough to do more.  Celeste decided that she could start by teaching Piper some of the more complicated tasks around the farm.

So it would just be the two of them for hours a day, Alex teaching her to ride, or how to shoe a horse, or to corral the cattle up when one of them went meandering... Piper hanging on her every word, intrigued by everything about her.  The contrast between the rough exterior and the intelligence and eagerness to learn that lay beneath it.  The way she bore the marks of a life of action and violence and danger (Celeste had given her few details, and none of the others would speak of it, but Piper knew Alex had almost died, and the scars she bore, especially the one on her face, were proof she knew how to fight and how to survive), but seemed almost preternaturally calm, centered in a way that Piper (with her infamous temper) was envious of.

And she couldn't help but notice the way that she would catch Alex looking at her sometimes, an intense sort of look that wasn't really all that hard to read.  At first Alex would look away after a moment, breaking the contact, even though something about it would still warm Piper up.  But after a week or so, Alex would just hold her gaze in a way that made Piper think she was trying to tell her something... and it didn't take much effort to determine what it was.  _Interest_.  The kind of interest that made Piper blush a little. The kind of interest that spoke of things that Piper was always told were only between men and women (although she hadn't necessarily believed that entirely since attending an all girls' school for ten years).

Piper couldn't deny what this look made her feel, and she couldn't deny that she liked that it made her feel that way.  That the more she got to know about Alex, the more she spoke to her and laughed with her and worked beside her the more she believed that maybe she wanted exactly the same thing...

*******

_September 1_

"For once in my life I'm gonna do things right."  
  
Nicky frowned, brow furrowing. "There been a problem with how we been doin' em up to now?  You been listening to them preachers up in Litch again?  Cause they're wrong you know.  God can't possibly be cruel enough t'want all us women to have to go through life being fucked exclusively by men..."  
  
"Hey!"  came a voice from down the bar, one of Mendoza's girls.  The tall one.  "Some of us don't mind it!"  
  
"Each their own, la Flaca," grinned Nicky, "though that's just cause you'll never let me take you upstairs..." Nicky waggled her eyebrows.  
  
Flaca scowled good naturedly and said something in Spanish that made Alex chuckle.   
  
Nicky frowned, "What'd she say?"  
  
"You been out here since you were thirteen Nick. You ain't learned their lingo at least well enough to understand when you're bein' insulted, ain't my problem."  
  
Nicky glowered briefly before continuing on the original track, "Whatever you say, Vause... but you never answered my question..."  
  
"No," Alex replied, scoffing, "I ain't found God.  Don't care to really,"  her voice softened, "Just... I want to do this the right way.  She's different. I think she could be someone... special..."  
  
There was a long pause.  Alex began to feel vaguely self conscious. She took a long pull of her beer before looking back up at Nicky, who had a bemused grin on her face.  Alex frowned. "What?"  
  
Nicky shook her head, still smiling, "Just wonderin' where Alex Vause went off to and if she's coming back any time soon..."  
  
Alex's brow furrowed, "The hell you mean by that?"  
  
"Ah don't be sore Alex.  I just... I ain't never heard you talk like that about anyone. 'Specially not a girl."  
  
Alex shrugged, "S'never really been a girl,"  It was true.  Outside her semi regular appointment with one of the whores in Litchfield there had never been anyone. The Dingo had tried more than once until Alex had been forced to scrap with her to get her to stop.  Kubra had been angry because she'd put the little Aussie down and out for near on a week.  
  
"You never cease to amaze me, Stretch. You sure 'bout her?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That she feels the same way..."  
  
Another shrug, "I reckon."  Most times Alex could read women pretty well. Tell if they might respond to her particular charm. It was a matter of practicality and safety. Pursue the wrong sort of women out here, you'd end up hanging from the nearest tree.  But Piper pushed her off her axis just enough that she wasn't entirely sure. However, she wasn't about to hesitate just because of that. It had gotten to the point where she couldn't deny how she felt anymore. Couldn't let it go. Would have to risk possibly scaring Piper off if it meant maybe she might allow more. It was something she'd learned a long time ago. Risks against benefits. A gamble that she hoped would pay off.  
  
Nicky nodded, knowing that Alex had made up her mind.  Was really just confiding in Nicky because she needed to hear it said out loud, because Nicky was the only one she _could_ talk to about such things. "So what do you mean do things right?"  
  
"I want to..." Alex hesitated, looked into her beer again, cleared her throat, "...court her."  
  
Nicky's jaw nearly dropped to the bar. She had to make an effort not to laugh out loud (she knew Alex was pouring her heart out here, didn't want to discourage her), although she couldn't entirely stop a sharp "heh" escaping her.  "Court her?  You?"  
  
It was Alex's turn to glower, reddening slightly (another new development... Alex Vause didn't get embarrassed over women), "Well yeah. The fuck is wrong with that?  Ain't that what girls like that like?"  
  
"Some of 'em yeah.  Certainly it's what they're used to."  
  
"You think it... it won't work?"  
  
Nicky's expression softened up, "Ah, Alex...  I've seen the way that girl looks at you.  I think you'll be just fine."  
  
*******

 _September 2_  
  
The next afternoon Piper came in around noon, alone.  Celeste and Alex were busy with the horses, some task Piper wasn't quite ready to take just yet.  Custom was slow, so Nicky walked over and sat with her, sprawling her legs out in front of her and smoking a roll up.  Seeing the blonde made her think of her talk with Alex, although she wasn't even considering spilling her friends secrets.  
  
Halfway through her meal, Piper suddenly said, apropos of nothing, "For once in my life I want to do something the wrong way."  
  
Nicky raised an eyebrow. Well. Seemed everyone was trying to change out their spots for shiny new ones these days.  
  
"Really, Blondie?  Didn't think girls like you _knew_ the wrong way."  
  
Piper was used to Nicky's good natured borderline insults by now. She simply gave the bartender a wry smile, finished chewing her potatoes and said, "You _are_ girls like me."  
  
"Heh, don't let that get around," Nicky took a long drag on her cigarette and shrugged lazily, "But I was never really like that. I fucked up enough for my mother to ship me out long before I really got fully trained. I mainly used finishing school to stare at pretty girls."  
  
"You take my meaning."  
  
Nicky altered her voice seamlessly, changing it into a highly refined upper crust New York drawl, "Why of course Piper, darling... I take your meaning most entirely.  But the true question is exactly what you believe that course of action truly infers..."  
  
Piper stared at her, fork full of pierogi stopped halfway to her mouth  
  
Nicky barked a laugh at Piper's expression and reached out and plucked the pierogi off  the blonde's stilled fork, popping it in her mouth and speaking as she chewed, "Well I _did_ go to fuckin' finishing school for a _few_ years at least, Chapman.  And I _was_ a fucking Park Slope Nichols for over a decade. I'm just real good at suppressing it," she swallowed the dumpling and said, grin remaining firmly in place, "Question still stands though.  What do you mean by 'wrong way'?"  
  
Piper steeled herself. It would be the first time she would be saying these words out loud to anyone other than Alex herself.  "I like Alex," she said quietly, "very much..."  
  
Nicky nodded, grinning almost fondly, "I got that."  
  
A furious blush rushed to Piper's cheeks, "Have I really been so obvious?"  
  
"Maybe not to anyone hasn't known _girls like you_ ," (she emphasized this part of her phrase with a chuckle) "before. You're real good at keeping up a front.  But I'm real good at reading folk.  And so is Alex really."  
  
The blush deepened, "I've... indicated to her that I do... just recently actually..."  
  
"And?"  
  
"She... she said she liked me too.  But that she wanted to do things 'proper'."  
  
"You sayin' you don't?"  
  
"Well... not that I don't... only that..." she lowered her voice, her tone taking on a breathless quality, "I'm not sure how _proper_ I wish to be."  
  
Nicky thought about that for a moment, then half smiled, "Chapman, you ever even been kissed?"  
  
"Once or twice," Piper replied, pushing a forkful of potatoes through the sauce left on her plate, avoiding Nicky's eyes.  
  
"Did you like it?"  
  
She shrugged, still staring at her food, "It wasn't... _unpleasant_."  
  
Another guffaw, "Well, _fuck_ , Blondie. 'Wasn't unpleasant'. That's enthusiasm... Look, I ain't here to judge but if that's the best you been kissed... I feel like Vause is going to be openin' up a few doors for you... if y'take my meanin'..."  
  
Piper felt the blush run down her neck, which made Nicky's eyes flash with mirth.  
  
"So what?  You wanna just..." Nicky waved her roll up around vaguely, "... pin tall, dark and mysterious up against the barn wall?"  
  
Piper could feel her face turning an even deeper shade of red.  Could feel the rush of heat to the rest of her that always seemed to accompany such thoughts of Alex...   
  
Her friend sighed, "Look, Chapman, I ain't saying Alex wouldn't appreciate that. I mean, I'm damn sure she probably would. But... she actually _wants_ to court you... and that's sayin' something for her," her tone was soft, earnest enough to make Piper look up, meet her big brown eyes, "That's special y'know?"  
  
Piper felt her cheeks warming, "Do you mean that... that with other women she didn't..."  
  
Nicky raised an eyebrow, face suddenly dead serious, "You _really_ want an answer to that question?"  
  
Piper shifted her eyes back to her plate.  
  
"Look, Piper," Nicky said, "people like Vause and me, we don't get a lotta opportunities to romance people you know?  Hazards of being who we are. I ain't sayin you shouldn't _feel_ things, 'specially about her, but... maybe y'oughta _let_ her romance you a little, y'know?"  
  
*******

Piper had gone up to town for lunch.  Alex and Celeste were in the corral.  Alex had just helped her shoe the horses and Celeste was brushing the larger black one (Celeste had acquired her after Daniel had died and hadn't felt like naming her... Dan had always done that).

Alex had been looking for the right moment to talk about her intentions towards Piper with Celeste, and she figured she might as well get it done with.  She felt like a fool, asking like this, but she knew that if she was going to do things the right way, this was a vital step.  She pushed her hat back further on her head, pushed her glasses further up her nose and cleared her throat.  Celeste looked over at her.

"Are you all right, Alex? You look like you've swallowed something unpleasant."

"No ma'am... I mean, yes, I'm all right... little nervous... not sick..."

"All right then..." Celeste went back to her work, taking her at her word.  Knowing that if Alex wanted to say something she would.

Alex grimaced and took a deep breath.  Then she released the words as quickly as possible, before she could stop or hesitate. "Ma'am, I'd like to ask your permission t'court your granddaughter..."  Alex looked down at her hands (calloused and rough... likely not what someone like Piper deserved really) after she got it out, not wanting to see Celeste's immediate reaction, afraid of what she might find there. 

Celeste had gone still, her hand still on the brush which was still on the big black horse's haunch, and was looking at her, her eyes completely unreadable.  Celeste had known her since she was just a pup, and she knew how to read every trick and evasion and prevarication that Alex had in her because she'd been there when Alex first tried them out.  Alex didn't bother to lie to her about anything important because she knew Celeste would know she wasn't being honest.  So all she could do was lay out her intentions clear as she was able and wait for the older woman to respond. She leaned against the corral fence, fidgeting with her gloves, gaze moving from her hands, out past Celeste towards the plains stretching out behind her.

Finally, the brush began moving again, and Celeste said,  "You want to court Piper?"

Hearing someone else say it out loud sent a little swell into the center of Alex's chest at the same time the apprehension in her stomach increased.  Celeste's tone was damnably unreadable, as was her gaze when she finally looked over, waiting for the answer.  Alex straightened up and met the older woman's gaze head on, "Yes, ma'am."

Celeste pursed her lips. 

Alex frowned, "Look, I know I may not be your idea of... ideal for her... and maybe I ain't what someone like her would even want... certainly I ain't what she _deserves..._ but I care about her and I think she cares about me and out here, that may be all any of us has and..."

"Oh, Alex, no, honey... that's not it... I know you're not who you were before.  And it's not that you're a woman either," she said before Alex could bring it up, "I may not necessarily _understand_ it, but I've lived too long and seen too many things not to accept some things as they are.  I think you are as solid a person as I've ever met..."

Alex grimaced, her gaze sliding away again, "You know that ain't true..." she said, voice low.

"You had a lapse in judgment brought on by grief and drink and bad influences. Very few people could've gone through what you did and _not_ had it affect them.  The true test is that you came back, that you took responsibility for what you did, and that you made a vow to never do it again... to do all you can to make up for having done it..."

Alex nodded once. Celeste kept telling her things like that and she was working real hard to try to believe them.  She sighed and looked back up at the older woman.

Celeste caught her eyes and held them, "I simply want you to be careful.  You're both grown adults, I can't tell either of you what to do, but I love you both and don't want to see either of you hurt..."

"I don't intend on hurting her."

"People rarely _intend_ to hurt one another, dear," Celeste sighed, "Piper's story is her own to tell, but there are things in her past just as there are things in yours.  If you are going to get close to her, you need to understand that.  You need to know that she isn't exactly what she seems, that there are things you will discover that have given others pause."

"You know I got no standing to judge anyone for anything, ma'am," said Alex, frowning, trying not to be sore that Celeste would think she would judge Piper for anything.  She _knew_ that there was more to Piper than there seemed, that there were things she kept locked away.  Alex hoped that one day Piper would trust her enough to share them with her, but she didn't intend on pushing.  She knew what it was like to have things in your past wasn't proud of.

Celeste seemed to sense her disappointment.  She smiled at her kindly, her tone apologetic, "I didn't meant that you would, Alex. You're probably one of the few who wouldn't.  I just want you to understand that there are parts of herself she may not give you wholeheartedly, at least not right away.  I'm counseling patience... "

Alex nodded, didn't hesitate before saying, "I can be patient.  For her."

Celeste nodded it that, "I very much believe that you can..."

Silence settled over them again.  Alex felt like she was breathing a little easier, although honestly Celeste hadn't really said yes or no yet...  Alex was staring off towards the horizon again, her idle thoughts drifting back to Piper (her smile, her eyes, the way that her entire face opened up into the very picture of happiness when she laughed), when Celeste spoke again.

 "You don't need my permission for anything, Alex.  The way Piper talks about you, you barely need to court her... but I'm glad that you've asked..."

*******

Piper was back just after one.  Celeste sent she and Alex out to the barn to replace a dozen warped boards, and then out to the pasture to check the fence.  It was real work, leaving them little time for idleness.  Piper was unusually quiet, though.  Even if they were hard at work, she would usually say something.  Alex found herself wishing for the now familiar constant talk.  Left silent, all she could think about was how she would ask Piper the question.  It had been nerve wracking enough to speak to Celeste about it.  Speaking to Piper herself was inspiring an entirely different level of apprehension...

It was near on five o'clock when they finished, earlier than they had expected because there were fewer problems with the fence than they had thought.  They started off back towards the house (and Celeste who was preparing their supper), side by side, the sun growing low behind them, Piper was still silent, seemingly caught up in her own thoughts, although Alex could sense Piper's gaze move to her every few moments.

Finally, about halfway to the house, Alex stopped abruptly and put a gentle hand on Piper's shoulder.  Piper stopped and turned towards her.  Alex kept her hand on the blonde's shoulder and took a step closer to her, feeling as though her heart had started beating about twice as fast, the nervous flutter hitting her in the gut again.  She tried to push down all her worries (that she'd misread Piper, that Piper didn't want her, that she was only looking at Alex like she did because of curiosity... that she was _too good_ for Alex)...

Piper was looking up at her. She was dressed in a man's shirt and pants, rumpled and showing the evidence of  the day's work on the ranch.  Her face was smudged with dirt, and there was a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead, random strands of messy blond hair stuck to it haphazardly... and somehow it made Piper even more beautiful to Alex than she'd been when she first saw her.   Her eyes were bright and wide and so god damn blue that it made Alex's breath hitch.  For her part, Piper was looking at Alex curiously, clearly wondering why she had stopped them.

 _Just say it.  Just say the words, get them out, like you did with Celeste, you damn fool_... "Piper, I wanted to ask you... something important, it's been on my mind for a while... well, ever since I met you really and... I wanted to know whether you'd allow me to... uh..." Alex drew in a lungful of air, "... court you..."  (it came out rushed and half muttered and she wasn't even sure if Piper could hear what she was saying).

Unlike Celeste, Piper didn't even hesitate for a moment, a huge smile unfurling, (that smile... the smile that made Alex feel like Piper was planting pure sunshine in her chest), "Why Miss Vause... whatever took you so long to ask?"

Alex felt her own grin forming, not the canny, knowing smirk she wore for everyone else, but a small, genuine thing that lit up her green eyes like a beacon, one that only really appeared when she was talking to Piper.  It was a grin she hadn't worn since her mother died... something she thought might never return.  She brought her other hand up and put it on Piper's other shoulder, "Yes? Is that a yes?"

Piper nodded, pulling Alex towards her and giving her a brief, hard hug, the sort of thing that would have been considered most inappropriate if Alex was some bland young man in the drawing room of her parent's Boston home, "Yes, you idiot," she said softly, just near Alex's ear.

And then she pulled away still smiling, and resumed walking towards the house.  "Come on.  I'm starving and grandmother said she'd be making stew out of that one poor chicken who wasn't laying anymore."

Alex followed after a moment, catching up in two long strides.  They continued walking in silence, but now the weight had lifted from her stomach and she thought that anything might be possible... especially when, a dozen steps further on, Piper reached out and took Alex's hand in hers...

*******

Alex had come back up to Red's after supper at the Chapman ranch still running on the high of Piper saying yes to her.  But as soon as she had gotten into bed, lying in the dark, cool room, staring at the ceiling, alone with her thoughts, the ghosts started to circle again... the fucking ghosts that never left her alone... always gathering when she was on the edge of sleep... nothing to distract her... too tired to raise her defenses...

Normally the dark thoughts took her back to the past, but tonight, they hung out a shingle in the future and started whispering about how she could charm Piper all she wanted now... charm her until the girl fell in love, until Alex felt something akin to true happiness (something she hadn't even considered as a possibility after her mother died), until everything seemed perfect... but her past would always be there... waiting to make an appearance.  Waiting for Piper to find out about all the things she had done...

Or... and maybe this was even worse... the things she _hadn't_ done... the actions she _hadn't_ taken... the people she _hadn't_ saved... Piper knew about her mother of course... but Diane had just been the first person she'd failed to save... and the worst part about some of the others was that she _hadn't even wanted to_ save them.

Piper would hear about these things.  She would think Alex was a monster.  She would look at her and see only what Alex saw in the mirror: a woman surrounded by the dead, the scars of her past visible on her face but so much deeper, so much more raw inside of her...

Alex shut her eyes and pressed the heels into her eyelids hard, teeth gritted.  "Fuck..." she growled, " _Fuck_..."  No. she couldn't do that to Piper, or to herself.  She couldn't allow either of them to get any deeper than they already were... not without Piper knowing the real truth of who Alex was...  She wouldn't let what they had be tainted by being built on a foundation of lies.  Lies, at least lies told to those she truly cared about, hadn't done her a damn bit of good ever (all that came of them was hurt and suffering...)

When she'd come back to life, she'd promised herself that she wouldn't ever lie to anyone she loved again... when she'd made the promise it was just Nicky and Celeste... but now it was Piper too, and she would take bullet before she would deliberately do anything to make her suffer.  She cursed herself for not talking to her before this... before she even got both their hopes up.  But all that was bygones now and all she could do was remedy the situation...

She would tell Piper the truth.... and soon.

*******

_September 3_

Alex usually ate her ***fast with Red (never Nicky, who usually didn't stir til near on nine) and then came to the ranch. This morning she had simply grabbed a piece of the Russian's fresh baked bread, thanked her, and headed straight for the ranch, arriving a half hour earlier than she usually did, which found Celeste and Piper eating their own morning meal.  When she opened the door, Celeste's brow furrowed, worry leaking into her eyes, "Alex?  You're awfully early.  Is something wrong?"

"No ma'am.  I... there's somethin' I need to speak to Piper about, if I could."

"Something that couldn't wait until you came here for work?" Celeste still looked worried, although she seemed relieved there was no actual _emergency_.

Alex nodded, "It's important."

Celeste knew Alex wasn't prone to exaggeration, at least not with her.  She opened the door a little further, "Of course.  Come in.  Piper's at the table.  We were just finishing ***fast.  And I was about to go out to the coop and check the girls."

"You don't have to leave on my account..."

"It's all right, honey," said Celeste kindly, "They really do need to be checked..."

Piper looked up when they entered, already smiling (having heard Alex's voice drifting in).  The smile faded just a half tick when she saw the drawn look on Alex's face (she had managed maybe two hours of sleep the night before, thinking over what she would say to Piper, dreading what might happen when she did).  "Alex?  Is something wrong?"

Celeste was walking through to the back door.  She looked back at them as she opened it, "I'll give you some privacy. You can start at 6.  The cows need milking." They both nodded at her and she disappeared out the door, leaving them alone.

"Are you all right?  You look... tired."

Alex nodded, "I am."  She went to the coffee pot Celeste had left on the counter and poured herself a tin cup of coffee before turning back to Piper.  "Piper... there's something I need to talk to you about.  Somethin' really, really important.  I should've talked to you about it before, but I got so caught up with the idea of being with you that I... forgot that maybe you might not think that was such a good idea."

Piper frowned, "What would make you think I would believe such a thing?" she asked, the puzzlement clear in her voice.

Alex was watching her intently as she pulled out a chair and settled in across from her.  “Somethin’ you need to understand about me, Piper… I’ve been through too much in this life to waste time with lyin’, to myself or anyone else… least not about anything that really matters…”

Piper nodded her face serious, listening carefully.  That was another thing about Piper.  She could absolutely pretend to be listening someone without truly paying attention (Alex could tell when she was doing it) but she never did that with her.  She hung on every word out of Alex’s mouth…

“I like you…”

“I like you too…”

“But… there’s things you have to understand about me.  Things I’ve done… things I ain’t proud of.”

“That’s all in your past, isn’t it?”

“Yeah it’s in the past.  But I reckon the past ain’t never really that far away.”  Certainly not when it haunted her all the time the way it did.

Piper nodded, a shadow passing behind her eyes, "I can understand that..."

"So there's things I have to tell you.  What I've done... because I don't want to have secrets from you.  And if I tell you, and it makes you... not want to have anythin' to do with me... then I guess I'll have to live with that..."

Another nod, "All right.  But you know you don't have to explain anything to me..."

"I _want_ to..."  And then she laid it all out.  She talked for what felt like hours but was probably only twenty, maybe thirty minutes.  Starting with her mother's death, telling Piper about her years with Kubra.  It wasn't a full accounting, she didn't go into gory details because the details weren't the point.  She told her the parts that made her a monster, she gave Piper the very _worst_ of her.  The people who had died or suffered at her hands, the people who had died or suffered at the hands of others because of her inaction.  Those she had stolen from, whose lives she had helped to ruin.  She recounted it all without hesitation, stumbling only when she was talking about her mother, and about the incident that had caused her growing disillusionment with Kubra  (the disillusionment that had eventually boiled over into the series of events that had led to him deciding she was no longer useful to him).

Through it all Piper listened intently, never taking her eyes from Alex's face.  At one point near the beginning, she took the hand that Alex had splayed out on her knee, the one that wasn't gripping the coffee cup, and held it firmly.  And when Alex was done, her voice trailing off into silence, hoarse with emotion and the strain of a half hour monologue, Piper was quiet for a long moment.  Alex frowned and said, "I can understand if you... you don't want to..."

Before she could finish, Piper leaned forward and put her arms around her shoulders, drawing her in and holding her tight.  Alex felt the tension leave her as she returned the embrace, closing her eyes against tears she felt threatening to fall.  She heard Piper say softly, right next to her ear, "The past is in the past... none of it matters as long as you are who you are _in this moment_."

Alex nodded, too overwhelmed to reply, feeling as though a little bit of the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.

*******

_September 5_

Nicky looked up when Alex walked down the steps of the saloon and did a double take, "Well, Jesus fucking hell..." she breathed.  
  
Alex scowled at her, "What?" she demanded, defensive.  
  
"Nothin'...  nothin'. You just..." she grinned, "...you clean up nice.  I guess you really weren't foolin' when you said you were gonna court her."  
  
Alex looked down at herself self consciously. She couldn't remember a single time in her life when she had felt the need to "clean up nice".  Not even when she was a kid. Her ma had never made her dress nicely for anything (it wasn't like there was a church to go to or as though her mother would've gone if there had been) so she just ran about in breeches and shirts that Celeste and her ma made for her.  
  
Even now the thought of wearing a proper dress made her vaguely nauseous, as though she'd look like a fish trying to dress in pajamas.  
  
So she had gone to Flaca down at Mendoza's boarding house and had her make a pair of pants and good shirt along with a nice vest to go over it, a dark crimson that had been Diane's favorite color, with some very nice embroidery on it (she had just told the skinny girl to make something fancy).  
  
The outfit plus the fact she had taken a nice long bath, was wearing the new hat she'd had Ford get her the last time he was up in New Litchfield, and had given her battered old coat a wash had combined to cause Nicky's vaguely unflattering astonishment.  
  
She was even wearing the ring that Diane had given her for her 16th birthday, a real gold ring with a ruby set in the middle of it. Alex still wasn't sure how she'd afforded it. She was sure Celeste had helped pay for it but the older woman had never admitted to it. (Celeste had just given her a Bowie knife). She had left the ring with Celeste when she'd run off, not wanting to be reminded of Diane and Celeste had kept it all these years ("Because I knew you'd come back to us eventually...")  
  
Alex approached the bar.  Nicky raised an eyebrow, "Jesus, Stretch, you even shined your boots and polished your fuckin' spurs. You gonna start drinking Old Lady Chapman's fancy spirits 'stead of beer or Dmitri's rotgut now you're all dressed like fuckin' banker?"  
  
"Fuck off, Nick..."  
  
"That type of language is does not befit a true lady," Nicky said, putting on the fancy Park Avenue voice she used when she was trying to annoy the shit out of Alex.  
  
"Just gimme a fuckin' whiskey would ya?"  
  
Nicky grinned, pouring the whiskey, "Little nervous there?" She slid the glass over to Alex.  
  
Alex downed it in two and didn't even consider lying to Nicky. Nicky knew her too well, "Reckon so. It's Piper. I don't want to fuck it up."  
  
This too was a foreign feeling.  Alex had never had problems dealing with women. She knew just what to say and just what to do to make them melt and if they didn't respond to her charms she simply moved on. She'd never invested herself enough in any of them to care if they didn't want her.  
  
But Piper... she very much wanted Piper to want her and it was a frightening sort of feeling, like so many of the feelings that the girl was inspiring in her.  Full of unknowns and possible disappointment... but also with so much potential for good.  
  
Nicky smiled at her, softer, more genuine than her usual sardonic smirk, "You'll do fine, Vause.  Piper may be different but she's still a woman. You of all people know how they tick..."  
**  
*****  
  
Piper pulled the door to the ranch house open before Alex had even had a chance to lift her hand to knock.  She had that smile on her face again and Alex felt her heart lifting automatically, every nervous feeling that had been hovering over her disappearing almost instantly.  
  
The blonde was wearing one of her collection of fine dresses.  Alex had seen her in them before (she wore them to town whenever they came up on Sunday, and sometimes even for a regular weekday supper if she had time to change after her work was done.  Everyone chuckled about it, but Piper insisted that one had to occasionally observe some protocol in order to remain civilized... "and aside from that I enjoy wearing dresses"), but tonight she looked especially lovely.  The dress was a shade of blue that brought out the color in her eyes and Alex didn't think she'd ever seen it before. It was even finer than the ones she usually wore.  
  
"You look beautiful," she said, thinking that word didn't do Piper's appearance justice. In addition to the dress, she'd put her hair up in some complicated fashion Alex had seen on women up in Litch and she was wearing some sort of subtle flowery scent.  "Haven't seen that dress before..."  
  
"I've never worn it before.  It's rather more formal than the occasion normally warrants around here, but I thought that if I was being taken out on the town for the first time I ought to dress appropriately..."  
  
Alex grinned, "I reckon that's right."  
  
"You clean up quite nicely as well..." Piper reached out and smoothed the lapels of Alex's jacket, smiling wryly, "I didn't even know this coat was black... it's so unusual to see it without it's fine coating of dust..."  
  
Alex chuckled, straightening up and putting on a fancy voice, "Well, I felt my appearance ought to match the gravity of the occasion."  
  
Piper laughed. Alex offered her arm, "Well, should we go?"  
  
"Why yes indeed..." The blonde looped her arm through Alex's and they walked out to the wagon she'd borrowed from Ford for the occasion.  
**  
*****  
  
Piper laughed lightly, half smiling.  
  
"What?" Alex asked, frowning.  They were sitting at Red's, having just finished a fine dinner that had been filled with easy conversation and laughter.  
  
"You've never danced before?"  
  
Alex shrugged, "Situation never presented itself.  I was either working or playin' cards most of the time before I left here.  And it wasn't as though I was ever goin't' let myself be wooed by a fella..."  
  
Piper's smile widened into a large grin. She finished the last sip of her wine, stood and held out her hand.  Alex looked down at it, half bemused, half wary.  She raised an eyebrow, "What's this now, darlin'?"  
  
"Get up. I intend to teach you to dance."  
  
"Well, see here now..."  
  
"Come now, Miss Vause..." now it was Piper's turn to raise a brow, "I thought you never backed down from a challenge."  
  
Alex gave her a wry look,  "You really don't forget a damn word I say do you?"  
  
"No," Piper gestured towards the dance floor with her head. It was half full of an enthusiastic if unskilled crowd of dancers moving about to a reel.  It was actually somewhat unusual that this type of opportunity arose.  None of the townsfolk were particularly good with instruments (although several could sing).  Generally, they had to listen to Red's son Vasily play the piano inexpertly.  But a pair of musicians, a slightly pudgy red headed man with a soft English accent and his enthusiastic, ever smiling blonde female companion, had been passing through, and some enthusiastic pleading from some of the townsfolk had convinced them to play for the evening.  "Come on now..."  
  
Alex sighed deeply and downed the rest of her whiskey.  She really did loathe backing down from a challenge. "All right then..." She took Piper's hand and pulled her long frame out of her chair. "I ain't responsible for any damage to your toes..."  
  
"You won't step on my toes. I'm a very good teacher."  
  
"Who else you taught how to dance?"  
  
"I went to an all girls school for years.  We taught each other a lot of things."  
  
Now Alex smirked, "Oh did you now?" she said, her voice low.  
  
Piper blushed, "Not that!" she said, scandalized.  
  
The smirk widened, "Pity."  
  
They got out to the floor just as the duo began playing a slower song.  The floor cleared a bit, but Daya and Bennett and Miss Berdie and Ford and a few other pairs stayed.  
  
Piper smiled. "Ah perfect," she stood facing Alex, taking the brunette's hand left hand and putting it on her right shoulder before placing her own right hand on Alex's waist.  
  
Alex furrowed her brow, "Wait a tick. Don't this mean you're the one leadin'?"  
  
Piper arched her own eyebrow at Alex, her smile mischievous. "It does indeed. I _am_ the one teaching the lesson..." the smile widened. "You don't have a problem with that do you?"  
  
Alex grinned, "Oh no, ma'am.  Not at all.  Sometimes I like it when someone else takes a little control..."

As it happened, Piper really was a very good teacher, patient and thorough, and Alex, who had always had a knack for learning anything that involved physical movement and muscle memory, was an extremely fast learner.  By the end of the second song, they were moving quite smoothly.

The musicians continued playing slower songs as the night moved on, and Alex found that she was content to hold Piper close and move along to the music with her.  At some point, they stopped really trying to dance properly, and were essentially just holding one another as they moved together on the dance floor, which neither seemed inclined to quit doing.  Piper's head was resting on her shoulder, a small smile on her face.  Alex shifted slightly so she could look at her...  They let the words of the song drift over and around and through them.

" _All that you are is all that I'll ever need_..." sang the red headed Englishman.

Looking down at Piper, Alex couldn't help but feel the truth of the words, and the thought was beginning to scare her less and less by the minute...

 *******  
  
It was near midnight when they arrived back at the ranch. The moon was full and casting bright white light over everything.

Alex helped Piper down from the wagon. Piper didn't let go of her hand when they began walking back toward the house, instead intertwining their fingers tightly.  
  
Piper didn't think she'd ever had such a good time. Although she had been to Red's for supper many a night, she had rarely stayed long after for the kinds of festivities that broke out when the mealtime was over.  It had been so different from the "soirees" she'd been pressed in to attending at home, full of rules and hierarchies and men she was required to impress, people she had to "behave" in front of.  It had been free and unrestrained and people were actually enjoying themselves. 

After an initial jolt of anxiety, she had even allowed herself a drink or two, but she hadn't even felt the need for more. Being in such close proximity to Alex had been more than intoxicating enough.  They had talked and laughed and after some initial apprehension, Alex had put a hand on her arm, and after that she seems unable to resist being in physical contact with her.  
  
After they had danced, they sat back down at their table, Alex moving her chair close to hers and pulling Piper into her side, resting her arm around the blonde's shoulders, something that would have been considered the height of scandal in Boston, even for a married couple. Piper had practically melted into Alex's side as though it were the most natural thing in the world, closing her eyes and inhaling her now familiar scent (leather, gun oil, a hint of sweat, and something else underlying it all that could only be described as "Alex").  She'd felt an overwhelming warmth and contentment that had nothing at all to do with the minimal alcohol she'd had or even the dancing they'd just done. She felt safe and loved and it felt _right_.   
  
That feeling had carried over to the short ride back to the ranch (Alex put a arm around her shoulders again and Piper leaned into her again automatically, as though it were an instinct).  
  
When they got to the door, Piper turned, still holding Alex's hand, "I had a lovely time..." she said softly.  
  
"I'm glad," Alex replied, her voice a shade raspier than usual. She was looking at Piper, her green eyes soft and affectionate, such a contrast to the guarded almost wary look Piper often saw on her face when she was around all but a few people.  When she'd first seen her, not so long ago, standing on this very porch, there had been a sort of melancholy weight on Alex's features as though she were in danger of being crushed under the weight of all her worries. It had slowly lifted over the last month and a half, as Alex had healed more physically, talked with Celeste, had gotten integrated back into the town... had gotten closer to Piper.  
  
Piper wasn't sure how long they had been standing there, hand in hand, Alex's thumb drawing lazy patterns on her hand, sending waves of warmth straight through to her heart, but suddenly and without any preamble Alex was very close to her indeed, and Piper felt the door at her back.  
  
Alex moved slowly, silently asking for permission at every turn.  Her free hand came up and she tilted Piper's chin up just a little before her fingertips slid along her jaw, trailing over the side of her neck (causing a line of goosebumps to rise, Piper's breath hitching in her throat).  She settled her hand on the back of Piper's neck... 

Piper felt something fluttering in the pit of her stomach, nervous anticipation rising up... Alex's eyes never left hers as she leaned forward ever so slightly... and pressed her lips (surprisingly soft) gently to Piper's.  
  
Piper hadn't been lying to Nicky. She had been kissed a few times before and "not unpleasant" was the kindest way she could think to describe it, possibly because the men doing the kissing had been trying so hard to be chaste and proper.  Alex was being respectful, careful not to push too hard before Piper gave her some indication she was receptive, but it quickly became clear that, once Piper had signaled her willingness, being "proper" was not a priority for her.  
  
The moment she touched her lips to Piper's the blonde felt a jolt, as though she'd been struck by lightning. There was normally a low level spark inside of her when she was around Alex, when Alex looked at her or touched her even in the most casual way, providing a sort of constant warmth, but after a moment of initial hesitation, it became a full on raging brush fire.  
  
She felt Alex let go of her hand and move her arm around Piper's waist pulling her closer.  Piper reached up on pure instinct and put her arms around Alex's neck. She felt Alex smile... and then all of a sudden (it seemed) Piper felt Alex's tongue sliding against her own and she couldn't stop the most wanton sound leaving her throat. She was almost sure Alex chuckled, deep in her chest, at that, but she couldn't have been certain because she was too busy trying to process all the new sensations she was feeling.  
  
Everything else faded into the background and all she knew was Alex: Alex's lips on hers, Alex's hand on the back of her neck drawing her ever closer, the weight of Alex's body pressing against her gently as Piper's back hit the doorframe.  
  
After what seemed like far too short a time, Alex pulled away, causing Piper to groan breathily in disappointment before she could stop herself. Alex rested her forehead on Piper's. Both of them were breathing hard.  Piper moved her eyes up and saw that Alex's eyes were closed, a half smile playing on her lips. When she spoke her voice was low, clouded with something Piper had never heard there before, breathless. "Sorry, darlin', I meant that to be... a bit more _polite_..."  
  
"I've had more than enough polite in my life, Alex," Piper breathed, finding to her surprise that her voice was also pitched down an octave and shot through with the same thing she'd heard in Alex's.  
  
Alex laughed again, "Well that may be so, honey, but I don't intend on taking this show to the next act right this very minute..." She lifted her head and looked Piper in the eye, "I told you I intend on doin' this the right way..." Now she smirked, eyes flashing wickedly behind her glasses, "And if I'm speaking honest I'm not sure you could handle any more'n that all at once.  Feel like we oughta portion out all these firsts... I mean you know what they say..." she leaned forward again, placing a lingering kiss on Piper's neck, just underneath her ear before whispering, "... _good things come to those who wait._ "  
  
Piper, already flushed and trying to tamp down the excessive yearning that she was currently feeling (the _NEED_ to feel Alex's lips on hers again) let out a shaky exhale and blushed even more fiercely.  Alex straightened, kissing her on the cheek chastely as she did so.  
  
She took a step back, taking Piper's hand and pressing a kiss to the top of it, like a "proper" farewell. Then she gave Piper a wry grin, "I had fun too.  Good night, Piper."

"Good night," Piper said, already lamenting the loss of Alex's closeness.  
  
Alex got back on the wagon and tipped her hat before driving it back up towards town.  Piper watched her until she disappeared over the rise.

The smile on her face lingered as she let herself in the house and prepared for bed.  It remained even as she crawled into bed and faded off to sleep a half hour later, thinking of a green eyed gaze and an affectionate smile.  
  
*******

 _September 10_  
  
Five days later, Alex was sitting at the table after supper, getting ready to leave when Celeste said, "You ought to live with us."  
  
Alex frowned, eyes darting over to where Piper was standing over the washbasin with the dishes, then back to the elder Chapman,  "Live here?"  
  
"It only makes sense. You work here full time of late, and it's absurd to make you ride to town and back every day.  Besides it's more comfortable here than at Red's.  I know you value your peace and quiet.  And your room is still available."  She gestured down the hall, towards the room Alex had once shared with Diane.  
  
The thought of  her mother made Alex ache a little, but it didn't hurt near so much as it had when she'd first come back. Talking everything through with Celeste had lifted a lot of the weight from her shoulders, at least as regarded her ma.  There wasn't a lot she could do about the other deaths on her head, but such was the nature of her sins.  Most of them were her burden alone and always would be.  
  
But, as she slid her eyes back over to Piper who had turned and was leaning against the counter, looking at her, smiling, she thought there were ways to cope, to at least mute the voices for awhile.  
  
She looked over at Celeste, "I think I might take you up on that ma'am."  
  
*******

_September 25_

Every time she kissed Piper (more and more frequently now since she'd moved her meager belongings down to the ranch) she found it more and more difficult to stop before things got out of hand entirely.  
  
It was three weeks since they first went out, three weeks since their first kiss, and a little over two since Alex been living with them, and with every passing day Alex seemed to discover new things to love about Piper. And love her she did (and likely had for much longer than she'd consciously acknowledged) with her whole battered heart.  
  
She had told Piper as much only a few days ago.  They'd been sitting side by side on the bench on the front porch one Sunday evening, the sun's reflection shining off the surface of the creek.  Celeste had gone up to town to visit with Sister Ingalls and Jones.  Piper had insisted on making Alex new socks after seeing the state of her old ones and was working on them as they sat there (when Alex had objected, Piper had said, "let me put at least one of those useless skills my mother forced me to learn to _some_ use, Al..."  the nickname had been a new development, and Alex would likely have punched anyone else who tried to use it in the face, but of course she loved the way it sounded when Piper said it).

Alex had been reading a book, although one hand was resting lightly on Piper's thigh as she did so.  She had put the book down when the sun started to sink below the horizon, taking the light with it.  She looked over at Piper.  The blonde's face was the picture of concentration, her brow furrowed, her mouth a flat, intense line.  The light from the setting sun was casting a warm orange glow over the scene, and suddenly Alex was struck by how lovely she was, how lucky Alex was that she wanted anything to do with her at all...

And without even thinking about it, she said, "I love you, you know..."

Piper froze, still looking down at the half finished sock in her lap, and Alex frowned as her conscious mind caught up with her mouth.  But as she turned the words over in her head, she realized she didn't regret having said them.  Especially not when Piper finally recovered from her temporary shock and turned to her, her blue eyes wide and vulnerable and full of enchanted affection, a gentle smile playing on her lips, "You do?"

"Reckon so..." Alex said, sliding over on the bench, closing the short gap behind them.  She put her arm around Piper and leaned over to kiss her, long and warm and lingering.

When they parted, Piper was still smiling, "I love you, too..."

It had been difficult to keep herself from taking the next step before that moment.  Every time they went out together, dancing or riding or just eating at the saloon and they came back to the ranch house and parted at the bottom of the stairs, Piper going up to her room on the second floor, Alex found it harder and harder to resist pulling Piper back and taking her to her own room on the first. But after that admission... it was near impossible...  
  
It was proving especially hard today.  They were working in the barn, which always seemed to require some repair or other, for near on an hour, laboring in close proximity, Piper holding down boards while Alex nailed them in.  More than once, Alex felt Piper's gaze on her as she worked (Piper had blushingly admitted to finding Alex quite "alluring" when she was exerting herself this way... Alex could understand it because she felt the same way about Piper...).  And every time Alex turned her head to meet Piper's eyes, she saw something there that she had seen before, but always tried to ignore.  It became more difficult every time she did it.

She had been so determined to court Piper properly, to do things respectable, the way someone like Piper deserved.  But she had been doing so for less than a month and she was beginning to seriously question the wisdom of that choice...

*******

They finished their work about a half hour later, and Piper walked over to the far side of the barn, where they'd left their canteens on one of the hay bales that lined the wall.  She took a long pull of her water and watched Alex as she piled up the unused boards and put the tools in their places on the other end of the barn, unable to stop her eyes from roaming over the brunette's body, unable to stop her mind from taking detours into unknown territory.  She was woefully undereducated about certain matters (her mother having done a damnably good job of keeping her from such information), but she knew how she felt when Alex kissed her, when Alex looked at her with that narrow, hooded green gaze, when Alex told her she loved her.

And she knew enough to know there was a way to relieve all the pressure that she felt building up inside of her with each passing day...

She snapped out of her reverie to find Alex was now standing  near where she'd just stowed the tools, watching her closely, the look in her eyes telling her that she could read what was in Piper's eyes (in her mind, in her heart...) like a book.  Alex _knew_ what she wanted, and Piper could tell as she began to approach her with long strides, that she _wanted it too_.

Piper put her canteen down and watched as Alex approached.  Alex took the final few steps and stopped, going very still, hands by her sides, so close that she was in Piper's personal space, but not making any move to come any nearer... "You sure about this, darlin?" she said, her voice was husky, a little hesitant, not even bothering to clarify the question, knowing that they were both perfectly aware of what she was referring to. "I don't want to do anything's gonna make you... uncomfortable"  
  
"Yes," Piper breathed without hesitation. Her voice was barely a sigh. She wasn't even sure if she'd spoken out loud. She was leaning against the wall of the barn now.  Alex lifted one hand and braced against the wall behind her, leaning in close.  
  
The other hand came up to tilt her chin up.  Piper felt that jolt she always did when Alex touched her, feeling as though heat was radiating from where Alex had made contact... She met Alex's eyes and what she saw there, a mixture of tenderness and something Piper had only ever seen directed towards her by Alex.  Something she would come to know later as unrestrained desire.  
  
Then she closed her eyes and waited for Alex to close the gap  
  
*******  
  
Alex hadn't intended for it to be this way.  She had wanted their first time (Piper's first time at all, really) to be special.   
  
But then she had turned around, and  Piper had looked at her the way she had...  
  
And it was all just too much...  
  
*******  
  
When Alex leaned forward and kissed her it was tender, gentle almost like she was asking for permission, which she was. And while Piper appreciated her chivalry (loved that about her really) it didn't take long before she was grabbing the front of Alex's shirt and pulling her closer roughly.  She felt Alex smile into the kiss as Piper parted her lips and couldn't stop a very unladylike sound escaping as the brunette's tongue slide neatly into her mouth.  
  
As with every time Alex kissed her, Piper was acutely aware of every sensation she was feeling, of the way the hand Alex has been bracing against the barn wall now moved to her tangle in her hair, angling the kiss even deeper, the way they were now pressed together so tightly, as though their bodies were fused in the most pleasant way possible.  
  
Alex's right hand, which had been resting on her hip had begun a meandering almost the second their lips met. She sucked in her breath as Alex untucked her shirt and slid her hand up it, heading north ever so slowly... the blasted woman was doing everything slowly, even the kiss... Though she still had her hand tangled in Piper's hair, the pace she was setting was maddeningly languid; Piper was finding it both unbelievably pleasant and very, _very_ frustrating (one of the many things she had discovered since meeting Alex it was that oftentimes two opposing sensations could exist simultaneously and that it could be an overwhelmingly positive experience).  
  
It was when Alex's warm calloused fingers grazed the swell of her left breast that her knees buckled (only a little...).  Alex broke the kiss, a look that could only be described as self satisfied smugness breaking across her face.  It would've been quite infuriating if Piper had been in any stage to be infuriated about much of anything.  
  
"You're lookin' a might faint there Miss Chapman, maybe you oughta have a seat..."  Before Piper could fully register what was happening (her mind being both sluggish and hyper aware at the same time by this point) Alex had shifted her position entirely, quick as a snake, and was hoisting her up quite easily, hands firmly grasping her rear.  Piper's legs instinctively wrapped around her waist as Alex took a half dozen steps to the right and sat her down on the bales of hay they'd spent yesterday stacking here.  Piper was suddenly glad they'd covered them with a blanket  
  
Alex was kissing down her neck now arriving at the place where it met her shoulders and setting up shop there in a way that pulled another gasp from her.  She felt Alex start to unbutton her shirt.  For a brief moment she went rigid. Thinking of what might happen if her grandmother were to walk in and find them here, Piper with her long legs wrapped around Alex's waist, Alex laying warm, wet kisses on her neck as she unbuttoned the last layer between her naked skin and the warm close air of the barn.  
  
She hesitated just long enough that Alex's movements stilled, "Piper...?" she asked, her voice husky and thick with need.  Her tone hit something deep inside the blonde, something primal and instinctual, something that had been caged nearly her entire life. And suddenly she couldn't care less who saw them. 

She responded, her voice shaky, "Don't stop... please..."  
  
Alex growled low in her throat and complied, unfastening the buttons on her shirt one at a time, her mouth following her hands, laying kisses on her collar bones, tracing lazy patterns there as Piper threw her head back, her arms behind her holding her up, and tried to breathe.  
  
Alex slid the shirt down and off her shoulders and then drew back to examine the newly discovered territory. Suddenly, Piper felt strangely self conscious, the feeling cooling the heat that had been rising inside her only a moment ago as she looked off to the side afraid to look in Alex's eyes and see... what?  Disappointment?  She was so much more experienced, had likely seen many women like this before and...  
  
She felt Alex's fingers on her chin, gently bringing her gaze around towards her own. She met Alex's eyes, which were clouded with that strange mixture of desire and tenderness.  Alex leaned forward and kissed her once lightly, "You're beautiful Piper," she breathed, before kissing her again deep.  Piper threw her hands around Alex's neck and kissed her back fervently. Alex's left hand went to the back of her neck again while her right hand moved down to map the skin she'd just uncovered.  
  
Soon her mouth joined her hands and it didn't take long before Piper was writhing beneath her touch quite incoherently.  Alex had intended to draw things out a bit, to ensure that Piper got the most out of the experience, but she wasn't sure how much longer the blonde could stand the teasing. Or how long she'd be able to keep herself from touching her.  
  
She drew back up to Piper's mouth kissing her softly, her right hand drawing patterns on her trembling stomach muscles, hovering over the waist of the breeches. She could practically feel the heat radiating from the blonde's core.  Her legs hadn't moved from around Alex's waist only tightened more and more which was driving Alex a bit to distraction herself.  
  
"This is gonna hurt a little, darlin'. Ain't nothing I can do about that except be gentle as I can you understand?"  
  
Piper managed a nod.  
  
"You sure about this?" she wanted to give her the option even though Alex wasn't entirely sure what she might do if Piper said no.  
  
Another shaky nod.  Piper seemed to have lost the capacity for speech. Alex met her eyes, her pupils were huge, her eyes clouded with pure longing... and infinite trust.  Alex felt a swell of affection for the girl even as her desire was hitting a nearly unmanageable level.  That she would trust her with this was almost overwhelming....  
  
But then Piper made a low keening sound deep in her throat that was constructed of pure desire and Alex forgot about everything but the task at hand.

With almost uncanny speed, Alex unbuckled Piper's belt sliding her hand down into yet more undiscovered territory, finding Piper so wet already that it made her grin.  

Pipers breathing was becoming shaky and erratic and Alex was a little worried she might pass out so she leaned forward to kiss her, gentle and slow, waiting until she felt her breathing even out a little, before carefully dipping one finger in between her folds. Piper gasped a little at the sensation, like nothing she's ever felt in her life, breath hitching and she grabbed onto Alex's shoulders tightly, not ***ing the kiss.

Alex had been a little concerned beforehand about a lot of things but one of them was how she'd know whether Piper was enjoying herself. As soon as her thumb grazed Piper's sensitive spot, she got her answer. Piper threw back her head and let out a moan followed by "Oh Jesus fucking Christ Alex..." breathed out rapidly like it was all one word.  

Alex leaned into lay a trail of kisses down Piper's neck to her pulse point, which she'd quickly discovered had a very pleasant effect on the blonde (which in turn went a new flood of heat to Alex's own core).   She circled Piper once, twice, three more times feeling the blondes grip on her tighten more every time, her breathing becoming more erratic each time. Alex lifted her head "you ready?"

Piper managed a nod, eyes focusing on Alex's, as Alex circled her one more time before slipping one finger inside of her, slowly, carefully, watching the blonde's clouded blue gaze for any sign of discomfort. 

Piper let go a series of short sharp moans as Alex went deeper (groaning herself at the feeling of Piper's warmth), until finally she winced just slightly, pulling in a sharp breath. Alex stopped letting Piper get used to the intrusion, not moving again until she felt the blonde stir against her, moving her hips forward, pure instinct, seeking more contact. 

Satisfied that Piper was all right, Alex went back to her task, pulling out slowly, leaning down to trail the tip of her tongue along Piper's collarbone until she reached her heaving chest, taking Piper's hard pink nipple into her mouth as she thrust again, a little more firmly

After that, it didn't take long at all for Piper to go crashing over the edge, grasping Alex's shoulders, crying out an extremely loud, barely coherent string of words that sounded something like "Fuck Alex..." over and over again.  Alex maintained contact, bringing her down gently from her high, trying to ensuring the blonde got the most out of the experience. After a long moment, she felt Piper sink bonelessly against her with a last whispered, "Jesus..."  She carefully withdrew her hand, and felt Piper groan at the loss.

Alex wrapped Piper up in her arms, and they just stayed like that for a long moment as Piper recovered, her breathing slowing back to normal, clarity returning to her thoughts. 

"You all right?" Alex asked softly after a moment.

Piper lifted her head from the crook of Alex's neck and smiled at her, "I would say that's an understatement,"  she leaned forward and kissed Alex lazily.  When she broke the kiss, she looked into Alex's eyes, "I love you, you know," she said softly.

Alex smiled back gently, "I love you too..."

*******

Neither of them had much desire to leave, but Celeste was going to be expecting them back for lunch soon, and would probably come looking for them if they didn't go soon.  And as much as Celeste had been understanding about their growing closeness, it was unlikely she'd approve of finding them like this.

As Piper went about getting dressed and trying to make herself look a little less like someone who had just been fucked in a barn, her thoughts drifted to just how little she had truly understood of this sort of thing before now.

Her older brother was not nearly such a gentleman as he pretended. Nor was he as discreet as he should have been when he spoke to the other men in the drawing room over brandies after parties. What he had described sounded like an activity that wasn't meant to provide any sort of enjoyment for anyone other than himself.  What her little mother had told her, oblique comments, veiled references, made it sound like a somewhat unpleasant duty that one had to fulfill.  
  
Neither of those descriptions was anything like what she had experienced. Just kissing Alex had been a singular experience... but this had been unlike anything she might have wished for. It was better than her wildest dreams although her dreams had been unfortunately hampered by how little she actually knew...

She slid down off the hay bale, her legs still slightly shaky and Alex put an arm around her shoulders, grinning at her and kissing her again once more before they set off towards the barn door.  Piper let a content smile unfurl across her face as she tilted her head to lean it against Alex's shoulder, feeling something akin to complete and total satisfaction for perhaps the first time in her life.

*******

That first time seemed to awaken something in Piper that she hadn't even known was there (how could she know it was there if no one had ever told her, if no one had ever explained...?). A whole life spent in the service of other people's whims and now this. It was as though a shroud had been lifted... and not just from her eyes.  
  
She couldn't get enough of it.  Kissing Alex had been tempting enough but now she knew what it could lead to...  
  
Had she had her way she would most likely have lost entire days to such activities but there was still a farm to be run and she was absolutely determined not to shirk her responsibilities. She had come here to help Celeste and that's what she intended to do.  
  
For the first time, though, having Alex around constantly seemed like it might not have been the most prudent thing.  
  
Alex was also proving something to herself, that she could do an honest day's work. And she was paying penance to Celeste, even though the older woman insisted she didn't need her to.  So she was equally committed to working as hard as she could.  
  
But sometimes, especially those first few days after, one or the other of them couldn't help herself. Alex took her inside the barn again (more than once), down in the lower pasture behind a tree, out behind the chicken coop and once even against the back wall of the house while Celeste was off checking the cattle with Ford. Whenever Piper would put up a feeble objection about having to work, Alex would find some nonverbal way to overcome it.  
  
Piper became very good at doing all of the tasks on the farm as quickly as possible, enough that Celeste remarked on it ("gracious, Piper, not even Ford can replace a section as fast as you, these days..." she'd said one day when Piper had walked in the kitchen at 4pm, an hour before Celeste was even going to consider starting supper...).  
  
And it took precisely one night (or rather, two hours of one night) for Piper to be so overwhelmed by the mere thought of Alex being just one floor away from her to drive her from her bed and down the stairs.  Alex, who had been wide awake herself, reading and trying to get that Piper was just above her head, had looked up smirked in that infuriatingly self satisfied way and said, "Well, hey there, Miss Chapman... there somethin' I can assist you with?  Spider need killin' or some such?"

"Shut up..." Piper had said, crossing the room and sliding into the bed next to Alex without further preamble.

"That seems kinda rude, I..." Piper cut her off with a kiss before Alex could continue bantering, and Alex suddenly forgot that she had intended to tease Piper about her eagerness and decidedly uncouth behavior just a little longer.  Although when they came up for air, and Piper paused to pull off her (blessedly uncomplicated) nightgown, Alex couldn't help but add, "And besides... I ain't the one who has a problem being quiet..."

Piper couldn't even find it herself to be a little bit angry about that.  
  
*******

 _October 2_  
  
It was near on a week before Piper broached the subject of reciprocation. In fact she used that exact word and it made Alex chuckle.  Piper frowned, suddenly anxious.  "What?  You don't... You don't want me to?"  
  
Piper was lying on her back, Alex on her side, her head resting on one hand looking down at her.  
  
"You're the only woman I know would use a fancy ass word like that while you're lyin' all sweaty and naked with someone just did to you what I did."  
  
Piper normally felt indignant when someone said something that sounded like a dig at her education, but the impulse was buried by the swell in the pit of her stomach at the very recent memory Alex was referring to. Which was especially vivid because Alex's free hand was drawing lazy circles on her torso, working its way back up from where it had so recently worked its magic  
  
"Honey," Alex continued, "I would be more'n happy to spend my entire life causing you to make that little sound you do right as you're..."  
  
"Alex!"  
  
Alex grinned. As lusty as Piper had recently become she still wasn't fully comfortable talking in such terms. Even though they were in Alex's room. Even though neither of them was wearing a lick of clothing. Even though Alex had just made her make _that sound_ twice in relatively rapid succession (once with her tongue, which was quickly becoming Piper's favorite). Alex felt that little swell of affection in her chest, the one that hit her at the oddest of moments, the one that seemed to fill another crack in her heart every time it came along and felt the need to kiss Piper again gently.  
  
"I'm just sayin' that as nice as it would be for you to...return the favor," and here she gave the breast her open hand hasn't been resting on casually the slightest of caresses, causing Piper to draw in a sharp breath, "you don't have to feel like you have to do it right away. I'm more'n satisfied just watchin' you get all flushed and red all over like you're doing now,"  she kissed piper's collarbone then grinned again, mischief in it now, "I mean I don't know if you've noticed, but it ain't like I've had any...lack of satisfaction..."  
  
Piper imagined she was probably red as a lobster by now. She knew that Alex took almost as much pleasure from taking care of Piper's needs as Piper did, but she still felt as though she were falling short somehow.  
  
She pulled Alex down towards her, wanting to feel her closer, and kissed her hard, she breathed, "I want to though. I want to very badly.  I just... Don't want to disappoint you..."  
  
"Not possible," Alex said firmly, she looked into Piper's earnest blue gaze and smiled, "Alright then.  You ready to take the plunge," the smile turned into a smirk, "...so to speak."  
  
Piper nodded, still nervous. "I think so.  But how will I know if I'm doing it correctly?"  
  
"Oh darlin if you don't know if you're doin' it right then I ain't been doin' my job," she shifted suddenly in that lightning fast manner of hers so she was on her back, and pulled the blonde down on top of her, "It won't be a problem though..."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I'm a damn good teacher..." she cocked an eyebrow, "and you're a fast fuckin' learner..." she kissed her, "you know what I do to you?"  
  
Piper bit her lip at just the thought.  
  
Alex grinned again, her voice when she spoke a low rumble that hit Piper in exactly the right place, "Just do that and I'll tell let you know if there's a problem..."  
  
And as it transpired that Alex was correct. It was not even the slightest bit difficult to tell whether she was doing it right...  
  
*******

Celeste Chapman had been many things over the course of her 74 years on earth:

...disappointing daughter... _(she had married a man she loved rather than the one her parents wished her to)_

...loving wife... _(to a man who had loved her so much it still astonished her a little)_

...frustrated mother... ( _to an only son who had dismayed his parents by taking after Celeste's father rather than his own_ )

...pioneer adventurer... ( _accompanying her husband when he had come West, almost on a whim, not seeking fortune, only a new experience and a release from the dissatisfaction of life at home_ )

...savior... ( _Diane Vause, brought to them by Red, had been weeping on the Chapman's front porch when Celeste had first laid eyes on her not a thing to her name but her tiny newborn daughter, wrapped in blankets, clutched tightly to her chest_ )

...grieving widow... ( _she missed her husband every single day_ )

...proud grandmother... ( _watching Piper come into her own after all that has happened in Boston had been a wonder, and had finally made her believe that perhaps William wasn't so bad if he had somehow managed to produce such a child_ )   
  
But three things she was not were stupid, blind and deaf. She would have had to been all of them in order to miss what was going on between her granddaughter and the girl Celeste had helped to raise and thought of as her own.  
  
When Alex had asked to court Piper, Celeste had been entirely honest with her. She wasn't even a little bit concerned about Alex being "good enough" for Piper. She had heard enough of that nonsense when she was a girl, her mother constantly whispering in her ear that Dan wasn't from the right family, his money too new, his occupation too common.  
  
And she also knew that Alex's five years literally lost in the desert had done much to cure the reckless impulsiveness and need for never ending adventure that has often plagued her as a child (the only things that might have given her pause when thinking of her with Piper). The girl might not believe it, but the person she'd been when she was running with Kubra had never been who she truly was. It was the worst of her, fueled by rage and grief and drink and being surrounded by exactly the wrong kind of fools.  
  
(She certainly wasn't concerned about Alex's sex... Celeste had seen far too much in her life, particularly out here, to believe that any sort of love should be discouraged... There as far too little of it in this world as it was).  
  
She'd frankly been more worried about Piper, whose issues were still simmering just under the surface. However, after all that had happened to both of them, she didn't have it in her to discourage the possibility that they might be able to take comfort in one another. And so even though she didn't think Alex needed it, she'd given her permission.  
  
Celeste didn't figure it to take too long before Alex's natural charm and Piper's ardent curiosity would combine to create an even stronger bond between them than already existed. She hadn't been even a little surprised when Piper had been completely fascinated by Alex on sight (her granddaughter was always eager to learn about anything new) but she had to admit to some quiet surprise when Alex showed equal interest in the blonde.  Alex had never seemed the type to tolerate such "fancy types" (certainly not fancy types who asked as many questions as Piper did) and Celeste had, in fact, been somewhat concerned that they wouldn't get along at all.  
  
Given all that, she supposed it should have come as no surprise when she had been walking out towards the barn one evening to fetch them for supper and had been met halfway there by the sound of Piper rather enthusiastically (and very loudly) praising Jesus. Knowing that Piper had no real interest in religion (and further that most prayers didn't end with " _oh fuck, Alex_ "), Celeste had merely turned on her heel and headed back toward the house, half smiling and figuring the girls would come back to the house in time.  
  
She couldn't find it in herself to be angry or disapproving. She couldn't really even be upset that they probably should've been working (when she was younger, Alex had always had a talent for slipping away from whatever task she'd been given the second something more interesting had come up... some things never changed).  She also reckoned that this most likely explained why Piper had suddenly become faster at completing most of her tasks than Ford was. Certainly it wasn't as though they were the first couple to ever take a little recreational break in that barn (she and Dan had had spent more than a few very pleasant afternoons there... proving that there were most definitely some distinct advantages to marrying for love).  
  
However, she didn't want to embarrass either of them by bringing it up. They were both aware that Celeste had given her blessing for them being together which was all they really needed from her.  While knowing she knew what they were up to would be unlikely to embarrass Alex (in such matters she was almost damnably hard to fluster), Piper would probably be mortified and Celeste had no desire to do that to her.  
  
They wandered into the kitchen just as Celeste was finishing up preparing supper. Piper was flushed and practically glowing and Celeste was surprised she hadn't noticed it before (she wasn't blind or stupid, but she was getting older, she thought to herself, smiling slightly).  
  
Alex told what would have been an extremely convincing lie about trying to find a tool they'd misplaced if Celeste didn't always know when Alex was lying. But Celeste just nodded and smiled. They went to wash up for supper and when they came back they all sat around the table to eat.  
  
Celeste had given Piper a book to read on animal husbandry and asked her how she was enjoying it. Piper's eyes had lit up instantly as she launched into a monologue about the book and its contents, pausing only to shovel food into her mouth.  
  
As Piper talked, Celeste glanced over at Alex, who was eating and watching Piper with a look of such soft affection in her eyes that it almost took Celeste's breath away, all of her attention focused on the blonde.  After a few moments, Piper looked over and met Alex's gaze, her own blue eyes softening as well, mirroring that look of affection and contentment.  She paused briefly to lean over and take Alex's hand before continuing on with her speech.  
  
There had been a time when Celeste had been worried about both of them. She had wondered whether all the forgiveness in the world would ever help Alex heal; whether the fresh start and new adventure that Haven offered would be enough to get Piper past the problems that had plagued her in Boston. It had been especially troubling because Celeste knew she wasn't getting any younger and that in a lot of ways she was the only one either of them could truly rely upon.

The thought of leaving them to their own devices caused her almost more anxiety the thought of actually dying (she had lived a good long life).  But watching them now (and having seen their relationship grow over such a relatively short period of time) she came the conclusion that she had nothing to worry about.  As long as they still looked at one another, smiled at one another, the way they were right now, everything would be all right because at least they would still have each other.


	5. Unforgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set in the present... in which each of them does what they do best.

**CHAPTER 5- UNFORGIVEN**

**Part I- The Bastard of Cara County**

**DAY 1-**

Like most of Haven's residents, Lorna Morello wasn't particularly eager to talk about her past with anyone.  She had essentially appeared one day seven years ago in the company of Sister Ingalls, who had gone up North to do business with the man who provided her with some of her medical equipment.  She'd been barely 17 when she'd arrived, and her face had been covered in bruises, her body not much better (she'd been pregnant when she'd gotten there, but the baby had been lost days later, and she couldn't bring herself to grieve it).  She'd been at the Nun's for nearly a month before she would show her face to anyone. Over time, she had become part of the town.  No one had asked her any questions, and she had been grateful for it.

But there were a few people she trusted with bits and pieces of her history. The story of a 16 year old girl, the fourth of five children, and a girl to boot. Essentially sold in marriage to the scion of the family who ran their county with an iron fist. She'd been so naive.  Her family's existence had been hardscrabble.  Her father packed up the whole family from their home in New York City and brought them out West, hoping to find his fortune panning gold in San Francisco, only to die of fever halfway there, stranding his wife and children in a godforsaken town.  Her mother and older sisters took in washing and sewing work to keep them all afloat.  Lorna had spent her childhood wrapped up in books and fairy tales, always imagining herself a princess, always waiting for a man to come sweep her away, take care of her.  When she was sent up to the big house, she assumed she was going to her prince, her knight in shining armor.

Christopher MacLaren had shattered her illusions on their wedding night, taking her innocence fast and rough and with not one thought for her comfort before leaving her bed for that of his mistress in town.  As it happened, that was about as kind as he ever got.  His parents were foreboding and cold.  Christopher himself, an only child, always told that he was incapable of doing wrong, was capricious and casually cruel, abusive in both word and action. 

It had taken less than a week for Lorna to start wishing for escape. Christopher thought her weak, and in many ways she agreed with him, but as soon as she learned she was pregnant, she knew she had to escape.  It wasn't that she wanted the child for herself (in fact she hated him and wanted nothing to do with anything that came from him), she simply didn't want _him_ to have the child...  Like many men of his ilk, he was as paranoid as he was mean.  She was locked away at night in a second story room.  he thought she didn't have the wherewithal to even attempt to escape out the window.

She proved him wrong one summer night, slipping out at four am, twisting her ankle in the jump, but still making it off the MacLaren estate somehow, running as fast as she could, barefoot, wearing only her nightgown.  The estate was on the outskirts of town, and she wasn't sure what she would do when she got there... so many people were in his family's pocket... but the first person she'd run across was a woman driving her wagon south, towards her own home three days away. A stranger.  Perhaps someone who wasn't in the MacLaren's pocket.  So she'd begged the woman to take her away.  The woman had taken one look at her face and helped her up into the wagon... 

In Haven, Lorna had learned medicine and healing from the Nun and the apothecary.  She'd become independent, joining Rosa because it's what she wanted to do, not something anyone was forcing her to do.  She'd love in the least likely of places (with the bushy haired bartender at the saloon, whose first words to her had been, "Well, aren't you a ripe tomato...").  She had made a life for herself, a life that she'd _chosen for herself_.  A life that she loved...

She'd hoped he would've forgotten by now... but like most men of his kind, he did not forget, nor did he forgive. Especially not when someone had stolen something precious from him...

***

Sister Ingalls and Nicky had been the only two people who knew where she was from.  Nicky was the only one she'd ever told voluntarily.  The bartender had stopped pacing long enough to tell Rosa where to go. It was a three day ride north and west, though they could make it in two if they rode hard enough.

They would've preferred to ride full speed, but Rosa had decided it wouldn't be wise.  The men they were following knew that Blanca had taken out one of their own, and had to assume that she had survived at least long enough to inform someone Lorna had been taken.  They had a five hour head start and knowledge of the terrain.  They had to be wary of ambush, or at the very least of the men watching them or sending someone ahead to gather reinforcements. 

It was only noon of the first day out from Haven, and Rosa was already wishing that Blanca hadn't been injured.  Blanca was their best tracker, and while she was slightly unhinged sometimes with her wild eyes and her tangled hair and her penchant for just _saying things_ at random in Spanish, she had the virtue of always doing what Rosa told her to, immediately and without question.  Maria Ruiz was a different animal altogether.  Almost as good a tracker as Blanca, and an even better fighter, but churlish and argumentative and headstrong in a way that was constantly making Rosa question taking her on.  She was also generally temperamental, always suspicious, and didn't suffer those she thought of as fools.

These tendencies had gotten better over the near decade since she had joined Rosa as an angry 15 year old (father dead, mother useless), and Maria _always_ did what Rosa told her to eventually, but there was still that stubborn streak to her.  That part of her that had to try to _challenge_ Rosa before she finally conceded. 

Right now she was glaring at Alex as they trotted at a brisk pace through the bleak, flat plains towards the rolling foothills to the north where the men who'd taken Lorna would likely be trying to lose themselves. Maria had never really trusted Alex.  Five years had passed since they'd saved her life, and Maria still could never relax in her presence.  She hadn't wanted Alex to come along, had argued against it long and hard... and she wasn't that much happier about Cindy.

Cindy with her amiable nature, Cindy who never seemed to be taking anything seriously at all was the exact opposite of Maria, always quick with a huge smile and a laugh that matched her stature.  Currently she was prodding Alex about the nature of her relationship with Piper Chapman, all amused disbelief.  Maria's teeth were grinding at the constant chatter.  Rosa was keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn't try to kill anyone (she was less afraid that Maria would succeed than that Alex would take drastic steps to retaliate).

"So y'all ain't never even... thought about a man?"

Alex, actually thankful for the constant talk (it was keeping her from dwelling on the fact she was getting farther away from Piper with every passing mile, that riding into the unknown always carried the risk that she might not be riding back upright), was half smiling as she kept her keen eyes trained on the territory in front of them.  It was a fairly flat stretch of land, and it would be easy enough to see someone coming, but that was no excuse to drop her guard.

"Nope," she said.

"So you sayin' you just don't like 'em at all...? Not even a little tiny bit?"

Alex half smiled, "I mean, I _like_ 'em, I’ve known a few pretty decent fellas in my time. I've just got no interest in lettin' their pricks anywhere near me."

Cindy shook her head, frowning, "Don't make no sense..."

"Jesus Hayes, you ever shut up?" Maria snapped irritably.

"No, Ruiz, I don't... don't you think you oughta know that by now?" Cindy looked back at Alex, "And you an' Chapman, you just..." she took her hands off her reins, making a vague gesture that Alex assumed was meant to be sexual, "... with one another...?"

"Yup," Alex answered.  Normally she would've told anyone who asked about this to fuck off, but she'd known Cindy since they were little more than dumb kids with punching one another in the arm or jumping out of the hay loft in the barn while everyone else was doing actual work.  Cindy was one of the few people who'd never looked at her any different when she came back to Haven, and Alex knew she usually meant well.   Besides, it wasn't as though she and Piper were some sort of big secret around town.

"How's that even work... I mean how..."

"Cindy... I ain't gonna give you lessons," Alex laughed.

"And I don't wanna hear that bullshit anyway," snapped Maria.

Alex's expression hardened as she looked at Maria. "Don't think I was fuckin' talkin' to you, Maria," she said, voice flat and calm, "Though I'm thinkin' you might be in need of a good vigorous fuck... might dislodge that stick from up your..."

"ENOUGH!" snapped Rosa. "We got purpose here, and it ain't you idiots workin' through all your fuckin' issues.  Focus on the god damn matter at hand." They all went silent immediately, even Alex.  Rosa spurred her mount on a little faster... if they rode at a gallop conversation would be more difficult.  She shook her head in exasperation...  like fuckin' children.  Hopefully this blasted endeavor wouldn't take long... she wasn't sure how long she could take this before she shot them all herself.

***

**DAY 3**

Once they were in the foothills, there was more cover, and the bounty hunters who had taken Lorna were leaving a more obvious trail, although they were doing their best to conceal it. Maria started tracking and stopped worrying about Cindy and Alex as she concentrated on her work. She almost lost their prey a couple times, but her father (half Sioux and the best tracker Rosa had ever known) had taught her well.  In the end, it took less time to find them than Rosa had worried it might.

It was just after sundown on the third day after leaving Haven when they caught up with them.  They had crossed over into Cara County, which the MacLarens ran with an iron fist, near noon, and had been proceeding a little more cautiously, trying not to stir up any trouble.  Maria tracked them to a gully (big enough that it was almost a canyon) that was shaped like a crescent. The open part of the gully faced North, towards Carenton, the town Lorna'd come from.  Backed up against the rounded part of it (the cliff above perhaps 60 feet high all around and sloping at about a 30 degree angle down) was a sturdily constructed one story cabin.

There were four horses tied to the hitching post in front of the cabin and smoke coming from the chimney. Rosa, Maria and Alex dismounted and crept to the edge of the gully.  Cindy stayed on her horse, pulling her rifle from her saddle holster and keeping watch.

They'd been observing the scene for maybe a half hour, trying to assess the situation (they figured there were probably four bounty hunters, but wanted to confirm it), when two riders entered the gully, heading straight for the cabin.  The two of them dismounted and tied their horses to the post.  One of them was presumably Christopher MarLaren (prince of Cara County, Alex thought with a snort) given how he was dressed and carried himself.  The other was dressed well, but his bearing and his sheer size marked him as a bodyguard.  Christopher nodded to the bounty hunter who’d been walking sentry outside the cabin, then the two newcomers entered the cabin. 

About ten minutes passed and then three men walked out of the cabin.  They didn’t immediately mount back up, which indicated they had been sent out to keep watch while Christopher did whatever he was going to do inside. The four women lay on their bellies looking down at the scene (lit by a half moon) concealed by scrub brush and shadows. 

“Makes four outside, two in,” muttered Rosa, frowning.

“How do we know there aren’t more of the bounty hunters inside?” Maria asked in Spanish.

“Four horses,” Alex replied, also in Spanish, knowing that Maria did shit like that just to try to exclude people from her conversations with Rosa.  Alex was in no mood for bullshit, not with the end of this thing so near, “Plus, men like MacLaren don’t want outsiders witnessing his personal business, especially if he means to do violence.”

“’Spose you would know,” Maria said under her breath.  The muscle in Alex's jaw twitched, but she didn't take the bait.

She had her rifle out and was eyeing the men through the scope.  They all appeared to be professionals.  None of them slovenly or drunk or loud.  There was an almost military efficiency and discipline in their movements.  They had made a fire some way from the cabin. Three of them were sitting around it, preparing to make their supper, the fourth was continuing his slow circuit around the perimeter, although now he circled farther away from the house, his rifle over his arm. They would have to be taken care of before they could get to Lorna and the men inside.

Alex would've liked to have taken them out with her rifle.  She was fast and accurate; the last man would have a bullet in him before the first one even had a chance to hit the ground properly, but it wasn't practical.  There was no way it'd be quiet, and they absolutely had to be both.  There was no telling what Christopher might do to Lorna if he was alerted to their presence.  Rosa quietly laid out a plan and they all nodded tersely, even Maria.

They crawled back down the ridge until they were far enough down that they could stand up again.  Cindy and Maria went to take their places and await Rosa's signal.  Rosa glanced at Alex, seeing something in her expression that gave her pause.  "You all right with this, Vause?"

Alex nodded once, short and sharp, "I reckon."

“Ain’t no need for killin’, least til we get inside, least as long as we all do our part…”

Another nod, “I know.”

Rosa looked at her for another long moment and then nodded back, "All right.  Let's go down there and get our girl..."

***

The bounty hunters were easy.  They were good, but they were also relaxed and getting tired after days on end of riding.  The four women fell upon them simultaneously, having crept down the shadowed side of the gully.  They'd waited until the sentry was as far as he could get from the fire and the house.  Alex took care of him, trying to ignore the rush of exhilaration she felt as she sprang out from behind the tree was using for cover, grabbing him in a chokehold, bracing her forearm over his throat, waiting until he went limp in her arms.

the adrenaline had been ramping up since she came down the hill... since she had ridden out from Haven really (the adrenaline and the dread)... the man had been the first person she'd touched in anger for years and it felt so natural it sent a thrill of terror up her spine... she tried not to think on it too hard, instead grabbing the man under his arms and dragging him over to the fire, where Rosa and the others had made short work of the other men.  Cindy trussed them all up (she could rope anything fast and secure), then Rosa looked to each of them in turn, silently asking if they were ready.  They all nodded.  Then they turned and headed for the house.

The cabin had a front porch and a back entrance.  There were windows set in the side.  Rosa deployed Cindy to the front and Maria to the back, then took Alex with her to see what they could see through the windows.  They looked inside and Alex felt her stomach turn and her anger spike.  Christopher was looming over Lorna, who was on the floor.  He had his jacket off and his shirtsleeves rolled up and he was doing a thorough job of beating her bloody.

Rosa’s eyes narrowed, her mouth tightening, “Motherfucker…” 

The bodyguard was leaning on the wall near the back door, watching impassively.  There was a bedroom off the main room on the opposite side of the house from where they were.  That door was closer to Lorna and Christopher than the front or back. “Vause, circle to the bedroom, come in through there… we’ll come in on your shout…”

Alex didn’t reply.  Rosa looked over at her.  Alex’s gaze was tight and narrow, her eyes focused with deadly intensity on Christopher, filled with anger, promising violence, the muscle in her jaw twitching, her hand gripping the handle of her pistol.  Rosa didn’t like the look, but she didn’t have a lot of time to consider the implications. 

“ _Vause_ ,” she said more forcefully, putting a hand on Alex’s arm.

Alex’s head snapped towards her, fast, her arm wrenching away from the touch… but her eyes seemed to clear a little when she saw Rosa. 

“You hear what I said?”

Alex nodded, her voice rough, just the slightest bit shakey, when she spoke, “Yeah.  Window. Bedroom. Shout.”

“Then go. From the looks of things, Lorna don’t have a whole lot of time…”

Without another word, Alex crept away, towards the other side of the house, fast and silent as a wolf.  Rosa went to tell Cindy and then Maria the plan… hoping Alex could control whatever inner demon they had stirred by bringing her here…

***

Everything went to plan.  Alex crept through the window and charged Christopher, tackling him shoulder first, knocking the wind out of him and bearing him to the ground with a yell.  The shout brought Rosa and Maria crashing through the back door just as the bodyguard (6’5” if he was an inch and broad as a barn) was stirring to reach for his gun.

The bodyguard managed to punch Maria, but Rosa ducked the blow he tried to turn her way.  She kicked him squarely in the balls, he doubled over and she went to smash her elbow into the back of his neck, but he pulled up suddenly, the back of his head catching Rosa under the chin, knocking her flat. Maria charged him now, but he closed his meathook of a right hand around her throat, lifting her up and driving his left fist into her belly once, twice… driving the air out of her lungs as the hand around her throat tightened.  Maria was gasping and turning purple by the time Rosa put a bullet into the man’s arm.  He cried out dropping, Maria, then turned towards Rosa, who calmly put her other five rounds into the center of his chest.  The man fell to the ground with a thud, wheezing wetly, blood soaking his fine jacket. Rosa calmly pulled her other pistol and put a bullet in his throat, then went over to where Maria was lying, trying to get her breath back to help her up.  The whole fight took less than a minute.

Cindy had come in the front door on cue.  The scene was chaotic. Rosa and Maria were fighting the bodyguard, Alex was on top of Christopher, punching him in the face as the man fended off her blows and swore at her.  As much as she wanted to help them, Rosa’s instructions had been clear: make sure Lorna was safe, no matter what else was going on. Once she determined there were no more of Christopher’s men hiding in the shadows, Cindy slid her rifle into the holster on her back and headed for Lorna, who was lying in a heap on the floor, trying her damndest to push herself up. 

Cindy knelt beside her, “Fuck…” she said.  Lorna was in sorry shape.  The bastard had only been on her for fifteen minutes and her face was a mess, her arms covered with bruises.  Cindy’s expression darkened.  That motherfucker…  Her attention shifted to Lorna as she realized the girl was crying, heaving, relieved sobs that hitched halfway through (the bastard had probably broken her ribs) “You okay now, Morello,” she said reassuringly, “we here now… we got you…”  Gently she put one arm around Lorna’s shoulders and the other under her legs and picked her up moving her back, away from the fighting.  She set her carefully on the bed in the other room, and then knelt by her side to assess her injuries, hating Christopher with every new one she counted up… hoping that Alex was beating the smug fucker’s face in as painfully as possible.

***

Christopher was a bully but unlike most of his kind, he was also quite capable of holding his own in a fight.  He surprised Alex by actually having some skill.  She had figured that since he wandered around with a mountain like the fella Rosa had just filled full of lead, he must not know shit about helping himself.

She had underestimated him and it had cost her.  He'd managed to get leverage and buck her off of him, and had then gotten in a couple of good blows to her face, and had kicked her in the ribs good and hard once as well.  But that had just gotten her riled up.  The adrenaline had kicked in... the old feeling of power, the thrill of letting the beast that lived inside of her (the one that she had spent five years tamping down and ignoring, the one that had been soothed for so long by the comfort she took from Piper's mere presence) take her over. 

She staggered back when Christopher kicked her but didn't fall down.  He advanced, guard up, already throwing another punch while she was doubled over... but she was too fast for him, especially now that the _rush_ had taken her over.  She straightened and ducked out of his way swiftly, causing his fist to hit nothing but air, his momentum carrying him towards the floor.  Alex brought her knee up and smashed it into his midsection, knocking his wind out before he could recover his balance.  He made a grunting noise and went flying backwards.

Alex's hand shot out and caught him by the front of his jacket, yanking him forward and meeting the bridge of his nose with the hard part of her head.  He cried out, his hands coming up on instinct to cover his nose, which was now spurting blood, but Alex knocked them away and punched him hard in the face with her right hand while her left still gripped his jacket.  Once, twice, three times, before driving him back into the wall with such force that the books on the shelf nearby toppled over.  His head hit the wall with a satisfying THUNK.  She repeated the motion once more, bouncing his head off the wall even harder.  By now, his eyes were rolling back in his head and his breathing was getting shallow.  She reached down and pulled the pistol from her right hip pushing the barrel up under Christopher's chin, cocking the hammer back...

Her heart was beating fast, her blood was rushing through her veins, everything about her felt lighter, stronger... for the first time in years she felt as though everything had come into sharp focus… she felt like she could do _anything_.

When Fahri had first stumbled upon her, her entire life had been spinning out of control. Her mother was dead, she had abandoned everything and everyone she had ever known or cared about... she was adrift on a sea of despair and grief and anger, the rage (at her mother for dying, at herself for not being able to save her, at Celeste for stopping her from truly trying...) consumed everything.  The only things that could quiet the constant turmoil in her head were alcohol... and violence.  Back in the beginning, it was about control, about the power she had over another person... it was within her power to choose whether they lived or died, and she almost always chose _death_ , because she had mistakenly believed that that by exercising that control, pulling the trigger over and over again, she could finally take charge of something in her life.

Eventually she had learned that it was all an illusion, that the rage was controlling her rather than the other way around.  It had been a terrifying revelation, and it had been part of the reason she had stopped being able to do it anymore...

But this was different wasn't it?  This wasn't some rival of Kubra's she was being told to kill, some innocent she was being ordered to rough up.  It was a man who had been beating Lorna bloody when she’d first burst through the door, a man who would gladly have done worse and was likely planning to.  All of a sudden, she heard Piper’s voice, low and quiet, telling her about the things she'd done back in Boston, the ones that had caused... how she'd felt scared of herself of her own actions... how she hadn't even been able to recognize herself.. how she'd never wanted to feel that way again...

What would _Piper_ think of her if she did this?  Piper had never seen known Alex this way. She had met her after she had resolved never to do this again... Piper had been _part of the reason_ she hadn't wanted to do this again... she hadn't needed this, any of it, in so long because she had Piper...

She felt herself calming down, the adrenaline fading... she still felt it... the pull of it, the persistent _tugging_ at the back of her brain telling her to pull the trigger, practically taunting her with the promise of how good it would feel.  And the bitch of it was that it _would_ feel good, at least for a split second.

Frowning, she lowered her gun and tossed the man to the ground, hard.  He landed in a barely coherent heap.  His face was a mess, and she was sure she'd broken a few ribs and maybe even cracked his skull... but he was alive.

She took a step backwards, distancing herself from him.  The rush of blood to her ears faded and she heard Rosa, "Vause... this ain't like those men outside... they were mercenaries, they don't give a fuck about this prick or what he wants... but him... you know we can't let him live... you know he'll never give up..."  (Alex started at the sound of Rosa's voice... she'd nearly forgotten that anyone else was there... she cut her eyes to her right... Rosa was kneeling next to Maria, who was leaning against the wall beside the back door, massaging her throat...)

Maria, speaking Spanish, her voice tortured, rasping, but the anger in it obvious, "The murderer finally gets a chance to kill someone who deserves it and she turns into a fucking coward...?"

Cindy, from somewhere behind her, responding in English, "Oh fuck no, Maria, you don't get to crawl up her ass since the second you first saw her for killin' folks, and then tell her it ain't okay for her to decide _not to_ now..."

"Fuck _you_ , _puta_ , you think she's a god damn puppy dog.  You want to pretend like it's all right she won't kill this motherfucker when she's a fuckin' god damn _killer_ who snap at any time and put everyone in our town in danger you go right on ahead..."

"Only one she be a danger to is them that deserves it..."

Alex straightened up, letting the argument wash in waves around her, feeling strangely at peace with her decision, even as she tried to drown out the voices in her own head...  her pistol was still clutched loosely in her right hand, hanging by her side.  She was just considering putting it back it when suddenly she felt her left hand gun being pulled out of its holster.  On instinct, her hand shot out and grabbed onto the wrist of the person who'd grabbed her gun, turning her head as she did so...

... and setting eyes on Lorna, who transferred the gun from her right hand (the one Alex had in her grip) to her left.  Before anyone could react, she pulled back the hammer, pointed the gun and shot Christopher MacLaren dead in the center of his forehead.

The sound of the gunshot was deafening in the enclosed space.  Silence fell upon them as it faded away, all of them staring at Lorna, who was looking down at Christopher.  The whole left side of her face was one giant bruise, her left eye swollen shut, and she was half hunched over (her own ribs probably broken).  But there was a fierce look in her right eye, fire blazing in it as she stared down at the dead man at her feet.  She considered him for a long moment.  Then she drew back her foot, kicked him in the ribs hard, and pivoted to place the gun back in Alex's holster.  She looked up at Alex.  "Let's get the fuck out of here..." she said, voice firm and unwavering, then she turned, her wrist sliding easily out of Alex's slack grip, and limped painfully towards the door...

***

**PART II- No Safe Haven, or When a Stranger Calls**

**DAY 4**

Alex had been gone for nearly three days and Piper had spent the entire time in a state of distracted anxiety.  During the day, she poured herself into tasks around the ranch, tending to the animals and the house, and helping Ford do long needed repairs to the barn that she’d been putting off until the weather got better (repairs so extensive he brought one of his girls, Tasha, down with him).  When the sun went down, she accompanied Ford and Tasha back into town and then went to spend the evening at Red’s. 

She drank more than was advisable, more than she had since she had left Boston.  She was well aware what alcohol would do to her… however, Alex’s absence and the anxiety surrounding it was making her crave the careless oblivion she knew too much drink would bring.  She was tempted more than once to bring herself over that edge, but every time she contemplated overindulging, she had a flash of a bloodied face beneath her hands and she refrained.  (Even if she hadn’t been in control of her own urges, she knew Nicky was watching her like a hawk, having promised Alex that she would do what she could to look after Piper to the degree that she could).

And Nicky would commiserate with her as well.  Nicky was practically thrumming with anxiety over Lorna, cursing her weak heart and smoking roll up after roll up, lamenting the fact that Red wouldn’t let her take opium anymore.  Nicky’s state of turmoil had the rather odd effect of keeping Piper grounded (and also helped her push past any resentment she might initially have felt about Nicky technically being responsible for Alex having to leave in the first place).  It helped her to think she wasn’t the only one with someone to worry over, and it made her want to comfort and reassure Nicky, who would then do the same for her.  They kept one another from going down paths neither wanted to contemplate, and away from their drugs of choice.

“Vause is a tough shit, Blondie,” Nicky said, “And Rosa didn’t live this long without knowing what the fuck she’s doing.  She and that gang of hers are the best…”  And they would both repeat that mantra until it got too late and they got too exhausted.

Although she didn’t drink enough to send her into her Dark Place, Piper often had enough to give herself a headache in the morning.  Breakfast and some good honest work were enough to take care of it, normally, but the first hour of the day had been proving a challenge.

On the morning of the fourth day, Piper was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and considering what she might eat for breakfast when there was a knock on the door.  She frowned.  She wasn’t expecting anyone.  It was just a tick after 5am, the sky barely beginning to lighten, too early for social calls, and Ford and Tasha weren’t supposed to show for another half an hour. 

Frowning, she stood and walked towards the door.  The gun belt Alex had had made for her was hanging on its nail next to the door, the pearl handled revolver Nicky had given her as a gift for her birthday last year nestled inside it, loaded and ready.  Piper wasn’t terribly fond of firearms, but after spending so many years here, she had learned that they were a necessary evil.  This was not Boston.  This was the West.  Haven was as safe as anyplace out here, at least for its residents, but that didn’t mean there weren’t threats.  Alex had been quite clear years ago that she wouldn’t leave Piper alone on the ranch unless she learned to use both rifle and pistol, and so Piper had acquiesced reluctantly.  Alex had taught her everything there was to know about their use, and although Piper loathed the thought of having to utilize them against a living person, she admitted that she had felt a surge of intense pride the first time that she had shot the cans off the fence in the pasture (and she certainly couldn’t complain about the way Alex had expressed her approval of and pride in Piper’s quick learning).

She quietly drew the gun from the holster and angled herself so that her right side of her body was behind the door.  Her visitors would not be able to see it when she opened the door. 

The man who stood on the porch was slightly shorter than her and dressed impeccably in a tailored suit. He had was of average build and his skin was the color of burnished leather.  His dark black hair was receding slightly but neatly combed and he had a well groomed mustache.  Behind him, by the light of the slowly rising sun, she could see two other men, just outside her front gate, mounted on their horses, holding this man’s mount by the reins.

“Good afternoon, ma’am,” said the man, his voice smooth and cordial, laced with a melodic accent she couldn’t immediately identify, “My name is Fahri, and I am looking for an associate of mine that I have lost touch with.  I was told that I might find her in this area, and I was wondering if you could assist me?”

Piper tilted her head, examining him carefully. The man was nothing but mild curiosity and extreme politeness, but Piper had lived amongst the masters of Boston for nearly her entire life.  She had seen exactly how much deception one person could hold.  She had seen it in her own father more times than she cared to recall. Men such as this were never precisely what they seemed, no matter how charming their smiles…  Haven was 20 miles from Litchfield, the nearest town of any real size.  It was a considerable distance to come on a whim, or a hint.  “I’d be happy to help if I can…” she said, putting on her own bright, polite smile, the one that had always pleased her parents.

“Ah, excellent.  My friend is tall, taller than you even.  Long dark hair.  Green eyes, eyeglasses.  Her name is Alex Vause.  I have not seen her in many years, but a mutual friend of ours has passed and I thought she would wish to know.”

It took everything in her power, all of the skills she had learned during her years living with her parents (perhaps the only things of use that they had given her), for Piper school her reaction when it became clear who he was describing.  By the time he got to Alex’s name a sick sort of dread had built in her stomach.  Alex had never been particularly detailed about the men she had ridden with, she didn’t talk about it much at all these days at all, but Piper knew Kubra's name and that he was foreign, probably from the Middle East somewhere.  She had encounter a few Persian gentlemen back in Boston, polite and well mannered fellows who had worked with her father on export deals.  They looked and acted much like this Fahri did.

"I'm afraid I can't help you, Mister..."

"Please, just Fahri..."

"Very well.  I'm afraid I can't help you, Fahri.  I don't think I've seen someone matching that description."

"You are sure?"

"We don't get many visitors out this way, I'm afraid.  I'm sure I would remember such a person."

The man held her gaze for a long moment.  His polite smile never faded, his pleasant manner never wavered, there wasn't really anything in his eyes that would indicate anything was wrong, but Piper could tell she was being read, assessed, scrutinized.  It was a look she had seen many a time from her own mother, not something she had had to endure for a good long while.  It had been years since she had felt the need to deceive someone.  Knowing this man was looking for Alex, knowing that he was from Kubra... she hoped she was up to the task.

Finally, he cut his eyes out to the house behind her, "Very well... should she ride through, perhaps you will mention my visit?"

"Of course,” she said, smiling, “Although I can’t see why she would stop here."

He nodded, "No most likely not.  I always like to think of all eventualities."  He inclined his head as he put his hat back on, putting two fingers to the brim in a gesture so reminiscent of how Alex did it, Piper nearly gasped.  Then he turned and walked back to his horse.  He mounted it and trotted back up towards town.  Piper watched him for a long moment before going inside and collapsing into the armchair in the front room.

She put her head in her hands and took several deep heaving breaths.  Jesus...  All these years, Alex had been sure Kubra had stopped looking, had been sure he thought her dead.  And now... 

Piper could only hope that what she had said would put him off... and that everyone else in town would do the same.

***

The day had not been a productive one.  Starting with the blonde woman at the ranch on the town's Western edge, the residents of this place had been precisely like the residents of the other two towns they had already canvassed (which could barely be called 'towns', more like settlements... Haven was the largest of them with a population of about fifty).  The only difference was that most of the residents of this town were women.  However, they were still like the others.  Polite, wary, and entirely sure they hadn't seen or heard of Alex Vause.

It was nearly noon now, and Fahri thought they might be able to make the next town over within two hours if they left now and rode at a steady pace.  Ahmad complained lightly of not stopping for lunch, but Fahri silenced him with a stern look, "This is important business that must be done quickly, Ahmad.  Your stomach is a bottomless pit and it can wait until Mars Creek, understood?"

Ahmad, never one to miss a meal, grimaced but nodded.

Because of the location of the last town and the next one, they had entered Haven from the West, which was why the ranch house was the first place they'd stopped, and were leaving from the eastern edge.  They would ride north and slightly east once they got out of town.  As they reached the Eastern edge of town, the cemetery appeared off to the left, up on a gentle rise, surrounded by a low wooden fence.  The fence had an entry gate with a sign nailed into it that identified it (in a marginally clever way) as "Haven's Gate".

Fahri slowed his horse and the others followed suit.  They had been checking the graveyards of every town as well, even the one in New Litchfield.  Fahri still wasn't entirely certain that Little Joel had been altogether honest with him, that perhaps his description was off, or his addled brain hadn't perceived something incorrectly. He knew it was unlikely, but perhaps Vause had died out here and was buried somewhere.  A longshot perhaps, but he would not be easily forgiven if he missed something so easy to verify.

So he and the others dismounted and opened the creaking gate into the yard.  They walked through the yard, glancing down at the names on the haphazardly arranged collection of wooden crosses with a few actual stones mixed throughout.  They were nearly to the back of the small yard when Aydin called over, "Fahri... something you should see..."

Fahri walked over to where Aydin stood in front of one of the few grave markers in the small yard made out of stone.  The stone was somewhat faded, but Fahri could clearly read the name.  "Diane Vause..." he muttered.  The date of death was a little over eleven years ago...  He frowned, eyes narrowing.

Alex had never really talked to any of them, preferring to drink alone until she passed out, or to drink until she got ornery and picked a fight with one of the others that she would inevitably win.  Fahri was the only one she really talked to, and then only when she had drunk just enough to get melancholy and sad rather than angry and violent (it was a delicate balance).  He recalled her mentioning that her mother had died, that Alex had tried to rescue her but that the old lady who had helped raise her (the one her mother worked for... the one who owned the ranch they'd lived on) had stopped her.  It was why she had the scars on her arm...

These sorts of admissions had all come late at night and were almost always jumbled and semi-coherent, memories jumbled and overlapping, bleeding into one another in a way that made sense only to her.  It was only because he had seen her this way so many times that he could put together even half the story.  She never gave any names, never said where she was from, and in the light of day, after she'd sobered up, she would never say a thing about it.  But Vause wasn't a common name... and 11 years would've been near the time when her mother supposedly died, right before he had found her...

... her mother worked on a ranch...

…but the ranch had been owned by an older woman and her husband, as he recalled... and the woman who'd opened the door to him this morning had certainly been no older than her mid twenties at the very most...

Fahri turned to Aydin, "Do you remember the name of the ranch we were on this morning?  There was a sign, by the gate I think...?"

Aydin nodded, "Chapman.  The sign said 'Chapman'."

Fahri began another slow circuit of the graveyard and came upon another stone.  Larger this time.  One side was inscribed with the name "DANIEL CHAPMAN" and on the other, "CELESTE CHAPMAN".  They'd both died five years ago, the man in the late summer, the woman in the dead of winter.  If Fahri recalled correctly, that had been the worst winter in a hundred years... the winter of the big storm... the winter after Kubra had killed Vause...

Fahri set his jaw and walked with long strides back out to his horse.  He mounted up and then turned back towards the west.  Aydin frowned, "Fahri, what...?"

"I believe I have been lied to," Fahri said simply.

***

Ford and Tasha had gone back up to town just before lunch.  Miss Berdie needed their help with a project at the livery, and there’d been some chores Piper needed to get done anyway.  She was out in front of the house hanging clothes up on the line when she saw the three men crest the hill from the direction of town.  She frowned.  God damn it... 

She continued to hang the clothes methodically as she watched them approach. When they got to the front gate, Fahri dismounted once more.  This time the skinny fellow with curly black hair and a small splinter of wood hanging out of the corner of his mouth got off his horse as well and trailed after him.

Fahri smiled at her amiably, “Hello again, Miss Chapman.  May I come in?” he gestured to the gate separating the road from the yard of the house.

Piper smiled amiably and nodded.  What choice did she have?

He approached, looking around the yard.  There was something different about the way he was looking around now.  The polite curiosity of the morning was gone, replaced by careful scrutiny.  The man with him was doing much the same.  Piper was suddenly glad that the laundry she was hanging was mostly sheets and her own clothing.  None of it was Alex’s.  As long as they didn’t go further into the house or stables they would see few signs of her.

After he finished studying the yard, he turned to her and said, tone never wavering, “This is an interesting town, Miss Chapman.  Most interesting.  Such fascinating people. I went around to every house and storefront in town, and, perhaps to no one’s surprise, they all said much the same as you.  They did not know my friend.  Had never seen her. It was quite discouraging, as I was most eager to speak to her. I was quite ready to throw my hands up in defeat, to leave… in fact, I was riding towards the edge of town… but then I saw the graveyard…”

Piper was determined not to flinch.  He was likely telling her the story to see if her reaction would change, if her expression might waver. She held his eyes, the same smile of placid inquiry on her face.

“I would not call myself a morbid man by any means, but I have found that the dead have a much harder time lying to me than the living.  And so I make it my custom to tour churchyards when I am making inquiries, just to see if there is something that the living may have neglected to mention…”

“That seems a morbid practice,” she said, chuckling.

His smile widened, “Perhaps.  But often effective,” his eyes hadn’t left her once since he began talking.  Now his gaze seemed to intensify, as though he were digging into her brain, “For instance, I found a grave stone there for a Diane Vause…”

“Vause?  Isn’t that the name of your friend?”

“Indeed it is.  Now, admittedly, she was not forthcoming about her past when she was with me, but she mentioned a mother.  A mother who would have died around the time this Diane Vause did.  A mother who lived and worked on a ranch…”

“Interesting.”

“And this is the closest ranch to the town, is it not?”

“I believe we are the closest yes.  Although the Regnery place is only five miles down the road.”

“Another thing my friend Alex told me was that the ranch she worked on was owned by an older couple, people she thought of as family…”

From what Alex had told her of her time with Kubra, she hadn’t been particularly forthcoming with information about her past.  “They never knew a damn thing about me, Pipes, not anything really important.  None of them cared enough to ask, but I doubt I’d’ve told ‘em even if they did…”  Piper wasn’t at all sure how this man Fahri knew these things.  But Alex had spent much of her time with Kubra intoxicated, on alcohol or worse… Piper supposed it was possible she might have let bits and pieces of information slip to this man.  Lord knew that Piper was aware just how jumbled things got when one drank too much.  Whatever the case, this man was not grasping for straws, he knew things…

…and he wouldn’t be at her doorstep unless he _strongly_ suspected Piper had lied to him… her mind began moving a mile a minute.  The man was suspicious enough that even if she didn’t admit anything to him now, he would likely insist on looking at the house, and given that she was alone and he had two men with him, both of whom looked as though physical violence was something they were intimately familiar with dealing out, she would not have much choice in the matter...

“… and interestingly enough there were two other graves up there… a Daniel and Celeste Chapman…  any relation of yours, Miss Chapman?”

“My grandparents,” she admitted. 

Fahri’s smile widened minutely, “Ah, the truth. That is most refreshing,” he inclined his head slightly, “Perhaps you would like to… correct… the statements you made to me this morning?”

There was a long moment of silence, Fahri holding her gaze.  Piper made a decision.

She hardened her expression and leaned back down to the basket of laundry, which she had been neglecting since Fahri walked up.  She pinned shirt up to the line and shook her head, “Not really,” she said, her tone sour, “but I don’t suppose you’ll stop asking until I do.”

The man seemed mildly surprised by her change in attitude, “Have I upset you?”

Piper took a step to the left and picked up a pair of pants. She was frowning now, her expression put upon, annoyed.  She added a large dose of arrogance to her tone, as though this whole conversation was unworthy of her, “People who come around inquiring about things, about _people_ , that should remain in the past upset me.  I was rather hoping I would avoid having to go into the matter.”

“So you do know the name?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Yes, I know the name. It’s one I never wished to hear again, if you must know.  It does not conjure particularly pleasant memories.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Is that so?”

Piper finished hanging up the pants and crossed her arms over her chest, raising herself to her full height and putting every bit of her 18 years of Boston upbringing into the long, contemptuous look she gave him.  Her tone when she spoke was imperious, “I’m not entirely sure the nature of my past is any of your business, sir. But yes, I knew her.  And before you ask again, I don’t know where she is now, and quite frankly I’m thankful for it.”

“So you claim.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Piper asked, tone mortally offended.

Fahri shrugged easily, seemingly unfazed by her attitude, “You lied to me before, Miss Chapman. It can’t surprise you that I might not believe you now.”  
  
Piper frowned, “Is it _difficult_ to believe that I might not want to share such information with you, sir?” She raised a rather haughty eyebrow, channeling her mother, “You showed up on my doorstep at five in the morning asking questions about someone who hurt me, and my grandmother, worse than anyone ever has or will. It's not my custom to discuss such matters with strangers who show up on my porch without preamble or formal introduction.  So, yes, I was compelled to tell a half truth.”  
  
“So she is not here?”  
  
“I believe I made that clear,” she was glaring at him now.  
  
“When was the last time you saw her?”

"Just before my grandmother passed.  She came back after a long absence some five years ago.  I had just moved here to help my grandmother after my grandfather died.  I met her… I became… quite close to her,” Her voice cracked and trailed off as she said the last words.  She took a deep breath and made sure it hitched at the end, conjuring up the barest shine to her eyes, tears held at the edges, threatening to fall… it was a technique she found made some men distinctly uncomfortable.  Fahri kept his expression neutral, but he barest of grimaces passed over his face at the thought she might cry. 

Piper looked down at the grass in front of her feet, breathing deep, as though trying to gather herself. She ran one hand over her face and took a last soothing breath before looking at him, her eyes still shining.  Her voice was steady when she spoke again, but there were echoes of anger and grief just beneath the surface, threatening to come out at the barest provocation, “And then she left me… just before the long winter, ran away when I told her I lov…” Piper broke off, another deep breath, “The experience... was not a pleasant one.  I was young.  Naïve.  I felt so humiliated... I didn’t want to re-live it, or even think about it too hard."

"Did she perhaps break your heart?"

The boldness of the assertion surprised her (very few people, even out here, were intrepid enough to ask questions like that; most didn’t want to know) and almost jolted her out of her act. Piper felt herself reddening, offended at the mere thought that Alex would do so, no matter what the lies she was weaving were meant to indicate.  Luckily, the man took it for embarrassment rather than anger. She didn’t respond.  Letting the storm tossed look in her eyes do the talking for her.

Fahri nodded gravely, reading exactly what she wanted him to in her expression, "Do not worry, she was known to do that to many a young girl when... I knew her before.  Would promise the world and then," he spread his hands, "gone in the morning... she was fortunate that it did not result in her death." 

Inside, a part of her was wincing at hearing about such things.  Alex had always been honest about every aspect of her past, including her past lovers.  It was almost worse for Piper to hear about them than about the people Alex had hurt and killed, but ultimately Piper accepted that Alex had been a different person then, and that now she had no need for anything or anyone else.  But that didn't make it all right for this man to speak of it as though it were yesterday.

However, she schooled her features, tamed her natural reaction.  If this deception were to work, a delicate line must be walked. The indignant eyebrow rose again, she drew herself up to her full height again, ramrod straight, her tone as expressive as her eyebrow, "Perhaps it would have been better if one of them had killed her," she looked at him, frowning, "I must renew my objections, sir.  I do not appreciate you dredging up the past this way. When I told you what I did before, it was because I didn't wish to think of such matters again.  It took a very long time to recover from... what happened."

She could see him considering his options, turning things over in his head, deciding whether to push her any further, ask her for more details.  Deciding to push him in the right direction, she allowed her lower lip to tremble… ever so faintly…

He put a sympathetic expression on, “Ah, well.  I apologize for making you dredge up the past, Miss Chapman,” he inclined his head, “I don’t think it will be necessary for us to trouble you again.”

Piper acted as though she were pulling herself together, bringing herself back from the pit of bad memories he had pushed her towards.  She smoothed out her features again, and bent to pick up more laundry, going back to the task he had interrupted, “I should hope not.  Good day to you, Mr…” she trailed off, then huffed a humorless laugh, “good day…”

He put his fingers to the brim of his hat again, then turned at walked towards the gate.  His companion looked at her for a moment longer, then followed.

She watched them mount up and ride back toward town.  This time, when they crested the ridge, she didn’t feel any sort of relief.  She wouldn’t feel that until she knew they had left town for good.

***

As soon as they were out of earshot, Aydin turned to Fahri, “Do you believe her, boss?”

“It seems likely enough, and I have seen that look on many a woman’s face before.  Usually young and pretty, like that one.  She is most certainly the type Vause would have set her eye on,” he had a thoughtful look on his face, “I really should have suspected.  A town whole town full of women… the exact sort of pond she would be like to fish in… and exactly the sort of place I can see her getting run out of… or trying to escape when someone got too close…”

Aydin frowned, “Vause never seemed the type who would be intimidated.  You would not think she would run from a woman.”

A small smile appeared on Fahri’s face as he remembered the fire the woman had been shooting out of her eyes at him when she spoke of how grievously he had offended her, “Oh I don’t know, Aydin. I would wager that woman has a very singular temper.  I would not ever wish to be on her bad side…”

***

It was near on seven and the atmosphere at Red's was subdued, as it always tended to be when dangerous strangers were in town.  Piper was sitting at the bar and had been for an hour, trying to read a book, but she could practically feel Fahri's eyes boring into her back (he was seated near the empty stage with his two companions, out of earshot of the other patrons).  Had she known he was going to be here, she would have stayed at home for supper, but she couldn't well walk out the second she walked in. Nicky brought her a glass of wine as soon as she’d sat down and leaned in, "He's gotten rooms for the three of them."

"What?"

"He spent half the day going back and asking everyone the same questions he asked the first time.  No one was quite sure why but then he mentioned you and Vause to the Nun and she caught on to the line of bullshit you’d been sellin’.  She’d gotten him to stay for tea and then had Jones go ‘round and tell everyone to stick to the ‘Vause broke Chapman’s heart and took off’ line.”

“I wouldn’t have thought he would tip his hand like that. He seems far too clever…”

“Oh he is.  But the Nun ain’t no slouch, you know that.  Anyway, he went ‘round to everyone, covered all the same territory.  By the time he was done it was near on five, and I guess he and his boys was tired of ridin’ and hadn’t eaten since mornin’.  They’re stayin’ the night.”

“Wonderful.”

“But, on the upside, they seem to have given up askin’ questions, and they don’t look too happy so…”

“Good…”

Nicky sighed, “Don’t look so grim, Chapman… they’ll be gone by mornin’, hopefully early.  And maybe tomorrow’ll be the day we hear from Rosa or Vause about Lorna…”

Piper nodded, “Yes, hopefully.”  She took a sip of her wine and looked down at the book she wasn’t reading, praying that Nicky was right… on both counts.

***

**DAY 5**

It was around 6am.  Red and her husband Dmitri were in the bar, preparing for the day when Brook Soso from the general store (skinny, eager, always thrumming with energy) came bursting in.  The store was also where the post was received, and where the telegraph was, so it wasn't necessarily unusual to have her wander in at random times

Red looked over at her, frowning, "Yes?"

Brook held up the piece of paper in her hand and said, in her usual cheery manner, "It's a telegraph from Miss Vause... she says she's gotten Miss Morello and that they couldn't come back right away because Miss Morello needed a doc pretty bad, and it took them a bit to find one because apparently they had to get out of the county they were in before they could stop and Miss Morello just kept getting worse till she collapsed and so they found one yesterday evening and this was the first chance Miss Vause had to cable because the telegraph office wasn't open until now but they'll be on their way sometime today and probably back within three and..."

All of this had come out in a rapid fire stream of words almost too fast for Red to keep up with.  Dmitri had stopped paying attention and gone back polishing beer glasses when he saw it was Brook, because he always talked too fast for him to entirely comprehend.

Red held up a hand, "Stop!" she snapped.

Brook stopped abruptly, as though snapped out of a trance.  Her mouth was _always_ galloping ahead of her brain, so she was used to being stopped midsentence.  Her expression turned sheepish, "Sorry..." she muttered.

Red sighed, "Do not be sorry.  Be silent until I ask questions, da?"

Brook nodded, "Yes, Mrs. Reznikov."

"You have telegram, yes?"

A nod.

"It is from Vause, yes?"

Another nod.

Red held out her hand and gestured the girl forward.  Brook advanced and put the telegram in Red's hand, then stayed standing there, rocking on the balls of her feet like she couldn't stay still.  Red pulled her glasses from where they hung from the front of her apron and placed them on her face.  Brook remained where she was.  Red looked at her over the top of them.  "You can go now."

The girl seemed to suddenly notice what she was doing and nodded, "Oh okay... okay good bye Miss Reznikov."

Red half acknowledged the girl as she scurried out the door and then looked at the telegraph.  The substance of what she'd said was there.  They'd had to stop at some little settlement just outside Cara County and get Lorna looked at by a doctor.  The doc was saying they could probably leave the next day.  Vause said they'd likely be back in no more than three days, maybe less.

A door shut on the upper landing, and she looked up to see one of Kubra's men, dressed only in his trousers and boots.  The man, the leader of the three men, said, "Please pardon me, Mrs. Reznikov, but might I have some warm water?"

Red nodded, "Of course, sir."

"Many thanks," he inclined his head and went back into his room.

As Red went to fetch some warm water for him, stuffing the telegram into her pocket, worry suddenly spiked in her gut.  The man was looking for Vause.  he had been quite persistent about it.  Chapman had managed to put him off (the girl was a talented liar), and he had been planning on leaving town...  Red suddenly remembered that Brook had rushed in and started recounting the substance of Vause's telegram, including her name more than once, before Red could stop her.  She didn't know how much the man had heard... but if he had...

She put the thought out of her head.  Best to see how things played out rather than speculate.

Her mind was put at ease an hour later when, freshly shaved and dressed, the three men came down the stairs and stopped at the bar, settling their bills, "Our was quite night pleasant.  thank you," he said, inclining his head.  He and the others turned and walked out the door.  Red heard them mount up and heard their horses galloping out of town to the East...

She let out a relieved breath and went upstairs to stir Nicky and tell her the good news (she hadn't wanted to tell her before the men had left, for fear she would give everything way)...

***

An enthusiastic Nicky rode down at 7:30 am to give Piper the news.  Piper spent the rest of the day throwing herself into her work as she had the last few days, but there was lightness in her heart.  Fahri and his men were gone, and Alex was returning.  Tasha and Ford finished helping her with the barn, and they made a start on replacing some of the beams in the stables before they called it a night at 6pm. 

She rode with the two of them up to town, and they all went to Red's, where there the mood was festive.  Nicky was as happy as Piper had ever seen her, although she was also obviously concerned about Lorna having been injured badly enough to need a doc in the first place.  Still, she was much encouraged by the fact the doc seemed to think they could travel.

After an evening of Russian food and good company, Ford delivered Piper back down to the ranch near ten.  (she had almost insisted on walking, but he was sincere as he offered and she really didn't like making the walk alone when it was dark).  She waved at him as he trotted back up towards town and then went into the house.

She'd only had one drink tonight, a celebratory vodka with Red and Nicky, and she felt more relaxed, happier than she had for days.  She lit a fire in the hearth in the sitting room, then went upstairs.  She changed into her nightshirt and put on her favorite blue silk robe, then picked up her book and went back to sit in front of the fire.  She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep properly without the drink or Alex to lull her into calm, so she intended to read until she got too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

She had only read about ten pages before there was a knock at the door.  She frowned.  It was far too late for a caller.  She put her book down and stood up, approaching the door warily.  As she looked through the window next the door, she drew in a sharp breath and froze on the spot, surprise and fear jolting through her from head to toe.  No... this wasn't right...

There was another polite knock and then, "I am aware you are on the other side of the door, Miss Chapman.  Sadly for you windows work both ways."

 _Fucking_ smartass, she thought, frowning.

"And I also strongly suspect that you have a weapon in hand.  Please consider carefully your course of action. There are three of us and only one of you.  You know where I am, yes, but not where my associates are, and none of us have any qualms with defending ourselves if attacked.  If you open the door and lay down your weapon, we can have a talk, like civilized people, although absent the lies that you were feeding us earlier.  If you _refuse_ to do either of those things, then we will be forced to take more drastic action.  And I would not care to do that as it is not my purpose here."

He spoke the words in the same even, polite tone he had used when they'd spoken earlier.  Piper was still rooted to the spot.  She closed her eyes.  If he was here now, and speaking the way he was, he surely knew about Alex.  Red had mentioned something about Brook (who could never shut her fucking mouth) loudly announcing the contents of the telegram at the saloon that morning... Red had mentioned that Fahri had been staying there... behind a thin wooden door...

Everything the man said was correct.  She could try to take them on, but as capable as she was, she was no fighter.  There was always the possibility he was lying, that he would try to hurt her no matter what she did... but somehow she thought that she could trust him, at least on that point.  Dread began to gather in her stomach...  because he wasn't here for her... he was here for Alex...

Slowly she took a step forward and opened the door wide in one quick movement, dropping the gun at Fahri's feet as soon as it was open.

One of his men, the fat one, was to one side of the door, his gun drawn, and he stepped into her line of sight as Fahri picked up her pistol, examining it closely, "Very nice.  I suspect Alex had a hand in choosing for you.  She would want nothing but the best to protect her woman."

Piper looked at him, eyes flashing, trying to steady her breathing, not trusting herself to say anything.

"This really is such a quaint town you have here, Miss Chapman," he said, conversationally, tucking the pistol into his belt, "I was quite prepared to leave this morning, but instead, I thought it might be quite nice to stay," his dark brown eyes caught hers and held them, "at least until our _mutual friend_ Miss Vause returns..."


	6. The Long Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this story has been done since last month and I kind of kept forgetting to update it here... sorry! I'll make up for it by posting everything tonight, including original A/Ns...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- So this one is set in the past again (yeah I know I'm leaving you hanging on that last chapter... but I promise I'll resolve it next time). I am evidently entirely incapable of writing anything approaching a short chapter anymore, but such is life lol. Thanks to everyone for reading and stuff... Extra special thanks on this chapter to The Person Who Read This, who deserves most of the credit for the best parts of this one.... ;). Oh and just a disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor am I a meteorologist, so please excuse any medical or weather related errors. And now off to the chapter. I'd say "enjoy" but.... well, you'll see...

The first storm that blew through was the worst anyone in town had seen.  Howling winds, heavy snow.  Temperatures plunging.  By the time it was over it had lasted four days and left Haven blanketed in five feet of white.  Miraculously, there had been no major damage to either the people or their property... they'd just started cleaning up the mess when the second one blew in... and this one... this one made the first one look like a friendly sneeze.... and then another... and another.

By mid-November, it was clear that it was going to be a long, hard winter, and all any of them could do was try to survive it as best they could...

***

Alex knew it was bad because she hadn't seen Piper naked for more than three weeks and neither of them had even remarked on it.  They were both so god damn cold and exhausted and weighted down with the effort of just staying alive that most of the time they just collapsed into bed at the end of the day and clung to one another for warmth.  
  
Which wasn't to say that Alex didn't occasionally revisit pleasant memories to keep herself warm. She remembered the first time she had seen Piper naked, the way the girls eyes had skirted off to the left (making her look like the 19 year old she was). As though she believed she wasn't good enough for Alex (as though Alex would ever think that).  But it wasn't as though Alex could be sore with her feeling that way.  Alex had had her own set of anxieties.  Piper had seen Alex in all her glory later that same night. They'd been in Alex's bedroom, Piper having rather boldly come down the stairs and climbed straight into bed with her (an act that had been unbelievably alluring in and of itself).  
  
Unlike that afternoon in the barn, they'd had the freedom to take their time. And at some point in the proceedings Piper had said (shyly) "I want to _see you_..."  Alex had braced herself.  It wasn't that she didn't want that...but much like her past, her body was full of scars. As far as she was concerned Piper was as close to perfect as a person could get (so fucking beautiful it made her breath catch)...   
  
She didn't have long to be anxious about it. Piper was making short work of her nightclothes... and then, much like Alex had done earlier, she drew back and let her eyes roam over the uncovered skin. Alex kept her own eyes on Piper's face. It was the first time the girl had really seen Alex's right arm, the scar tissue that ran from wrist to just past her elbow. Her midsection was practically more scars than skin: knife scars from her last fight with Stella (say what you would about that bitch, but she was damn good with a knife), bullet wounds (the one in her shoulder the worst, but there were at least half a dozen others).  Even the little scars from when she was a kid, from scraps with Cindy or falling off something in the barn. All of it was ugly. And all of it was a marked contrast to the smooth flawlessness of Piper's skin.  
  
Alex was about to ask if she was all right when Piper leaned down and kissed her, then started carefully mapping every one of her scars with her hands and mouth (starting with the one on her face, the one that she'd had when she met Piper in the first place, that Piper had never recoiled from once) and after a moment Alex lost herself to the sensations and the surge of warmth that had as much to do with the fact that Piper was telling her just how little all of it mattered, as it did with how it was making her feel.

When she'd asked her about it later, Piper had said, "I love every single one of them because they're proof of everything you've survived, all the things that tried to kill you but couldn't... because clearly you were meant to be here with me right now..."

The memory made her clutch Piper a little harder as they faded off to sleep in the cold of their room (Celeste had given up pretending she didn't know they were sleeping together, and Piper and Alex had stopped trying to hide it; there were far more important things to worry about).  It may have been the coldest winter she'd ever experienced  (and she'd experienced some _cold fucking winters_ ) but at least she had _this_...

***

It was inevitable that they would fight at some point.  The relentless cold.  The fact that they were so isolated that they really only saw one another and Celeste (who they insisted only work inside the house; and despite her strong objections to being treated like an invalid, she knew she was showing her age, her joints constantly aching, her endurance low, the simplest of tasks, even indoors, draining her quickly).  They were usually relatively short fights, brought on by an offhand comment one of them made that would annoy the other.  Usually they would either rein themselves in before things got too serious, or Celeste would intervene, telling them stop being so foolish.

But then there came the supply run.  The one that Red had come down with Nicky to tell them about the other night.  The one that would send a party from Haven East back towards New Litchfield, a journey that would be extremely treacherous with the six feet of icy snow on the ground and the ever present threat of another storm rolling through hovering over them...  The one that had been necessitated by the fact that the town was running dangerously low on supplies... The one that Alex had _volunteered_ to go on without discussing it fully with Celeste and Piper... 

Piper had spent almost every minute since in a state of high anxiety, trying not to think about how frightened it made her to think of Alex leaving them ( _leaving her)_ and not coming back.  And, in the absence of alcohol, the only way for Piper to process anxiety was to get angry...

***

“I don’t understand why you have to be the one to go,” Piper’s tone was annoyed, as though she thought Alex was just fucking with her for fun.  They’d been silent for nearly twenty minutes, quietly freezing their rears off as they cleared a path to the stables. 

Alex sighed.  She was tired of having this conversation.  They’d been having it for the past day and a half.  It was running around in circles and it was irritating her, not just because she’d already explained _why_ , but because she was already feeling bad enough about leaving Piper and Celeste on their own.  She knew they were both perfectly capable of taking care of themselves under normal circumstances, but shit wasn’t normal and hadn’t been since the first storm all those fucking months ago. 

“We’ve talked about this, Piper,” she said, trying to keep her temper in check, “I ain’t gonna go over it again…”  she sent a shovelful of snow into the pile to her right, not looking at Piper. 

“Well, maybe I want to god damn go over it again…”

“My mind’s set.  Celeste’s come to peace with it, why can’t you?”

“It’s so easy for you to leave us here?”  Piper had stopped working and was leaning on her shovel, blue eyes glaring at Alex from under her woolen hat and behind her scarf.  

Alex tossed her shovel down in frustration, “No it isn’t god damn easy for me to leave you here.”

“Really?  You could’ve fooled me.  I don’t recall you having a _conversation_ about it.  I recall you _telling_ us what you were going to do…”

“Because you weren’t thinkin’ it through rational… _you got up and left the fuckin’ table_ when I tried to have a _conversation_ with you about it, if you don’t _recall_...” this last she said in an exaggerated parody of Piper’s precise, fancy manner of speaking.

“So you’re so willing to ride off into the unknown and leave us here…”

“I’m doing this for the town, Piper!  If we don’t get these supplies everyone either starves or freezes!  It’s bigger’n you and me and how _fuckin'_ much we’re gonna miss one another…”

Piper scoffed, her temper turning up full blast, “Oh so _now_ you’re so concerned about the greater good… as I recall you weren’t all that interested in anyone else when you went riding off five years ago!  I know how worried grandmother was when you left,  how worried everyone was, and you _knew it too_ , but I didn’t see it making you so selfless then!”

Alex reared back as though Piper had slapped her, angry and stunned that the blonde would throw the past in her face after telling her it didn’t matter (that she was a different person, a _better person_ now)… but also feeling a wave of self-loathing roll through her stomach… it wasn’t that what Piper said was false… it was that it was all too true.  What she should’ve done is walked away, let them both take a deep breath… they were on edge:  hungry, tired, cold, worried… but for all those reasons the anger and hurt crept up her spine and she acted almost without thinking.

She took two quick steps forward until she was right in front of Piper.  The speed of her movement, the look on her face, would’ve put anyone else off, but Piper was angry herself, and even in the state they were in she still knew there was no chance in hell that Alex would ever raise a hand to her. 

When Alex spoke, her voice was low, dangerous, ragged at the edges with anger, “Like you’re so perfect, _Miss Chapman_ … you _ran away_ too.  Ran away from something so bad you won’t even say it out loud…” she narrowed her eyes, “Why don’t _you_ tell me what _you_ did, hmm?  Or are you afraid to tell me how _fuckin' selfish_ you were when you turned tail and ran from your old life so you could _use_ all us country folk to wipe away your bad fucking memories…”

Piper’s eyes were wide, and she looked like Alex has felt just a moment ago: completely taken aback… not just because the words had come from _Alex_ , but because they dug deep into her own insecurities, her own worries and doubts…  There were tears shining in the corner of her eyes, and just as fast as Alex’s anger had come, it began to abate, the implications of what she had said reaching her…

Before Alex could say anything else, Piper’s brow furrowed.  She blinked rapidly, swiping angrily at her eyes.  “ _Fuck you, Alex,_ ” she said, softly but fiercely, then she turned and stormed back into the house.

***

Alex spent the next half hour digging through to the stables by herself, all the time cursing her god damn temper.  She _knew_ how sensitive Piper was about her past, and she truly didn’t even care about what had happened back in Boston, except that she wanted Piper to trust her enough to share it with her.  She wanted to be able to be there for her, and it would be hard to soothe her about her past if she didn’t even know what the girl had done.

It had always been this way with her when Alex got truly angry.  It didn’t happen often, but when it did she couldn’t always be trusted to be in total control of the things she said. 

When she made it to the stables, she found the horses huddled together in the single stall they’d put them in, covered in blankets, just as she’d left them the day before.  She carefully portioned out some food for them and fed them, then gave them a quick once over, making sure they were still doing all right.  It was relatively warm here (warm enough she could take off her gloves without fear her fingers would instantly freeze).  They’d shored the place up as much as they could.

She gave the big black one a pat on his nose, “We're goin' on a little trip in a few days, fella, you'll get a little freedom,” she told him. 

Alex sighed. It was nearing supper, and she'd finished her tasks out here, but she wasn’t quite ready to face Piper yet.  The guilt was still lingering, along with some shreds of anger and frustration (why could she _not understand_ …part of the reason Alex was doing this was the debt she _owed_ the people she’d abandoned before, something that had existed long before the blonde had walked into her life).

She sat down heavily on the stool the used for shoeing the horses, exhaling deeply.  She pulled off her hat so she could run one still ungloved (but rapidly cooling) hand through her hair, then she moved her glasses up on to the top of her head.  She put her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, trying to center herself the way she usually did when she got this angry with other people.  She almost laughed… of course Piper's words would hurt her more than anyone else's possibly could…

She'd probably been sitting there for ten minutes when the door to the stables opened, letting in a blast of cold air, and then closed again.  Alex looked up and saw Piper walking towards her, her face drawn and exhausted and sad.  She’d clearly been crying (maybe even talking with Celeste).  The sight made Alex’s heart hurt. 

“Piper, I’m sorry, I…”

Piper knelt down in front of her and silenced her with a kiss, soft and fervent, bringing her hands up to Alex’s face, her thumbs sliding over the skin there (rough and chapped from the wind and the cold) gently, as though trying to reassure herself that Alex was real. When they broke apart, Alex rested her forehead on Piper’s, “I’m sorry…”

She felt Piper shake her head, then the blonde put her arms around her middle and buried her face in Alex’s neck.  Alex understood.  Piper wasn’t ready to talk about it… this was as close to apologies as they were going to get at present.  Alex slid her arms around Piper’s shoulders and they just clung to each other until Celeste came out to fetch them for supper…

***

That night, they were huddled in the bed with what felt like every single blanket in the house thrown over them. Both of them were wearing every item of warm weather clothing they possessed.  Piper was lying on her side with Alex behind her, practically wearing her like another item of clothing.  It was the only way they could stay warm at night now that the worst part of the winter had set in.

Most nights they just lay in silence.  They worked hard during the day and by the time they crawled into bed at night, they had little energy for much of anything.  But on this particular night, just as Alex was on the edge of drifting off into an exhausted sleep, Piper said (in a voice so soft that at first Alex wasn't entirely certain she'd said anything at all), "I nearly killed someone."

Alex found herself suddenly alert.  She burrowed in closer to Piper (it was barely possible given how near to one another they already were), "Darlin', you don't have to..."

"No.  Earlier today... I was... I was unkind to you.  I _hurt_ you..."

Alex was silent a moment.  She wouldn't deny that Piper's words hadn't hurt her some, but she could read the blonde like a book.  She knew that, as soon as she'd calmed down, Piper'd regretted saying them. Alex, who made a fine business of never forgetting a slight, had no desire to hold a grudge.  She'd known she was prying into a sensitive subject when she'd brought it up... that had been the _point_.  Alex had been angry too...

"You didn't mean to," she said softly.

"My intent makes little difference..." Piper sighed, "I just... I don't like talking about it.  It was awful.  The most awful thing I have ever experienced.  That I've ever done...  I came here in part to escape it, to come to a place where no one would know or care about it, and I didn't think I would ever have to tell anyone about it."

" I know a little somethin' about bad memories, Piper... Ain't no need for you to tell me anythin' you don't want to..."

The blonde shifted slightly in her arms and for a moment, Alex was afraid she was pulling away, that she was going to withdraw not just from the conversation but from their bed.  But Piper was only turning so she was face to face with her.  Her blue eyes were clouded with the pain of the memories, but there was clarity in them when they met Alex's green, "You went through so much worse than I did, but you trusted me enough.... _cared_ about me enough to tell me things you would tell no one else, things that hurt you to recall..." she brought her gloved hand up and placed it gently on Alex's cheek.  Alex covered it with her own.  "If you can find that trust, then I should be able to as well."

"If that's what you want..." Alex could tell Piper meant it.  That she had her mind made up as soon as she'd first opened her mouth to speak.

 _It was the dead of winter and Piper had been drinking. There had been alcohol flowing from every direction at the party. It was a Christmas gathering at their home, thrown by her mother.  No expense spared.  Meant to impress all in attendance, to show them that William Chapman had the means to put on such an affair and that Carol Chapman had the skill to make it one of the most sought after invitations of the season. Another chance for her father to gladhand all the power brokers in the city.  Another chance for her mother to act the sparkling hostess.  Another chance for them to parade Piper in front of all the "fine young men" of Boston like a farm animal up for auction..._   

_There had been a time when she had taken on such obligations with a sense of exasperated inevitability, something that was required of someone of her sex and her class.  But in the six months since her eighteenth birthday (which had unfortunately coincided with her return from the relative safety of finishing school), the pressure on her had increased a hundredfold.  Her mother's lectures had gotten more strident, her criticisms more shrill, her disapproval more obvious.  Her friends' daughters had begun getting engaged, she said, why not Piper?  Why could Piper not simply smile and spout bland affirmations when a man spoke to her, instead of insisting on correcting him when she believed him incorrect (or worse, expressing her own opinion about the matter he was expounding on)?  Why could Piper not endure the presence of men she felt no connection to, who she found bland and boring and appallingly dim? Why... why... why..._

_It was like a constant buzzing in Piper's head, as though her mother had planted a hive of bees between her ears and they never ceased to torment her, not even when she was away from her.  Piper had tried to reason with her, but her mother was not easily reasoned with, and was quite good at ignoring any need or request Piper might have in favor of what she believed Piper needed. Piper felt as if her mother were building a proverbial gilded cage around her true self... that every time she attended a ball or a party or a soiree or accompanied her mother to a tea, every time she smiled and laughed emptily at what some man was saying, every time she repressed the impulse to speak her mind, another bar slid into place... and eventually, the essence of who she was would be cut off forever, and she would spend her whole life acting the obedient wife while inside her soul screamed into the void until it died of despair..._

_These thoughts could only be drowned out with drink. It was a miracle cure that she had discovered at the formal ball her father had thrown to celebrate her brother Daniel's engagement to some woman from a good family whom Piper could not stand.  It had been about three weeks after her own birthday, and her mother had been especially relentless that day.  Polly had gotten engaged to an Australian businessman... not entirely ideal (a foreigner was never entirely ideal) but he had money and the means to make more and was connected to all the right people and the event had triggered a flood of criticisms from Carol.  So Piper had had one glass of wine, just to ease her jangling nerves.  One had turned into two which had turned into half a dozen, until Piper couldn't truly recall exactly why she was so upset in the first place.  Of course, it caused her to talk incessantly and act out of sorts, but her mother saw that as simply typical disappointing behavior (and could certainly not judge anyone for drinking excessively)._

_After that, Piper made a rather large dent in the wine cellar of the host of every party or ball she went to. It didn't necessarily help her catch a husband, and it certainly didn't make her mother any less inclined to criticize, but it certainly made it much easier for her to cease caring._

_In the end, though, it wasn't the drinking that was the true problem.  It was her temper._

_Her temper was never that far from the surface, but she had worked hard to keep it in check, not for her parents, or for its effect on her reputation, but because she knew that when she got angry enough, she might do someone harm.  It had happened once or twice at school, and it was only through the intervention Polly or one of her other friends that she hadn't ever done true violence there.  But Polly was no longer at her side.  She had no allies at all really..._

_The first incident had occurred in August.  She had been drinking all morning, little jots of whatever her father kept in his decanter, sips of her mother's gin stash... just to get her through the day (she couldn't pinpoint exactly when the alcohol became necessary to get her through the day rather than just to get her through the endless stream of "social events").  Daniel had come by to discuss some matter with their father, and had made some offhand unkind comment about her state or her appearance or... something (Piper could not have remembered now, if pressed, what the substance of what he said was).  She'd always disliked Daniel and his sanctimonious judgment, the fact that her parents believed him incapable of sin when she knew exactly what he got up to at night..._

_The comment had barely left his lips when she saw red, and by the time she came back to herself, she was being pulled off of her brother by one of the servants.  She'd really only gotten a couple of blows in, one to his gut and one to his face (she'd blacked his eye nicely) before she'd been stopped.  Her parents were livid and made it entirely clear just how disappointing her behavior had been (and how, she thought, was that any different from their usual opinion of her?).  Daniel was humiliated and essentially began to pretend she did not exist (which was really a blessed relief)._

_After that, her mother tried to keep a closer eye on her during the day and so she could only keep a mild intoxication going.  It was enough to take some of the edge off, but not entirely satisfying in the way being completely lost was.  She could only achieve that at the big gatherings where she could slip away from Carol and find a glass of wine.  Sometimes she could turn her charm up and even get a servant to bring her an entire bottle of her own._

_Sometimes she would lose track of what she was doing and when she came back to herself she would have said something or done something that upset her mother.  It began to please her to do such things.  It began to be the only time when she was really enjoying herself.  By October, her mother was deliberately leaving her at home ("Oh, no. I'm afraid Piper is having those terrible headaches again...").  It became a comfort really.  She would retreat to her brother Cal's room and they would play cards together or just commiserate over how restricted their lives were.  Her time with her 14 year old brother was the only time she felt like she didn't need the alcohol to function... (and she was painfully aware of just how pathetic that made her life)_

_Carol couldn't avoid Piper's presence at the Christmas gathering, however.  It took place in their own home, and part of the point was to show what a (god damn fucking) happy family they were.  And so she was allowed downstairs, and Carol tried to keep an eye on her, but it was even easier to convince the Chapman family servants to give her alcohol because they knew her and they saw what she went through every day.  Two hours in she was in quite a state, and was holding court, expounding on some matter of theology in what she considered a rather reasonable and level sort of tone._

_She was on quite a roll when a bombastic voice rang out from behind her... it was the good Reverend Healy, well respected man of God.  He took issue with her assertions (Piper couldn't even remember what they were anymore), and began debating her.  He was accompanied by a small, somewhat wild looking woman, a charity case he had "rescued off the streets" and was teaching to be civilized or some such nonsense (she later learned the woman's name was Tiffany Doggett).  At some point the debate became heated.  Piper could see both of her parents behind the Reverend, looking horrified, and it only goaded her on. Some of her comments had become personal, and the small woman had risen to defend him.  Things escalated quickly, until the little woman laid hands on her, pushing her away from the Reverend, saying something about not tainting him with her heathen's touch...._

_The second Doggett made contact with her, she saw red again.  Unlike the experience with her brother (where she remembered nothing), Piper still had very vivid, very distinct impressions of what had happened...  punching Doggett in the jaw, knocking her down, a jolt of pain in her knuckles that she ignores, falling upon the smaller girl, yelling incoherent words made out of pure rage, knocking Doggett's hands out of the way when she brings them up to defend herself, hitting her in the face, once, twice, three times... feeling bones break, feeling something wet and warm and sticky soaking her hand... switching to her left hand as she feels the right one begin to give... someone grabs her by the shoulders, pulls... trying to lift her away... she turns punches them as well, the hands fall away (it turns out later that this Daniel again)... returns to her work... blood rushing in her ears, heart pounding, no sounds but the sickening smack of her fists on Doggett's face... the small woman has gone still now... isn't struggling..._

_Finally arms wrap around her from behind, gripping tightly, pulling hard. Piper screams in protest... looks down at her handiwork... Doggett's face covered in blood, hardly recognizable... Piper's own fists dripping with it...  she struggles hard against the arms restraining her.  All she can see is Doggett, all she wants to do is keep hitting her... it felt so good... (when she remembered it, this was the most terrifying part) so fucking good... the tension that had been building up in her for six months (for 18 years?) finally finally FINALLY finding some release...._

_Someone has to knock her out to stop her from trying to finish off Tiffany Doggett..._

Piper's voice had remained steady, calm, almost emotionless as she recounted her story.  Her eyes had been unfocused, looking beyond Alex, back into her past, all the way back to Boston. 

"After that... well, I rather quickly stopped getting invited to parties of any sort.  My father made sure there were no true consequences for me, at least not with the law.  They had no idea what to do with me anymore.  They considered sending me to an asylum, but as I stopped drinking and rarely left the house after that, they felt like such an action wasn't required.  I spent a great deal of time wondering whether anyone would care if I died.  It's what spurred me to write Grandmother, which I hadn't done since I had left finishing school.  She... she was so supportive... and then when Grandfather died, she asked me to come out here....

"Mother and father were ecstatic of course. But even though she no longer wanted me there, mother made sure I knew that she thought I wouldn't be capable of handling it, that this was a whim, a passing fancy...  I wanted a new start... and..." a small smile appeared, lifting a little of the melancholy that had settled into her eyes, "... well, here I am..."

She met Alex's eyes, not entirely certain what she would see there. She knew Alex, for all good natured jabs at Piper's frippery and fancy vocabulary, had some respect for Piper's refinement, her education.  Celeste had instilled a love of such things in Alex, of learning and reading, even if she hadn't had a lot of opportunity to indulge it. But she didn't know whether this would somehow alter her in Alex's view.  The fact that there was a beast deep within her somewhere, that drink let it out of its cage and that it prowled around the edges of her soul even sober...  (no one in town ever provoked her much, but she knew she could snap given the wrong kind of provocation.)

All she saw in Alex's eyes, though, was understanding.  No pity (the other thing she'd been dreading), because Alex knew people made their own ways in life, coped with things how they had to.  She knew what drink could do to a person, had experienced it for herself.  The effect the tale had on her was to intensify her already strong desire to protect Piper in whatever way she could.  She knew it was unrealistic to think that she could shield the girl from every horrible thing that might happen, nor did she think Piper would want that (she tried so hard to prove herself, to prove her self-sufficiency and Alex couldn't take that away from her), but Alex wanted to take care of her when she could.  Not necessarily to take the bullet for her, but to be by her side when the time came to face whatever haunted her.  It was what she wanted Piper to be for her as well...

Alex pulled her closer, kissing her gently on the side of the neck (well the section of her neck that was visible beneath the layers she was wearing), "I'm glad you're here."

Piper curled into Alex, fitting her head underneath the brunette's chin, taking a deep shaky breath as she felt Alex's arms tighten around her, tears forming without her really meaning them to, "Me too..."

"And your parents sound like jackasses..."

Piper laughed wetly, "They work very hard at it..."

"Piper... thank you for telling me..."

Piper extracted herself enough to tilt her head up to kiss her briefly before going back to her previous position.

They fell silent then, Alex kissing her gently on the top of the head as they soaked up each other's warmth and drifted off slowly to sleep, listening to one another breathe.

***

Three days later, Alex left.  There were half a dozen of them in the party going to meet the supply convoy from New Litchfield, the one that Red had had to beg, borrow and steal to get to them.  Things were getting dire.  If everyone in town hadn't been out of almost everything (food, kerosene, coal... _everything_ ), they wouldn't have risked it (especially not with the unpredictable nature of the weather... it could go from sunny and freezing for days to sudden fierce and driving storms that would sweep in with barely a moment's notice).

In addition to Alex, Bennett, Ford, Maxim, Flores and Cindy were going.  Red designated Alex as the leader.  Alex wasn't sure how she felt about the responsibility, but she was forced to agree that she was probably best able to bring them all home safe.  If Rosa hadn't been sick as a dog up at her temporary quarters at Mendoza's rooming house, she would've taken the job, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

Alex hated leaving Piper and Celeste alone.  They were all she had in the world anymore and being separated from them was physically painful, but this was for them, for the whole town.  She'd spent a lot of time amongst people who thought only of themselves, she'd spent a lot of time _thinking_ only of herself and she had a lot to make up for.  This was a sacrifice but she had to make it.

The morning they left, it seemed like the whole town was out to see them off, or was at least on their front porches, watching.  There was a whole lot of hope riding out with them.  If they were lost or didn't return with the supplies, everyone in town was like to starve or freeze to death.

Daya was clutching Bennett on the front porch of the Sheriff's office as though she'd never let him go, head buried in his chest.  The Sheriff's had covered his boyish face with a thick beard, but he still looked impossibly young as he tried to keep himself crying.  Maxim was standing by one of the wagons, being lectured sternly by Red.  Ford had hugged each of his girls in turn and was now standing with Miss Berdie, their foreheads together, eyes closed.  The girls, after saying goodbye to Ford had gone over to slap Cindy on the back and tell her to look after her "big black ass".  Gloria Mendoza was giving Flores a hard cuff on the shoulder.

Alex was standing with Nicky, Celeste and Piper on the porch of the saloon, a ways down from where Maxim was getting his ear chewed off by his mother.

Nicky gave her a hard look, "Take care of yourself, al'right, Vause?"

"Mmhmmm," Alex nodded sharply, meeting her oldest friends' huge brown eyes with her own weighted gaze.  After a long moment, Nicky thrust out her right hand.  Alex gripped it tight and shook it once, hard.  Then Nicky released her hand, huffed a sigh and turned on her heel to walk down the sidewalk a little further to where Lorna was standing with Cindy and Maxwell.

Celeste stepped forward and hugged Alex hard, "You be careful out there, don't take any risks you can't handle," she said sternly, "Can't have you disappearing after we just got you back..."

"Yes ma'am," Alex said.   Celeste pulled back, gave her shoulder a squeeze.

"I'll give you girls a minute..." she said, then moved out into the street stiffly, really feeling the ache in her joints, heading towards Sister Ingalls and Jones.

Piper was bundled up in about three coats, with a thick fur on top of it all.  She was looking down at the wood of the sidewalk, her hands wrapped protectively around her middle.  Alex could see the set of her jaw, knew the girl was trying her damndest not to cry in front of everyone.  She took a step forward.

"Piper..."

The blonde said nothing, kept staring.

Another step forward.  Alex put her thickly gloved hand on Piper's shoulder, "Darlin..."

In one swift movement, Piper stepped into her and put her arms around her, squeezing hard and burying her face in Alex's own layers.  Alex hugged her back.  "You had better not die," Piper's voice came muffled from the depths of Alex's coat (she was wearing long johns, a flannel shirt, an under coat, an overcoat, a winter coat lined in sheep's wool and she had a fur lined blanket waiting for her on her horse... she felt like a god damn sausage).

Alex wasn't one for meaningless reassurances, and she couldn't lie to Piper anyway.  "I can't promise you anything, but you know I'll do my best..."

For just a moment, Piper wished that Alex could be a little bit more like the people back in Boston, always telling her what she wanted to hear so as not to offend her delicate female sensibilities.  The impulse passed quickly though. Part of the reason she loved Alex so much was because she was nothing like those people.  Piper took a half step back, still keeping a hold (as tight a grip as she could with her heavy mittens on) on Alex's forearms. 

In addition to her layers of coats, there was a scarf draped loosely around her neck that she would tighten up once she got on the horse, the one Piper had made for her, rather inexpertly, at the beginning of this godawful winter.  Piper took hold of it gently.  "You should wear the one you bought from Flaca. It's much better constructed..."

"I like this one, if it's all the same to you...  I've got t'other one, if I need it, but I'm sure this'll keep me warm."

Alex could see the tears forming again, and was going to say something but Piper leaned forward and kissed her instead.  Alex was faintly concerned, because they hadn't ever done this in front of anyone but Celeste before (and then rarely), but she forgot about her anxiety quickly.  She'd never gone away like this before: in the full light of day, saying a proper goodbye to someone who loved her.  She was going to make sure she did it properly.  And if the others didn't like it they could all scrap over it when this little expedition got back and they weren't all two steps from dying.

After a long moment they parted, having done all they could to communicate everything they were thinking and feeling with that one kiss.  Alex kissed her once more on the forehead and then again on the cheek before saying, "I love you."

Piper barely trusted herself to speak, but couldn't let Alex go without responding, "I love you too..."

Alex turned before she could get any more emotional.  As she walked towards the wagon, she pulled out the cap that Red had given them all (she said it was called a balaclava, something Dmitri had worn back in Russia).  It was made of wool and looked like a cap until she pulled it down and it covered up her ears and her neck, leaving her face free.  She put it on, adjusted her glasses, then wound the scarf Piper had made her (a little misshapen with a couple of missed stitches here and there, but still made of wool and more importantly, made by Piper) around her neck and the lower part of her face.  Then she pulled on her thick fur cap on (this one Celeste had made for her, the kind with flaps that hung over her ears, tied at the bottom).  She knew she looked absurd, but at least her face wouldn't freeze off.

She looked around at the others.  No one in town looked _good_ necessarily, not after two months of storm after storm wrecking havoc on the town, but they were all determined, all bundled up as much as she was. She gestured, "All right... let's go..."

The tracked out East from town, Alex leading the way on the big black horse that Celeste still refused to name, Ford and Flores following on the bench of the first wagon, which they'd rigged up with runners rather than wheels, Ford's sturdiest draft horses hauling it (the shoes he'd put on them, and all the horses, had spikes on them that would enable them to stay on top of the packed, icy snow), Bennett and Maxim brought up the rear in the second wagon.  They knew it wouldn't be an easy trip (15 miles seemed like a hundred when they had to travel at a snail's pace to prevent a mishap, and with the icy sub zero wind buffeting them from all sides), but they still hoped to be back within a week... two at the outside. And they hoped to find the town and all their people just as they were leaving them now: exhausted and cold but alive.

But of course.... hope was a dangerous thing...

***

The well in the front yard of the ranch had been frozen since the first storm. They’d had it covered to try to keep it from freezing solid, but the hail had been so severe that the god damn thing had cracked and fallen into the well, getting lodged in half way down.  By the time they were able to leave the house the water was frozen solid, and the god damn cover and bucket were tangled up and frozen too. There was no point in trying to re-cover it.

There was a well in town, which they’d had the foresight to build a shelter around when Jones had started talking about how awful the winter would be (Miss Berdie’s girls had taken a week in the fall constructing a structure around it that was practically as nice as some houses).  But the two miles to town was impassable at the moment, and would probably be a challenge even when they were able to dig out a bit.

As they stood in the front yard looking at the damage to the well, Celeste had pointed west and said, “Well, at least we’ve got the creek.”

The creek was about 15 feet across and especially deep where it passed by the farm, maybe five feet (it was as little as a foot deep further north and south).  It was frozen solid after the storm, but, unlike the well, there were ways around that.

They had gone out and tested it.  The ice near the shore was good and solid, but the further out they went, the thinner it got, to the point where Alex, wearing metal contraptions Ford’s girl Suzanne had constructed on the bottom of her boots that dug into the ice, could take Bennett's ice cutting equipment to it to bust through the ice and get a few buckets full of water.  There were times when it got thicker, where they couldn’t get all the way through, but they could still pull up chunks of ice and take them in to melt them.

Two weeks had passed since Alex left, and Piper and Celeste were managing all right without her.  Both of them were worried about her, but they had plenty to do around the ranch, and they had regular visits from Nicky and Lorna and Sister Ingalls.  It helped that there had been no major storms rolling through.  It kept the path to and from town relatively clear and meant that they weren’t entirely isolated.  They were running short on kerosene and food just like everyone else, but thankfully they’d stocked up on firewood and had been rationing it well, so they were at passably warm.

The last day of the second week of Alex’s absence was bright and clear (and cold and windy, although nothing they weren’t used to by now).  Piper had been feeling under the weather for a few days, a little achy, possibly a little warm, but she hadn’t said anything to Celeste.  She wasn’t willing to put any more burden on her grandmother than there already was.  She didn’t want the older woman taking too much on, so she pulled herself out of bed and went about her daily tasks.

Piper went out to check on the brown mare in the stables, and when she came back from feeding her and mucking out the barn, it was near noon. Celeste was standing near the larder, taking stock of their supplies.  “We’re going to need to fetch some more water,” she said, gesturing to the near empty washbasin they kept their supply in. 

Piper nodded, sighing. She was less than fond of fetching water from the creek.  She was sure enough on her feet that walking out on the ice didn’t bother her (she’d been ice skating since she was a child), but one of the activities her mother had deemed “beneath her” was swimming (“Have you _seen_ the outfits they wear, Piper?  Do you want people to think you’re a whore?”), and she didn’t like the thought of literally walking on water.  Alex had given her a couple tentative swimming lessons before things had gotten really cold, and had promised her more when things warmed up, but Piper still wasn’t entirely comfortable with it.

She went to fetch the ice spikes to strap to her shoes as Celeste stood up and put her overcoat.  “Grandmother, you really don’t have to come.  I’m perfectly capable of doing this on my own.”

“I know you are, dear, but better safe than sorry.  It’s best to have someone keeping an eye on you.”

Secretly, Piper was relieved.  She liked that Celeste was there to watch her.  They got out to the creek side and Celeste stood on the bank watching her while Piper advanced.  She wanted to get to a place where she could feel the ice thinning out, but not go too far. The wind was blowing, and she could feel it pulling her, but it wasn’t so bad.  She had endured worse.

She had Bennett's ice cutting tools strapped to her belt and she kept her eyes in front of her.  When she sensed the ice begin to thin out a little, maybe four feet from the bank, she applied a little more pressure with her left foot, sinking the spikes into the ice, and then lifted and brought her right foot down to anchor it as well…

…but instead of the spikes chunking solidly into the ice, they went straight through, and her momentum caused the rest of her to go crashing through the ice and into the water, which was well below freezing… Piper heard Celeste crying out.  The water was only five feet deep here, she could feel the slick stones under her feet, but she was wearing all her layers and her thick boots, it was difficult to gain purchase and she was not assisted by the panic she felt rolling through her in waves.

The current was trying its damndest to drag her under the ice on either side of the hole she’d created.  She was struggling to get herself to the shore, her feet flailing, when her ankle made contact with something underneath the surface and she cried out in pain as her weight rolled over on it and she lost her footing again… feeling herself being carried further from the bank…  and then suddenly she felt a strong hand gripping her by the back of her collar, and looked up to see Celeste, who was a good four inches shorter than she was, in the water up to her chest.  It was splashing onto her face, and as they struggled back to the shore, they were both submerged at least once.

***

By the time they got to the river bank, they were both breathing hard, Celeste dragged herself up onto the bank, and then pulled Piper, who felt like she weighed twice as much as normal with her soaked clothes, up out of the river.  It was warmer out than it had been recently, but the mercury had shown 20 when she checked it that morning, and the water hadn’t been any warmer.  As soon as they emerged, Celeste began shaking and felt the cold seeping into her bones.  Piper was shaking as well, struggling to stand, her face contorted in pain from whatever had happened to her foot.

Celeste was feeling the effects of the cold.  Her teeth were chattering, her thoughts getting muddled.  She knew she had to get them inside.  She grabbed Piper again and, by sheer force of will, managed to half drag her to the porch of the house.  She somehow managed to open the door.  There was a fire in the hearth of the sitting room.  Celeste had started it before they had gone out to get the ice, in anticipation of an afternoon spent sitting and reading.

By now Piper was still conscious but her eyes were unfocused.  They were leaning up against the wall next to the door, dripping all over the floor.  Celeste looked Piper in the eye and shook her shoulders… Piper’s lips were turning blue, her hair was soaked… “Piper…” Celeste’s voice was shaky, “we have to take off your coat…”

The blonde’s movements were sluggish… her hands shaky as she tried to unbutton the soaked coat.  Celeste helped her unbuckle her belt and then unbutton the coat and somehow they managed to get it off.  It was a full length affair, lined with fur and it seemed to account for much of the weight. Celeste pulled off the lighter jacket beneath it… she could feel herself fading again.  She gritted her chattering teeth, she had to make sure Piper was safe…

She half carried the girl to the couch in front of the fire and laid her down pulling both the blankets that were draped over the back of the couch (one thick flannel, one lined with bearskin) over Piper, tucking them around her tightly.  It wasn’t perfect… the blonde’s clothes were still wet, but not nearly as soaked as the coat they’d discarded had been. The blankets plus the heat from the fire might just warm her up enough…

Once Piper was covered and Celeste saw her shaking begin to fade off, saw the color come back into her lips, she finally let the effects of the cold take her as well.  She collapsed onto the rug in front of the fire, still shivering, her breaths coming rapid and short.  She could feel her heart beat slowing, the numbness spreading as the adrenaline wore off.  Her thoughts became lethargic as she turned to look at her granddaughter…

Piper was looking down at her.  She’d burrowed into her blankets even further and she seemed more coherent than she had a few moments ago… “Grandmother…” she said weakly.

“Piper…” Celeste heard her voice coming as though from a long distance away, her words slurring softly.  “Piper…” her eyes closed…

***

Piper could barely form a thought.  She felt distantly that she was getting warmer, the numbness in her extremities fading slightly even as the pain radiating from her ankle intensified.  All she knew was that she felt weak as a kitten and so very tired… she couldn’t will herself to move, could barely keep her eyes open…

She looked down at Celeste, lying on her back on the floor in front of her, still dressed in her cold, soaking wet clothes, a slight blue tint to her lips as she shivered, the fire blazing behind her seemingly doing nothing to warm her.  The look in Celeste's eyes was distant... she said Piper’s name… and then her eyes closed…

“Grandmother..” Piper said, trying for an exclamation and barely managing to push the name out… it fell from her lips weakly but seemed to reach Celeste nonetheless.

Celeste opened her eyes slowly, looked in Piper’s direction, her eyes still unfocused.  “You know… Alex… she loves you more than I think I’ve ever seen anyone love another person…” she said this softly, breathing the words in almost a whisper.

Piper felt an ache begin to build in her chest that had nothing to do with the cold, “Grandmother…”  she repeated, feeling something prickling in her eyes.

“Take care of each other, promise me…” Celeste’s eyes got more and more distant with every passing second, “I was so worried about you both… about leaving you… but now… I think it will be… all right…”

“Please… don’t say things like that… Please...”

“I’ve had a good long life, Piper… Seen so much, done so much… so grateful… for you… you are… the child your father should have been…”

“But….”

But Celeste wasn’t really listening any more, if she ever had been.  Her eyes were completely unfocused now, staring past Piper.  Her was voice growing weaker,  more faded, “It will be nice to see Dan again… I miss him so…”

As Piper watched, Celeste’s eyes closed.  She was still breathing: shallow, short breaths.  Piper wanted desperately to get up and help her, do something, cover her with a blanket, but she couldn’t do it.  Her thoughts were jumbled, her limbs heavy…  and she was so fucking tired… “Grandmother…” Piper breathed again, but she had no hope there’d be a response.  . 

***

At some point she fell asleep, slipping into dreamless unconsciousness and then jolting awake almost as suddenly.  She barely felt rested when she woke.  The room was dark.  Night had fallen.  The fire was still blazing, throwing light into the room.  The blankets were still on her and she felt almost unnaturally warm… Her mind still wasn’t entirely clear, and her memories of recent events were cluttered.  But she knew Celeste was here somewhere.

She looked down at rug in front of her.  And saw Celeste lying there… eyes closed...

“Grandmother…” she said weakly.  But Celeste didn’t reply… and after a long moment, Piper saw that her chest was no longer rising…  she wasn’t shivering or shaking anymore… the look on her face was almost peaceful…

Piper may not have been thinking straight, but she knew what it meant… she squeezed her own eyes shut and burrowed even further into the blankets.  The tears came fast.  She was crying hard now, the lingering shivers from the cold that she was still feeling deep within her bones mixing with the racking sobs, crying tears of frustration, of grief… knowing her grandmother was dead and knowing in her heart that it was _her fault_ … Suddenly she wanted Alex to be at her side at this moment more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.

***

_12 hours later_

It took nearly two weeks for them to get back to town, but they were actually quite fortunate.  There'd been no major mishaps and (even more miraculous) not a single new storm had come through while they were out.  It had taken longer on the way back because they'd had to ensure they didn't lose any supplies, but all in all Alex was feeling more than a little fortunate when they finally rode back into Haven.  It was morning, round 7am, the sun was up, and Alex was thinking that even if she helped unload the supplies, she could be back to the ranch within two hours.  She had been thinking about seeing Piper ever since the town had become visible on the horizon.

Red had heard the wagons pull up and was standing in front of the saloon, "Your man was good as his word, Red," Alex said, sliding down from the big black nameless horse as the others got of the wagons and went to go fetch help with unloading.  "Delivered everything you put on your list and even threw in couple cords of firewood on top of it all, said he owed you."

"He does," Red said, without elaboration. 

Behind Alex, the others had slid off their wagons and were starting to unload things, marching them into the saloon, where they'd be stored until they could be distributed around the town.  They were all tired and frozen and wanted nothing more than to go home, but they wouldn't until the supplies were unloaded.  After a few moments, Ford and Miss Berdie and the three girls emerged from the livery and wandered over to lend a hand.

Alex handed Red a manifest that had been signed by the man from New Litchfield and turned back to help with unloading everything.  With the amount of help they had, it only took a half hour to get everything settled into the saloon.  One of the wagons had the ranch's share of the supplies.  Ford had hitched the black horse up to it.  Alex intended to bring the supplies to the ranch, and then return the wagon later that night. 

She tipped her hat to Red and then turned the wagon towards the West.

***

Alex tied the horse up to the hitching post and threw the warm blanket over him. She slid off the wagon bench and went round to the back, hoisting a box of dry goods out of the wagon and heading toward the front door... it wasn't until she looked up at the house that she realized something was off...

The first sign that something was wrong was that the door was wide fucking open.  It was 25 fucking degrees...  and the house looked dark and lifeless... still as the grave... at this time of day, Piper might be out in the stables, but Celeste would be inside... She quickened her pace.  By the time she got inside she was practically running.  She set down the box she was holding and looked around.  The house was near as cold as the outside.  She slammed the door shut and called out, "Piper?  Celeste??"

The curtains in the sitting room were drawn, but there was enough light coming in that she could see there was a fire, it was weak now, almost down to nothing but embers... and she could see a pair of feet hanging out from behind the couch. 

Alex felt as though she'd been kicked in the chest hard, "Oh fuck... oh fuck... Jesus... _no_..." she took long strides into the room, rounding the corner of the couch as the dread pooled in her gut.  She looked down and saw... Celeste, lying still as stone, white as a ghost... Alex fell to her knees beside her, tearing off her gloves, hat and scarf as she put her ear to Celeste's chest... listening for a heartbeat, hearing nothing. She put her fingers on the older woman's neck, trying to feel for a pulse, hoping against hope that maybe she hadn't heard Celeste's heart because of all the layers she was wearing.  The older woman was so fucking cold it was like touching ice. Her clothes were faintly damp.  The aura of heat from the dying fire was probably all that had kept frost from forming on her.

Alex ran a hand through her hair, trying to calm herself, keep the tears at bay.  All she wanted to do was sit down and cry for an hour... Celeste... Celeste was as close to a mother as she had anymore... Celeste had raised her... had loved her... had forgiven her... had brought Piper into her life...  Piper... Alex had been so shocked about Celeste that she had almost forgotten Piper... Jesus, where the fuck was Piper?  What the fuck had happened here?  If Celeste was dead... Piper would probably be taking this as bad as she was, maybe even worse.  Alex had to be strong, bear up... she had to be there for her...

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, she hadn't taken her eyes off Celeste since she'd walked into the room.  Alex went to stand up, assuming Piper must be in their room (otherwise why wouldn't _she_ have been the one to tell her what was going on?)... and as she did so, her eyes came to rest on the pile of blankets on the couch... the pile of blankets that was as still as Celeste had been...

Alex frowned, her brow furrowing... what...?  As she looked closer she could see part of a hand and a glimpse of blonde hair sticking out from the side of the pile closest to Celeste's head.  "Jesus fuck..." she muttered, panic rising from deep within her, rising through her stomach, enveloping her heart and up to her brain before she even took a careful step over Celeste's body ( _trying desperately not to think about how Celeste was fucking dead_).  She went down on her haunches next to the couch and reached a tentative shaking hand towards the blankets. 

She pulled them down... and was confronted with the sight of Piper, eyes closed, skin sallow, still as the grave... looking for all the world like she was dead...  she couldn't stop the tears now, they burst from her unbidden with no preamble, "Oh fuck, oh Jesus God no..." every coherent thought in her mind flew out and was replaced by agonizing grief and a dark unhinged voice repeating the same three words over and over in her head: _Piper is dead Piper is dead Piper is dead_...

Weeping like a baby, a string of curse words and unadulterated anguish falling from her mouth, she leaned forward and pulled Piper into her arms... Jesus she was so fucking cold... and still and light as though everything that made her what she was had left her... and now the voice was screaming _you left them... you left them and they died_...

An almost animalistic cry of grief worked its way out of her lungs as she buried her face in Piper's neck, wishing for all the world that she could just lay down here and die as well...

She was so consumed with the sorrow and the guilt that was washing over her that it took her a moment to hear it... and then she felt something too... Piper... was moving... and saying something... words that were muffled by Alex's jacket.  Alex took deep shaking breaths, trying to reign in her emotions... listening... trying to figure out if what she had heard was a figment of her imagination.

"Alex..." Piper's voice was so quiet, barely more than a whisper of breath, her arms were moving weakly.  Alex looked down at her.  Her eyes were still closed, and her muttering seemed to be more out of delirium than anything else, maybe some sort of response to hearing Alex's voice... and now that she looked Alex could see a sheen of sweat on her face, could hear the sound of her breathing... an almost frightening rattle... but _Piper was_ _alive_...

An wave of relief swept through her, almost as paralyzing as the grief of a moment before... but it was short lived as Piper shivered violently in her arms and coughed deep in her chest.

Before Alex's addled mind had a chance to truly assess the situation she heard a knock on the door.  The door slid open and Nicky's voice called out, "Ay, Vause!  You forgot to take your ration of..."  the bartender's raspy voice stopped abruptly as she realized how cold it was in the house... and as she looked over and saw Celeste's feet.  "...what the hell...?"

Footsteps moved across the floor and then Nicky came around the edge of the couch and set eyes on Alex holding Piper's limp, shaking body to her chest, tears shining in her eyes. "Oh fuck me..."

***

Nicky had ridden down with Vasily and sent him back up for the Doc, who returned in record time. Nicky had managed to calm Alex down a little, and the brunette had carefully carried Piper upstairs to their bedroom.  Nicky lit a fire in the fireplace there while Alex changed Piper out of what she'd been wearing and into her nightshirt, carefully setting her in the bed and pulling all the blankets in the bed over her, along with the two from downstairs.  She sat on the bed, holding Piper's hand and staring down at her, tears still rolling down her face, though she wasn't making a sound. Nicky didn't even want to know what she was thinking.

Sister Ingalls knelt next to the bed and examined Piper carefully, not even bothering to ask Alex to leave or move.  After a moment, she looked up at them.  "It has every appearance of pneumonia. She's burning with fever and her breathing is labored.  She might have caught the infection when she was in town a few days ago.  Two of Red's girls have come down with it, and given... Celeste's condition," here the Nun's voice faltered briefly, and she had to gather herself... she had known Celeste for twenty years, "it looks like exposure to cold water may have hastened its onset..."

"Cold water?"asked Nicky.

"Celeste's clothes were damp.  I don't know exactly what happened, but it appears one or both of them fell into the creek, possibly Miss Chapman as she seems to have injured her ankle as well. It would explain the suddenness of Celeste's death... we saw her just a day and a half ago..."

"But... but she's going to get better right?" Alex asked, the first time she'd spoken since the Nun had walked in, her voice ragged and so shot through with anguish that it made Nicky want to cry too, "You and Jones... you've got medicine up there that'll make her better?"

The Nun's expression was pained, full of regret and sympathy, "I'm afraid all I can give you is something to ease some of the more severe symptoms.  Unfortunately, the illness must run its course..."

"Run its course?  The fuck does that mean?"

"It means that the most you can do is keep Miss Chapman comfortable.  And hope for the best..."

For once, Alex wished she wasn't so fucking good at reading people.  Because when she looked in Sister Ingalls's eyes, all she saw was a sad sort of sympathy... the kind of look you give to someone you know is about to lose someone they love...

***

Even before Celeste had died, Red had wanted them to move back up to town. They’d lost all their livestock after the second storm (literally... the storm had blown a hole in the fence and the fuckers had just walked off), and the horses could easily be quartered at the livery where Ford and Miss Berdie were doing their damndest to keep all the horses healthy.  So far, no one up in town had died, although several of them had taken ill and come close.  Red had become quite determined that they’d all make it through.  They pooled their resources, looked out for one another (even Rosa’s gang had come in from the Roost, a mile East of town, and were occupying space around town).  The large shipment of supplies Alex and the others had brought in that week Celeste was killed was enough to last them for at least two or three months if it were rationed out right, and hopefully by then, things would clear up enough for folks to make their normal supply runs to New Litchfield.

But Piper was sick, and Alex wouldn’t risk moving her, and the Nun had to admit that spending the hour it would take to get back up to town in the kind of cold that was upon them now would be like to kill her. 

So they stayed at the ranch, alone, cut off from everyone, and for awhile, Alex tried to keep up the ranch, but it had been hard enough with three people given the conditions and it was near impossible for just her.  After a few days, all she was doing was checking the horses  briefly once a day and then going back in to take care of Piper.

Piper...

Piper was going to die.  Alex was sure of it.  Jones had given Alex some herbal remedies that were supposed to ease the worst of Piper's symptoms, and Alex gave them to her dutifully, even though they didn't seem to be doing a fucking thing.  The blonde spent her days sweating and shaking.  She was muttering in her sleep, Alex's name or her grandmother's or even her parents' and brothers back in Boston, talking nonsense.

Alex was tired and cold and the thought of losing Piper was making her lose her mind.  She knew deep down (she _knew_ ) that she had to stay healthy, had to keep things running, had to take care of Piper, or she'd die too, but she didn't fucking care.  She spent whole days just wrapped around Piper, holding her tight while Piper burned with fever and was overcome the chills.

As much as Alex had sworn off violence, vowed not to fall back into it, there was a simplicity to it for her, an ease.  She knew how good she was at it.  She had enough confidence in her abilities that she knew that nine times out of ten, she would come out on top of any situation she got thrown into, and that if she couldn’t she could find a way to talk her way around it. She wasn’t used to feeling this god damn helpless and it was disorienting her badly.  The illness wasn’t something Alex could fight.  It was a mysterious thing that was slowly killing Piper and Alex had no idea what the fuck to do about it.

It didn't help that she spent all day by herself, watching as Piper gave every appearance of someone who was going to die.  It didn’t take long before her brain, already battered by the loss of Celeste ( _Celeste, who she'd never even gotten a chance to mourn properly_... _Celeste whose death felt so much like it was her fault..._ ) and the hardscrabble conditions they were living under, lack of food and sleep, started spinning out worst case scenarios that left her almost paralyzed with grief.  

It wasn’t until the blonde wasn’t there anymore that Alex realized just how much a calming influence she was in her life, how often Piper's simple reassurances (that she was _a decent person who was worth something_ ) were enough to keep her dark thoughts from spiraling off into the void that they'd slipped into so often when she was with Kubra. Piper was the touchstone, the _constant_ , that Alex was moored to... and when the possibility that she might be dying, that she was so sick she might not recover... it was like everything that was keeping Alex tethered was coming undone... she hadn't felt so lost since her mother died... and she didn't like to think about the path that had led her down.

The thought of Piper dead… gone… lost to her forever tormented her every waking moment… Alex had just _found_ her for god’s sake… Piper was like an essential piece of her that had suddenly snapped into place when she'd first laid eyes on her.  Everything before had been like a photograph, all washed out and sepia toned, and then she’d met Piper and all the color had started leaching back in, slowly but surely.  Life had been hard enough _before_ she knew Piper was out there, but now that she was in Alex's life… now that Alex knew what it was like to love someone with her whole heart and to be loved that way in return...

She couldn’t go back  now. It would kill her.  Life without Piper wouldn’t _mean_ anything anymore.

She cursed the fact that there was no alcohol in the house (Piper said it was safer for her that way) and no way for her to get any without leaving Piper to do it (and she wouldn’t do that, ever... she didn't even like to leave _their room_ ).  She cursed the fact that God had chosen to make Piper sick and not her.  Alex had done so many things, hurt so many people… Piper wasn’t perfect but she still had a chance…  she began to think that maybe God was punishing her for what she’d done by taking away the best thing in her life.

God... that _fucking_ bastard... who had seen fit to make so fucking good at doing violence to people, fighting, killing... so skilled at so many methods of _taking_ away from them everything that made them _who they were_... but had made her so fucking useless when it came to saving the people _she_ cared about.  She hadn't been able to save her mother.  She hadn't even _fucking been here_ when Celeste had died... and now she was cursed to watch Piper's life slip away right in front of her eyes, minute by minute... to watch the only person she had left disappear (and to know in her heart that all of it, Celeste's death, Piper's being sick... was in large part her fault...)

Well, fuck Him.  If He was going to take Piper, then He was damn sure going to take her too. 

So after two weeks of just her and Piper and a huge empty house, she’d taken to spending her days just wrapped up in bed, curled around Piper, holding on to her tight as she shivered, trying to get as close to her as she could, trying to disappear into her...

... and the only thing Alex was bothering to hope for anymore was that when Piper died, it wouldn't take her long to follow...

***

For the first week after Celeste died, Red tried to send someone down to check on the ranch at least once a day and the Nun tried her best to accompany them, to check on Piper, to see if she was making any progress.

That stopped after the most recent storm had blown through, dropping another three feet of snow on them.

The storm itself had blown through in the space of two days, but then there was another week of freezing weather and high winds, which just blew the not quite frozen snow around, making it almost as bad it had been when it _was_ snowing.   It was hard to walk across the street, let alone to make it the two miles to the Chapman place.  The week spent indoors somehow managed to bring yet another round of the sickness that kept traveling about the town, and over a dozen people fell ill, some of whom had managed to stay healthy all winter. Everyone's resources were taken up stabilizing the sick.

By the time anyone could even think of going to down to the ranch, it had been nearly a fortnight since anyone had laid eyes on either Piper or Alex.

Red was sending Maxim and Vasily down to check them.  They were solid boys, Maxim the largest of Red’s four sons, and they seemed to never get cold and have the endurance of a pair of oxen.  Nicky wouldn't let them go without her.  Red tried to argue that she was being a fool, that she shouldn't risk her weak heart giving out.  "My heart ain't goin' anywhere, and I ain't trustin' anyone else to make sure those two are all right, right?"  Knowing that keeping Nicky from going would be more trouble (and take more effort) than they had time for, Red had relented.

They set out at ten in the morning, all three of them wearing the snowshoes Bennett had constructed for everyone in town.  The sun was low in the sky and was doing jack shit to make anything any warmer.  It was maybe 10 degrees out if they were being generous, which was still a vast improvement over the previous week.  The snow was still waist deep, and even with the shoes and the boys blazing a path through the soft packed snow on top of the seemingly permanent frozen hardpack below, it was exhausting just being outside.  Nicky was bundled in about six layers and was still freezing her tits off.  They moved slowly.  Nicky’s heart could only take so much between the cold and the exertion, so she had to rest seemingly every fifteen minutes.  But she owed this to Piper and Alex.  She was going to power through this bullshit for _them_.

They reached the ranch house after what seemed like about two hours, and Nicky immediately had a bad feeling.  The house was dark, no movement inside.  No tracks outside, which set them all on edge.  It hadn’t snowed for over a week and the white outside the house was untouched.  Alex should've been making semi-regular trips to the creek to break out ice to melt for fresh water, and to the stables to take care of the horses (Alex loved those fucking horses).

Nicky frowned and walked up to the door, banging on it.  “Vause!  Chapman!  You in there???”

After a few minutes, she decided to forgo politeness and tried the door, which was unbolted....  The house wasn't quite as cold as the outside, but it was a near thing.  There was fresh wood stacked in the fireplace in the sitting room but it wasn’t lit.  The same with the stove in the kitchen.  Nicky frowned.  There was no way they wouldn’t have at least one of these going at all times right now.  There was an eerie feeling here, like sickness… like death.  An unpleasant feeling of deja vu swept over her... this reminded her a little too much of finding Alex holding Piper next to Celeste's dead body

“Hey, Max, see whatcha can do about getting’ a fire goin’, would ya?”

Maxim nodded and went to it.  Nicky headed up the stairs, Vasily trailing behind.  “Doesn’t feel right in here, Nichols…” he muttered.

“I know…” she breathed.  They got to the top floor.  The master bedroom was the first door on the right.  It was empty, still full of Celeste’s things, untouched.  It looked eerily like she had just gotten up and left it.  Piper’s room was at the end of the hall.  The door was slightly ajar.

Nicky put a hand on the handle and took a deep breath, bracing herself for what she might see.  She pushed it open… there was a roaring fire in the fireplace here, creating so much heat that it was stifling (especially after the chill of the rest of the house), the air thick and smelling of sweat and other things less pleasant. 

Piper was lying on her side, her skin sallow and covered with sweat, breaths shallow, a rattling wheeze to them that made Nicky wince. The blankets were pulled up to her chin. Seeing the usually vivacious blonde this way made her heart sink but that was nothing compared to how she felt when she looked to Alex.  Alex was wrapped around Piper from behind, clutching on to her tightly, also covered in the blanket, her eyes screwed shut, her forehead pressed into the back of the blonde’s neck.  There were dark circles under her eyes and they were red and swollen… she’d been crying.  A lot.

The sight made Nicky’s heart lurch.  “Ah fuck, Alex…” she muttered.

The sound of her voice caused Alex’s eyes to snap open… and her hand to emerge from underneath the blankets with a pistol at the ready. 

“JESUS!” Nicky said, “Alex!  Alex, it’s just me!  Nicky!”

Alex wasn't wearing her glasses (Nicky couldn't immediately spot them) she squinted in Nicky's direction looking like a newborn calf, her eyes disoriented, full of exhaustion and a hundred different emotions.  The hand holding the gun up was shaking.  Nicky kept her hands up, taking slow steps forward.  Vasily stayed by the door, his hand on his own gun, just in case. 

The bartender got close enough to the bed that she thought Alex could focus on her (she was never quite sure just how bad Alex's vision was... she'd asked her multiple times in the past, and the best answer she'd gotten was "blind-ish").  "Alex... put the gun down, kid... we're here to help..."

After what seemed like forever but was probably closer to thirty incredibly tense seconds, Alex's hand fell back to the bed, still holding the gun limply.  Her eyes stayed on Nicky.  "Nichols..." she said, her voice was raspy, rough, weak with disuse and emotion.  "Nichols... Piper..." her voice broke then.  Nicky could see the tears forming in her eyes, "Piper's... gonna... she's gonna..." and then the tears came flooding out...

***

Nicky held Alex like a mother cradling an overlarge child, letting the brunette cling to her while she wept and raged and despaired and got out everything she’d been holding in.  After about an hour, the exhaustion began to overtake her (from all Nicky could tell, she’d been awake for days), and she finally passed out, literally unable to keep herself awake anymore.  Nicky left her on the bed next to Piper and went to talk to Maxim and Vasily.

After a quiet, whispered conversation, the two boys nodded.  Maxim lifted Alex out of the bed and Vasily carefully lifted Piper, and Nicky quickly changed out the bedding (if there was one thing working at Red’s had taught her, it was how to change out a bed quickly).  The boys put the two women back in the bed and then covered them up.  Then they left the house.  They were going to get into the stables and check on the horses, then try to get them back up to town (Piper and Alex wouldn't need them in their state).  They’d bring back some of the kerosene and food stores they had stored up in town. 

Nicky'd had no idea how bad things had gotten.  Alex had barely been eating anything, spoon feeding Piper what little food they had, giving her the last of the medicine the nun had given her the last time she'd seen them two weeks ago.

It took three hours for the boys to return, hauling the supplies on a makeshift sledge, the Nun trailing in their wake.  While the boys unloaded the supplies into the frigid rooms downstairs, the Nun came upstairs and into the stifling heat of the bedroom.  She frowned at the scene in front of her, a look of sadness and concern passing over her face.

She turned to Nicky, “open the curtains, please, Miss Nichols.”

Nicky nodded, so concerned that she didn’t even wince at the Nun using her formal name. The light flooded the dim room as Sister Ingalls knelt by Piper’s side.  Nicky wandered into the hallway and smoked a rollup nervously as the Nun did her work.

When the Nun walked out of the room, Nicky extinguished her cigarette and stood up straighter.  Sister Ingalls took a deep breath and said, "To be entirely honest, Miss Chapman has improved greatly since last I visited here.  It's almost miraculous really.  Aside from the herbal remedies Erica prepared for her, she's had only the barest of medical attention."

Nicky frowned, "You mean... she's going to be okay?"

"Well, 'okay' is relative.  The worst of the disease seems to be easing, the fever has broken, which means the infection may have run its course.  But she's still weak.  Her body must recover from what the infection has done to her, and at the same time expel it from her lungs.  That will mean a lot of coughing, and at times that can be worse than the fever.  Plus, she will need food and warmth and constant care... I'm not sure Miss Vause can provide that to her without neglecting the ranch, and there's no way Miss Chapman will be able to make it up to town in her current condition.  It may be some time before she can travel."

"Vause won't do anything but take care of her until she's better.  She's been letting herself waste away to nothing and the ranch go to shit since Chapman's been sick, and I doubt that'll change.  But don't you worry.  We'll find a way to make sure things get taken care of 'round here...  and once Blondie's well enough we'll move 'em both back up to town."

The Nun nodded, "Very well.  As long as the weather stays clear, I can come check on them weekly or thereabouts."

"All right..."

"It really is a miracle."

Nicky nodded her agreement, although she wasn't so sure that miracles existed.  She knew god didn't have a whole lot to do with this.  After seeing what she had seen, listening to Alex talk, she was convinced that Alex has brought the blonde back from sure death by the sheer force of wanting it so much.

***

Alex opened her eyes slowly, aware of a voice in the room with her.  She frowned.  The last thing she remembered was Nicky holding her as she cried. She felt a flash of embarrassment over that, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come.  There was only one thing she was truly concerned with right now.

She had woken up facing the window, and she rolled over, instinctively wanting to check on Piper...  The curtains were open letting in the light of the full moon, and casting light on the blonde… whose eyes were half open, looking at her.

“A...Alex...?" she said, her voice barely a whisper, hoarse with disuse.

For a moment, Alex thought she was dreaming, hallucinating... that Piper was dead and that this was her ghost come to haunt her... but then Piper reached out a hand and touched her cheek, the touch weak, featherlight, but oh so fucking real.  She drew her thumb gently over the scars on Alex's right cheek and said, "Alex... you look like shit..."

Alex couldn't stop the tears from rising again, couldn't stop the huge fucking smile from lighting up her face, couldn't stop her heart feeling as though it was going to burst right out of her chest.  Couldn't stop herself from saying Piper's name over and over as she reached out and pulled Piper towards her, trying to be as gentle as possible. She held the blonde close as she wept and laughed and generally lost herself to the delirious feeling of Piper having, through some miracle, returned from the edge of the abyss...

In that moment, as she dropped a kiss on Piper's forehead (cool to the touch for the first time in near a month) and felt Piper burrow weakly into her own neck, whispering her name, she made a solemn vow that she would never allow petty bullshit to come between them.  That there was not one thing in this godforsaken world that was worth losing her over. 

***

It took another month before the Nun deemed Piper healthy enough to travel.  For that month, Nicky took up residence in the Chapman ranch in Alex's old room.  Lorna joined them, partially because she didn't want to be without Nicky, partially because she was experienced enough that she could play nurse to Piper, at least better than Nicky and Alex could.  Vasily also joined them, to take care of the more intense physical tasks on the ranch. 

Alex continued to spend most of her days tending to Piper, and now that the blonde was awake and on the mend, Alex could finally be persuaded to take care of herself as well. Nicky watched Alex closely to make sure she was still eating, and Lorna checked Piper at least once a day, but for the most part they left the two of them alone. 

The first week was spent entirely concentrating on getting Piper's strength back up, Alex making sure she ate and making sure she was as comfortable as she could be, even as she was racked with coughs.  By the second week, Piper was well enough that they could talk about Celeste.  Piper told Alex how Celeste had died, and they both spent a great deal of time holding one another and crying over the woman who had meant so much to both of them.  In the end, neither of them could entirely shake their feelings of guilt, but they resolved to take Celeste's last words to heart.  To take care of each other... to know that she was at peace with her own death...

***

Once Piper was cleared to travel, Ford came down with his modified wagon.  Piper and Alex got together their essentials, closed the ranch up tight so it could stand empty for the rest of the winter (however long that might be), and got into the wagon with their temporary caretakers. 

When they got back up to Red's, they were fed steaming bowls of hearty stew, and then sent upstairs where they were installed in the same room Alex had occupied when she'd first returned to town what felt like a lifetime ago..

Both of them felt a tug of loss for having abandoned the farm, but they knew it was necessary. They knew the best way they could honor Celeste was to survive the winter, and that being in town with everyone else was the best way to do that. They would rebuild when the long goddamn winter was over...

***

The winter disappeared as fast as it had come. One morning in April they woke up to find a warm spring breeze blowing down main street, the snow melting rapidly from the eaves.

Piper woke up first, as the sun hit her face, shining through the thin curtains of the room they’d been living in at Red’s for the past four months.  The illness had taken a lot out of her and she still wasn’t fully healthy, but she young and strong and was improving as well as the Nun had ever seen. 

She frowned, listening to the sounds of water falling from the roof in a continuous stream.  It had been forever since she’d heard the sound of running water…  Behind her, Alex stirred, pulling her closer.

“Alex…”

“Mrpgphgf…” muttered Alex.

“Al… I think… I think the snow is starting to melt.”

“Wha…?”

Piper sat up slightly, trying to get a better look out the window.  Alex gave up trying to keep her little spoon in place and sat up as well, rubbing her eyes, yawning...  She reached over and picked up her glasses off the bedside table as Piper got up and walked towards the window, throwing open the curtains.

The sun was shining brightly on the street and she could see the water from the rapidly melting snow running down the roof of the saloon outside their window, and the livery across the street.  She put her hand to the glass and for the first time in months felt warmth instead of bone chilling cold.  She smiled brightly huffing out a pleased laugh as she felt Alex's arms slide around her from behind.

"You okay, darlin'?"

"Yeah," Piper said, trying to keep the absurd emotion from her voice, "yeah I'm good... I'm just... happy to the see the sun actually _warming_ things again."

"Well, personally I'd like to kick that mother fucker in the ass for doin' such a shit job of things the last few months..."

Piper laughed, light and melodic, and it made Alex's heart lift.  Ever since the blonde had almost died, every smile she gave Alex, every laugh she produced had felt like a wonderful gift, something she would never, ever take for granted.  She leaned down and kissed Piper softly on the neck.  Piper gave a low chuckle and turned her head, kissing Alex, soft and lingering.

They knew there was hard work ahead. It had been months since they'd seen the ranch, and there had been a dozen storms since then.  It'd take time to repair the damage, to get everything back to the way it had been (fixing the barn, the fences, the stables, replacing all their animals except the two horses).  Not to mention that they would need to bury Celeste properly, truly mourn her without the constant threat of their own deaths over their head, sort through the guilt both of them felt about how it had happened...  
  
But for now, in this moment, they were content here in each other's arms, as the sun shined through the window and brought with it the promise of spring.

 


	7. The Desperate Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kind of a shorter (8k is short man) transition-y chapter, leading into the big finale, which will hopefully be following relatively quickly... Thanks again to everyone who reads and reviews (which are always fun to read). And of course, perpetual thanks and infinite appreciation to the Person Who Read This. This one, more than some of the others, they helped me get thinking it was ready to go. (Oh and also, I wrote a little Nicky focused one shot called "A Girl and her Horse" which you can take a look at if you want... it's actually short lol). Anyway, here you go... hope you enjoy.... :)

**The next day...**

Nicky hadn't seen Piper all day, which was more than passing odd considering the news they'd gotten yesterday morning.  Chapman had said she'd be up for lunch today.  Considering that they'd spent the last week worrying about Alex and Lorna together, Nicky had assumed she and the blonde owed it to themselves to spend at least part of the next couple days being happy about the whole fucking ordeal being so close to over, to their girls coming back and life going back to being just the _normal_ constant struggle for survival.  It wasn't like Piper to make a promise and then not follow through.

But afternoon turned into early evening and the anxiety that had finally lifted from her yesterday when the news had come that Lorna was on her way home was settling in again.  Around four, she looked over at Red, who was sitting at a table going over ledgers, "Ma, I'm goin' down to the ranch to see Chapman."

Red just nodded.  It was a trip Nicky made once or twice a week.  The bartender pulled off her apron and ambled out the door of the saloon.  She unhitched her infinitely patient brown horse (who never seemed to mind that Nicky was pretty fucking horrible at riding horses) and glared at her, "All right, Bugsy, you bitch, let's do this..."  She managed to get into the saddle on the second try (which was pretty good for her) and turned the placid beast down towards the ranch.  She didn't feel comfortable going much faster than a relaxed walk, so it took her near a half hour to get to make the two mile journey.

From the outside, it didn't look like anything was amiss.  The sun was getting lower in the sky, but there was still plenty of light.  She slid carefully off the horse and tied her to the hitching post.  She wandered up to the porch and opened the screen door, knocking twice firmly before putting her hand on the knob, intending to follow her usual policy of just walking straight in whether anyone responded or not (she'd caught them fucking on the kitchen table once, something that she still liked to bring up at random, inappropriate moments, when she wanted to see Piper turn beet red... Alex, infuriatingly hard to fluster, would just grin smugly).

Before she could turn the knob, the door opened suddenly.  Piper stood there, framed in the doorway, one hand on the door, the other holding a well worn Bible (the girl read, but she had no use for _that_ particular book and only kept it because it had been Celeste's), her body angled in a way that meant Nicky couldn't get past her.  Piper was standing finishing school straight and the look on her face was the polished neutral pleasant mask she'd probably worn all the time in Boston. She was wearing one of her fine dresses, which she never did unless she was coming up to town.

"Good evening, Nicole," she said, giving Nicky a bright, entirely false smile, "How are you?"

Nicky maintained her own sardonic smirk, even as she realized something was very wrong with her friend (Nicky had had her own experience with putting on a convincing act when she needed to…), "All right.  How 'bout you Chapman?"

"Very well, thank you for asking," she was speaking even more precisely than usual, "How may I help you this evening?"

"Ah, well you had said something about coming up for lunch and..."

Piper laughed, a lilting, perfectly calibrated thing that sounded nothing like the unadulterated amusement of her true laugh (Nicky had witnessed the woman snort milk out through her nose once, a memory that never failed to warm her heart).  "Oh it was quite an amusing story really.  Hestia threw a shoe right as I was preparing to depart and of course I had to replace it. You know how long that takes me without assistance."

The blonde was doing her damndest to tell Nicky something wasn't right (had been since she opened the door… carrying a Bible and calling Nicky by her hated full name).  The horse was Persephone... and these days Piper could shoe her in five minutes flat without so much as a second thought.  Nicky kept smiling and nodding, "Ha, yeah.  She near kicked you in the face last time you tried it..."

Piper nodded, her eyes meeting Nicky's and darting to the left and then the right as she kept smiling, the look in them telling Nicky she couldn't speak freely, "Yes... quite unfortunate.  So by the time I was through with that, it was far too late to come up.  You have my sincerest apologies..."

Nicky was anxious as fuck.  The way Piper was playing this meant that someone was in the house with her, watching her closely to ensure that she wasn't stepping out of line… but that they didn’t know her well enough to know that she wasn’t acting right,  "Ah, it's alright, Chapman. You didn't miss anything.  I just came down t'make sure you were all right, y'know?"

"Of course.  I thank you for your concern.  As always, you are most kind."

Nicky's head was starting to hurt from seeing this version of Piper.  Aside from the obvious danger she was in, it was jarring as hell, completely unnatural, like seeing a monkey strolling through the center of town in a suit.  She hadn't even acted like this when she'd first come here.  She'd been more formal in her speech and manner than anyone in town, but that hadn't been too hard in the first place... but she'd never spoken to Nicky like this unless she was making a mockery of the trappings of her old life.

"Yeah… yeah no problem..."

"And perhaps you might visit again," Piper said, pinning Nicky with her gaze again, "After Alex has returned."

"Oh sure. Definitely, I mean... yeah..." she nodded amiably, still trying to be casual, "Well, real good talkin' to ya, Chapman.  Real good."

"Indeed.  Have a pleasant evening and a safe journey back to town."

"Much obliged," Nicky said, nodding once.

Then Piper shut the door and she heard the door locks click over.

Nicky turned and walked back to Bugsy as casually as she could.  She took four tries to get up on the bitch, who just looked at her calmly with those big black fucking horse eyes (she swore the fucker was _grinning_ at her), and then she turned her up towards town.  She urged the mare on to a trot (about twice as fast as she was comfortable with), and she was positive she could hear the horse _scoffing_.

She rode back up to town without looking back, not wanting to give the people watching Piper anything that might indicate anything was wrong.  Once she got to Red's she slid off the horse and practically fell on her ass.  She hastily hitched it to the post and pushed roughly into the saloon. 

Red frowned at her, "Nicky?  What?"

"Ma... we got a problem..."

***

"So apparently it was too much to ask that Soso's voice didn't carry..." muttered Red.

"We're gonna go get her right?"

"Nyet," Red said, frowning.

"What??  We're just gonna leave her there?"

Red had a thoughtful look on her face, calculating, "They haven't hurt her yet.  She is their bargaining chip.  Hurting her doesn't benefit them unless Vause is here to see it.  Besides, we don't know how many there are, how dangerous... it would be foolish to barge in.  If we misjudge things," Red made a gesture with her hands, "Poof... Chapman dies or is hurt..."

"The soonest she'll be back is tomorrow..."

"I am aware of that.  We just have to hope Blondie can hold her own with them..."

*******

At 8am the next morning, the rescue party returned, looking a little worse for the wear but triumphant.  They stopped in front of Red’s, and before they could even dismount, Nicky had burst out the swinging doors and was practically  pulling Lorna off her horse.

Nicky had intended to be the one to tell Alex about Piper.  She was going to come down and let her know right away, but as soon as she saw Lorna, she was incapable of doing anything but sobbing and clinging to the little Italian as though she would never let go.  Alex would've been offended, but she knew that if the situation were reversed, Piper would have taken precedence.  She was, in fact, eager to get back to the ranch, to see Piper, to bury herself in the blonde for a few hours and try to get her focus back after dipping a toe into the cold black ocean of her less pleasant self for such an extended period of time (try to forget how good it had felt to feel Christopher's bones cracking under her fists, how satisfying it had been, if only for a split second).

But Red walked up to her as Alex was turning to Rosa to shake her hand on a job well done.  Alex frowned at the look on the Russian's face... apprehension.  Not something she saw there often.  "Red?  What is it?"

Rosa started to step away, but Red put up a hand, "No, Rosa, you need to hear this too..."

Alex frowned... She had a sudden flash of memory from five years before when she had returned to town after the only other time she'd left Piper for anything other than a routine supply run... and had come home to bone-chilling cold and tragedy.  "Red..."

"Vause... you need to be calm when I tell you this, yes?  You need to be calm because overreacting will do none of us any good..."

Dread began trickling down Alex's spine like frozen water...  she immediately had a flash of finding Celeste's body... finding Piper and thinking she was dead...  that was what happened when she left the ranch for anything unusual... that was what happened when she left Piper alone... it was the only thing that would prompt such a warning from Red...

"Kubra's men are at the ranch... they have Chapman..."

***

It took Rosa and Cindy and Maxim and Vasily together to restrain Alex... Red tried to shout her down, but finally it was Ruiz's gun in her face that made her stop struggling long enough for Red's words to penetrate (Ruiz respected Alex's skills but didn't like her, was perpetually wary of her... so Alex knew for a fact that she would shoot her if need be). Alex's formerly hair trigger impulsiveness had long ago given way to calm deliberation... but there were some things that she was incapable of being calm about, and the thought of Piper Chapman in danger was one of them.

After they were sure Alex wouldn't make another run for her horse, Red grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a hard shake, forcing her to look down into her eyes,  "We cannot be stupid here... these people... they are Kubra's."

Alex had been sitting at one of the tables, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands.  She looked up, running a hand through her hair, "How do you know?"

"They were asking for you around town.  You know Jefferson across the street, she used to work with Vee," Red's face clouded over, thinking of the opium dealer who had once tried to kill her, "and she used to deal with Kubra.  Jefferson had seen one of the fellows around when she was with them."

"She was with Vee a decade ago, was barely more'n a kid. She sure?"

"Evidently the gentleman made quite an impression on her.  Beat a man to death with his bare hands without once removing the toothpick from his mouth."

Alex put her head back in her hands, "Aydin... fuck..."

Rosa spoke, "So.  How should we play this?"

Alex looked over at her, "You're volunteerin' to help?"

"Vause, only reason you weren't here to take care of these fucks 'fore it even got this far was cause of us.  Yeah, we're volunteering to fuckin' help." 

Ruiz snorted, but Rosa glared at her and she shut up.

Cindy had her arms crossed, "A'ight then, we helping you.  So anyone got any ideas how we gonna crack this?"

"Full on assault won't work.  They feel like we're attackin' em, they'll hurt Piper..."

Rosa held up a hand, "Strategy, Vause.  A little finesse.  We're gonna look at this like robbin' a bank, only we have to get an uptight blonde 'stead of money..."

"She ain't uptight..." Alex said, defending her automatically.

Everyone else snorted a little, but Rosa sighed, "We need to distract 'em.  And we need you in the same room as your lady.  That's the only way we're gonna know she's safe 'fore we move in."

Alex looked hard at Rosa, "What d'you have in mind?"

***

After they’d made their plan, Alex rode back down to the ranch as fast as she could without making it look like she was being too eager.

Act natural.  That's what she had to do in order for this to work.  Rosa's plan made sense.  She'd have to act fucking surprised.  Fuck.

So she went about her normal routine.  She dismounted and led Hades through to the small stable where they kept he and Piper's brown mare, Persephone.  Forcing herself to remain calm, even though it was nearly driving her insane knowing how close Piper was, she pulled off his saddle and bridle.  She made sure he was fed and watered and gave him a pat on the nose before throwing her saddle bags over her shoulder and heading out of the stables towards the house.  It took all of ten minutes, but it felt like forever.

Normally, Piper would've come out to greet her as soon as she'd seen her and would've stood to the side while Alex pulled off the saddle and talked about whatever trip she'd made. Therefore the anxiety in her voice when she entered the house through the kitchen door and called out for Piper was something she would've felt even if she hadn't already known what was happening.  "Pipes?" she called, "You here, darlin?" 

Piper's voice came from the sitting room.  This was also unusual.  It was near on six in the morning now, and Piper wouldn't likely have been in the house.  "I'm in here, Al..."  her voice was level, calm.  Just the slightest tremor to it.

Alex dropped her saddlebags and rifle on the kitchen table, grimacing as she did so, wanting more than anything to run into the room and kill whoever had dared to threaten Piper, but she knew it would be ill advised until she knew where everyone was.  How many there were and where they were.  From what she recalled, Fahri usually only traveled with two others in situations like this (she knew because she'd accompanied him more than once), but she couldn't know if that was the case this time.

She walked through to the front room.  The curtains were drawn, but the morning light was coming through well enough to illuminate the scene before her... her heart felt like it was being strangled when she saw Piper.

The blonde was sitting in the arm chair near the front window, wearing the fine blue silk robe (a gift from Alex for her last birthday) over her simple nightshirt.  She was sitting up ramrod straight, a proper Boston lady, with her ankles crossed in front of her and her hands in her lap, one over the other.  Her expression was blank, neutral, betraying nothing, even her eyes.  It was like a curtain had dropped over her and all she looked was prim and polite. 

But Alex knew her.  Could see the storm behind her eyes.  The turmoil.  The fear.  She knew that Piper would be determined not to show a lick of fear to Fahri or his men.  It was how she always was in the face of a threat or something upsetting.  She would never show anyone any weakness because she hated being perceived that way, even though no one in this town thought that of her anymore.  There would always be a part of Piper that would be desperate to prove she was capable.

"Pipes...?" Alex said, unable to keep the worry from her voice.

"Alex..." Piper said, her voice formal, polite, "These gentlemen were inquiring about you..." her eyes flicked across the room.

Alex had been entirely focused on Piper.  She was examining her carefully, assessing her to make sure she wasn't hurt, not sure that she could trust herself entirely to stick to the plan if she had been harmed in any way...  Piper saw the question in her eyes and inclined her head minutely, telling her she was fine. 

Satisfied this was the case, at least for now, Alex turned slowly to look at the couch that had been obscured from her sight when she'd first walked in.  And saw Fahri sitting there...  Aydin was behind him to his right, leaning casually against the fireplace, his pistol drawn, but held loose at his side, which was more than deadly enough.  Alex knew that Aydin was nearly as good as she was.  Had he been one of the men in the old church the day she'd nearly died, Alex wasn't sure she'd be standing here today.  But he had always been Fahri's man.

It had been five years since she'd seen Fahri, and he barely seemed to have aged since then... in fact, barely seemed to have changed at all since she had _first_ seen him more than 10 years ago.  Same placidly polite smile, same quiet dark brown eyes that never seemed to be moved for anything. Alex had learned so much from him.  She had always been good at reading people, at knowing what they were thinking, but Fahri had taught her to use that to her best advantage, to figure out how to get them to do what she wanted them to. 

Fahri was the one who had taught her that while violence was sometimes necessary, it was even better if you could talk your way out of a situation.  It saved time and trouble, and often had unpredictable fringe benefits.  She knew his mind was always working, that he was always reading anyone he spoke to.  She didn't want to know what he might have learned from Piper, or what he might have said to her... she had to focus, had to school her own reactions.

"Fahri...." she breathed, not having to work hard at all to sound astonished to see him.  It had been so long, and it took her breath away to see someone who had almost faded away into nothing in her head appear fully formed and solid in front of her again.  "What in hell are you doin' here?"

"Alex," he said, nodding amiably.  "You will perhaps do me the favor of taking off your belt and laying it there on the floor." 

Slowly and carefully, she undid her belt and placed it on the floor gently.  As soon as she stood up, someone behind her grabbed the belt.  She glanced over her shoulder.  Ahmad.  Alex raised an eyebrow as she turned back, "Ahmad ain't been missin' any meals," she said.

Fahri chuckled at that, a genuine laugh, "Indeed.  Although last you saw him he was just a boy."

Alex kept her hands at her side where Aydin could see them, her eyes darting around the room, looking for signs of anyone else.  She could believe that it was just Aydin and Ahmad.  From what Red and the others had said, they'd been poking around.  They hadn't _known_ she was here, they'd only thought she might be.  (She'd have to put some thought into _how_ they had known, but her instinct told her it was that fat fuck blacksmith from up in New Litch... if they survived this, she'd most definitely be paying _him_ a visit).  So a small contingent, Fahri and his usual men... and he would've cabled Kubra as soon as they'd been sure... she tried not to think of how far away he might be...

"Enough pleasantries, Alex," said Fahri quietly, "You must know why we are here."

"Not to kill me, else it'd be done by now."

"We are here only to detain you.  Kubra will be coming soon.  I cannot guarantee _he_ will not want to kill you."

Alex heard the echo of Kubra's final words to her and frowned, "We both know he will, Fahri.  We ain't never been in the habit of lyin' to one another before.  Let's not start now."

Fahri nodded, "That is so.  Fine, he will most likely he will wish you dead."

Out of the corner of her eye, Alex could see Piper tense almost imperceptibly, her hands grasping on to one another even more tightly than they had been before.  "So you're just here to sit with me and pretend to be cordial until he comes."

"That would be ideal."

"And if I don't feel like just layin' myself out like a pig to the slaughter?" 

Fahri's eyes cut to Piper, then back to Alex, "Then I will be forced to _convince_ you that that is the wisest course of action."

"She's got nothin' to do with this, Fahri."

"On the contrary, she has much to do with this.  She lied to my face twice.  All the people of this town seem quite steadfast in their loyalty to you, but Miss Chapman most especially..."

"Fahri..."

"you recall that I once told you that personal relationships were a burden you could not afford?  that they had the potential to get you killed, to twist you up so that you could not think straight?  This is what my meaning was...  had you not been worried about her, who knows what you might have done when you realized that someone was here?  Perhaps you would even have checked things beforehand, but you were so eager to get to her, and now you are so worried about her..." he shrugged, "You are hampered by your emotions now."

"They hurt you?" Alex asked Piper, not bothering to tell Fahri that being "hampered by her emotions" was a sight better than not feeling any fucking thing ever.

Piper's voice was tightly controlled, but her eyes were telling her a million things (that she was grateful she was here, but also worried now that she was... afraid of what Fahri would do, what Kubra would do... but also what Alex would be forced to do...), "No. He has been... a gentleman."

Alex nodded, tried to reassure Piper as much as she could with just a glance, and then turned back to Fahri, "I don't fancy being a sitting duck... you don't have to do this..."

"Alex, this is not a negotiation.  You know that I will kill her if I must," Fahri said, real regret in his voice, "And I feel that would be a pity.  I can see why you love her so..."

Alex's jaw twitched, "Fahri... if you even _think_ about touching her, I will end you.  And it will _not_ be quick."

"That does not seem like a very good negotiation tactic, Alex..."

"You just said this ain't a negotiation," Alex glared at him, "You were my friend... now you're huntin' me down like an animal?"

"I was your friend, yes.  But you lost track of your purpose.  That cannot be allowed to pass.  Not with a man like Kubra."

"I ain't done nothin' to him.  Ain't said a word about him to anyone, or brought the law down on him..."

"You know that matters very little.  It was your transgressions against him."

"I didn't do a fuckin' thing to him... I just… wanted to be able to sleep at night damn it.  And since then I ain’t said a word to anyone about him, never brought the law down on him…"

Fahri waved a hand, "This is all irrelevant. Whether or not _you_ believe you have done anything to him or not, _he_ believes you have, and he made his decision five years ago that you should die for it. You denied him that," he shook his head, "And then you came back here and did the opposite of what I always advised you..." he looked over at Piper, "You made _connections_ , you _fell in love_."

Alex darted her eyes to Piper.  Ahmad was standing next to her chair now, hand casually on his pistol.  Piper still looked completely calm, but Alex knew she was worried.  She looked back at Fahri, "That advice was for shit..."

"The more people you love, the more people that can be used against you..."

"I ain't never seen it like that... _ever_."

Fahri shook his head, "Again it is irrelevant. We will stay here until Kubra comes and then he will decide your ultimate fate."

"I thought he was goin' to kill me."

"There are so very many ways to die, Alex...  And I must repeat that if you decide to make coming along quietly an _issue_ , then..." he shrugged, gesturing to Ahmad, who adjusted his gun belt ostentatiously.

"Any man touches her is dead."

Fahri sighed, "You see... all these feelings you have... you cannot think straight.  There is no way you could kill all of us, or even hit any of us with no weapons..."

Now Piper spoke, "So you believe we'll just let this Kubra walk into town and take Alex away?"  

Alex started slightly.  She hadn't exactly forgotten Piper was in the room (she was always entirely aware of _where_ Piper was if they were anywhere near one another), but she hadn't expected her to speak up.

Fahri frowned, "I believe that Kubra will make it impossible for anyone to object."

The blonde glared at him contemptuously, "I think perhaps he won't be expecting exactly what he finds here..."

Ahmad scoffed.  He ignored Fahri's sharp look as he said, "What he'll find is a town full of women...  not so much trouble, I should think..."

She turned towards him now, "I wouldn't suspect that an overlarge cretin such as yourself would have any sort of imagination about such things but..."

Ahmad frowned, "What?  What did you say to me?"

"I said you were a moron," Piper replied, enunciating every word with deliberate care, glaring at him, eyes blazing, but her voice and her posture staying entirely the same. "A fat, fragrant moron without any more sense in your head than the Lord gave the lowest cockroach on earth..."

Fahri was watching the exchange with dismay, a grimace on his face, displeased that Ahmad seemed to be taking the bait.  Near the fireplace, Aydin was eyeing Ahmad and Piper as well, a bemused expression on his face.  Fahri spoke, "Ahmad, step back..."

"Yes, Ahmad," Piper said, smiling brightly, "Do as your master says... heel... sit… do you perhaps also roll over at his request as well?"

Ahmad was livid now, his face twisted into a snarl.  He'd gotten as close to Piper as the chair allowed, looming over her, "You fucking whore, I'll teach you to keep your god damn mouth..." he started to draw his hand back...

Before Piper could even begin to brace herself, a gunshot rang out and Ahmad was knocked back a step, crying out in pain and clutching his stomach.  He barely had time to register the first shot before four more rang out, three slamming into his chest, and the last into his neck.  He collapsed into a heap on the hearth rug in front of Piper, unmoving, unseeing...  the whole thing took less than ten seconds.

Piper turned towards where the shots had come from and saw Alex swiveling her smoking gun towards Aydin who had drawn his own gun after getting his initial shock.   Fahri frowned, the calm veneer disappearing, "What the..."

Alex's voice was low and deadly, "You always taught me to be prepared for everything, Fahri... I saw you got Piper's gun by the door, but you didn't get the revolver underneath the table there..."

Fahri's eyes darted to the large, well polished table to the right of the entrance to the sitting room... a foot away from where Alex had stood when she first entered the room.  There was a large vase of flowers on top of it... and as he looked more closely, he could see the edge of the holster that had been secured underneath it...  He gritted his teeth... once again he had underestimated Piper Chapman... the girl had recognized Ahmad as the weak link and had taken advantage of it, distracting them all while Alex, in her impossibly silent, incomprehensibly fast way, had retrieved the gun. 

Aydin shook his head, his gun still pointed at Alex, "Had to get your woman to distract him in order to get him... how about you try me now, Vause?  Fair fight?"

"Not so fair if Fahri there keeps pointing Piper’s gun at her," growled Alex, looking to Fahri, who had indeed pulled Piper's gun from his belt... and was pointing it at Piper.  He wasn't fond of actually having to _use_ the weapon, and he was aware that Alex knew it.  She had learned a great deal about how far a well placed word could go.  Fahri wasn't necessarily that good with a pistol, although at this range, he could easily hit the blonde.

"Kubra wants you alive," Fahri said, "And I am loathe to disappoint him... lower your weapon."

"Fuck you..."

Fahri sighed... Aydin smiled around his toothpick, "Always wanted to see how good you really were Vause..."

They all tensed, ready to pull the trigger.......

...and then the cavalry arrived…

***

FIVE MINUTES EARLIER

The party consisted of Rosa, Cindy, Maxwell and Vasily.  As soon as Alex had crested the rise to the ranch and was out of sight, they had ridden east out of town and then doubled back to the North, coming around the back of the ranch through the pasture.  It was always possible the people holding Piper had enough men at their disposal to set watches on the back door, but that was a bridge they'd cross when they came to it.

Once they reached the back of the property, they dismounted. The cattle were in the barn, so Rosa kicked the boards out of a section of fence and they led the horses through it.  Maxwell and Vasily quickly scouted things out while Rosa and Cindy stayed behind the barn. Once the scouts reported that no one was outside the house, they cautiously approached.  It was easy enough to hear voices coming from the sitting room. 

There was a window in the sitting room that looked back out over the property.  The curtains were drawn, but they could see through the gap.  There were three men inside, along with Chapman and Vause.  Rosa made a study of where they were.  She sent Cindy around to the front, and Maxwell and Vasily to the back door, staying at the window herself.

She watched through the window as Chapman started mouthing off.  It was like watching someone conducting a symphony.  She got the fat one's attention first, and then as he got angrier, the other two men turned their attention entirely to her... forgetting Vause (unarmed but in no way docile and safe) entirely.  Rosa watched as she slipped over to the side table, quick and quiet, and grabbed the gun underneath... turning and aiming in one swift movement as the fat man started to raise his hand.

The gunshots were loud and the man fell heavily.  The man at the fireplace and the one in the chair both pulled irons.  The one in the chair pointing at Chapman, the one at the fireplace aiming at Vause...

Enough of this shit... Rosa gestured to Maxwell, who nodded and she and Vasily slipped into the house quietly.  Rosa trusted them to know what to do.  Rosa saw everyone in the room tensing... and then Maxwell's voice called out... and Cindy came crashing through the front door.  Saying a silent apology to Chapman for breaking her window, Rosa drew her gun and broke the window with the handle, reaching in and unlatching it before rolling into the room.

The skinny fellow by the fireplace evidently sussed out what was going on quickly.  He moved as fast as Rosa had ever seen and bowled Cindy over as he flew out the door she'd just opened.  Vasily went after him, but the man was on his horse and down the road before Vasily could get to the gate.

As soon as they created the distraction, Alex darted forward and grabbed the man from the chair, knocking the gun from his hand, and spinning around 180 degrees and pushing him unceremoniously down on his knees, pointing her pistol at his forehead, "Now we're gonna talk..."

***

“Where is he?” 

Fahri remained silent.

Alex punched him once, hard.

Fahri shook his head, tongue darting out to run over the cut in his lip as he pushed himself up into a kneeling position, his hands raised slightly so they couldn’t mistake his intentions.  He made no move to touch the area around his left eye, which was rapidly bruising and swelling… it wouldn’t take long for it to close over entirely, “You are so good at this, Alex… and here you sit, working as a _ranch hand_ … mucking out pig shit and replacing fence posts day after day when you could be doing something so _much more…_ ”

“I don’t ‘spect you’ll understand, Fahri,” Alex shook her head, her fist still clenched, “Don’t ‘spect you ever really did… none of you ever really _knew_ me…”

“I know what I saw,” Fahri said, “then and now… you have a talent… you are wasting it.”

“Bein’ good at killin’ folk ain’t a _talent_.  It’s a god damn curse…”

“And yet if you were not _cursed_ in this way, you would not have been able to stop Ahmad doing what he intended…”

Alex kept her green eyes on Fahri’s, but the others glanced over at Ahmad… the big man now well ventilated and flat on his back, mouth parted, eyes wide and staring at the ceiling.

Everyone except for the blond herself, who was standing now and had taken several steps towards Alex (and away from Ahmad’s rapidly exsanguinating belly) before Rosa had put a hand on her arm, knowing that Alex wouldn’t want her anywhere near Fahri…  Piper’s eyes were glued to Alex, worry and apprehension written all over her face.  She’d seen Alex get rough with people before... 

(Right after the long winter had ended, there’d been a couple attempts by less than scrupulous drifters to “take advantage” of the “helpless” ladies who ran the little ranch… Alex had managed to threaten most of them away, intimidating them with her stature and her general air of competence.  The _threat_ of what she could do was more than enough for most.  A couple had challenged her, and she had beaten them down just hard enough to make them regret their decision and want to leave… and then she had let them go.)

...but this was the first time Piper had seen Alex _kill_ someone, had seen just how good she was at it.  She had moved _so god damn fast_ … Piper was well aware how fast Alex was, but she’d had no idea how that would look applied to something like this.  Ahmad had little more than raised his hand before he was on the floor.  And when Piper had looked over at Alex… for just a split second she almost hadn’t recognized her. There was something in her eyes… a flash of triumph, of satisfaction… of exhilaration… it lit up her whole face with a glow that was scared the shit out of the blond…

As much as it had been a release to let it go, Piper had always been terrified of the violence that hid inside her.  She’d only given in to it fully once, and though it had felt good, it had been a mad sort of satisfaction, one predicated on a complete loss of control, of letting go of all the most important parts of herself and her sanity and giving into her unbridled primal instincts, the beast finally uncaged… but the look on _Alex’s_ face was one of someone completely and totally in control.  Of someone who knew exactly what they were doing and _reveled_ in having the power to do it...

The moment had passed quickly and no one else had seemed to notice in all the chaos that followed, but Piper knew she didn’t want to see that look on her face again…

“He was threatening Piper.”

“He was going to _hit_ her… not kill her.”

Alex’s mouth twisted into a scowl, her eyes flashing hot anger, “I warned you.  Any of _you_ hurts her, I kill them… that’s how this fucking works…”

“So you are not such a pacifist as you pretend…”

“I protect my own.”

“You may call it whatever you wish, whatever you believe will help you sleep at night.  That does not change its nature…”

“I ain’t what I was no more…”

Fahri shook his head, still skeptical. “It hardly matters.  Once Kubra arrives, you will either surrender or you will watch all these people you claim to care about die painfully.”  His voice was almost regretful.

“Where is he?” Alex repeated.

“Close, no doubt.  I sent Ahmad to cable him not long after the Chinese girl exposed Miss Chapman’s incredibly convincing lie.  He was perhaps three days away then… I expect him any moment…”

On cue, a gun shot rang out from the direction of town… then another… and another…

“God damn it…”

***

They crested the rise that led up from the ranch, Alex was riding Hades, with Fahri in front of her somewhat awkwardly, hands bound, Alex's pistol in the small of his back.  She had one hand on the big horse's reins. Vasily was driving the wagon behind them, loaded with Maxim, Rosa and the rest of the small party who had come down to rescue them.  They'd pulled Ahmad's body out of the house and into the wagon as well, it was covered with a sheet.

Alex let her eyes move around the main street.  The town was small, only a half dozen main buildings with living quarters for the residents built behind them, for possibly a dozen actual structures total.  Kubra was standing in the middle of the street, Red in front of him, blocking any truly clear shot, looking spitting mad but without anything she could do about it.  To Red's left stood Aydin, who had evidently circled back around into town, holding his pistol to Red's head.

On the porches of each building, she could see that almost every single resident had been hauled out of their home and was being held at gunpoint: to her left the livery, with Miss Berdie and Ford huddled there, to her immediate right, the saloon.  Red's eldest son Sergei knelt next to her youngest, Arkady, who was groaning and holding his arm. Dmitri was behind them.  The girls weren't in plain sight, but Alex assumed there were men inside holding them at gunpoint. 

Next to the livery, Bennett was crumpled into a heap in front of the sheriff's station, Daya holding his hand and glaring at Kubra.  It looked like he'd been beaten, maybe shot, but Alex couldn't immediately tell, could only see that he was still moving.  Behind Daya, Fischer, tall and lanky, stood with her hands up, her face bruised.  The next building up on the left was the general store, where Soso and Old Chang stood in front of the building with a man behind them, Chang looking for all the world like she was asleep. The last building on the right was the Apothecary, and Jones and the Nun were on the porch, looking stoic.  next to them was Mendoza's rooming house.  Mendoza was on the porch, glaring at the men holding them.  Gloria had a shiner as well...  Alex was gratified to see that some of them hadn't gone down easy....

Aside from the two men on each porch holding guns to people's heads, there were half a dozen on horses at strategic points on the main street.  Kubra was on foot, but flanked by Mendez and someone Alex hadn't seen before, a younger black woman.  Alex could tell she was tall and athletically built just from the way she sat her horse.  There was an unreadable look on her face... almost like apprehension.  Alex took note of it... might be of use later.

Kubra must have brought almost two dozen men.  Two dozen men on a four day ride... just to get her.  She had evidently underestimated just how just much he wanted her dead...

When he saw her, something flashed in Kubra's eyes.  He glared at her ,"Vause... so you are alive...  I had so hoped that it was a mistake..."

"Yeah... reckon you fucked that up real good," Alex called out.  They had stopped a good forty feet away.  There was no way Alex was getting any closer. 

"I told you before that if you survived, you would regret it.  You should have listened to me..."

"Ain't never been the best listener..."

"No.  Else you would have listened to Fahri when he tried to teach you the dangers of getting close to people... now I have all this leverage.." he gestured to the town as a whole.  Everyone was eerily still... no movement... no sound... all eyes on what was happening in the street.

"You leave us alone, no one has to get hurt..."

Mendez and a couple of the others laughed, low and mean.  Kubra didn't join in.  He kept his eyes on Alex, "Such arrogance... you may have been good when you were mine, but you have been here in this town full of _women_ for years now... a weapon must be constantly honed to remain sharp... you have most surely fallen into disrepair..."

"I don't feel like you’ll be wantin’ to test it..."

"It is not my wish to draw blood here, unless I am forced.  I want _you_ Vause, no one else."

"Well you can't have her!" Piper said.  She'd gotten down off the wagon and was standing next to Hades. 

"Piper..." Alex closed her eyes, grimacing in frustration.  She had hoped to keep Piper in the background, hoped that Kubra wouldn't know who she was.

"oh, don't look that way, Vause," Kubra said, "We knew who this one was before we set foot in town.  I was very much anticipating meeting her..."

"I don't think I have to tell you what'll happen t'you if you touch her..."

Kubra shook his head, "No one has to be hurt at all... unless you are foolish." he looked around again, then raised his voice, ensuring that everyone watching could hear, “You come with me and the rest of these people, I will spare them.  If you refuse, then they die.  All of them.  Slowly, and you will stand there and watch,” his eyes burned into hers even from a distance.  Alex’s grip on Fahri’s shoulder tightened enough that he winced in pain.  Kubra’s eyes moved to Piper, "And then _she_ will watch you die.  And you will die… in agony... secure in the knowledge that once you are gone we will make her death _worst of all_..."

Alex saw conviction in Kubra’s eyes.  The absolute truth behind the words.  Maybe she and the still-armed group behind her could take some of them out, but... in the end the result would be the same.

She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.  Then she unceremoniously pushed Fahri out of the saddle.  Unable to stop his descent with his hands, the man landed hard on his shoulder, gritting his teeth and hissing in pain.  Alex remembered the look of fear in Piper's eyes when she had first walked into the ranch house and couldn't summon up any regrets.  She followed him off Hades' back.  Maxwell had come off the wagon, Vasily at her side.  Vasily held his gun pointed at Fahri as Maxwell took Hades' reins.

Alex holstered her pistol and turned to Piper, whose blue eyes were blazing as they met Alex's green.  Of course... of course Piper _knew_ what she intended to do... probably had known before Alex even made her decision... "No," Piper said, her voice shaking with anger (there were a dozen other emotions cartwheeling through her eyes, but anger was the one that was easiest for her to grasp onto, to hold…the one that would keep her from breaking down), "No.  You _can't_..."

"Pipes," Alex's expression was drawn, trying desperately to remain stoic in the face of the blonde's reaction... she had never been good at seeing Piper upset, "Kubra ain't the type for idle threats... he don't fuck around... he knew what he wanted when he came here, and he knew exactly how far he'd be willin' to go to get it..."

"So you're just going to give up?  You're going to _fucking_ walk up there and _present_ yourself to him?  Without a fight... like... like a god damn _coward_??"

"This ain't a fuckin' debate, Piper, I ain't gonna let this bastard kill everyone in this god damn town one by one because I won't give myself up..." Alex took a step forward, took her by the shoulders, "And do _not_ act like this is a fuckin' easy thing for me.  Do you think _I want_ to leave you after all we’ve been through?  But I won't have him hurt you either, and I don't fuckin' care about dyin' as long as I know you'll be safe..."

" _I care about you dying_..."

"Piper..."

Kubra's voice from behind them, "Enough of this!  It is time for you to decide, Vause...."

Alex grimaced, turning to look at him, "What proof to I have you're gonna keep your damn word?"

"You know I'm a man of my word.  I have no use for any of these other women..."

Alex sighed… she did know he was telling the truth.  Kubra thought himself a man of honor, a _good guy_... Alex almost laughed... they all thought they were good guys.... maybe the truth was no one was... maybe the truth was that they were all going to hell eventually, it was all simply a matter of how long and hard the journey was...

She nodded, turned to Piper again, "I love you."

" _Do you_?" Piper said, tears in her eyes, though Alex couldn't tell whether it was rage or sadness... probably both...but her anger was all Alex could hear in her voice and it was like being kicked in the gut, "Well, I fucking hate you for this..."  her voice was low, practically shaking.

Alex felt her own tears rising, but she couldn't show that kind of weakness in front of Kubra.  She covered them by stepping up and throwing her arms around Piper, hugging her tightly.  Piper tried to struggle for a moment, tried to maintain her anger, but she couldn't do it, and she ended up melting into Alex's embrace.  "No you don't..." she said softly, right next to the blonde’s ear.

"No... no I don't... god damn you..."

"Don't come for me... don't follow me, you understand?"

Piper didn't say anything.

Kubra called out again, "NOW VAUSE!"

Alex pulled away reluctantly, kissed Piper briefly on the lips (afraid that if she did anymore she _would_ change her mind about this madness), and then turned.  She looked at Vasily, "Don't let her follow me..."

Vasily nodded, face unreadable...

Then Alex turned back towards Kubra.  She grabbed Fahri by the scruff of his collar and he cried out.  Evidently his shoulder had been hurt pretty bad.  But his feet were just fucking fine.  She pushed her ahead of him and they walked towards Kubra.

She heard Piper behind her, finally giving voice to her rage, her voice a maelstrom of emotions.  "Fuck you Alex... _Fuck you...."_   Each word felt like a knife to the chest... Alex closed her eyes for  just a moment, steeling herself… then kept walking, not turning back

...wondering why it seemed that she was always walking away from Piper Chapman...


	8. The Quick and the Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- Relatively quick update this time... mostly cause this is sort of a pretty direct continuation of the last chapter. Thanks again to everyone who's reading/reviewing/fave-ing/following or just lurking quietly. You guys are great... :) As per usual, another big thanks to The Person Who Read This For Me for reading this (of course) and also for all the time they take out of their day (heh) to go over this shit and give me excellent feedback and advice. I appreciate everything, dude. You're awesome. Anyway... hope you all enjoy... (stuff in italics is are brief flashbacks...)

Alex tried to focus on what lay ahead of her, ignoring the fact that Piper’s yelling had stopped, trailing off and becoming a series of gulping sobs that rang far too loudly up and down the eerily still street.  When she got about 10 feet away, she jerked her head, “Let Red go…”

“And I suppose if I do you will not immediately take the gun from behind Fahri and shoot me?”

“You have my word that won’t happen… and you know I keep my word too.”

Kubra examined her closely for a long moment, then nodded to Aydin, “Go!” 

Red shook her head, "I will not leave her alone with _you_... she may trust you but..."

Alex nodded at her, “Go Red, it’s okay.”

Red gave her a long hard look, then started to walk towards the saloon slowly, glancing over her shoulder every few steps.  Kubra gestured to Aydin, said something to him in their language.  Aydin frowned at him, but Kubra gave him a hard look, and he nodded, following Red, gun still on her.  Evidently, Kubra didn't trust the woman not to run back and try something.   Aydin hurried her along and then stayed with her and her sons on the porch of the saloon.  As soon as Red was out of immediate danger, the only one anywhere near to Kubra now was her.  The one that he wanted…

“tell the rest of ‘em t’back off…”

Kubra shook his head, “You haven’t even surrendered yourself to me, Vause.  I am not such a fool.  They will leave when you are well secured.  Then _we_ will retire to someplace private and _I_ will _personally_ ensure that your death is properly facilitated this time…” he gestured, “Throw your gun down, release Fahri…”

***

Alex takes one final glance around the town, carefully looking at every face she can see from her position, remembering them just as they are right now… Red is back on the porch, Dmitri has an arm around her, is whispering in her ear…  Alex tosses the gun off to her left and shoves Fahri forward.  Fahri stumbles towards Kubra, who frowns at him with some distaste, saying something to him in their native language, which Alex knows just enough of to pick out the words “disgraceful” and “humiliated” and “woman”.  Fahri takes his lecture stoically and then nods, heading towards one of the mounted men near the sheriff’s office.  The man slides off his horse and opens his saddlebag, pulling out what looks like a small medicine satchel. He sits Fahri down on the front steps of the Sheriff’s office, not far from where Daya and Bennett are and starts to tend to his wounds.

Alex looks back and Kubra’s eyes are burning into hers.  It has been five years since she’s been this close to him, and the last time he was telling her that he wished her dead.  She had almost forgotten the aura that he gave off.  A sort of inherent authority, a sense of power running just below the surface.  It is in every word he says, every gesture that he makes.  He is a man with infinite self-assurance, absolutely convinced that his plans will never go amiss simply because _he_ is the one who made him, because surely _he_ could not miss any detail.  He is used to unquestioning obedience and he lets everyone in his employ know the price for those who don’t grant it to him…

And she had defied him.  She had stopped doing as he said, had dared to think for herself, to think about what she was _truly_ doing.  But then, she had never really been _his_ to begin with.  Not really.  Maybe the preachers were right and they were all of them well and truly fucked, but Piper had shown her that they could at least aspire to something better.  And Alex was different from the rest of Kubra’s people because maybe she had always known that.

Kubra is holding his gun, but it’s held at his side.  He has her now.  He knows it.  So he stands and waits patiently for her to come to him.  Behind him, Mendez and the new girl slide off their horses, getting ready to take her in hand when she gets close enough and Kubra orders them to… she remembers what Piper had said to Ahmad about them being dogs… all of them just waiting for the command of their master…

Alex was infinitely glad she was no longer one of them. And the that feeling makes her almost breathless with relief.  Even after she had left Kubra, there had been a part of her that _wanted_ the adventure, the thrill of violence that came with riding with him.  It had scared her, and she had done her best to push it away, to keep it suppressed all the time.  But now the idea of it was so repulsive to her that she didn’t have to try to push it away anymore… it just wasn’t there.  Yes, she had been exhilarated by beating Christopher… but when the moment had passed, she had hated herself for it, and rather than making her crave more, she had been determined not to do it again.

She was beyond all that now.  She was better than that, better than them…  Holding tight to that thought, she squares her shoulders and makes to walk towards Kubra…

***

Kubra watched as Vause began to cover the last bit of ground between them, her hands raised slightly in front of her.  Behind her he could see her woman, collapsed against the shoulder of a hulking young man who closely resembled the bar owner.  She was shaking with her sobs, which could be heard even from here. Such sentimental foolishness… he had thought Vause above this sort of thing.  The girl had been ruthless when she was with him.  He would tell her to destroy something (be it person, place or thing) and it would disappear.  Fahri had done well to find her.  So much rage just waiting to be directed by a firm hand...

He had known about her drinking, about her tendency to lash out indiscriminately at the others, but as far as he was concerned, it was all to the good.  It made her even more malleable.  And frankly, if the others allowed themselves to be beaten, then they deserved what they got.  He had had grand plans for her… expansion of some of his affairs into the newer territories meant he would need new enforcers there, and she would be a perfect weapon to use against anyone who doubted the ferocity of his organization.

And then she’d started to fail him.  It started slowly, little things and then had escalated into outright defiance of his orders… He had waited until Fahri was off on a run and had then condemned her, not wishing to hear his right hand man’s arguments for his protégé.  Fahri was the only one who ever dared dispute him.  In this case, his words would have meant nothing, the decision would have been the same, but Kubra didn’t want to waste time.

It had been most dismaying when he had discovered she might still be alive… he had hoped that Fahri’s source had been mistaken… but now here she was, in front of him, a mere shadow of the finely sharpened weapon of destruction she had been when she was with him.  It was what came of allowing her sentiment to get the better of her, of letting weakness become her way of life, surrounded by all these _women_ , even going so far as to _fall in love_.  It raised the bile in his throat to think of.  At least before, she had died fighting… now she was slinking towards him, all the will to resist taken from her by the simple tug of all the various strings attached to her.

Life was infinitely easier when one cared for nothing, when one was willing to sacrifice anyone to further their own purpose.  All these so-called friends, and they couldn’t help Alex Vause now.  They couldn’t save her from what was coming.  All they did was make it easier for Kubra to take back what was his… in this case, her life.

He had quite an elaborate scenario planned out for her… drawn out and decidedly unpleasant, but this had gone so easily, she was so willing to come along like a docile cow, he might consider a degree of mercy should the rest of this go as smoothly.

She was about a yard away now.  He kept his gun at his side.  Violence would evidently not be necessary, so best not to do anything that might provoke any of the group behind her, who were still armed.  Vause seemed to have decided to go peacefully, but Kubra knew that the others might make a foolish decision.

She took another step forward and he said, “Just there is fine.”   She stopped.  He gestured Mendez and his newest recruit, the woman Watson forward to restrain her.

Mendez and Watson had taken two steps when Kubra looked at Alex’s face and saw that her expression had shifted.  The hopeless resignation of a moment ago was gone, replaced by a grim sort of resolve.  He met her eyes and saw in them something that was almost regretful.  Her voice was clear and soft, “You should’ve just left well enough alone, Kubra…”

He frowned… what?

Before any of them could properly even register her words, Vause moved with uncanny speed that had not diminished in the least since he last saw her.  She punched Mendez in the face with enough force to stagger him but not to knock him down, then grabbed him by the back of his head and propelled him towards Watson, who was frozen to the spot by the sudden movement.  All 6’3” of Mendez was propelled straight into Watson’s lithe, athletic frame, knocking them to the side, and then, without missing a stride, she put her boot into Kubra’s chest, knocking him backward into Mendez’s horse, who immediately moved out of the way.  Kubra’s breath huffed out of his lungs hard and he hit the ground hard, losing his grip on his gun.

The infernal woman didn’t give him a second to recover before she was on him, kicking him again hard in the side before falling upon him, her knee making contact with solar plexus, driving what little air he'd managed to regain out again. She punched him again then grabbed him by the collar, forcing him up so she could punch him even harder.

He tried desperately to regain his bearings, to fight her off.  He managed to extract a hand and started blocking her blows, albeit feebly.  Even as he did, he wondered why someone hadn't just shot her in the back the second they'd seen her take him to ground.  And then it dawned on him that he heard other sounds... gunshots... yells... screams of anger and pain...

Vause adjusted her grip on his collar, forcing him to sit up and look her straight in the eye.  She had that look he recognized, the deadly calm one, the one that was reveling in the violence she was doing because of the control it gave her... he almost smiled to see it again, even if she'd knocked out what felt like half his teeth.  "Look around you, you bastard... and see what a bunch of _women_ have done to you..."

He turned his head as much as he could given the pain in his neck... and it took him not a half second to see that he had been played... _thoroughly deceived_... by a woman

***

_ The Saloon _

_"He'll want to kill me.  He'll want to take me out of here and kill me and he'll absolutely kill all of you in order to get me to do it."_

_"Are you sayin' we ought to let him?" asked Bennett._

_The makeshift town council had gathered in the saloon.  Bennett, Miss Berdie, Old Chang, Gloria and Sister Ingalls sat or stood in various states of repose around the bar.  Rosa and her people had remained as well.  It had been fifteen minutes since Alex and the others had returned, and every cell in Alex's body felt like it was vibrating with the need_ _to get to the ranch, to see Piper, to rescue her.  But Red had made it clear that if Kubra showed, it was much bigger than Alex or even Piper... the danger would extend to all of them._

_"What's the problem with that?" growled Maria._

_"You keep talkin' like that, I'mma sit on you, bitch!" snapped Cindy._

_"As if you could catch up with me, you fat piece of..."_

_"No! None of that!" growled Red, "This childishness does no one any good.  And no one is letting anyone take her anywhere, that is not how we work, and you know this!"_

_Alex sighed, running her hand through her hair again, "I can't be the reason he hurts any of you...  If I go with him..."_

_"If you go with him, ain't nothin' to stop him comin' back here if the mood strikes and takin' out the rest of us out..." said Rosa._

_"All he wants is Vause, then why would he?" asked Bennett. Red glared at him. Bennett’s expression became flustered and he turned faintly pink, "I ain't sayin' that I want to give her over, I'm just... playin' devil's advocate is all..."_

_Miss Berdie shook her head, "Men like him... they don't forget anything.  Maybe he'll only take Alex today, but he doesn't forget a slight.  He might get it in his head that we all helped conceal her all these years and that that's somehow an insult to him. Tasha knew his men when she worked with Vee... Vee was ruthless, Kubra was even worse... he would have men beaten to death simply for looking at him wrong..."_

_"And we can't forget all the trouble he causes," said Sister Ingalls, "He is not a good man.  He perpetrates violence, he kills people, destroys their lives."_

_Rosa raised an eyebrow, "I hear you sayin' we ought to take him out as a public service?"_

_"You hear me saying that we should make him understand that this town is not worth his trouble.  That he should leave Miss Vause and all of us alone... and that should a permanent solution to the problem present itself at some point in the proceedings…" Ingalls shrugged._

_Rosa grinned, "If the nuns I knew as a kid were anything like you I might still be in the church..."_

_Sister Ingalls shrugged, "Well... it's not like I'm practicing anymore..."_

_Alex was shaking her head again, both touched by the show of almost unanimous support (fuckin' Ruiz) and feeling a little hopeless about their prospects.  "I can’t say for sure how many men Kubra’ll bring.  But he's tried to kill me once and didn't succeed.  He'll want to make sure the job's done right this time.  That means numbers.  The last time I saw him get a party together for a rogue man, there were twenty of 'em... they'll be loaded for bear, highly trained, vicious... he don't employ any other kind..."_

_"He 'employs' fuckin' mad dogs..." Gloria put in._

_"They're mad dogs when the threat's taken out. Disciplined before."_

_Alex looked around at them, "We can't do a fuckin' thing until Piper is safe... that's how this has got to work."_

_Rosa nodded, "That'll be practically easy..." she proceeded to lay out her plan... Alex would go down, distract Fahri with talk while Rosa and a small team scouted for other men around the ranch and then came in to back her up at an opportune moment.  Alex thought the plan sounded as good as it was like to get.  There were a lot of unknowns involved, but it couldn't be helped..._

_"Meantime," said Rosa, "rest'a my gang and some'a the better gun hands in town will set up a little surprise for those fuckers. Figure he'll ride into town thinkin' he's got us dead to rights... that we won't know he's comin' and that we'll all be just ripe for the slaughter.  Thing is he don't know how many of us there really are.  Doubt that bastard down at Chapman's gave him every little detail... so if a few of us're missin' he won't know... key'll be everyone who ain't either raidin' the ranch or settin' up the ambush... they'll have to be real fuckin' good actors..."_

_"I think," said Sister Ingalls, "that if Kubra Balik and twenty of his men ride into town armed to the teeth and ready to slaughter us all if Miss Vause doesn't surrender herself to him, there won't be a need to act frightened..."_

_There was a wave of nervous laughter, then Red looked around at them all.  "We all need to agree... the plan will depend on us all doing what we need to..."_

_Bennett nodded, "Reckon it might be a new experience to actually use the gun..."_

_"Don't nobody come in and fuck around with this town," Gloria put in, "Man comes to take on one of us, he gets to deal with all of us..."_

_The Nun said, "Well, it's a good thing I recently stocked up on my traumatic injury supplies..."_

_"This man cannot be allowed to bully us... Alex is one of us... we can't allow him to take her," Berdie said._

_They all looked at Old Chang, who was sitting in a chair, eyes closed, chin on her chest..._

_Red frowned, "Chang!" No response... " Chang!!" _

_The old Chinese woman stirred, opening one eye, looking around, "Bury the cocksucker," she said, drawing her index finger over her neck.  Then she closed her eye again and began snoring._

_That caused Red to smile, bemused... then she looked at them all, "All right... let's decide who is going to do what and when.  We do not have a lot of time..."_

***

_ The Chapman Ranch _

_The gunshots carried down from town._

_"God damn it..." growled Rosa, "...bastard's ahead of schedule."  She glared down at Fahri, "Your fuckin' boss is a fast god damn rider."_

_Fahri said nothing, simply looked at her, his mouth a hard line._

_"Fuck..." Rosa gestured, "we've gotta get back up there..." she gestured to Maxwell and Vasily, "go get us ready to go back, like we discussed."  then she gestured to Cindy, "take that piece of shit out front. Give the lovebirds a second, hmmm?"  she looked at Alex, "One minute, Vause.  You know the deal..."_

_Then they all trooped out the front door.  The second it clicked shut behind them, Piper was out of her chair like a shot, throwing herself into Alex's arms and squeezing her so tightly Alex was sure that her ribs were going to crack... but she couldn't have cared less.  She hugged the blonde back just as hard.  After a moment, Piper pulled back just far enough to kiss her hard... it was brief but intense, and when they parted again Alex they were both breathless._

_Alex rested her forehead on Piper's sighing, "When Red told me..."_

_"I know..."_

_"I thought..."_

_"I know_... _"_

_Alex frowned, "I have t'go up there... have t'confront him... it's the only way he'll leave us be..."_

_Piper closed her eyes, her mouth turning down in a frown, "Damn it...  what are you going to do?"_

_"Well, we'd kind of hoped that he'd wait til we got you rescued and gotten you and whoever was down here with you back up to town... that would've been best case… but Rosa had a plan for this too..." she looked into Piper's blue eyes, "You and me, we’re gonna have t'do a little play actin' but... I think it could work..."_

_The blonde sighed, "You're going to have to get close to him, aren't you?"_

_"Yes..."_

_A long pause, then Piper kissed her again and said, "Fine... fine... I want this bastard out of our lives... what do we need to do...?"_

_Alex sighed and straightened up, looking Piper over, "First things first... might wanna wear somethin' other than your night clothes... I mean, I like that robe  and all, but  I don't think that's gonna be best for what we've got in mind..."_

***

The main street was chaos.  As soon as Alex's fist made contact with Mendez's face, Rosa leapt from the wagon, drew her pistol and took a shot at the closest of Kubra's men, all of whom seemed just as momentarily paralyzed as the black girl had been at Alex's sudden move.  She grabbed Chapman's arm and thrust one of her irons into the girl's hand.  "Shoot the bad guys, kid!" she called out over the gunshots and shouts.  Chapman nodded... Rosa could tell she wanted to go straight to Alex, but the path was through the middle of the street, making them sitting ducks if anyone should look their way.

In front of them, Maxwell and Vasily dashed for the livery and the saloon respectively, taking aim at the men who were holding the residents hostage.  Behind them, Cindy was out of the wagon as well, following Rosa as she advanced.  to her right, Miss Berdie's girl Poussey (whose soldier father had taught her to shoot) had emerged from where she was hiding on the roof of the saloon and was taking shots at Kubra's men.  To her left, she saw Blanca further down come out from behind the facade on the roof of the General Store and doing the same.  Rosa saw them each hit their targets as she turned her attention to the left, where Maxwell was barreling into one of the men holding Miss Berdie and Ford, while Ford himself thrust his elbow into the stomach of the other. 

Rosa took aim and hit a man on a horse who was riding forward to help the men at the livery. Chapman took a shot at Mendez, who had extracted himself from the black girl and was turning towards where Alex was still sitting on Kubra's chest.  The bullet hit him in the left shoulder, and he cried out, glaring at her... and seeming to consider his situation, he retreated in the alley between the saloon and the rooming house where a couple of Kubra's men had gone.  The black girl was slower to get up, and made a move towards Kubra and Alex, likely to try to help her boss.  A shot rang out from behind her and a bullet went plowing into her side, putting her down hard, face first, groaning.

Red's boys were all scrapping with the men on the porch of the saloon.  Aydin was taking on Dmitri and Maxim together.  They'd disarmed him, but he was fighting like a devil. Rosa could see flashes of movement from inside the saloon, possibly the girls taking matters into her own hands.  She wanted to help Vause, but a bullet whizzed by her head, and she knew she had to find cover. 

She grabbed Chapman, who was ignoring a bullet that landed just inches from her foot, as she looked towards Vause, "Chapman, we've got to get to cover!"

The blonde had a wild look in her eyes, which were still fixed to Alex, "She needs our help!"

As far as Rosa could see, Vause's scrap with Kubra wasn't begging for outside interference.  They were too close to one another, moving too much for a clean shot at Kubra, especially with the way Kubra's body was angled... and there were too many bullets flying.  "Not goin' to be able t'do that if we stay out here and get our heads blown off... and you know that's not what she would want! Come on!"

Chapman grimaced but she knew Rosa was speaking true.  She relented and followed the bank robber.  They split off to the left, heading for the space between the livery and the Sheriff's station, where Fischer had disarmed one of their guards and Daya had managed to get the other on the ground and was kicking him repeatedly in the side, reminding Rosa that the girl had started out as a whore, and that whores had their own methods of dealing with aggressive customers.  Rosa and Chapman slid behind a barrel standing beside the Sheriff's station.  Rosa shot another horseman, knocking him off his mount where he was finished off with a bullet from Poussey's rifle.

Gloria and her girls had made short work of their guards, and Flaca had somehow ended up on a horse, behind one of the horsemen, smacking him hard in the side of the head repeatedly as Maritza and Gloria got hold of the guns their now unconscious guards had been holding and shot another horseman coming to his friends' aid.

At the general store, Chang had produced a blackjack and a pair of brass knuckles from somewhere in the depths of her billowing sleeves and had pummeled one of the men who'd been holding a gun to them into unconsciousness before the second had registered what had happened entirely.  When the second man went to help his partner, he stopped watching Soso, who picked up the wooden stool beside the door (where Chang seemed to spend two thirds of the day sleeping) and, with a determined sort of look on her face, brought it down on the back of his head with overwhelming force. He went down to his knees, and Chang sapped him hard in the back of the head for good measure.

As soon as the first shot was fired, Marco and Maria Ruiz swept in on horseback from the East, where they'd been concealed in a shallow gully just outside of town.  Marco slid off his horse in front of the apothecary and took out one of the men there while Jones kicked the other one hard in the crotch and Sister Ingalls smacked him hard in the face with the huge hardcover Bible she had insisted on bringing with her when they'd pushed her out the door (“the Lord is my constant comfort, gentlemen, I don’t feel quite right without the Good Book in my hands…).

Ruiz pulled the rifle off her back and shot one of the few men still on horseback off of it.  Throwing a leg off her horse and hitting the ground running as someone shot towards her.

As far as Rosa could tell, things were going well.  It had been less than 10 minutes, and the surprise nature of the attack had given them such an advantage that it appeared that almost all of Kubra's men were either on the ground or trying to get out of town...  The only fights that really seemed to be in much question were the one with Aydin and the boys  and the one between Alex and Kubra, but they had everyone else on the run...

Maybe this crazy fuckin' plan would work after all...

***

Alex noticed none of the chaos around her.  Her entire world was narrowed down to the man she was fighting and the 20 foot radius around them.  The adrenaline was pounding through her veins, the blood rushing to her ears, and the cold, hard anger that always seemed to take control in such moments was gripping her brain. 

Kubra was no easy target.  Despite the fact that she had surprised him and initially taken the advantage, getting in some good solid blows and most likely injuring him fairly badly, the plain fact was that this was not his first rodeo and Alex hadn’t had a gun to shoot him with or a knife to plant in his chest that would have really weakened him fast.  He hadn’t gotten to be the head of an organization like his without taking on challengers, and although he was surrounded by men like Mendez and Aydin who did most of his fighting for him these days, he had spent a decade climbing to the top… and that meant knowing how to defend himself.

Even after he’d taken a half dozen blows to the face and neck, he still managed to free a hand from her grip and punch her in the jaw.  The angle wasn’t ideal, but he was strong enough that it staggered her back onto her heels and allowed him to bring his knee up and jam it into her spine hard, causing her to pitch forward.  Although this also meant she was falling towards him, she was the one now at a disadvantage, wincing from pain, unable to recover entirely, and more importantly removing her weight from his midsection and throwing her off balance.  Kubra’s other hand was freed as Alex tried to break her fall with her own hands, and he slammed his fist into on the right side of her face. She hit the ground with a bone rattling thud as Kubra rolled over, getting his feet under him but not bothering to stand all the way up… all he needed was his gun… he saw it three feet away and went to scramble for it…

Alex, though, had recovered quickly and was up on her feet, taking a two step run up before kicking him firmly in the ribs.  He rolled over once and ended up on his belly.  Alex lunged forward, trying to get him pinned again before he could move… so there was no way to reverse her momentum or get out of the way when Kubra rolled over with a knife (previously concealed in a small holster on his belt) in his hand.  He didn’t have a lot of time to direct his blow, but the knife slipped easily between her ribs…  she was so keyed up on adrenaline and rage that it wasn’t enough to actually stagger her, but she registered the sting of pain , and felt the blood begin to soak her shirt.

She was pinning his arms again, so he couldn’t draw the knife back for another blow.  She couldn’t afford for him to get his leverage back, to get his feet back under him… especially not with a knife (his weapon of choice) in hand.  And she knew the relentless adrenaline rush wouldn’t last forever… given how fast her shirt was getting soaked, even with the knife still in the wound, he had gotten her good, and the more blood she lost, the less strength she’d have… even without that, this couldn’t go on forever…

He was glaring up at her, using what little room to move he had to twist the knife that she dearly hoped wasn’t wedged into one of her vitals… she was using most of her strength to keep him contained, basically draped over him like a blanket… she couldn’t stay like this… and he knew it… “You don’t seem very focused right now, Alex…” he growled at her, “Am I right in thinking…” another twist, and he applied more pressure, “… you aren’t very focused right now??”

Alex took a couple of deep breaths, trying to gather her strength… she knew what she had to do but would only get one chance, and if it didn’t work.... she couldn’t think about that…

“When you are dead…” Kubra spat, “they will follow…  when you are dead, I will personally ensure that that woman dies in screaming agony and….”

“Y’know what, you son of a bitch… You talk too fucking much…”  she planted her hands on the ground on either side of Kubra’s shoulders and pushed herself up.  Before he could register the sudden move, she brought the hard part of her head down on his nose hard.  He cried out in pain stunned.  She pushed up and sat back on his legs again, knees braced on either side of his thighs… he had lost his grip on the knife when she’d hit him, and it was now lodged in her midsection.

Gritting her teeth, she grabbed the hilt, pulled it out and surged forward again, holding the finely honed edge to his throat…  “Gonna make sure you ain’t never comin’ back here to threaten me and mine again, you understand?  _Never fuckin’ again_ …”

There was blood running from his broken nose, and from his mouth, rapidly expanding bruises on both sides of his face, but the fucker had the gall to actually fucking smile at her, a cruel, mean looking thing, blood staining his teeth a faint pink, his eyes matching his smile, “Look at you… you are so soft now… if you were as you had been, as I made you, I would be dead already, bleeding my life out all over this godforsaken street…but you can’t do it… I see in your eyes hesitation… weakness…I can see what you are thinking… all your talk of finding a better way, and here you are about to kill me… what will your woman think?  What will all these people when they know you are a murderer again?”

Alex spat some of the blood she felt filling her mouth (he’d knocked at least one tooth loose) out on the ground next to Kubra’s head, “Well I guess that’ll just be my burden to bear, won’t it?  You’ll be too busy rotting in hell to think on it much…” and then she drew the knife across his throat…

***

Kubra made a stuck choking sound and brought his hands up to his throat.  It took about twenty seconds, the blood seeping through his fingers, soaking the ground and his coat.  He kept his eyes on hers as the life bled out of him, until they rolled back and she felt him go limp and boneless beneath her.

She leaned back on her heels, hands on her thighs… she was breathing hard now, rush fading rapidly as she began to feel the effects of the blood loss and the hits she’d taken.  She gritted her teeth and dropped the knife, putting both hands over the wound in her side, grimacing and wincing as the pain caught up with.  She’d need to see the Doc and soon.

Looking around her, she saw that Kubra’s men were losing ground.  It was possible they’d known what was coming they might have done better (maybe even won, though Alex didn’t like to think on it), but as it was, the element of surprise and the way the townsfolk’d had all their reinforcements lined up was overwhelming.  They’d taken out half Kubra’s boys before they even knew what was going on.

Alex began looking for Piper… Rosa was supposed to be looking after her, making sure she stayed as safe as she could. She was looking to the left, over towards the space between the livery and the sheriff when she saw a flash of blonde hair on the porch of the sheriff’s… Piper appeared to be behind Bennett, helping Fischer secure a couple of Kubra’s unconscious men.  Alex took a deep breath and gathered up her strength… was about to try to stand up…

…when, seemingly out of nowhere, a boot came flying towards her.  Under normal circumstances, she would’ve sensed it, might’ve been able to move out of the way, to at least roll with the blow, but both her reflexes and her speed were off, thrown for a loop by her injuries… and the man who’d kicked her was almost as fast as she was…

***

Aydin had been holding off the three large Russians on his own, trying to break away, to help Kubra, cursing his boss for making him leave… Aydin knew how dangerous Vause was.. always had, had always been wary of her… had wanted to stay near Kubra to ensure she didn’t try anything…

He saw Kubra get the upper hand, seemingly, but then almost as quickly, Vause was on top of him, pinning him with her weight… and before he knew it, Vause was slitting Kubra’s throat… Aydin couldn’t stop the cry of anger that left his lungs… (Fahri had been the one who found him, his mentor, but Kubra was like his father… the man who had _made_ him something… something Vause had never done anything but hold in contempt)…

Suddenly all he wanted was to get to her.  He lunged forward and grabbed two of the Russians by their hair, he slammed their heads together hard and then pushed them into the third.  The trio went down in a heap, two of them unconscious, and Aydin used their distraction to slip off the porch and run towards Vause and Kubra…

***

Aydin’s boot made contact with the right side of her face, sending her glasses flying. The pain was immediate and intense and there was a sickening crunching sound as she felt her cheekbone shatter.  She went down in a heap (fuckin’ _again_ ) and felt Aydin kick her viciously in the ribs to make sure she stayed there… once, twice… three times… rapid and furious, driving the breath from her chest and wincing in pain… and then he took two steps, towards where Kubra’s gun had landed. She was face down on the ground, hands flexing on the dirt, trying to get her breath back, get the strength to move.  She turned her head to look at him, squinting at him… head feeling fuzzy…

His clothes were torn, his hair mussed, his face bruised, but Alex could feel his anger radiating off him in waves.  He took two long strides towards her, grabbed her by the collar of her shirt with his left hand and turned her over as roughly as he could.  Then he put his boot to her neck, applying enough weight that she would stay in place, but not enough that she would pass out, even in her weakened state.  On instinct, her hands came up and grasped the boot feebly.  He ignored her struggles and pointed the gun down at her, saying nothing.  Aydin was a physical being who had little use for words… nothing either of them could say would make this anything other than what it was. 

She braced herself, looking him straight in the eyes.  She didn't feel any fear for herself.  Death wasn't the worst thing, and at least she had ended Kubra first... all her thoughts were of Piper... she couldn't even turn her head to look for her, to try to see her one last time... Alex thought about all they had been through, about how she loved the blonde so much it was almost beyond her comprehension... her only wish as she looked up at the man who would kill her was that Piper would survive this and go on to live a good full life... even if it was without her... _God she was going to miss her_...  Alex saw Aydin finger tense on the trigger…

... and then there was gunshot from behind her and Aydin’s head snapped back, a neat hole in the middle of his forehead… the pressure disappeared from her neck, and he fell gracelessly into the dust, the gun clunking to the ground between them.

Alex grunted and shifted herself to look back in the direction of the shot... and saw Piper (or a blonde blur that greatly resembled her) standing on the porch of the Sheriff’s office, a smoking rifle braced against her shoulder, a look of grim triumph on her face.  When she saw Alex turn toward her, Alex thought she saw her face fall (probably because Alex looked like she’d just had her ass kicked).  Piper lowered the gun and made a move to come down the steps towards her…

But before she could move, the door to the Sheriff’s office opened and George Mendez stepped out… grabbing Piper around the waist and dragging her back into the office, which he then slammed behind him.

Fischer, who had been knelt at the rail surrounding the porch, taking shots at the men further down the road to the East, looked over her shoulder at Piper’s cry of distress and immediately moved towards the door… 

Alex desperately scrambled to get her feet back under her and push past the pain that seemed to be permeating every cell in her body.  There was only one thought pounding through her brain.  _Get to Piper…_

***

Piper had spent the fight on the Sheriff’s Station porch, helping Fischer secure the men she and Daya had knocked out and taking shots at the men on horseback.  At some point Rosa had made sure they were secure as they could be and left to help Gloria and her girls across the street.  Piper’s eyes kept travelling back to Alex… first she’d watched as the brunette killed Kubra, coolly and efficiently slicing his throat wide (Piper could not bring herself to feel bad about this… not after all she’d been told Kubra had done and was capable of… she wasn’t even sure how upset she was that Alex had done it… this was penance, this was closure… the end of something).  But then…

Piper’s only thought when she’d seen Aydin knocking out Sergei and Maxim, running towards where Alex was kneeling (looking completely spent, holding her hands over the spreading red stain in her side) was that she had to keep him away from her…

She looked around frantically and saw that one of the men they’d knocked out and tied up had a rifle in a holster on his back.  She grabbed it and checked that it was loaded, then she swiveled around towards the street just in time to see Aydin kicking Alex savagely in the ribs and then walk over to grab the gun Kubra had dropped.

Piper had only ever shot at cans on a fence (and had gotten to a point where she hit them one hundred percent of the time, which Alex was incredibly proud of), never at a moving target, never at a living thing (she’d slaughtered hogs and chickens, but that felt different… Alex would occasionally go out hunting with Red’s boys or Poussey and Tasha, but Piper always begged off even that…), but if ever there was a time that she _had_ to make this shot…

She remembered everything Alex had taught her, and tried to calm herself down enough to put it all into practice.  She braced the gun on her shoulder, aimed carefully, forced her breathing to calm… Aydin had his boot on Alex’s throat, the gun pointed down at her face… Alex was staring up at him, stoic and calm in the face of this, her job done…

And then Piper released the breath she was holding and pulled the trigger… the bullet hit Aydin dead center of the forehead and there was a grim satisfaction to it as she remembered how blithely he had threatened both her life and Alex’s… how she knew he would follow through on his threats for no other reason than that he had been _told to_ …

**(in the back of her mind, she felt a sort of desperate relief that the old feeling of release she once had when doing violence not there… the wild feeling she’d felt when beating Tiffany Doggett was nowhere to be found… the satisfaction she felt was all for because she had saved Alex’s life… she had not taken a life on a whim…)**

She watched as he fell and then Alex turned to face her.  Piper drew in a breath, she hadn’t realized how bad Alex had been injured.  She could see the blood spreading through her shirt and jacket, the bruising on her face. The all out battle of only a few minutes ago had faded to individual skirmishes, Kubra’s people in retreat now that their master was dead…  There wasn’t near as much danger in going into the street as there had been.

She felt an urgent need to get to Alex.  She took a step forward…. And suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around her roughly from behind, dragging her back into the sheriff’s office.  The door slammed and the bolt slid home before the person holding her spun around and tossed her to the ground forcefully, knocking the breath out of her as she slid across the floor and came to rest against the bars of the single jail cell.

A voice from her right, "Was that necessary Mendez?"

Piper looked over and saw Fahri, leaning against Bennett's desk, his left arm held stiffly, his left eye swollen shut (she had lost track of him after that, the last she'd seen he was getting his wounds tended to, but he must have slipped in here when it began.  With his shoulder as it was he would've been relatively useless in a fight.).  There was dried blood in his mustache and on his face.  He was looking towards a second man, the one who had grabbed Piper.  The man had been one of the ones behind Kubra when they'd first come over the rise from town.  Piper had managed to make note of a few of them before she and Alex had started their whispered playacting for Fahri's benefit. (the act had to be _convincing_ , and letting anything slip in front of their prisoner was a slip up they couldn't afford).  She remembered him because he shot him, caught him in the shoulder

This man was tall, broad, had black hair that fell to his shoulders in the back but was cut close in the front.  On his face was a bushy mustache and a scruff of uneven stubble.  The overall effect was not pleasing.  He wore an old Confederate Army coat, the left shoulder bound up inexpertly with what looked like a torn shirtsleeve that was soaked with blood, and there were two pistols and a large knife on his belt, much like Alex's.  He had an unpleasant smile on his face and an even more repulsive look in his beady brown eyes.

The tall man's eyes were roaming up and down Piper's body, making her feel oddly like he was doing something obscene even though she was fully clothed and not even in a particularly alluring way (she and her clothes were both rumpled and covered in sweat and dust).  She did not like the look in the man's eyes at all, _not one bit_... it promised things that she had never even been given reason to contemplate in the past; even in her darkest moments in Boston, she was still the privileged daughter of a privileged man and she was protected from some of the worst realities of what rough men might do to a woman (until, she thought, she married one)... 

He didn't look away from Piper as he answered Fahri, "Fuck yeah it was... considerin' everythin' you told me, this bitch has spent some serious time makin' this whole fuckin' thing a lot harder than it needed to be...”

"That is not exactly what I said... I simply said..."

"That she fuckin' fooled your dumb ass twice... Jesus, you oughta be more interested in punishin' her than I am…”

"And why does she require punishment at all...?"

"Cause she shot me… And cause she's at least as responsible for all this bullshit as Vause is, and since I got no interest in fuckin' that bitch, I'll have to make due..."

Fahri pushed himself up a little straighter as Piper's eyes widened.  She looked around, trying to find some way out of this.  The sheriff's station was one room with the cell in the back of it.  Small, cramped... if she tried to scramble to her feet, he would be on her before she could move towards either the front door (which he was blocking) or the back door... she had no weapons (she'd tucked her pistol into her belt when she'd picked up the rifle, but it had fallen out when she'd struggled with Mendez, and the little knife she'd slipped into her boot had ended up in someone's chest).  Panic began to flutter in her stomach but she tamped it down... no, no she couldn't give into that... she had gone through too much, survived too much... she would _not_ fall apart now.

"No," Fahri said, his voice commanding, serious, but the look on his face concerned. He looked from Piper to Mendez, "This is not necessary, Mendez... nor is it prudent... our men have scattered, Kubra is dead.  There is still chaos out there for this brief moment.  We cannot waste it.  We have to leave now..."

"Oh we'll leave... and we'll do it before any'a those bitches gets us, my horse is out back... what I wanna do...  it won't take too long."

"Mendez..."

Mendez didn't respond to the authority in Fahri's voice, "Oh don't try to act like my fuckin' boss anymore, Fahri... Kubra's fuckin' dead... that gravy train is derailed... and to be real fuckin' honest, that's Vause's fault too..." Mendez looked at Piper, "Best fuckin' gang I ever run with..." he took another step towards Piper, "You're right though, we're runnin outta time, and I wanna make sure I make this somethin' this one'll remember... I'll bet you ain't even had a man before, have ya honey?  I can tell ya whatever Vause does with ya, it ain't nothin'..."

Before he could finish whatever heinous thing he was going to say, Fahri had slid between he and Piper.  "You will not do this."

Mendez glared, "Oh you gettin' all squeamish now, Fahri...?"  Behind him, someone began pounding on the door loudly.  "don't you dare fuckin' tell me you don't know what Kubra had us to some of those towns, some of them ranches he erased..."

"I was aware of those things.  Those things were necessary for maintaining his authority.  This is pointless cruelty..."

"You don't like it, you ain't gotta watch..."

"Mendez..." the pounding intensified.  They could hear someone scrabbling keys on the door.

"What? You gonna tell me what you'll do t'me if I try to touch her?  Gonna puff yourself up some, little man?"

"No. I do not make threats, I take actions.  I will give you one final chance.  We will go and you will leave her here..."

"Fuck that..." Mendez went to take a step forward, raising his arm to push Fahri out of the way.

Fahri ducked under the taller man's arm smoothly and, with fluid grace, moved all the way around behind him.  Mendez frowned, turning around as quickly as he could... and coming face to face with one of his own pistols in Fahri's uninjured right hand (Fahri had pulled it from Mendez’s holster so smoothly he hadn’t even felt it), pointed straight at his forehead.

"I never liked you anyway you stupid, small minded, cruel son of a bitch," and then he pulled the trigger.

***

Through sheer force of will, Alex had dragged herself to her feet and was staggering towards the Sheriff's office.  The stab wound in her torso was like a slow burning wildfire, spreading pain and heat from her midsection all through the rest of her body.  The pain in her face was much sharper... she couldn't walk right thanks to her busted up ribs and so her steps were staggered, jarring and every one caused a spike of agony to run through her brain straight from the place where Aydin's boot had made contact.

Half way there she felt someone pull her arm around their broad shoulders and looked over to see Cindy, a cut on her forehead and a bruise on her cheek, but otherwise seeming no worse for the wear.  Alex was almost astonished to see that the chaos and movement on the street had abated, the overwhelming noise of horses and people grappling with one another, of gunshots  and yells had faded, and now the townsfolk were really just trussing up the men who'd been knocked out and assessing their own damage.

The injury to her face made talking a chore, though she reckoned she could do it if she needed to, and even gritting her teeth felt as though it was like to make her pass out, but she gestured towards the sheriff's office.

Cindy nodded, "Yeah I saw..."  She handed Alex a gun, which Alex stuffed in her belt, "just in case..."

With Cindy's help they moved much faster (although, despite the fact that Cindy was trying to be gentle, moving faster meant hurting more... but Alex didn't fucking care).

On the porch, Fischer was cursing and picking through a pile of scattered keys.  She looked over at them, "When I grappled with that fella," she pointed at one of the unconscious men on the porch, "they fell off my belt, the ring busted and now... I don't know which one's the front door."

Alex wanted to help, but thought if she went to her knees she might not be able to get up.  She felt helpless and out of her mind with worry, all she could picture was what Mendez (who she had seen do many, many awful things, his actions seared into her brain a long time ago) with Piper... the mere thought of the slimy bastard touching the blonde made Alex frantic.

She leaned against the door and started kicking it as Cindy set to helping Fischer with the keys, handing the skinny woman one key after the other as Fischer tried them on the door. "Lord, why do I have so many blamed keys," she muttered to herself.   They'd have gone for the windows, but the interior shutters (meant to be sealed against an attack in case someone decided to come after a prisoner) had been shut.

Alex’s anxiety was like a physical force, overpowering the pain, and she found the strength to pound on the door with her fist as well as her foot.  Grunting with the effort and wincing every time she tried to speak because of the pain.  Everything in her wanted to scream Piper's name over and over...

Finally (FINALLY), Fischer came up with what she thought was the right key.  She turned it in the lock... just as a gunshot rang out from the other side of the door.  Alex slammed her shoulder into the door and burst through... almost tripping over Mendez's just fallen body.

She looked up and saw Fahri standing over Mendez.  As soon as he saw Alex crash into the room, Cindy and Fischer behind her, Fahri dropped the gun and raised his hands.  Alex looked around frantically and saw Piper, who'd been squeezed up against the bars of the cell.  She was pushing herself to her feet.

As soon as she knew Piper wasn't hurt, she turned to Fahri, anger rising, that strange overly controlled calm, the one that always seemed to precede violence, spreading through her.  She pulled the gun, pointing it at him.

Behind her, Fischer said, "Uh... Vause... he's... he's surrendered he..."

Cindy said, "Hey, Fischer, think maybe I saw me some crimes need some takin' care of...."

"What?"

"Out.... side..."

"But..."

"FISCHER..."

Alex heard the deputy sigh, and then she and Cindy left.  Alex was still unsteady on her feet, but she'd gotten her second wind and was glaring at Fahri hard.  When she spoke her speech was pained and stilted, her whole face hurt.  "You... you brought.... them here..."

"I was doing my job... as I had to..."

"I am... going to... kill you..."

Fahri frowned and stared back at her, "Do what you must... unlike _you_ I understand the necessity of violence...."

Before Alex could do anything, Piper was standing next to Fahri, her hand up, much as Fahri had done just a moment ago, "Don't do this Alex!  Don't do it..."

"Why... the fuck... not?" she gritted out. "mad dogs... should be put down..."

"Loathe as I am to admit it, Alex, he saved my life..."

"Held you... hostage for... days..."

"And didn't hurt me once, didn't even come close... Alex I don't like him any better than you do, but..." she took a step closer, putting her hand gently on her right forearm, "...there’s been enough killing... you’ve done enough of this..." she was looking intently into Alex's eyes, and Alex couldn't help but look back, as though she were being compelled to by a mysterious force.  Piper's eyes were clear, full of determination, full of concern, "... this is not who you are anymore..."

"Whole town... probably just... killed at least ten men..."

"Yes.  Because we _had to_.  To defend our homes, to defend our lives and our friends.  But you _don't have to do this_.  If you kill _him_ it won't be justice... it’ll just be revenge…" Piper was closer now, her hand had slid up to Alex's shoulder, her eye still intent, "If you do this, Kubra will have won...  he will have turned you back into what _he_ wanted you to be..."

Alex shook her head, glaring hard at Fahri.  She could barely see his face without her glasses but she could see that he was placid, unmoving, resigned to his fate.  She moved her eyes back to Piper's.

"He'd... he'd do it if the... position was reversed..."

"Maybe…” Piper said, though somehow she wasn’t sure that was entirely true, “... but you _aren't him_ not anymore.  You never truly were..."

Alex was fading.  The pain seemed to be everywhere and suddenly her gun arm felt so fucking heavy.  Piper's gaze was intense, as if trying to give her the strength to get past this desire to kill him... the adrenaline that had propelled her here, the rage that had made her point her gun at Fahri... it was all fading, and all it was leaving behind was exhaustion… she was so god damn tired.

Piper gripped her shoulder tightly and leaned forward, every word she said laden with conviction, "You are _better than this_ , Al... I _know_ you are... and deep down you _know it too_..."

There was a long, weighted moment where time seemed to stand still, Piper and Alex into one another's eyes... and then finally, Alex closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and looked back at Fahri.  The gun remained pointed at him, but the rage had leached from her eyes.  "You... leave here... never come back.  Spread... the word... not to fuck with us..."

Fahri looked surprised, "I must admit, I was not expecting this..." he looked at Piper, "You are most convincing."

Piper glared at him.  "Just because I wouldn't let her kill you doesn't mean I like you... you're the one who recruited her in the first place."

"No one held a gun to her head..."

"Enough..." growled Alex.  "You should... go before someone else... gets their hands on you... I won't kill you... but no guarantees about... anyone else..."

"I thank ..."

"Don't _thank me_ for a fuckin' thing. I'm not killin' you because that ain't who I am anymore..." she gestured to Piper with her head, "Walkin' outta town without givin' you to Red or Rosa?  That's for savin' her life..." she took a step forward, "and this..." she suddenly lashed out with her left fist, driving it into Fahri's stomach, driving all the air from his lungs and stagger, bending double, "... this is for scarin' her in the first place....  now get... the fuck out..."

Still sucking in shallow breaths, Fahri nodded, and without a backward glance, he limped out the back door of the Sheriff's station where Mendez's horse awaited...

As soon as the door closed, Alex let the gun fall to the ground and immediately proceeded to collapse heavily into Piper, so heavily that the blonde was forced to half fall to the floor inelegantly, trying to break Alex’s messy fall as well as she could. And then passed the fuck out, the pain finally and quite suddenly catching up to her...

***

In the end most of Kubra's men managed to escape.  Aside from Aydin, Ahmad, Mendez and Kubra himself, four others had been killed.  Seven were knocked out and trussed up, sharing Bennett's single cell until the next morning when Red came and explained the facts of life to them.  They would be released with a canteen each of water and told to hoof it the 20 miles to New Litchfield.  And if they ever showed their faces again... well they'd end up in New Litchfield in that case too, only in a custom designed pine box.  The rest had run off, and probably gotten the idea.

The only one who remained in town was the young black woman who had been by Kubra's side (whose name turned out to be Watson).  Her injuries probably should've killed her but she stubbornly hung on.  Some advocated letting her die, but the Nun refused, citing her vows both to God and to medicine.  No one was quite sure what they'd do with her in the end, but for now she was still in a coma, so it barely mattered.

Alex was the most severely injured of the townsfolk.  There'd been cuts and bruises, a broken arm, a couple sprained ankles, bruised knuckles and punches to the face, standard issue injuries for anyone in a scrap, but for the most part they'd all acquitted themselves well.  Bennett had a bad blow to the head, but nothing he couldn't heal from.  Arkady had been stabbed, but not anywhere important.

The only people who hadn't participated in the fight were Lorna (still too injured), Nicky (wanted to help but was a horrible shot and also refused to leave Lorna's side), and two of Miss Berdie's girls, Tasha and Suzanne.  Miss Berdie refused to have her around for the fight for some reason, something about violent tendencies (no one could quite see it because the girl was so peaceful, even simple, all the time, seeming content with interacting with the little family at the livery and with the horses), and Tasha was the one who always looked after her and would no more leave her side than Lorna would leave Nicky's.  They rode up to the Roost in a wagon (pulled by Bugsy) as Alex was riding down to the ranch.

The town was like the people, battered and bruised but not even close to broken.  The next day they began to clean things up, satisfied with the knowledge that they could band together and defend their town from any threat if given half a chance...

***

The Doc told Alex that she should talk as little as possible until the bones in her face healed, and that she had to stay in bed until the stab wound got better.  The Nun had, in fact given she and Piper a _far too knowing_ look and told them that there was to be _no_ vigorous physical activity of _any kind_ , to which Alex (already defying Doc's orders) said, "Spoilin' all our fun... Sister..."

Alex needed daily looking after, so they moved up to town again and took up residence in the same room at Red’s they’d had during the long winter. Piper and Ford still went down to the ranch every day, along with Tasha and sometimes Suzanne (who enjoyed taking care of the horses) around 5am (leaving Alex sound asleep… never one to wake early if it wasn’t required of her) and took care of things, but Piper returned to Red's every day for lunch and didn’t go back to the ranch, preferring to stay and fuss over the brunette.

Having Alex at the saloon made things easier on the Nun, who was also checking in on Lorna daily, just to make sure the doc they’d found in the little burg just outside Cara County had done his work right bracing up her ribs and her arm.

Normally, Alex loathed being idle, but she didn’t mind sleeping in and Piper and Poussey were keeping her well supplied with books.  The nun figured her to be laid up here for maybe a couple weeks before she wouldn’t need to be checked on daily and would at least be well enough to ride.  Alex didn’t figure she’d get so restless she’d start feeling the _need_ to move if it was only a fortnight.

She wasn’t usually one for being taken care of either, but as with most things, she didn’t mind Piper doing it. Although having Piper in such close proximity when she’d been told not to engage in _vigorous physical activity_ became frustrating after a while, especially since Piper was determined to mind the Nun’s orders and refused to make _any_ mischief whatsoever…

After a week, Alex wasn’t near so sore as she had been, and she was healing up nicely, though not enough that the Nun was granting her total release.  She could get up and move around a little, go down the stairs at least.  Which didn’t stop her letting Piper bring her lunch up to her and sit by her bed while she ate.

Alex couldn’t talk much, but it worked out fine because Piper could absolutely fill a silence like no one she’d ever met.  She talked about her morning on the farm (“Hades misses you… he got cross with me when I tried to feed him”), about Ford (“He says Tasha wants to come and help more often around the farm…”), about what Sister Ingalls had told her (“Quite optimistic about your progress… evidently you’re a fast healer, Al…”)

Alex just nodded and smiled at her, letting the words wash over her, listening and watching the blonde’s every move as she gingerly ate the soup and mashed potatoes Red had made her special (both seasoned in the way she liked best…evidently, the only way to get special treatment out of the old Russian was to almost die… again).  Alex marveled at the way she never got tired of looking at Piper, how the girl was still just as dazzling to her as she had been when they’d first met, and how her feelings for her had gotten nothing but stronger since then. 

When she finished, she pushed the tray to the side of the bed.  Piper, who had been sitting in a chair by the bed, talking and gesturing, sometimes emphatically (as she was like to do when she spoke at length about something she felt strongly about) paused to lean forward and take the tray, but before she could get a hold on it, Alex caught her wrist and pulled the blonde down into the bed…

Piper let out a gasp of surprise and then gave Alex a stern look, even though she couldn’t stop herself smiling, “Alex!”

Alex held her tight, not even looking to do anything more (the Nun had been clear about busting her stitches, and she didn't figure her stab wound bursting open while they were at it would be much of a mood setter), just nestling the blonde into her, breathing in her scent, feeling the comforting warmth of her, marveling at how she always seemed to fit perfectly into Alex's side...

As always, Piper seemed to know exactly what Alex was after, so she just snuggled into her, resting her head in the crook of the brunette's shoulder, one arm over her waist.  She leaned up to kiss her briefly and then closed her eyes, content to let the sounds of Alex's breathing and heartbeat surround her.

Just as Piper was about to drift off into a light sleep, she heard Alex's voice, "Pipes..."

Piper frowned, "Alex you're not supposed to..."

"I... know... but... this is important," her jaw felt stiff and the right side of her face hurt like a bitch when she spoke, but she had to say this, "I haven't... said thank you... for saving me... from myself... from what I was going to do to Fahri..."

"Al..."

"I wanted to do it... so bad..."

"But you didn't and that matters..."

"yeah... I guess... I guess it does..."

"I meant what I said... you aren't that person anymore... as far as I'm concerned, you never truly were..."

Alex smiled slightly, even though it hurt, "Yeah..."  They lapsed into silence again.  Alex felt Piper’s breathing level out, the blonde slipping into the light sleep she’d been on the edge of a moment ago.  Alex stayed awake, contemplating Piper’s words… think that perhaps the first time, she really, truly believed that she _wasn’t that person_ anymore....  Kubra was gone forever.  His gang was scattered to the four winds, the most dangerous of them now either dead or beholden to her...  the future stretched out before her for once shining and bright and unburdened by the possibility the past that had haunted her for so long might return to take its due from her...

She tightened her hold on Piper and smiled, closing her eyes, absolutely convinced they could take on anything as long as they were in it together…

 _The End_ (y'all)


	9. Epilogue- A Spring Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- So here we are at the very end. It's been a long trip (a lot longer than my first story in every sense of the word), but I hope you've all enjoyed it. Huge giant thanks to everyone who's stuck with me through this entire thing (it's gotten a lot more sprawling than I'd original thought might lol) and faved, followed, reviewed, lurked quietly, etc. I appreciate every one of you. And finally a huge, giant fucking thanks to The Person Who Read This. If I dedicated things to people this'd be dedicated to them. They've read every single god damn word of this beast and without their input and encouragement I'm pretty sure I would've probably stalled out around halfway through Chapter 2. They're an incredible writer in their own right (one of the best even though I'd know they'd deny it) and a good friend, and I appreciate everything they've done for me & this story. So... thanks, dude you're the absolute best, seriously. :) All right... let's get to it... (oh and it's rated M-ish again... you can blame you know who they encouraged this nonsense...)

_Nine Months Later_

Brook had brought them the package one Sunday afternoon in Spring, when they'd been sitting at the saloon eating lunch.  
  
The girl was still a little skittish around everyone, knowing that what she'd done had played a large part in bringing Kubra's wrath down on them.  It had been near on nine months since it happened, and Haven was, as everyone always insisted, all about forgiveness.  It had just taken a little longer to find kindness in some people's hearts in this instance.  However, they'd had a rough winter (it was always a rough winter it seemed), and everyone had had more pressing concerns than being rude to Soso for something that really didn't matter anymore.  They banded together as usual to make sure they all survived, and by the end even the most stubborn were treating her at least cordial.  (the fact that she'd spent months looking disheveled and depressed and _obviously_ felt so fucking bad about it helped garner forgiveness). 

These days it barely ever really came up, and really _she_ was more anxious about it than most everyone else was.  It was hard to heap contempt on the girl when she clearly had so much for herself.  At some point, Poussey from the livery had taken to checking up on her, bringing her books and such, and Brook had seemed a little less depressed of late, but she still wasn't entirely comfortable around Alex and Piper.  
  
Piper smiled with her best Boston blandness at her as she accepted the package and Brook scurried off back to the store. Alex, for her part, didn't even look up (she liked to think she didn't hold grudges anymore, but she was absolutely slow to forgive anyone who had ever put Piper in danger, intentionally or not. Brook's mistake had been innocent enough, but the result for Alex had been a new set of scars and a face that had taken nearly two months to fully heal, not to mention she had almost died (again), as had Piper, which as far as Alex was concerned was far worse).

The blonde looked down at the box.  The address ("Miss Piper Elizabeth Chapman, General Delivery, New Litchfield") was written in her brother Cal's scrawl.  She exchanged letters with him once a month or thereabouts, so she recognized it instantly.  She frowned.  Generally he wasn't one for packages, unless it was a holiday.  
  
Alex was reading a two week old Saint Louis newspaper Ford had brought back from his last run to New Litchfield (Alex had not been able to part herself from Piper for longer than a few hours since Kubra had come calling... not for anything.  Certainly not for something so mundane as the monthly supply run, so now they paid Ford a little extra to pick their supplies up along with his own when he went to town) and looked up as Piper began unwrapping the package with precision and care.  
  
She chuckled and Piper frowned at her, "What?"  
  
"Nothin'. Just you're openin' that like  you're expectin' a bag of vipers to jump out of it."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with taking some care with things!"  
  
"Oh I ain't arguing with you there, darlin'.  I take a whole passel of 'care' with things worth taking 'care' of. But I ain't sure a brown paper wrapped package is one of those things."  
  
"I do this with all my packages."  
  
"Know that too," Alex said grinning, "s'why it takes four hours to open your Christmas presents."

Piper gave her a look, "You like it when I take time and care to unwrap _some_ things..."

Alex cocked an eyebrow, "You keep talkin' like that, darlin', I ain't gonna be inclined towards mendin' the fence when we get back home..."

"If you continue to criticize my package opening technique, I won't give you the option..."

The brunette laughed heartily, holding up her hands in surrender, "All right, all right... you win, Pipes... you unwrap that fuckin' thing as slow as you want..."

"I was almost done anyway..." Piper said, primly.  She finished opened the package and found two envelopes inside.  One was a very expensive envelope.  Made of very expensive paper.  With no address or name on it.  The other was a more pedestrian envelope with her name written on it, once again in Cal's hand.  She opened that one first.  It was dated two weeks ago.

_Dear Piper,_

_I thought I should let you know, I am getting married.  You might recall in my last letter I mentioned a girl I had met at one of my clubs.  We have fallen in love and I proposed.  Mother and father are delighted, of course, as they are by all the things that I do.  When I told them, mother screamed (with joy, naturally) and father gave me his least disapproving scowl.  The wedding is on the second Sunday in May.  There will be the standard soirees thrown in the weeks leading up to it, and I would love for you to be there for what you can of it.  Everyone should experience our happiness at such formalities being observed.  Mother and father are sparing no expense because it is clearly important to them that everyone appears fine with everything always._

_I hope this reaches you in time to come.  I apologize for the unaddressed invitation.  Mother and father neglected to have one engraved for you (I have no idea why, I cannot understand why they might not wish to see you).  Please come and join in our joyous occasion..._

_Most sincerely and with much love, your brother, Calvin William Chapman_

_PS Neri is pregnant and was when I proposed to her. See you soon!_

Piper laughed out loud at this last.  Alex, who had been turning the fancy envelope over in her hands, raised an eyebrow at her, "Piper?"

"Cal is getting married."

"Your brother?  The one who isn't an asshole?"

"Yes.  It appears he got a woman pregnant and proposed to her.  From what I gather, my parents are going along with it so that they can avoid the appearance of anything untoward.  I don't gather they wish us to be there, but Cal does."

She looked at the envelope in Alex's hands.  Alex looked at it too, then opened it.  She cleared her throat and sat up straight in her chair, affecting an extremely convincing version of Piper's most haughty tone of voice (one that never failed to astonish Piper with its accuracy), "Mr and Mrs. William Daniel Chapman would like to request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their son, Mr. Calvin William Chapman to Miss Neri Ruth Feldman..."

"Oh Lord in heaven she's Jewish too..." muttered Piper, half smiling at what her mother's face must have looked like when she had to order _those_ invitations.

Alex chuckled and continued reading, "... daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Herschel Jakob Feldman on Sunday May 14 at the Old North Church, Boston, Massachusetts."

"My god, they must have been mortified," Piper shook her head, "Well I suppose we ought to accept.  I think they'll likely understand if we don't RSVP.  The way the mail service is it might get there after the event anyway."

"So your parents won't be expectin' you?'

"If Cal sent us this, it was because he was planning on telling them after it was gone.  My mother has certain things deeply ingrained in her.  If an invitation is extended, she can't deny it when we show up."

"Even if she don't want you there?"

"Even then."

Alex tilted her head, examining Piper carefully, "You _want_ to go?"

"I don't... I don't really know.  I don't know what it would be like now.  It's not my life anymore... but if Cal wants me there, then... I feel I should attend."  Piper frowned.  It was possible Cal was the _only_ person she would return there for...

Alex nodded, "Al'right..."  she frowned.

Piper noted her tone, "Alex... what's wrong?"

"Well, I suppose you'll be gone for awhile...?" Alex's eyes were focused on the newspaper, her voice determinedly casual, "I'll just have to get Ford down more often to take care of..."

"What?"

"I mean, I've left you to take care of things plenty of times, s'pose it's your turn..."

"Alex... stop being foolish..."

Alex looked up, brow furrowed, "What?"

"If you think I'm leaving you for a month after what we just went through last year, you don't know me as well as I thought..." Piper smiled, expecting Alex's anxiety to fade at these words.  Instead, she looked even more unnerved.  Piper looking at her  quizzically, the smile fading to half strength, "Al... didn't _you_ want to go?"

Alex pursed her lips, tilted her head to the side, "Well, I don't want to be away from you for that long, that's for fuckin' sure... but... I won't exactly be in my damned element there will I...?"

"No... but I'm not entirely sure I will be either...  and perhaps I don't care how 'in our element' we are... I'm not going there to make anyone else happy, I'm going there for my brother..." she said these words with conviction, infusing them with a belief that, deep down she wasn't sure she truly possessed...  yes, it had been a very long time.  She had come out here, made a life, proven herself capable of everything that her parents had thought she would fail at, fallen in love... it wasn't an easy life (never had been, likely never would be) but it was her own, and like almost all the women in Haven, that was what she had truly been searching for when she came here: something that was truly hers.

But as much as she rejected so much of what her parents were and what they'd taught her, there was a part of her that was still that little girl who craved their approval.  It still prowled in the back of her mind.  Usually she kept it contained, but now, confronted with the prospect of going back, she could feel it trying to make its way to the forefront... to make her collapse with self doubt.  She pushed it back.  She could _not_ allow even just the thought of them to discourage her...

Alex seemed to be turning Piper's words over in her head, even as Piper herself felt the doubts creep up.  Finally, Alex nodded, "All right... I suppose I ain't never been anywhere fancy before... might be interestin' to see what the fuck the big deal is..."

Piper smiled, trying to hide just how breathlessly relieved she was, "Good... I suppose we ought to go soon.  It will take us time to get there..."

***

Two days later they were preparing to leave.  Alex stood in front of the mirror in their bedroom, fiddling with the buttons on her shirt as she adjusted her collar and grimaced as it pinched her neck.  She never fucking wore collars at all (wasn't like she was planning to wear a neck tie), let alone _starched_ collars. She fucking _hated_ starched collars.  But Piper had insisted. "I know you won't wear a dress, and I wouldn't ask you to, but please.  At least for when we first meet them..."

 “Your parents are assholes."

“Alex…”

“They are… and you know they are.  They aren't gonna like me anyhow no matter what I'm wearin' cause it won't be like what you're wearin' so why's it matter?"

Piper sighed, gave her the wide eyed blue gaze, the one that she _knew_ Alex couldn't say no to. "Alex..." she said, adding that lilt to her tone.  Alex knew exactly what she was doing, but somehow she still _couldn't resist_.

She groaned, " _Fine_..." she muttered, fastening the collar and then pulling on the vest and buttoning it as well, "I'm gonna try to be polite to them for your sake and your brother’s, but if they say anything…”

“That's all I ask," Piper said, putting her hands on Alex's arms, "that you make an effort..."  She smiled, "And you look very nice."

"I look ridiculous," muttered Alex, "Like Hades would if he put on your fanciest fuckin' dress... I ain't foolin' anyone..."  But she trailed off when she saw the look in Piper's eyes.  Piper was keeping up a good front, being businesslike and brisk, making all their travel arrangements and making sure they kept on schedule, but Alex could see the anxiety running below the surface of it all.  No matter what she said, this was worrying her.  In the end, Alex's own worries about putting up with assholes were minimal compared to what Piper was feeling.  She sighed, and smiled, slipping her arms around Piper's waist as the blonde slid hers up and around Alex's shoulders, melting gratefully into her embrace.

"And you look beautiful, darlin'..." Alex said, smiling and kissing her on the cheek, "Are _you_ doin' all right?"

Piper took a deep breath, head resting in the crook of Alex's neck, "Yes... I am.  And I will be as long as you're there with me."

"Even if we have t'act like we're just _'traveling companions'_?" Alex put on her fancy tone, over-enunciating every syllable.

"Yes, even then..."

"Travelin' companions who don't get to sleep in the same room..." Alex muttered, with a disgruntled scowl.

Piper drew back, raising an eyebrow, mischief in her eyes, "Well... it's not as though they're going to be posting sentries outside my room..."

Alex laughed, "Well then, I guess maybe this shit might not be _so_ bad after all..."  she leaned down and kissed Piper.  After a second, Piper's hand slid up into Alex's hair and she angled the kiss deeper.  Alex grinned and pulled her closer...  Piper's hands were moving slowly and steadily towards the buttons of the vest Alex had just fastened... when Nicky's voice rang out from below.

"HEY! Lovebirds!  Where are ya...?"

They broke apart, Alex sighed, shaking her head, "That girl..."

Piper, flushed and slightly breathless, grimaced, "Well... we probably ought to go if we're to stay on our itinerary."

"You didn't seem too concerned with that a few seconds ago..."

"Yes well..." the blonde said, grinning sardonically, "I would also rather prefer Nicky didn't come up here and walk in on us... again... she's damnably good at choosing her moments..."

"It may be her only talent," Alex chuckled, as she kissed Piper once more on the cheek and then went to grab her suitcase....

***

Nicky was waiting eagerly at the bottom of the stairs.  "Ahh, damn it, I was 'bout to go on up there..."

Alex raised an eyebrow, "Remind me again why I keep you around?"

"My inimitable charm, o'course..." 

Ford was standing behind Nicky.  Piper smiled at him, "Thank you for looking after things while we're gone, James.  I hope it won't put too big a burden on your family."

"No ma'am.  We'll be just fine."

Nicky gave her a look of mock disappointment, "I'm hurt you didn't ask me to look after things!"  
  
"I would prefer that the place still be standing by the time we return," said Piper frowning at her reflection once more in the looking glass hung by the door.  She looked just fine for Haven (fancy as anyone could expect). But not so much for Boston.  She sighed.  Enough worries.  It wasn't as though she would be staying forever.

"I'm sure _parts_ of it would be!" Nicky was saying as she opened the door for Alex, who was carrying a suitcase in each hand.

Maxim was sitting in Red's wagon . He slid down off the bench and walked over to grab the suitcases from Alex as Alex returned back for the steamer trunk.  They settled the luggage in the wagon, then Piper shook Ford's hand.  She didn't need to go over details of how to run the place.  He already knew.  They got into the wagon, and Nicky slid up next to Maxim on the bench.  She had insisted on seeing them off (and of course Maxim had to come because Nicky couldn't drive the fucking wagon to save her life, although Bugsy was one of the two horses hitched to the front of it).

They set off from the ranch at a brisk trot, Piper settling into Alex as the brunette put an arm around her shoulders.  As they crested the rise back into town, Piper looked back towards the ranch one last time and sighed.  This was the first time she had left the ranch and Haven for longer than a few days since she had come here five years ago and she felt a melancholy tug in her heart as she watched it disappear.  She burrowed even more securely into Alex's side. 

Alex, who had been about to drift off to sleep (how the woman managed to sleep no matter where or what was going on, even on a bumpy wagon ride, was quite beyond Piper), glanced over at her, "You all right?"

Piper sighed, smiling, "As long as you're with me I am."

Alex grinned at that, kissing her on the top of the head, "Always, darlin'..."

And Piper thought this might not be so bad after all.

***

It’s clear her parents have no idea what to make of Alex.  When they step into the foyer of the house (Piper momentarily struck dumb by how little the place has changed in the last five years… like it’s been stuck in time), William and Carol Chapman are standing stiffly waiting to greet them.  

They look at Piper first.  Her mother’s eyes narrow and her mouth pulls into a straight line as she examines her daughter.  Piper’s dress is fine (having been ordered from New York just a month ago), and her hair was done in the latest style (some things she kept up with) but the rest of her… She looks more substantial now.  Not delicate and shy and retiring.  It’s in the way she holds herself, the way her shoulders have broadened out slightly, the way the muscles in her arms are more defined, the way her hands are clearly calloused and rough even from a distance.  And her formerly milky white skin is now two shades darker, freckles visible on her face and exposed shoulders.

When her mother leans forward to give her a perfunctory hug, she nearly gasps aloud at the… solidity of her, the hardness.  When she pulled back, she raised a haughtily disapproving eyebrow, “Well, you’ve certainly… filled out…”

“Thank you, mother,” Piper said, frowning.

But if their reaction to Piper was surprised disapproval, their reaction to Alex was open dismay.  After much talk, Alex had finally consented to leave her irons in the steamer trunk they’d brought with them (“this isn’t Haven, Al, or even New Litchfield.  Wearing a gun on one’s hip is not socially acceptable… and I don’t want you to _change_ yourself for them, but I would also rather you not be arrested on sight”), but that was about the only concession she’d made.

She was dressed as formally as she ever got.  Her boots were shined to a high gloss, and her clothes were new (if it’d been up to her, she would’ve just worn the same formal outfit she’d been wearing once a week for Sunday dinner since she and Piper first got together, but she could see how anxious it was making the blonde, so she’d conceded to splurging).  Flaca had made her some shirts and couple pairs of pants, and the new vest she’d made was the same blue as the dress Piper was wearing. 

(Her hat was the same as it ever had been, but the hat was lucky, and she wasn’t going to be giving it up anytime soon.  It’d been the hat she was wearing when she first met Piper, when she first _kissed_ Piper, and more recently, when she and Piper had survived the fight in Haven.  She _had_ pounded the dust out of it before she left though).

The hat was currently held in her hands, which were clasped in front of her.  Her long duster wasn’t necessary here.  It was too warm for a coat, anyway.  William was just looking at her with narrowed eyes.  Carol frowned, “And who is this, Piper?”

“This is my… friend.  Alexandra Vause.  Her mother worked for grandmother.”  Alex had to physically stop herself wincing at her full name.  No one ever used it.  Even her mother had only fired it off when she was sore at her.

Carol raised a haughty eyebrow, taking in Alex in her pants and her shirt and vest, basically her distinct lack of a skirt or dress.  Moving to her hands (so calloused that she could probably hold them over a fire and not feel anything), which made Piper’s toughened fingers look smooth as silk. Then up to her face, the battered spectacles, the scar tissue that covered most of the right side…“You said you weren’t bringing any servants with you.”

Alex went totally still, her mouth folding into a flat line, teeth clenching.  Piper could see the muscle twitching in her jaw, the general calm of her expression betrayed by storm clouds rolling in behind her eyes.  Alex had been on edge pretty much since the moment they’d gotten _on_ the train in New Litchfield.  People had been looking at her as though she were a zoo exhibit since they got East of St. Louis, and while she had taken it all in stride, Piper could tell the effort of _not_ reacting was beginning to wear on her.  People out West knew when a person was not to be fucked with.  People here had no idea, and while Alex could take a little bullshit, everyone had their limits.

Carol was, as usual, completely oblivious to the change in atmosphere, although her father was looking at Alex with a much more practiced eye than his wife.  He seemed to know there was something dangerous about her, and there was an appraising look to him that Piper liked even less than the arrogant contempt Carol was projecting.

Deciding to head things off before Alex grabbed their heads and smashed them together, Piper said, “Al… Miss Vause isn’t my servant, Mother, she’s my… friend…” Alex’s eyes flicked from Carol over to Piper, eyebrow raising, “… you always said you preferred when I didn’t travel alone.”

“Yes… of course… but do you really think someone so… _Western_ is suited for a trip here?”

“Oh I’m more’n suited to accompany your daughter, ma’am,” Alex said, her drawl smooth and calm as a pleasant country lake, “I’m head hand on the ranch, y’see, and I know how to take care of all her needs.  Fine lady such as her should _never_ have to take care of her own _needs_ wouldn’t you agree?”

Carol was oblivious to the innuendo.  Piper thought her father might not be, but if he noted the double meaning, he gave no outward indication.  Piper herself was trying very hard to keep herself in check.  She could school her reactions fairly well, but she had never been able to entirely stop the blush that always accompanied this type of talk, even after all these years.  Carol frowned, “Hmmm… well I suppose…” she raised an eyebrow, “As you didn’t tell us you were bringing someone with you, I didn’t prepare the guest room in full.  I’ll have Sally look to it after luncheon.”

“Thank you mother.”

Before things could get even _more_ awkward, someone cried, "Piper!" from the top of the staircase leading to the upper floor.

A bright, genuine smile (the first one to appear since they'd walked in) spread across Piper's face and she looked up to see her brother Cal, somewhat portly, appearance amiably disheveled (as though his clothing and red hair had at one time been attempting to look neat and proper, but had simply given up), coming down the stairs wearing his own huge grin.  When he got to the bottom he grabbed Piper in a huge bear hug and practically lifted her off the ground.  "It's so good to see you!"

Piper returned the bone crushing hug and stepped back to look at him.  When she'd left he'd been only 15, short and awkward, wildly unhappy to be seeing her go.  Now he was 20, taller, fatter, and looking completely at ease with himself and his surroundings.  She'd seen pictures of course, he'd sent her his portrait when he'd graduated prep school, but nothing could've prepared her for just how contented he was.  He was casually ignoring the looks their parents were giving him (exasperated for Carol, disappointed for William), concentrating solely on his sister.  "You too!  It's been too long."

"I don't blame you.  I wouldn't come back here either, if I didn't have to."  (their parents' expressions intensified).  His blue eyes (the same shade as Piper's) slid over to Alex and his laconic grin widened even more, "And you must be Alex..." he stuck out his hand.  Alex shook it firmly, unable to keep a bemused smile off her face at Cal and his general demeanor, "... so good to meet you.  Piper talks about you all the time in her letters," he raised one eyebrow and grinned. 

Alex knew that Cal was aware of the true nature of her relationship with Piper.  She'd been wary when Piper had said she was going to tell him, but she'd assured Alex that Cal was entirely trustworthy and would never judge them.  Alex had still been concerned, but now it was more than clear they had nothing to be worried about.  "She talks about you all the time too," Alex said, still trying to keep the refinement in her voice.  She knew Cal wouldn't care, but she was determined not to give Piper's parents more reasons to make the blonde feel like shit.  The assholes.  "Nice to meet you too..."

Cal released her hand, but kept the grin, "Sorry Neri isn't here... Mother and Father thought this should just be immediate family.  Didn't want to shock you too much all at once with my unacceptable bride."

"Calvin!" snapped Carol.

"Of course, Daniel couldn't make it so that in itself makes it less than a family affair, but... well, if anything he's become more insufferable since you left, so it isn't much of a loss. You'd probably just punch him in the face again anyway..."

" _Calvin_!" she said again, this time even louder.

Cal turned to her as if he'd just now heard her, "Yes mother?" he asked, smile and tone sweetly polite in a blatantly false way.

"Don't you have that appointment at the tailor in half an hour?"

Cal shrugged, "I suppose."

"Then don't you think you ought to dress and get along?"

He grinned at Piper, "What she's saying is I should get out before luncheon so I stop taxing her so badly...."

"You have to get measured!"

"Of course, mother... so much to do before the wedding!" he said, still looking at Piper.  He hugged her again, spoke quietly, close to her ear, "I'll see you at dinner, Piper.  And Neri will be coming too.  Mother's usually had just enough 'medicine' by then that she can tolerate us..."

And then he disappeared up the stairs.  Leaving Carol to shoo them all into the dining room while she gestured to the servants to take Piper and Alex's luggage.  As they walked through, trailing a few steps behind Piper's parents, Alex leaned over and whispered, "Well, at least _that kid_ I can stand..."

***

Luncheon was awkward, as expected.  Alex spent most of the meal remembering to sit up straight and chew with her mouth closed and keep her elbows off the table.  Everything was entirely foreign to her.  She'd grown up on the ranch.  Soon as she was big enough to walk, she'd had to do her fair share during mealtimes, cooking and serving and cleaning up after herself.  She hadn't always done it willingly (and had ducked it if she thought she could get away with it), but she'd done it.  She'd never just sat at the fucking table and let a bunch of other folks come and put food on her plate, leastways not at home.  And even at the saloon Red was more likely to slide the food up to the bar and make you come fetch it.  She kept having to stop herself telling the servants could damn well reach over and refill her own glass.

She was more worried about Piper than she was herself.  It was clear the Chapmans already thought Alex was some sort of freak show escapee (her mother was rather ostentatiously _not_ looking at her; her father was looking at her in a way that made Alex think he was going to recruit her to kill some people), so any toe she set out of line was unlikely to do much more than give Carol one more thing to nearly faint over  as she recounted it at her next society club meeting.  But Piper... Piper was their perfect princess gone wrong, and Alex could tell from the second they walked in how disappointed they were in everything she was doing or saying.  The way her mother had eyed Piper when she'd first walked had made Alex want to punch her (Piper looked just fine, thank you very much... like she'd done a little honest work...).

Piper had put on her blandly polite society face once luncheon started, and was doing a fair job of keeping it up but Alex could see from the set of her shoulders that the whole thing was taxing her. She'd been living away from all of this for so long, she'd probably forgotten how fucking awful it could make her feel. Alex wished she could do something to comfort her, but she was seated too far away and touching her was out of the fucking question anyway. She had to be content with simply catching the blonde's eye when she could and giving her a reassuring smirk, which didn't fail to make Piper's eyes brighten a little.

Her parents had stayed silent for most of the meal, seeming not quite to know how to speak to her anymore.  Halfway through the meal, her mother said, "So have any of the... gentlemen... there caught your eye?"

"No mother.  Sadly not."

"So your... virtue is still intact is it?"  Carol said, raising an eyebrow.

"Mother!" Piper's head snapped up as Alex suddenly started having a coughing fit. 

Carol ignored them both, "Well... it's an important question.  It's very wild out there.  It would be a pity if you ruined your prospects by being _unwise_."

Piper huffed an exasperated sigh, giving her a decidedly sour look, "No mother.  I have not let any men touch me inappropriately.  I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I haven't even let one court me or even touch me at all really."

"Ah good.  Well, I suppose it helps having someone so... western... as Miss Vause to keep you safe..."

"Yes ma'am," said Alex, giving Carol a polite, sincere smile, "I've been keeping a _real_ close eye on her virtue.  No man's gettin' anywhere near it while I'm around.  I'd go so far as to say I'd likely shoot 'em if they tried..."

Carol tilted her head, "Well, that seems somewhat extreme, but..." she frowned at Piper, who had nearly choked on her drink. "Piper... get a hold of yourself."

Piper took a deep heaving breath and shot Alex a look that was supposed to be stern, but nearly had them both laughing out loud instead.  Well, thought Alex, it was uncomfortable as fuck, but at least it didn't look like it was going to be entirely dull...

***

After luncheon, their rooms were ready.  Their suitcases were already upstairs.  There wasn't enough time between luncheon and the afternoon visitors Carol had invited over to do anything except freshen up a bit, especially since Carol insisted on accompanying them upstairs, and standing in Piper's room making inane conversation about every one of the families they were friends with.

By the time they got downstairs, the first round of boring guests had arrived.  The torturous post-luncheon visitations lasted for three hours before Cal showed back up, this time with his fiancee in tow and Alex felt like she could release a breath.

Neri had a huge grin on her face and wore a fancy dress that looked brand new and was, Alex imagined, probably something Carol and William had paid for to keep her looking respectable.  She was also, quite obviously, pregnant.  It wasn't like Alex had a lot of experience with such things, but she the bump was at least noticeable.  Neri was everything the Chapmans weren't and she wasn't even attempting to be.  Alex would've liked to drop the pretense as well, but she knew Piper was nervous enough without her adding to it.

From what Alex could tell, Cal had always been the forgotten man.  Daniel was the perfect son, had done exactly as he was supposed to.  Piper was supposed to be the paragon of womanhood and virtue and had turned out a disappointment, and Cal had just fallen by the wayside, his parents too busy promoting Daniel and being appalled at Piper to notice what he was up to.  He knew that they were too interested what everyone else thought to really chastise him as long as he didn't go too far out of bounds.  Piper, even after all this time, still cared about what her parents thought.  Alex didn't understand it (having never been disapproved of that way), but she wouldn't do anything to make it worse.

They sat and ate dinner and it would've felt normal if the Chapmans weren't glowering down from the ends of the table, looking wildly disapproving of everything that came out of Cal's mouth for near on two hours.  By the end of it all, Piper was looking exhausted and Alex near vibrating with the effort of keeping herself from comforting her.  It was a blessed relief when they were finally allowed to go upstairs... so that they might rest before their next day of uncomfortable awkwardness...

***

To Piper’s great relief, Alex was placed in the guest room just down the hall from her own room (which her mother had kept in pristine condition), instead of in one of the visiting servant’s rooms downstairs.  It made the whole matter of Alex slipping out of her room and into Piper’s as soon as the rest of the house was asleep much easier.

Alex had slipped into Piper’s bed and kissed her without preamble.

“Alex…”

“No… no talkin’,” Alex breathed between increasingly heated kisses, tugging at Piper’s nightshirt, “I haven’t so much as touched you since we got off that fuckin’ train twelve hours ago, and it’s been drivin’ me fuckin crazy…”

Piper, who had been feeling much the same thing, shut up and lost herself to the sensation of Alex's hands and Alex's mouth, letting them soothe away all the tension of the most uncomfortable day she'd suffered in near on five years...

***

Afterwards, she lay looking at her left hand.  The space between her thumb and forefinger bore rather vivid proof of her attempts to keep herself quiet.  “My mother will probably notice this,” she said quietly…

Alex was lying with her head tucked into Piper’s neck, her hand tracing lazy patterns on the blonde’s stomach, while Piper’s right hand tangled in her hair,  “I ain’t sure your ma notices anything she don’t want to notice…  ‘long as we don’t actually start up while she’s lookin’ right at us, I’d bet she’d ignore whatever she didn’t want t’believe.”

Piper frowned, “I suppose you’re correct…” she trailed off, still staring at her hand, though her eyes went slightly unfocused, far away.

Alex kissed her neck, “You’ve gone all quiet, darlin’… what’re you thinkin’?”

“I can’t be quiet unless I’m thinking?”

“Well, you _can_ ,” Alex smirked, “But you usually aren’t…”

Piper smacked the hand Alex still had on her midsection lightly, then instead of withdrawing, she took the hand in her own, tangling their fingers together, watching them as she spoke.  “It’s just… I expected to _feel_ something when I came back.  This place was my life for near twenty years.  Not all of them were miserable.  There were still people here that I loved, Cal.  My friend Polly.  But the only thing I feel is…” she shrugged a little, “out of place, I suppose.  As though I don’t belong here anymore.”

“I could’ve told you that the second I saw you walk into this fuckin’ mausoleum of a house, Pipes.”

Piper chuckled a little, “I suppose in the back of my mind I knew it.  I just didn’t… think the feeling would be so strong.  And so sudden,” she sighed, looking down at Alex, “Nothing I ever had here was my own choice.  It was all something that was thrust upon me by someone else.  Even the drinking, the anger… it was forced on me… because I was trying so hard to forget what this place was making me into.  And now I know what it’s like to have something of my own… _someone_ of my own… now that I know what the alternative is, I find I barely wish to be here…”

Alex shifted so that she was hovering over Piper, her hands braced on either side of her head. “I’m here with you, darlin’, I’m by your side, whether these stuck up fancy asses like it or not…”

Piper laughed, “I know you are…”  Alex leaned down and kissed her.  The kiss intensified quickly, and Piper muttered, “We should probably sleep at some point, Al…”

“We got a few hours yet… we need to store up some… seein’ how we ain’t gonna be able to touch each other tomorrow either…’

Piper groaned, “Damn it…”

“Don’t worry, Pipes, I’ll give you somethin’ to hold you over…”

***

Of course her mother had the days planned out meticulously.  And of course, her mother had not accounted for Alex’s presence, but her sense of proper manners and decorum wouldn’t allow her to be “rude” to a guest, and so she rearranged things to allow for another seat at whatever ladies’ club or luncheon they were off to. 

Alex did her best to be polite and smile blandly and eat the odd food she was being served without acting “uncouth”, unwilling to give Piper’s mother the satisfaction.  But being false and polite wasn’t the hardest part of this (Alex could be about anything she wanted to be given enough motivation; and getting Piper through this as smoothly as possible was good motivation), the hardest part of it was being so near to Piper all the fucking time and not being able to lay a single hand on her.  She didn’t even allow herself very many casual touches, the kind that would’ve been considered socially acceptable, because she didn’t trust herself not to take things further.

Her entire day was spent in a state of steadily increasing agitation and frustration until the shackles were finally taken off and she slipped into Piper’s room after the rest of the house was asleep and made up for lost time. 

It didn’t help that all the ladies they were eating with or drinking tea with or taking “in the air” with were asking her inane questions or staring at her openly, something she had hoped would fade off after the first day but had not.  It was getting more and more difficult to be _nice_ to these women.

Worse, Piper’s mother kept bringing “suitable gentlemen” around for her to meet.  “You’re only 24 Piper… there’s hope for you yet… at least so long as you get over your adventurous phase soon…”

“It’s not a phase, mother.  I _live_ in Haven.  I run Celeste’s ranch…”

Her mother waved a hand dismissively, “I _suppose_ , but one day you’ll have to have children and how can you properly run such a place without a man…”

Alex snorted loudly and covered it by pulling out her battered white handkerchief and sneezing ostentatiously into it.

“Mother… Alex and I do just fine and have done for five years now.  She’s a very capable ranch hand… we don’t…”

“Piper darling, a woman needs a husband, it’s her natural condition, what she’s meant for.  And surely you want children…”

“My children wouldn’t carry on our family name anyway.  Why should you be concerned?”

Carol looked scandalized, “I’m concerned about your well being, darling!”

They were walking from the foyer of the house into the sitting room where William and their three luncheon guests were already seated, daintily eating tiny sandwiches (Alex had nearly laughed when she’d seen these the first time… “tiny fuckin’ food like that ain’t practical, Pipes, it’s all just pretense…”).  Alex was trailing after them, trying not to get so blasted bored that she fell asleep.  She stood up a little straighter and started paying attention when the Chapman’s guests stood up.

William introduced some business associate of his whose name Alex didn’t bother to remember.  Then he introduced their son as though he was telling them about the main event at a circus or some such, “And this is Bradley Forester Lawrence III.  He’s a rising star at Billings Bank… really going places.”

Bradley Forester Lawrence III probably thought he was quite a god damn specimen.  Over six foot, broad shouldered.  He had a strong chin and had a mustache his fuckin’ manservant probably spent about two hours a day keeping maintained.  His black hair was oiled to within an inch of its life, and carefully combed and parted to one side.  He had cool blue eyes, carefully calibrated to show just the right amount of polite interest.  His suit was impeccably tailored, and he stood ramrod straight, smiling politely as he nodded first to Carol, then to Piper.

After introducing Piper and Carol, William grimaced almost imperceptibly and then, as an afterthought, swept his hand towards Alex, “And this is Piper’s traveling companion, Miss Alexandra Vause.”

Bradley and his parents looked at her, assessed her and just how out of place she looked, nodded, and then proceeded to pretend she didn’t exist, although Bradley kept looking at her out of the corner of his eye in a way he probably thought subtle.  Alex was keeping her expression neutral, but she almost smirked when, about the fourth time he did it, she could read something in his eyes other than amused astonishment at her appearance.  His eyes when they looked at her were screaming “I wonder what it’d be like to fuck her…”

Alex had found that many of the “respectable young gentlemen” Piper were introduced to were like this.  All polite and well-mannered on the surface, but really just assessing women they encountered to see which ones they wanted to fuck.  The daughters of their parents’ friends were for marrying and impregnating.  Everyone else was exclusively for sex…

Piper was sitting next to the man on the sofa.  Alex remained standing behind her, a plate full of the tiny fucking sandwiches keeping her hands busy so she would less inclined to want to touch the blonde (she had no idea how much time they spent touching one another until it wasn’t allowed… a hundred times a day, she’d brush a hand down Piper’s arm, or put her arm around her, or run her fingers through her hair, even if they were just working, even if there was no chance anything might come of it; it was instinct, and not being able to do it made it feel like one of her limbs was missing).

She listened to them make inane small talk, and got irritated any time Bradley laid a chaste hand on Piper’s arm or leg or when Piper smiled and laughed at anything he said.  Alex could tell that Piper was being entirely false.  She knew Piper well enough to know when she was putting on a front, and the girl had been putting on a front pretty much since the moment they’d gotten here.  But that didn’t make it sting less.

Alex wasn’t jealous, exactly, even though she knew Piper had an eye for the fellas as well (something she’d never understood but…).  She knew she had nothing to worry about from any of these simpering idiots who probably wouldn’t survive two days on the ranch before running for the train with their tail tucked between their legs cause they got a fuckin' splinter.  Hell, she knew she had nothing to worry about from _anyone_.  She and Piper had been through way too much for another person (no matter how handsome) to ruin them.  But that didn’t mean it didn’t rankle her badly to see someone acting like her girl was going to be theirs (Piper didn’t like the feeling any better than she did… one of Red’s girls had gotten a little too forward one night a few years ago and Piper had quite neatly knocked her on her ass… that had put a stop to anyone making a move on Alex real quick).

The luncheon lasted three god damn hours. 

They moved from the sitting room into the dining room where (because etiquette was nonsensical), they sat in some fool way that had William between her and Piper and Bradley on Piper’s other side, still being charming as fuck.

After the luncheon, Piper’s mother wanted her for something in the sitting room, and Alex, worn out from the effort of being polite to people she couldn’t stand (it always began to wear her down by mid afternoon), opted not to accompany them.  Piper might have insisted, but she could see that the effort of staying on good behavior was wearing on Alex.  She hadn’t grown up like this.  Piper had lost some of her patience with it as well, but it was still something she’d been raised for.  Alex knew how to deceive, how to act like something she wasn’t, but she wasn’t prepared for it on this scale, and the pretension was killing her.

Alex wandered aimlessly around the house for a while and ended up in the kitchen.  The servants had been as wary of her as the Chapmans at first, but eventually they’d all settled down in her presence, realizing she wasn’t like the others.  The housekeeper still wasn’t fond of her, but the younger girls found her fascinating and she’d found that their interest wasn’t nearly so condescending and irritating as that of Piper’s family and their social circle (she couldn't call them _friends_ necessarily... they sure as shit didn't act like she did around _her_ friends...) 

The Chapmans had a cook and a kitchen maid, both of whom Alex had met on the second day here when she’d come looking for something to tide her over between lunch and supper.  She literally ate like a ranch hand, and the petite portions they were served here were absurd.  They’d taken to her immediately.

She leaned on the counter, eating an apple the cook had handed her with a smile, telling the kitchen maid tales about Haven and the life out West.  The two of them were about done with the first phase of preparations for supper.  They’d be taking a short break, perhaps twenty minutes, before they needed to start the next.  Alex was thinking about what she might do if Piper took too much longer, when the blonde walked into the kitchen.

She smiled when she saw Alex, “There you are.”

The cook and the kitchen maid excused themselves to enjoy a few minutes of blissful leisure.  Piper glanced behind her, then swept the rest of the kitchen with her eyes before approaching Alex and putting her arms around her neck.  Alex let out a long, relieved breath.  Holding Piper was the best feeling she’d had all day.  Especially after that fucking Bradley’d had his hands all over her.

Alex leaned forward and kissed Piper hard.  Piper responded for a moment before pulling back, flustered, “Alex… we have to…”

“Wanna fuck in the pantry?”

Piper frowned, “What?”

“You heard me, Pipes,” Alex leaned down and traced the tip of her tongue ever so lightly from the base of Piper’s neck to her earlobe, “I had to watch that ass touch you for three hours when I couldn’t so much as brush your hand… I _want_ you…”

She heard Piper’s breath hitch, could practically see her eyes fluttering shut at the thought.  Piper’s arms tightened around her neck, almost unthinking, trying to pull Alex even closer.

“We’re supposed to be in the foyer to greet our dinner guests in a half hour,” Piper breathed, Alex couldn’t tell if she was objecting or simply giving her a time limit, “And Miss Forsythe and Kate will be back in perhaps fifteen…”

Alex tried to move her hands down Piper’s back to her rear, but was stymied by the fuckin’ dress.  She grimaced in frustration, “God damn dresses…” she breathed, now nipping at Piper’s earlobe with her teeth.  Piper hadn’t spoken for the last minute, her breath getting shorter and sharper.  She gasped when Alex’s right hand came up to her chest, “Fuckin’ corsets…”

Piper’s hands slid down from around Alex’s neck, and Alex drew back to look at her, concerned she might have gone too far (at home this would’ve been fine… the beginnings of a leisurely afternoon spent completely ignoring their work, but this god damn place wasn’t home).  However, the look on Piper’s face told a different story (her pupils so huge there was barely any blue around them, her face flushed…).  Piper grabbed the hand that was threatening to ruin her dress and dragged Alex through the kitchen to the huge pantry in back, her stride determined.  She slammed the door behind them.  The only light was coming from the crack around the door.  Alex couldn’t properly see Piper, but she barely had a chance to ask what they were doing there when Piper backed her up against the door and kissed her hard.  Evidently she had decided that if her get up was going to be a problem, there were other ways to release a little tension..

Piper's kiss is firm and heated and clearly communicating her intent. She's usually content with allowing Alex to control these sorts of encounters, but every so often, particularly when it had been awhile, she would surprise Alex by asserting herself.  Alex would usually push back a little, just to spur her on, but she found it undeniably fucking amazing when Piper took control.  
  
Piper broke their kiss and moved to Alex's neck, mirroring Alex's movements earlier, drawing a line down the column of her throat to her collarbone where she began laying a series of heated kisses as her hands unbuttoned first the vest and then the shirt.  
  
The buttons on this shirt were fancy shiny pearl ones not the usual simple ones that Flaca usually used.  They were a little tougher to undo and halfway down Piper growled in frustration  
  
Alex, who'd been losing herself to the sensation of Piper's lips on her skin and the anticipation of what was coming, one hand swimming through Piper's hair, the other one grasping the door handle behind her for leverage, managed a huff of amusement, "Only brought so many fancy ass shirts, honey... can't rip em..."  
  
"Fuck these buttons," growled Piper, but she knew she couldn't just tear the fucking shirt off like she might have if they were at home. She finally managed to get them undone, triumphantly slipping the shirt, suspenders and vest off Alex's shoulders in one fluid, practiced movement.  
  
Underneath Alex was wearing a modified version of a corset that was designed only to keep the ladies from running wild when she was riding. Piper pushed it down with a huff of frustration.  Alex was about to chuckle at her eagerness when piper's hot mouth closed over her right nipple and she couldn't stop a moan from escaping.  
  
"Fuck, Pipes..." she muttered.  
  
Piper undid her belt and slid her pants and drawers down. Her movements were quick but not frantic. She knew she had to hurry but she was obviously determined to draw things out as much as she could.  
  
They both groaned as Piper drew a finger through her warmth.  So god damn wet.  
  
Piper drifted south, leaving a trail of warm wet kisses down Alex's stomach.  Before she reached her destination.  Without hesitation Piper leaned forward and Alex gasped, "Fucking hell."  
  
Alex's mind quickly clouded over, lost in the feeling of Piper's tongue on her, and it got even more so when she felt Piper grin against her and slide two fingers inside.  Alex let out a long low pleasurable groan.  Fuck she missed this.  It wasn't like they weren't making up for lost time at night but she was used to them doing something like this at least once every couple days and it was a blessed relief.  
  
She was thinking vaguely about how good the blonde had gotten at this. Not that she'd ever been _bad_ at it of course, but practice made perfect and experience was invaluable. She knew everything to do, every note to hit to play Alex like a finely tuned instrument, but somehow it never felt boring or routine.  Every time with Piper felt like a revelation.  Alex's hand was tangled in her blonde hair as she got closer to the edge.  Piper drew the flat of her tongue over Alex's sensitive spot just as she thrust in one more time. Alex tumbled over the edge, trying her damndest to keep quiet as she felt Piper put an arm around her waist to keep her still.  After she'd worked Alex through the very last of her orgasm, Piper tugged Alex's pants back up, buckled her belt, planted a kiss on her stomach right above the belt buckle and made her way back up, taking her time, fingers trailing over sensitive skin of  Alex's right arm (a habitual gesture) up to her shoulder.  
  
She couldn't quite resist sweeping her tongue over Alex's left nipple once before adjusting her shirt and undergarments, pulling them up over her shoulders again.  
  
Alex suppressed a frustrated groan, "Fuck, pipes, you tryin' to kill me?"  
  
Piper grinned, all innocence, "I just didn't want the left one to feel neglected."  
  
Alex was fumbling slightly with her buttons her limbs feeling sated and boneless (even as Piper's proximity and the lingering scent of arousal in the enclosed space was making her want more). Piper stilled her hands and took over, slowly fastening each button with care.  When she was done she adjusted Alex's suspenders over her shoulders and straightened her vest before leaning forward (with her shoes on she was as tall as Alex) and kissing her again.  
  
It was tender and affectionate rather than heated and frantic, even though Alex could taste herself on Piper's tongue and felt the heat rising in her belly.  
  
When they parted, Piper rested her head in the crook of Alex's neck, eyes closed, breathing in her scent, just enjoying the quiet closeness, as Alex adjusted her watch chain, running a hand through her hair and straightening up her glasses.  
  
"We ought to go darlin'," she said quietly.  
  
"I know," Piper kissed her neck softly, "that was a good suggestion."  
  
Alex chuckled, kissing her temple, "Well, if I would've known what'd happen I would've suggested it sooner."  
  
"I didn't realize how arousing you found dry goods..."  
  
"Wasn't nothin' dry about my goods just then, honey."  
  
"No," Piper smiled, "no there wasn't."

***

By halfway through the second week, Piper was completely done with the pretense.  While she wasn’t fool enough to believe that she and Alex could parade about the streets of Boston arm in arm, she was absolutely finished with the cavalcade of fools her mother was trotting in front of her like cattle at an auction.  It was exhausting to feign any sort of interest, especially with Alex usually either sitting or standing less than six feet away at any given time, watching whichever man she was speaking to as though she wanted to smash his face in with the butt of her pistol.  She loathed forcing Alex to be something she wasn’t, and she found that the mask she had so successfully worn for so many years was just as difficult to bear now as it had been the last year before she’d left.

The _entertaining_ was reaching a fever pitch as Cal and Neri’s wedding got closer, and her mother was redoubling her efforts.  Finally, one night when the ladies retired to the sitting room after dinner, instead of sitting on the couch next to Alex six inches away her hands primly in her lap, she sat down and (while not going so far as to fold herself into Alex’s side as she did when they were at home, reading in the evening), took Alex’s hand and held it firmly between hers.  Alex glanced over at her in mild surprise before unfurling a grin.  On her other side, Neri noticed the gesture and grinned.

Carol, sitting across from the younger women in the armchair looked at Piper and Alex’s joined hands, her mouth hanging open, her eyes unblinking, struck dumb.  Piper almost laughed out loud.  This was literally the least offensive gesture that they could possibly have made.  For a moment she had to tamp down the mad impulse to simply throw her arms around Alex’s neck and kiss her full on the mouth.  But that might have actually given Carol a heart attack.  And Piper had no interest in ruining Cal’s wedding.

***

The wedding had been immense, the reception was even more so, full of essentially every sort of person Piper found couldn't stand (including the good Reverend Healy, who she smiled at politely as he stayed well away from her).  Piper had carefully been keeping to the corner of the room where Alex was sitting with Cal and Neri, who seemed almost an afterthought at their own gathering.  None of their friends were here (too uncouth and unrefined for Carol and William), so they were sitting at the gorgeously appointed table set up for them in front of the room, smiling and laughing.  Alex was as relaxed and in her element as Piper had seen since they got here, at least when they weren't alone, her top two buttons undone, her vest unbuttoned entirely.

Piper had gotten up to fetch another plate of food and had been stopped  halfway back by some associate of her mother's who she couldn't quite bring herself to be completely rude to.

The woman asked the standard set of questions about where Piper had been and what she'd been doing.  Piper gave the same set of bland, generic answers, stripping all the harshness off of the truth, making into something that would be easily digestible by the average monied Bostonian socialite.  Answers that hopefully wouldn't invite excessive numbers of follow up questions.  After two and a half weeks here, they all came quite easily.

She watched as the woman's face turned into the standard expression of mild shock, as she tried to keep the fact that she was absolutely appalled that Piper would _choose_ such a life off her face.  Finally, as Piper finished answering her last question, the woman said, eyebrow raised, genuine confusion and mild concern in her expression, "But surely you're looking forward to coming back?"

Piper frowned, thinking that she might say some empty thing, but she found she couldn't.  She looked back over her shoulder and saw that Neri and Cal had gotten up and were on the dance floor, standing close and swaying completely off the beat of whatever stiff waltz the hired string quartet was playing, grinning merrily and completely absorbed in one another.  Alex was sitting at their table, grinning at the happy couple. As Piper watched, Alex's eyes slid to hers.  Her whole face softened and she gave  Piper  an affectionate grin, raising her glass.

Piper smiled back at Alex and turned back to her mother's friend, "As a matter of fact, I truly am not..." 

***

They left the day after the wedding and were glad of it. William and Carol, standing stiffly on the front steps of the house, watching them depart for the station, were almost as relieved to see them go as they were to leave.  Piper had given each of them a perfunctory half hearted embrace before Cal and Neri had both swept her up into huge bear hugs of their own, promising Piper they would write as often as they could.  Then they'd gotten into the hired carriage and pulled away from the house that no longer seemed anything like her home.

***

Alex sank bonelessly into the cushion of the private compartment they'd gotten for the trip back, exhaling in relief as she unbuttoned the top three buttons on her shirt and muttered, "Thank fucking Christ that's over with..."

Piper smiled over at her before fussing around the compartment for a few moments, making sure their luggage was properly stowed (the porter had stowed it, but Piper always liked to double check).  She pulled a book out of one of her suitcases and then sat down next to Alex, who was settled next to the window on one bench with her long legs stretched out and resting on the opposite bench, her hat pulled down over her eyes, hands folded across her stomach.

As soon as she sensed was settled, one of Alex’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her closer.  The rest of Alex stayed exactly as she was, and Piper couldn’t see her eyes, but she saw her lips curl slowly into a lazy grin as she huffed a satisfied sort of sigh.  Piper smiled at the sight.  Even after they’d made clear to her mother that they were together, they still weren’t exactly free to express themselves like they would back at home.  Carol wouldn’t dare expose them for fear of bringing shame on the family, but others might not be so understanding, so they hadn’t really been able to entirely relax all the time.  This was as relaxed as she’d seen Alex for awhile.  Of course, they weren’t entirely in safe territory yet, they still had to make it back West, but the fact that they were on their way had obviously lightened Alex’s heart, just as seeing Alex this happy lightened Piper’s.

She glanced out the still-open door of the compartment (it would remain so until the train began moving so that the conductor could come by and make a count when it was necessary).  There was no one about.  Piper couldn’t resist leaning over and kissing the brunette.  Alex’s grin widened, and the arm around her shoulders tightened its grip.

“Alex…”

“Hmmmm…”

“The door…”

“Yeah?”

“It’s open…”

“Let ‘em watch…”

“Alex….”

Before Alex could respond, a harsh male voice rang out from the open doorway, “ _No touching_!”

Piper sprang back as though she’d had a hot brand applied to her ass.  Alex merely growled in frustration and pushed her hat up so her eyes were uncovered, turning her glare on the open doorway, readying to tear whoever had interrupted them a new one.  However, when she saw who it was, she grinned and sat up instead.

Piper, after recovering from her initial shock, looked over as well, and smiled, “Cal!  What are you doing here?”

Cal and Neri stood in the doorway, suitcases in hand.  “Honeymoon, Pipes!” he said as Piper stood and hugged him tightly, then moved to Neri. Alex stayed where she was, but Cal stepped forward to shake her hand heartily.

“But I thought Mother and Father paid for you to go to the cabin in Naragansett…”

“Yeah, well, as much fun as it sounded, spending a month with Bill’s banking associates drinking tea and trying not to die of boredom, we kind of told them we’d rather _enjoy_ ourselves.  Figured the untamed West sounded like it’d be much more interesting… _plus_ there's a couple of ladies we're pretty fond of headed in that direction…”

Alex smiled, “Well, it sure as hell don’t lack for excitement, that’s for sure.  But I ain’t sure I would say it’s a honeymoon spot…”

“Anything’s better than Naragansett, believe me…” Cal clapped Piper on the shoulder, "I had no idea how much I missed you until you got here.  And I look at you and you're so damned happy, I figure maybe getting way from mother and father might be the key to a long and fulfilling life..."

"It's not an _easy_ life, Cal," Piper said, looking him eye seriously.

"Ah, I know that Piper.  You've been writing me for five years.  But no one said we were going to live there forever.  It'll just be nice to experience something different..."

Piper smiled, "Then we'd be honored to have you stay with us."

"Excellent!" Cal said, "Always wanted to see old Granny Chapman's ranch with my own two eyes..."  he pulled his pocket watch out and glanced at it, "Well, we've got to get to our compartment.  It's just two down from this one I think.  Join us for dinner?"

"Of course," Piper hugged him again, then they watched as they left the cabin.  "Well," Piper said, sitting back down again, "That was unexpected.  You don't mind me asking them to stay do you?"

"'Course not, darlin'... always be nice to have someone else around... and we can teach 'em to work around the place...  never have too many folks shoveling up horse shit..."

Piper settled into Alex's side again as the brunette pulled her hat back over her eyes.  Piper looked past her, out the window as the train pulled out of the station.  As she watched, first the station, and then Boston itself began to fade into the distance, and as the city got smaller and smaller, she suddenly knew with absolute certainty that she would never return... and that there was no reason to mourn this decision. The experience had been, for the most part, an ordeal.  She had been happy to be there for Cal, but almost every other thing that had transpired had been unbelievably challenging.  She couldn't be the person she truly was here, not for herself and not for Alex. 

Before she had left Haven, she'd wondered whether or not there would be anything here she would have nostalgia for, anything she would find it hard to leave again. But it turned out the only thing she would truly miss was Cal, and since he was coming with them, to stay for at least the time being, there was nothing more to link them here.  Her parents had merely proven themselves to be the same as they had always been: foreboding and full of expectations, all of which she had soundly failed to meet.  At first she had felt the weight of all of this on her, as though no time had passed, but as the visit had progressed and she was forced through the rituals of the class she had been born into (the status obsessed false politeness, the forced smiles and strained pleasantries), she had begun to understand there was not one part of any of it that she felt any connection to.

Not one part of it was her anymore, and, perhaps more importantly, she found that this fact didn't bother her in the least.  She had everything she needed in Haven. The moment she had looked her mother in the eye as she had taken Alex's hand, she had known deep within herself, that her parents' opinion of her no longer mattered, that it had no connection to her life, to her identity, to anything to do with who she was.  Her life was in Haven... the ranch, the pride she took in maintaining it, her friends... and Alex (Alex, who had saved her life in every possible sense of the word; Alex, who loved her in spite, or perhaps because of, every one of her flaws; Alex, scarred and rough and unrefined, who she loved more than it was possible for her to fully comprehend) .  All of these things were hers and all of these things that were her choice.

In the end, there was nothing else that she wanted, and nothing else she needed.  Without a thought to who might be walking by, who might see them, she picked up Alex's hand from where it was resting lightly on her stomach and laced her own fingers through it, sighing deeply and closing her own eyes as a feeling of absolute contentment washed over her. 

They were headed home.

***

_FIVE YEARS LATER_

“Why isn’t it my turn yet, auntie??”

Alex turned to look down at the red headed four year old girl tugging at her belt and gave her a grin, “Cause we just started, and your brother gets to go first this time, Lizzie.  Next time you’ll be first…”

Lizzie frowned, “Not fair!”

“It’s the definition of fair, honey,” said Piper, walking up to the corral fence.  “That was the point of the arrangement in the first place.”

“But I want to be first…” the little girl’s face was the picture of dissatisfaction.

Alex reached down and heaved the girl up, grimacing a little at how heavy she’d gotten, giving her a very serious look, “How about you get to brush Hades when we’re done, hmmm?  Xander wanted to do it but, well, since you're bein' so _patient_ here, I think maybe you ought to instead, don't you...?"

Lizzie frowned thoughtfully, thinking this offer over… she didn’t like Xander getting anything first, _on the other hand_ , she did enjoy brushing Hades.  The big horse was nearly 15 now, enjoying his old age, and about as placid as you could hope.  He put up with the girl brushing the ever loving shit out of him for what felt like hours.  Finally, she nodded once, “Okay.”

“Good girl,” said Alex smiling.  She pecked the girl on the cheek then handed her over the fence to Piper, “You stay here with your Aunt Piper and you can watch.  That way you’ll know what to do…”

“I already _know_ what to do, auntie…” Lizzie said, mortally offended that Alex would think she didn’t know how to ride a horse (having had extensive experience _watching_ everyone else ride horses).

Alex tamped down a laugh, leaning forward, “Well I know _you_ do,” she said, near the girl’s ear, lowering her voice, “But Xander don’t, and we wouldn’t want him to feel bad, would we?”

Another moment of consideration, then a magnanimous sort of head shake, “Nope, I guess not…”

Alex gave her long red braid a gentle tug, then leaned forward to kiss Piper softly, habitually, before heading back to where Ford was holding the pony that he’d brought down for the children to ride.  Alex had lifted Xander onto the gentle white pony (which Lizzie had immediately and creatively dubbed “Pony”)  before Lizzie started up, and he was still waiting patiently (somehow even at four, the boy had the patience of a saint.  He was as easygoing as any child any of them had ever seen, even moreso than his father had been at that age… though it may have been because he had to endure Lizzie nearly constantly, one had to have the forbearance of a saint or they’d go insane…)

“How you feelin’ Xander?” Alex asked as she moved around the front and took the reins from Ford.

“Good…” the boy said, smiling in a way that reminded Alex heavily of his father. He had the same ginger hair as Lizzie, which his mother kept cut short. Somehow, however, he’d managed to get Piper’s eyes, cobalt blue, big and earnest.  Maybe that's why, as much as she loved all of Cal and Neri's children, Alex had particular affection for the boy (certainly nothing to do with him being named after her... not at all)

“That’s good.  You ready?”

“Yes ma’am…”

“I ain’t a ma’am, kid…” she said, with mock sternness.

He laughed a little, “Sorry… _Alex_ …”

“That’s better… alright… now let’s get started.”

***

Piper had her niece perched on the corral fence, her arms around the girl from behind to keep her from falling, patiently answering her never ending stream of questions.  (once she’d made the mistake of making an offhand comment about how many questions Lizzie asked, and Alex had laughed for about fifteen minutes and then given her a look that said “really?  _you’re_ complainin' about someone asking questions?”)

Her eyes followed Alex as she explained things to Xander carefully and then held onto the reins as they walked a little around the corral.

Piper thought back to when she’d first seen Alex, near ten years ago now.  Piper had just been a girl then really, but had felt so much older than she was.  She had had both too much experience and not enough… and she surely had no idea what love was supposed to feel like.  Alex had been broken into pieces, both physically and mentally, but was slowly trying to put herself back together… she’d been like nothing Piper had ever seen before.

They’d both been so damaged then, even if they hadn’t realized just how damaged.  Piper had thought she might never be normal again, might never be able to live with the things she'd done, that she might be haunted always by the _thing_ that lived inside her, always trying to escape its bonds, to make her lose control. They were both _lost_ then.

But they had found one another and healed together, made a life together, and had run their ranch with hard work and hard won experience.  And now she was blessed to be watching Alex pass on all the things she had once taught Piper (all the things that Diane and Celeste and Big Dan had taught _her)_ to the next generation of Chapmans... so that maybe they would run this place themselves one day, so that Celeste's legacy might never be lost. 

Her only true regret was that Celeste (who had loved both she and Alex so damn much) hadn't lived to see this. But she had sacrificed her life to save Piper's and made her quite determined not to waste it, or to take for granted any of the blessings life (that merciless bitch) had chosen to bestow on her: a family, a future, a home with someone she loved.  Maybe it wasn't always perfect, but it was hers and it always would be.


	10. Interlude- A Girl and Her Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> originally published as a one shot on ff.net, decided to just tag it onto the actual story here because it seems easier to me and it's set in the same world. takes place sometime in the five years between when Alex returns and when the confrontation with Kubra takes place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is officially the shortest thing i've ever written lol

Nicky Nichols fucking hated horses.  Her fucking loss of a mother had started her on riding lessons when she was five and given up four months later when Nicky fell off the horse for the sixth time, dislocated her left shoulder and had punched the instructor in the face with her right fist when he'd insisted she "toughen up" and get back on the cursed beast.  From that moment on, the four legged bastards were her mortal enemy.

So obviously it made perfect sense that she would run off to a place where the primary mode of transport was riding the fucking temperamental beasts.  In New York, she could get away with only traveling in carriages and traps, but out West.. riding a horse at least on occasion seemed unavoidable. Somehow she'd managed to skirt the problem for all these years. When she'd first arrived in Haven she had steadfastly refused to ride, and fortunately for her  there was no reason.  The town was tiny and if she ever felt like visiting New Litchfield  she would just tag along in the wagon with Max or Sergei or whichever of the boys was going down.  The fact that the girl who eventually became her best friend lived two miles away from town was a little problematic (especially for someone as pathologically opposed to "taking in the air" and walking as Nicky was), but generally if they spent time together, Alex rode her horse up to town on some flimsy pretext because she liked to find ways to avoid working.

It wasn't until after Alex had returned to town from her time with fucking Balik and started running the Chapman ranch with Blondie that Nicky felt the need for a horse.  Her friend had managed to fall in love with the kind of girl who (though she integrated nicely into the town) was the type who liked a good Sunday dinner with friends.  And so by extension, Alex had rather suddenly become the kind of person who invited her best friend down to Sunday dinner, even if the invitation wasn't exactly engraved and delivered by private courier like it would've been back in New York ("Want to come down t'supper Sunday? Piper slaughtered that fat fuckin' hog yesterday..." "Yup...").  Sometimes she was accompanied by Lorna, but if Lorna was off with Rosa's people or just couldn't make it then Nicky had to go alone.  And if it was just Nicky coming then there was no excuse to take the wagon (which she couldn't really drive anyway... because of the fucking horse problem).

Alex had always given her unrelenting shit for her dislike of the damned creatures ("They're fuckin' horses, Nick... ain't like you're gonna be climbin' up on top of a goddamn lion or something..." "Fuckers don't like me, I don't like them") so she was entirely tickled when Nicky had come to her and asked her help choosing one.  The glare Nicky threw her was doleful enough that even Alex backed off a little, though the shit eating grin didn't disappear, and Nicky was sure she heard the brunette chuckling more than once...

***

Miss Berdie presented Nicky with the quietest, most peaceful creature Alex had ever seen (and she had been around horses all her life, riding since she was four).  The mare was full grown, but not monstrously large like Hades, small enough that Alex figured Nicky could make it on the thing herself given proper motivation.

The horse looked at Nicky with its peaceful, guileless dark eyes and Nicky glared back at it.  She leaned up and said, "It's lookin' at me funny, Vause..."

"How in the fuck is it lookin' at you funny, Nick?  I mean, I ain't gonna say there ain't horses that have a little personality, but this one... she's about as docile as I've ever seen."

"I don't care how much _you_ like the bitch, she's _lookin'_ at me... I'm tellin' ya, I feel like she wants to do me some sort of harm..."

"You ain't on the drugs anymore, are ya?" Alex asked, tipping her hat back, adjusting her glasses, and pretending to scrutinize Nicky's face carefully, that damned sardonic grin seemingly carved into her face now, "That'd be the last time you were this paranoid..."

"Vause...."

"Less you wanna walk two miles to the ranch for Sunday dinner, which I sure as shit ain't lettin' you do with your heart the way it is, you're gonna buy this fuckin' horse."

Nicky glared at her, then back at the horse.  Which was still _giving her the evil god damn eye_...

She huffed a loud snort of frustration, "Fine... fuckin' fine... but I swear to Christ if that thing kills me, you're gonna be to blame!  I hope you're ready to be responsible for my death by horse trampling... or maybe it'll throw me into a fuckin' pit of rattlers or over a cliff or into the fuckin' ravine or..."

"As long as you _stay on_ the poor girl, I think you'll be fine..."

" _Poor girl_?!" Nicky's eyes got, if possible, even wider, "You're takin' _her_ side??"

Alex couldn't stop her now, she barked out a guffaw.  Even Miss Berdie, always kind and understanding, was hiding a smile behind her hand and coughing to conceal her laugh.  Nicky crossed her arms over chest and sulked, mortally offended, while Alex sucked in a couple of deep breaths, trying to get her laughter under control. 

Finally, she managed to calm down, then wiped the tears of mirth from the corners of her eyes.  She turned to Miss Berdie, refusing to look at Nicky for fear the look of wounded indignation that was sure to be on her face would start her laughing again.

"I think you've got a sale, Miss Berdie... how much for Peaceful over there?" (behind her, Nicky snorted in a distinctly unladylike way, and from the look on Berdie's face, half shocked, half amused, Alex assumed the bartender was shooting her one of the many obscene gestures in her extensive arsenal.)

"I'll give her to you for five dollars."

Alex frowned, amusement vanishing, "That ain't enough... I ain't here t'cheat you out of anything, ma'am..."

"Oh no... I mean, we don't need her and we're doing really well right now..." she leaned forward slightly, grinning, "And I have a feeling that the amusement to be gained from teaching Miss Nichols to ride will be more than worth any money we would have charged you otherwise..."

Alex smiled at that, "How about I give you $10... and help ya teach her..."

Berdie nodded and took the money that Alex offered (Nicky had shoved some bills in her hand before they went over, refusing to be directly responsible for "buying the instrument of my own destruction" to which Alex had replied "Jesus you must be worried, you're usin' the fancy words...").  They both looked over at Nicky, who was grimacing and had gone slightly green as she stared at the animal that now belonged to her.

Alex felt the shit eating grin returning.  This was going to be fun.

***

Two hours later, they had managed to get Nicky _on_ the horse.  Twice.  Every other time, she'd gotten one leg over then slid off, or hadn't even managed to get that far.  Alex was determined that she should do it without assistance, no box to step on, no hand up, just foot in stirrup and over...  clearly not something Nicky was thrilled about.  Half the time had been spent cajoling Nicky into doing it again after each failed try.

Finally, Alex relented and they left the livery, giving Miss Berdie a friendly wave.  They left the horse there.  That was where most of the town's horses were quartered anyway.

As they walked across the street (Nicky walking slowly, exaggerating every single one of her aches and pains), Alex glanced over at her, "You know you've gotta name her, right?"

"How about Devil Bitch...?"

Alex chuckled.  "Y'know, Big Dan always used t'tell me that sometimes if you named a horse somethin', the personality would follow... at first I thought that was bullshit, but then I got to know a few horses and turns out he wasn't far wrong..."

Nicky frowned at that, something like real concern floating across her features.  Then she said, "Bugsy."

Alex snorted again, this time so hard she almost choked. 

Nicky turned the ever present glare on her, "What??"

"You're namin' the horse _Bugsy_?"

"Yeah!  Why the fuck not??  Fuck is wrong with Bugsy? 

Alex took a deep breath, calming herself, "Nothin'... nothin'... it's fine..."

Nicky kicked at a rock in the road, glaring at it as though it had _done_ something to her, "You're so goddamn convinced the bitch won't try to put a hoof through my fuckin' brain... why not give her an nice friendly goddamn name...  and the fuckin' thing just looks like a Bugsy..."  Alex was clearly trying to stop herself laughing again, grinning and huffing deep breaths to keep it suppressed.  Nicky shook her head, "Ahh... fuck off and leave me alone ya fuckin' redwood!"

Alex slung an arm around the shorter woman's shoulders and gave her a reassuring shake, "Ah, don't be sore, Nick... you made progress today!  How 'bout I buy you a whiskey to celebrate?"

Nicky sighed, "Fine... you owe me one anyway..."

Alex's laughter rang through the early evening as they walked into the saloon and went to take their usual seats at the bar.  She couldn't wait to tell Piper about this...

**Author's Note:**

> So I know that all the Latinas in Orange aren't all Mexicans but for this particular story having them all be works. it's an AU and I'm putting everyone in the Wild West for god's sake so... mainly just wanted everyone to know that I knew that and meant no offense by it...


End file.
